"Hinarap lahat ng balakid. Pero bakit walang kapit?"

Angel is my strength but she's also my weakness. She's the sun and I'm the moon who's willing to burn just to touch her.

"His birthday is coming and I'm done with my gift for him!" She smiled happily. "Pero wala pa akong alam na susuotin sa birthday niya." She turned to me. "Should I wear dress or just a casual shirt? What do you think?"

I shrugged. "Anything will do because you're always beautiful for me."

She looked away but I still saw her face blushing. "Ewan ko sa 'yo."

I laughed. "Come on. You don't need to put any effort to look beautiful. Even with your morning face, you're lovely." I winked.

She hit me with her hands. "Siraulo!" I laughed.

"Angel, don't forget our final game, hmm?"

She nodded. "Of course not! Gusto kong panuorin kung paano mo tatalunin ang kabilang team."

"You're my lucky charm since then, you know?"

She flipped her hair. "I know right."

They said, promises are meant to be broken. But I will always hope for her promises because she's different. I will always hope for her kahit na masaktan ako. Mahal ko, e.

"Did you see her?" tanong ko sa kaibigan ko.

He smiled sadly. "Wala, dude." I've been looking for her for hours but I couldn't find her.

Baka... baka may nangyaring masama sa kanya? I shook my head. Don't you ever think that, prick! I stand up. I need to find her. I began walking.

"Where are you going? Malapit na mag-start ang game, dude."

I sighed as I stop walking. "Okay."

My mind is not in the right place when the game started. Palaging naagaw sa 'kin ang bola at wala man lang mai-shoot.

I am the point guard but I don't act like one.

On fourth quarter, the other team is leading the points.

Nag-time out ang team namin. Ang galit na mukha ni coach ang sumalubong sa amin, sa akin.

"You're in the court, Delos Reyes! Huwag mong hayaang lumipad ang utak mo kung saan! Lose this game and you will disappoint me and our university forever!"

Hinilamos ko ang kamay ko sa palad ko. If this game is not important, I will just leave them all.

"Sorry, coach."

Inayos ko ang paglalaro kahit mahirap. And the audience kept chanting my name and I wish she's with them, cheering my name and wearing my varsity jacket.

The game ended and we won. I'm also the MVP but I don't care. Wala rito ang taong nagpapaligaya sa 'kin

"May after party. Are you going?" My friend asked. Umiling ako. May kailangan akong hanapin. "Sige, ingat."

I've been calling her number but she's not answering it. Where is she?

Terrible ideas came in my mind. But no. I know she's okay.

After of no one knows how many rings, she finally she answered her phone!

"Where are you?" agad kong tanong.

"Shawn! I'm sorry naka-silent ang phone ko."

"I said where are you? What happened, Angel?"

"Naaksidente si Nicolas."

My jaw clenched. Siya na naman. Bakit pa ako nagtaka. It is Nicolas over everything.

"The game is already done, Angel." Suminghap siya. Ah. Nakalimutan niya. "You forget?"

"I'm sorry, Shawn."

I laughed sarcastically. "Ano ba ang laban ko sa kanya? Wala."

"We won, Angel. I won without you." I ended our talk. Wala rin namang saysay.

Weeks had passed. Ilang beses kong iniwasan si Angel kahit mahirap. Pinigilan ko rin ang sarili ko na sulyapan siya sa tuwing magkakasalubong kami. And everytime I saw her teary eyes, I want to hug her.

Pakiramdam ko pinapatay ko ang sarili ko.

"Pansinin mo naman ako, Shawn!" She said while crying.

Hirap ko siyang tinitigan. "Why? Why are you here? Ayos na ba ang Nicolas mo?"

"Shawn."

"It's better if we don't talk to each other." Kahit ikakamatay ko.

"Shawn naman. Nasasaktan na ako." Nasasaktan din ako.

Umiling ako. "Just... just give me time to think." Just give me time to remind myself.

Parang sira lang. Nasasaktan ako kapag nakikita ko siya pero mas nasasaktan ako kapag hindi ko siya matanaw.

And I don't even know if I could live without her.

There something missing in my life since I have not seen her. Daig ko pa ang bulag na nawawala sa isang lugar.

Nilulunod ko ang sarili ko sa pag-aaral at sa training. Dahi sa sobrang pagod ko, wala na akong oras isipin siya.

But who am I kidding? Palaging nakakagawa ng paraan ang puso ko.

I could talk to her, I know. But there's a tiny voice inside of my head. Ayaw magpatalo. Sumuko na raw ko.

So, I'm settle as her stalker, watching her secretly. Palihim siyang binibigyan ng gamot sa locker niya para sa dysmenorrhea. Palihim siyang nililigtas para sa mga taong naiinggit sa kanya.

Why would they hate her? She's an angel.

Looking for her from a far is a hardest thing I did. But this is the safest distance for myself. Dahil kung mas lalo pa akong mahuhulog, wala na talaga.

"Dude, I saw your girl here in BGC. Lasing na."

Without blinking, I hurried toward BGC. Halos paliparin ko na ang sasakyan ko sa sobrang pagmamadali.

She never tried to drink before! Hindi ko siyang hinayaang makatikim ng kahit anong alak. Lumayo lang ako tapos ito na?

What she's been thinking?

"Where is she?" I asked.

"She's there."

I found her, sitting alone on the couch. There are different kinds of alcohol in the table. Nagpigil ako ng inis.

"Tama na." Tumingala siya at tiningnan ako, para bang nangingilala.

"May... ka-kamukha ka."

I sighed. Umupo ako sa tabi niya. "What are you doing in your life, hmm?" Malambing kong sinabi. Inayos ko ang nagkalat na buhok sa mukha niya.

I wish I could kiss her. And I'd would give up forever just to touch her.

Just one kiss. Just one kiss and I'll be more than fine. Kahit makalimutan niya ang halik na 'to kinabukasan.

"I love you." I love you even if you don't love me. I love you even if your world doesn't round around me.

I kissed and taste her lips. Nalasahan ko ang alcohol na mas lalong nagpabaliw sa 'kin.

Ganito pala ang pakiramdam ng nasa langit.

I kissed her slowly yet demanding. Naramdaman ko ang pagkuyom ng kanyang kamay sa laylayan ng shirt ko.

Tama nga ang hinala ko. Malambot at nakakabaliw ang kanyang labi.

I hold her waist. I thought nothing more of this feeling intensifies, but when she kissed me back, the more I drown.

She kissed me back with the same passion and intensity. Mas lalo kong nilaliman ang paghalik sa kanya.

"Nicolas," she moaned.

Natigilan ako. Para akong binuhusan ng malamig na yelo.

I looked at her face. Namumungay ang mga mata niya dala ng kalasingan.

All this time, she thought she's kissing that man?

Ang sakit. Kahit ba ang halik niya ay hindi para sa akin?

That day, I learned the most important lesson in my life. Huwag aangkinin ang hindi para sa 'kin.

But who am I kidding? I don't have any care for that lesson. I could give up everything just to taste her lips again and again. Handa akong mamatay mahalikan lamang siya.

"Shawn, where's Angel? It has been a weeks since I saw her with you? Where is she?"

"May LQ ata sila, Mom," pang-aasar ng kapatid ko. "Kaya lang quarrel lang kasi walang relationship."

I glared at him. "Shut up."

"Talk to her, son. Don't let your pride ruin your relationship with her," my Father said.

"The question is, what kind of relationship it is?" Inis kong binatukan ang kapatid ko.

Angel is a stubborn person. I knew that since day one. She is persistent. Hindi siya papayag na mapunta sa wala ang lahat dahil kung hindi, matagal na sana niyang tinigilan ang paghahabol kay Nicolas.

But now, I don't understand why she's keep following me. Gano'n ba talaga kahalaga para sa kanya ang pagkakaibigan namin? She should be happy because she can freely chase her man of dreams now. Wala nang pipigil sa kanya ng pasikreto.

She didn't even notice that this distance is for her sake. Because if she's near at me, I can break all the rules for her.

Kaya kong kalabanin ang lahat pati na rin ang sarili ko just to be with her.

That's why I tried to forget her. Sinubukan ko kahit malabo. I tried to divert my attention by dating another girls every week.

Using other girls are bad, I know. Pero dahil hindi niya ako kayang mahalin, kailangan kong iligtas ang sarili ko mula sa kanya.

Pero parang hindi tama. Para bang may nilalabag akong isang malaking batas. Lalo nang nakita ko siyang malungkot dahil may kasama akong iba.

I sighed when the girl in front of me keep talking. I didn't get the point of what she's been ranting about.

"Are you even listening?"

Tamad akong suminghap. "Yeah."

If Angel was talking and ranting, I am willing to listen. But I cannot do that on the other girls. Talagang para sa kanya lang ako.

Nag-angat ako nang tingin at nagtama ang mga mata namin ng babae na kanina pa nagsusumiksik sa isip ko.

Why she's here?

Papalapit siya sa puwesto namin. I sighed. Prick, compose yourself. Huwag mo siyang yakapin kaagad.

"Can we talk?" she asked

"I'm sorry, Miss but he's with me," the woman beside me said. Wait. What is her name again?

"So?" A smirk form on my lips because of Angel attitude. Tagal kong hindi siya nakitang nagtaray. Badtrip. Hulog na hulog na naman ako.

"Back off and wait for your turn."

"My turn? I'm not like you." Inis siyang umirap. Come on, bratty. You can do more than that. "I will never be like you."

She faced me. "Shawn, please, talk to me," she pleaded.

I don't want her to get hurt. If the distance I'm giving will 'cause pain to her, I will stop putting a distance between us.

Gusto ko nang itigil ang pagpapanggap na ito. I can't live without her.

But... how about me?

I stand up and began to walk. "Shawn, what are you doing?" I ignore the woman I'm with.

"Shawn!"

"Buti nga." I smiled when I heard her murmured.

I stopped walking when we got out of the restaurant.

Silence filled the air between us. She's looking at her foot.

I clear my throat and tried to not get affected by her presence. I clenched my fist to stop myself for embracing her. I really miss her. "What are you doing here?"

Instead of answering me, she asked me a question. "Bakit tayo ganito, Shawn?"

Sandali ko siyang tiningnan. "Bakit nga ba ganito tayo ngayon, Angel?"

She shook her head. "Bumalik ka na, Shawn. Please." Her voice broke. Bakit siya umiiyak? Masakit ba para sa kanya na malayo ang matalik niyang kaibigan?

Hanggang matalik na kaibigan na lang ba ako sa kanya? "I need you, Shawn."

"You're unfair." She silently mourned.

Badtrip. Bakit ko siya pinapaiyak?!

Pero paano naman ako kung hindi naman niya ako kayang mahalin?

She never stops crying. Panay ang hikbi niya. Tahan na, Angel. Tahan na. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please, don't leave me." Umiling ako. Hindi pa ako handang balikan siya hangga't tinitibok ng puso ko ang buong pagkatao niya.

"Huwag mo akong iwan. Huwag mo akong iwan. Huwag kang sumuko."

I swallowed the hard lump stuck in my throat "Paano naman ako, Angel?"

I don't belong in her choices that's why she didn't answer me. Kahit masakit kailangan kong tanggapin.

I was dead when I have not seen her anymore. Bihira akong magsalita at palpak ako sa lahat ng practice.

Ilang beses na rin akong nakipag-away. Hoping that will end the pain in my heart. Pero kahit ang ilang suntok na natanggap ko ay hindi kayang gumising sa akin sa katotohanan.

"Son, what are you doing in your life?" One night, My Dad found out my troubles.

"Dad, hindi ko na po alam ang gagawin." Just like the old days, I told him everything.

I told him how broke I am because of the woman I'm in love with is in love with someone else. I told him how hurt I am because I pushed away the woman I love because of the pain she's giving me.

And above all this, I'm still deeply in love with her.

"If you love someone, fight for it," he says as he drinks his vodka.

"Hanggang sa maubos ako, Dad?"

"Hanggang sa maubos ka, anak." He smiled. "You cannot love without getting hurt. But it is worth fighting for. Ano ba ang pipiliin mo? Ang masaktan habang nagmamahal. O ang mas masaktan dahil hindi mo hinayaan ang sarili mo na magmahal? Choose, Son. Because everything is worth it when it comes to the person we love."

After the talked with my Dad, I already know the answer. And after all the pain, I will always choose the love in the midst of tragic ending. I will always choose her.

Angel has this strongest tie in my heart. Kahit anong layo ko sa kanya, palagi akong dinadala ng sarili ko papalapit sa kanya. She will always my beginning, my middle, and my end.

"Babalik ka na?" she asked while crying. Ilang oras ko rin siyang hinanap, and I found her in Hospital. Naka-confine because of over fatigue.

Ilang linggo lang ako nawala sa tabi niya tapos nabayaan na kaagad niya ang sarili niya.

She needs someone that will take care of her. And I'm that someone.

"Babalik ka na, Shawn? Hindi mo na ako iiwan?"

I nodded. I will always come back to you, love.