A knock on the door caused Seonghwa to jump and he glanced towards the sound.

"Hey, it's Jongho. I need to talk to Seonghwa hyung."

Seonghwa cautiously removed his arm from Hongjoong, only feeling a slight tug as sleepy Hongjoong attempted to pull it back before letting go. He had been awake for a while scrolling through his phone since he'd slept a lot during the day.

Setting his phone on its charger, he put on a pair of slippers and headed to the door, stepping out into the bright hallway and shutting the door lightly behind him.

"Hey, what do you need?" Seonghwa asked as his eyes adjusted to the light.

"I know how we can stage your performance for Hongjoong hyung."

Seonghwa felt his heartbeat quicken.

"Really?? How?"

"Hongjoong told us about the big showcase for JYP before we officially become trainees, so if we performed it at the end of our showcase, we can surprise Hongjoong hyung!"

Seonghwa stepped back a bit, processing everything.

"Wait—what showcase?"

Jongho's face fell.

"It's really not a big deal, Hongjoong hyung just told us about it today—"

"It kind of sounds like a really big fucking deal."

"Okay, fine—it is. But we're going to be ready. We're already planning to put in late hours all week—"

"We have to be ready! This is such a big deal for him! He really likes it here! If we don't make it, he'll never stop beating himself up over it," Seonghwa panicked, runnning his hands through his hair.

He knew he'd never really wanted to stay here but he also knew how much it meant to Hongjoong. And after everything he'd done for Seonghwa, just being able to stay at his top choice company was the least he could do for him.

"Hyung, we know. And that's why we need to do his song as the closing act."

"But—you've barely even seen the sheet music! You don't even know what it's going to sound like all together—it's too risky to pull together for the last song!"

"We actually ran it together today during practice."

"How?! Hongjoong was right there!!"

"Actually...he had to step out for a bit. He was really out of it all practice so I told him to take a break. While he was gone we played through it a bunch and it sounds really good, hyung."

Seonghwa was grateful they'd put in so much effort for him but he couldn't get past Hongjoong stepping out.

Was he alright? He'd seemed fine yesterday when he came back. Was he really that good at hiding it?

"Hyung. He's okay, he was just really worried about you. But...maybe you could still check on him. For me?" Jongho looked at his feet.

"Yeah, of course. Thank you for telling me."

Jongho nodded.

"Thank you. If you're feeling up to it, I was thinking we could meet up early before practice tomorrow and rehearse it with you. And maybe keep meeting early until the competition? That way Hongjoong hyung won't find out since he tends to run late."

Seonghwa laughed and nodded.

"Sounds like a plan. Thank you again, Jongho. You've really held down the ship lately. I'm really sorry I haven't been here for you guys."

"It's okay. I'm only taking charge temporarily. Once I'm done, you two better pick up the slack," he grinned mischievously and Seonghwa pulled him into a hug.

"What would we do without you?" he smiled.

"Well technically speaking, you two wouldn't even know each other without me. Since I'm kind of the reason Hongjoong went out that night."

Seonghwa smiled, releasing Jongho.

"And I'm very grateful."

Jongho started to head back to his room.

"I told everyone else we're meeting at 5. So you might have to make sure they get up."

"Alright. I will. Goodnight, Jongho. Get some sleep."

Jongho entered his room and closed the door, leaving Seonghwa alone in the hallway.

How had he gotten so lucky? He knew the thought occurred to him almost daily but each time he meant it. His members were so kind. So caring. So sweet.

He really didn't deserve any of them.

His mind drifted back to what Jongho had said.

Actually...he had to step out for a bit.

It wasn't like Hongjoong to leave rehearsal. In fact, the only time Seonghwa had ever seen him step out was when he got the call about JYP.

So what happened? Was he that stressed about Seonghwa? He knew he'd been fussing over him like crazy but he still didn't think a few broken ribs could cause him to lose focus like that.

Was it his guilt?

Seonghwa thought he'd gotten a handle on it—or at least had come to terms with it. Was it still eating him up inside?

Or was it...the other night. When he'd seemed so worked up about his weight.

Seonghwa set his hand on his stomach, feeling around. He knew he'd changed a bit but he didn't think it was that drastic. He hadn't meant to worry Hongjoong. It wasn't like it was intentional.

Now it seemed like he'd just upset him further without even trying.

How was it that everything he did was wrong?

And everything Hongjoong did was so right?

It wasn't fair. Hongjoong was too good for him. And it was painfully obvious. He'd dedicated so much time to trying to fix him, when clearly there was nothing he could do to help.

He was just broken. Hongjoong saw some sort of goodness in him that he knew wasn't there.

Hongjoong had been so patient when he'd lashed out and pushed him away, over and over again. And now that they'd finally come together, Seonghwa had found a way to do it again.

He had thought at first it was because Hongjoong was keeping things from him. But it turned out he was the one keeping the biggest secrets.

Just then, the door opened a crack as Hongjoong poked his head out.

"Hwa? Where'd you go?" he croaked and Seonghwa felt his face light up at the cute face.

"I'm right here, sorry. I was just grabbing something to eat. You should go back to sleep. It's late."

Hongjoong shook his head, stepping out into the hallway.

"No, I'm wide awake," he said with one eye entirely closed. Seonghwa shook his head.

"Fine. Are you hungry? I was going to make some breakfast."

"What time is it?" Hongjoong grumbled, already moving towards the kitchen.

Seonghwa decided that was a yes. He followed after him.

"About 3," Seonghwa responded and made his way to the fridge.

"Three?? In the morning? And you're making breakfast??"

"I don't know. I guess I just had a taste for it. I can make something else if you'd like?"

"No, breakfast is fine. It's just weird. That's all."

Hongjoong laid his chin in his hands on the countertop as he spun side to side on the bar stool. Seonghwa mixed up some batter and decided to make blueberry pancakes, as they were Hongjoong's favorite.

"How come you weren't sleeping?"

Seonghwa turned to see Hongjoong pouting, staring down at the counter.

"I slept all day yesterday. I wasn't really tired anymore."

"Well...you shouldn't do that. Because if you're not sleeping then I can't sleep."

Seonghwa smiled, flipping the pancakes over to the other side.

"I'm sorry. I think it's the meds. They really wore me out."

"Oh. That makes sense."

"I probably didn't need to take them as often as I did. I'm a bit of a crybaby when it comes to pain. I'll take less today. Okay?"

"No! If you're in pain, you should take something. I'd rather lose sleep than make you suffer."

"I wouldn't call it suffering. It was just a dull ache. I just wanted it to go away."

"It's okay, you should be taking them if you need them. I'm just speaking nonsense. My brain isn't working right now."

Seonghwa smiled and slid the pancakes off the pan, onto a plate. After separating them between the two plates, he grabbed two forks and set the plates at the counter. Hongjoong rose up in excitement at seeing his favorite breakfast.

"Awww, Hwa. Thank you," he grinned in delight and Seonghwa gave him a light kiss on the forehead.

"You're welcome."

He went back to grab butter and syrup before coming to sit down beside him.

As they ate, Seonghwa remembered Jongho's words. He should talk to Hongjoong about it. But he didn't want to invade his privacy. How would he explain where he gotten the information from?

"Hwa...why are you looking at me like that?"

"Like what?"

"Like I'm some sad stray puppy or something. You've got your 'I need to take care of this child' look in your eye."

"My what?"

"It's your maternal instinct. You always get all sad and protective and look at me—like that."

Seonghwa sighed, deciding he didn't have a choice but to bring it up.

"How come you had to leave practice?"

Hongjoong set his fork down.

"Who told you I left practice?"

"Hongjoong, what happened?"

"Nothing. I was just a little out of it. I probably should have slept more. Like you told me to."

"You weren't worrying about me, were you? Because I'm fine. You don't need to do that."

"Of course I was worrying about you but that wasn't why I left. I was just—overwhelmed by being the only one in charge. That's all."

"But you've led the band before. All by yourself."

"When I only had three other people depending on me! It's a lot different when there's six of them!"

"Okay, sorry. I wasn't trying to pry. I just wanted to make sure everything was okay."

"If it wasn't, I would've told you."

"I'm sorry."

"It's fine."

Hongjoong finished his pancake, standing up from his stool.

"Hongjoong, you kno—"

"I need to sleep more. I know. I'll try."

He walked away, back to the bedroom.

Seonghwa sighed.

"You know you can tell me anything," he finished, moving to stand as he grabbed the two plates and walked to the sink.