"—you know he didn't mean it, Woo."

"I don't know that. You weren't there. He seemed pretty serious."

"Woo, he loves you. You're the strongest couple I've ever met. I envy you...I don't have the patience you have. I don't know how to talk about sensitive things without just...blowing up."

"Hyung..." Wooyoung wrapped an arm around Seonghwa's waist.

"You're so patient with us. Well...now. I know you used to get a little heated from time to time but we knew you were just worried. And now you work so hard not to get mad at us that...I think you bottle it up. You know you can still get mad. It's okay."

"It's not okay—I don't want to hurt you—any of you! It's not fair for me to make you all miserable just because I'm a little upset."

"That's kind of how anger works, hyung. And besides, I can almost guarantee that if you're mad, someone else is too. I just worry about you. I'm worried one day you're not going to be able to keep pushing it down. And I know how much it hurts you when you lash out."

Seonghwa looked away.

"And...I don't want Hongjoong to be the target."

Seonghwa turned back, his eyes flashing.

"What are you saying?" he said, his pulse racing.

"Nothing! It's just—he's the one who's here all the time and...it's easy to take it out on the people you love the most. And it hurts you the most."

Seonghwa pulled away.

"I would never—you think I would want to hurt Hongjoong!?"

"No! That's not what I said! Hyung—"

"So you do think I'm a monster! If you agree with me just say it! You don't have to make me feel better!"

"Hyung—"

"Woah—what's going on in here?"

They both spun as the door opened and Hongjoong stood, staring at them with wide eyes. Seonghwa looked down at his fists which were clenched at his sides.

"Nothing. Wooyoung, you should go talk to San. Trust me, he wants to talk to you."

"Wha—hyung, let me explain—"

"Go. I think you've explained yourself plenty."

"Let the boy speak, Hwa. You wanted to listen to him so bad, so let him speak," Hongjoong said, stepping into the room. Seonghwa shot him a look of confusion. Why was he so hostile?

"Of course I wanted to talk to him! What are you saying?" Seonghwa asked, his temper rising.

"You wanted to talk to him so bad that you completely ignored San! Just because he wasn't in your group before doesn't mean you can toss him aside when he's clearly hurting!"

"Hongjoong I swear I didn't—I was just worried about Wooyoung I didn't—"

"It's my fault! I was already at his door. I should've just told you to talk to San," Wooyoung butted in.

"Wooyoung, I think you should go. Seonghwa and I need to talk. Alone."

Wooyoung shook his head.

"Let me help."

"Woo, just go. We're fine," Seonghwa nodded, pulling him up to his feet.

He didn't want to know what might happen if their anger was unrestrained but they didn't give him a choice, so Wooyoung left.

Seonghwa and Hongjoong looked at each other from across the room.

"If we argue here, everyone's going to hear us," Seonghwa muttered, and Hongjoong nodded.

"Let's go to the stairs."

They walked down the hall and turned into the stairwell, letting the door shut behind them. Seonghwa spoke first.

"You know I would never abandon San. I knew he needed to talk but I couldn't just ignore the fact that Wooyoung was waiting by my door for me first."

Hongjoong looked away. It was a valid point.

"But you were talking to Wooyoung for hours. You could have gone to check on San."

"And so could you! But you weren't here! Where the hell were you for two hours? Hiding in your fucking studio?"

"I'm sorry that I have methods for controlling my temper that actually work! I wouldn't have needed to calm down if it weren't for the stunt you pulled during practice today!"

"What stunt?" Seonghwa asked, but quickly he remembered what he'd done.

"Don't fuck with me I know it was intentional. What I don't know is why you did it? I've been nothing but patient with you! I've given you space! I don't know what else you want from me!"

"You don't even know?"

"No! Seonghwa, what the hell did I do?"

"I heard you talking to JYP about me. You told him about my leadership with Wonderland."

Hongjoong scoffed.

"Are you fucking kidding me!? I didn't say anything about you! I would never do that! He's the one that brought it up! If anything, I tried to defend you! I know you're not a bad leader, I would never say you were!"

"Really? I clearly remember you calling me 'a little high-strung.' Are you telling me you were referring to someone else?"

Hongjoong held his face in frustration.

"Hwa—I was defending you! He was trying to test me! Someone gave him that information beforehand, it wasn't me! I think he wants to drive a wedge between us—see if we're as bonded as we say we are."

"Or maybe, he was only testing you. Because he clearly liked me better."

Hongjoong scoffed.

"Of course, I'm sure that's why he was bringing up your temper."

"He told me he liked my performance! He said I stood out! You know what he said about you? He told me he forgot there were even two leaders! I'm pretty sure he just didn't like you. Sorry you're not as great of a leader as you thought you were."

Hongjoong felt a sting at Seonghwa's words. But he fought back tears. He didn't want to back down yet.

"You realize he's just playing you! He's playing all of us! He has people listening to us! He's watching all of us! That's why he knows how to press our buttons! You can't trust him, Hwa, but you can trust me."

"Is your head really so far up your ass that you'd rather accuse him of spying on you than accept that maybe I'm a better performer than you?"

"This has nothing to do with you! He's clearly playing us! How can you not see that?"

"It's just so incredibly hard for you to believe that maybe you're not the only talented person in our band."

"Seonghwa I'm not saying you're not talented—"

"But you are! You're saying that every nice thing he said to me was a lie! I don't always have much confidence but I know when I've performed well and today I put my all out there. And I'm just supposed to believe he was lying?"

"I'm not saying you didn't perform well—of course you did! You're Park fucking Seonghwa."

"You just think you did better."

Hongjoong turned away in astonishment, running his hands through his hair.

"Oh my God. Why are you being like this? When have I ever thought I was better than you?"

"You've always known it. Clearly you're the nice leader! The one that nobody flinches away from! I'm the leader that has to be controlled! The one people tiptoe around!"

"So you're projecting your doubts onto me!? You know that I never saw you that way, Hwa. Never. You've never ever been that leader to me. You're the leader that everyone comes to when they need to talk. The one who listens. The one who comforts the members. The one who mends friendships, brings everyone together. That's the leader you are."

Seonghwa stepped back, crossing his arms. Hongjoong saw a flash of guilt in his eyes.

"Hwa, I need you to know that that's not how I see you. No one in our group sees you that way. No one."

Seonghwa looked away.

"I'm sorry."

Hongjoong was surprised at the words. It wasn't what he was expecting.

"I'm sorry I'm such an ass to you. Wooyoung was right. I take everything out on you now."

Hongjoong felt his heart break as Seonghwa started tearing up. His expression shifted, his eyes softening as he slowly approached Seonghwa.

"No! You don't."

"I do. I keep it all inside so I stopped getting angry at the members but you take it all at home. It's always you. You're so strong...and I know you love me so...my head tells me you can take it but it's not fair."

"Seonghwa listen to me. You don't take anything out on me unless I deserve it. Anything you've ever said was just honest. You told me when you were hurting. When you were upset. You're not lashing out you're just telling me what's wrong."

"By screaming at you and saying horrible things. I don't deserve you, Hongjoong. You're way too good for me."

Hongjoong hated when Seonghwa talked like that. It hurt so much to hear. How much he failed to see his own value. How little he thought of himself.

"I am nowhere near too good for you. You deserve so much better than me. You deserve the fucking world, Hwa."

"Stop. You don't have to say that."

"No. Not until you understand just how special you are. Not just to me but to everyone around you."

Seonghwa looked at him and had to turn away as tears fell from his eyes.

"Why do you put up with me?? Why do you take my insults like they're nothing?"

"Nothing you say to me can ever stop me from loving you. I mean it."

"That's not okay! You shouldn't be okay with me blowing up on you whenever I need someone to take it out on! I'm just—using you."

"No, not if I'm okay with it. I'll admit, sometimes our arguments get pretty heated. But it's not just you, Hwa. I snap at you, too. I've said things I'll regret for the rest of my life. Things I can never take back. But that doesn't make me a monster, and it doesn't make you one either. We're human. We get mad sometimes."

Seonghwa looked at the ground. It seemed like he was thinking about something. Hongjoong stepped a bit closer.

"What is it?"

"I think...I'm ready to tell you. There's something I've been hiding from you because I didn't want you to worry but...you deserve to know."