"Kung puwede lang pakisagot ang lahat ng bakit."

I've been watching her from a far, secretly. I don't know when did it start or how. However, watching her become my hobby and this hobby become my life. And from then, she become my life.

Hindi naman dapat ganito. I never wanted a complicated life. I never wished for this. But I also start wishing for her... to become mine kahit malabo.

Kahit madalas hindi para sa 'kin ang ngiti niya.

"Mahal kita." I stopped kissing whoever the girl sitting on my lap when I heard a cry.

"Wait, babe. I'm going to check something." Hindi ko na pinakinggan ang pagtutol niya at inalis siya sa kandungan ko.

I don't know what was happening to me pero may kung ano sa boses na 'yon na nagdala sa 'kin sa madilim na part ng BGC bar.

Then I saw a man looking at the girl standing in front of him. Nakayuko ang babae at halatang umiiyak ito base sa paggalaw ng mga balikat niya.

"I'm sorry but I can't love you." The girl cries more.

"Ang... daya," it came a whisper. Para bang sinasabi niya ito sa sarili niya at hindi sa lalaking nasa harap niya.

Bakit ba ang hilig umiyak nang mga babae? For what? For love?

"I'm sorry." Humakbang paatras 'yong lalaki pagkatapos niyang magsalita. Nabangga niya pa ako nang dumaan siya sa gilid ko.

"Sorry, bro." Sorry? Bro? We didn't even friends to call me that. Wala akong kaibigan na gagawing excuse ang sorry sa lahat ng bagay. Sandali ko lang siyang tinapunan nang tingin at binalik ko na kaagad ang atensiyon ko sa babaeng umiiyak pa rin.

I slowly walked towards her. I can see her even without the clear light. She's small and fragile for me and there was something inside me na gusto siyang alagaan. Hindi dapat siya pinapaiyak. Dapat sa kanya, minamahal.

She's wearing black jumper with pink shirt on and black boots.

"Hey," I called. I want to see her face.

Nagtaas siya ng mukha and my jaw almost drop.

Her heart shaped face has scattered make up.

"Bakit... po?" she's stammering. Is she afraid of me?

"Stop crying."

Umiling siya. "Sorry po." I sighed. Even with the tears, nevertheless, she's indeed beautiful. Sayang at hindi ko makita nang maayos ang kulay ng mga mata niya.

May kinuha siya sa maliit na bag na nakasabit sa balikat niya. Pagkatapos ay pinunasan niya ang kanyang mukha.

She's drying her tears and there's a voice inside of me, wanted to snatch the handkerchief of her because I will dry her tears instead. I also wanted to hold her.

Nakakabaliw. Ang dami kong gustong gawin sa kanya na hindi naman puwede.

Pero bakit koi to nararamdaman out of nowhere? This is not good. I can't even breath properly.

"Ah... aalis na po ako. Thank you po sa concern."

Am I concern with her? Concern? I don't even know why I'm talking to her.

She's a complete stranger.

Akmang aalis na siya nang hawakan ko siya sa kamay. Even my own hands has an own mind. Mas mabilis mag-isip kaysa sa utak ko na nawalan na ng logic.

Nabakas sa mukha niya ang takot.

Slow down, you prick! You're scaring her.

I gulped. "Wait. Hatid na kita."

"Hindi na po. Kaya ko naman."

Bakit sige ang po niya? Mukha ba akong matanda? Yeah, maybe I'm little bit older than her but not that old. Should I ask her age? Or not? But if I'm going to ask her that, she will become more scared and I may sound creepy.

"Ihahatid lang kita sa labas. Don't worry I won't harm you." Dahil mas gusto kitang alagaan.

She didn't say anything and that's my cue.

She walked first before I follow her. I manage to leave a distance between us to ensure that I will not cross the line.

I volunteer to call a taxi for her.

"Thank you po," she says while looking at her feet.

"No worries." Dali-dali siyang pumasok sa loob at maliit na kumaway.

I memorized the plate number of the taxi before I tapped the hood of it, heading to go.

I sighed when I forget to asked her name.

And from that night, breathing with the same air with her was hard for me.

Palagi na lang akong may hinahanap. Palaging may kulang.

Because she's the air I'm willing to breath. She's the fall I'm willing to risk.

I tried to forget her pero ilang beses akong nagpabalik-balik sa bar para lang hanapin siya. Pati 'yong lalaking iniyakan niya, hinanap ko rin. Para ko nang niloloko ang sarili ko dahil alam kong malaki ang kailangan ko sa kanya.

Maybe I should stop looking for her. Maybe this is one time curiosity. But maybe... I could see her again at kung su-suwertihin, baka puwedeng mahawakan ko rin siya.

"Stop stressing yourself. Makikita mo ulit siya kung gusto niyang magpakita." I sighed. That's my problem. Ayaw niyang magpakita.

"Ang hina mo naman kasi, Shawn. Hindi mo man lang kinuha ang pangalan. You cut your tongue, huh?"

I punched his shoulder. "Shut it out, dude. You're not helping." Tumawa lang siya.

"Boys!" Our Coach calls our attention. "Isa pang set bago kayo umuwi." I silently growled. I'm already emotionally tired because of thinking that woman plus my body was aching because of this training. I want to go home and have some rest.

Kailangan malinawan ng utak ko.

"Shawn! Why are you still standing? Pagod ka na ba?"

"Ito na po, Coach!"

After the tiring training, our Coach dismissed us. In addition, the happiest part, there is no training tomorrow. I could get some rest at baka pagkatapos nito makalimutan ko na 'yong babae.

"Dude, pasabay ako. Hiniram ng kapatid ko 'yong auto ko."

I nod. "Let's go."

We are walking on hallway when we heard a loud crashed.

There's a broken picture glass in front of us. Basag na basag ang lalagayan. Then, my eyes found the loveliest person.

Ah. That's the woman I've been looking.

Bakit palagi siyang umiiyak? Bakit palagi ko siyang nahahanap kapag may luha siya na dapat punasan?

Kasama na naman niya 'yong lalaki na walang kuwenta.

"Hindi ko matatanggap 'yan." My fist clenched. Isa na lang talaga masasapak ko na 'to.

"Let's go, dude. We don't stick our nose in other's business." I sighed.

Nope. I can't leave this woman. Lalo na kung nakaupo siya sa malamig na sahig at parang batang umiiyak.

"Dude, that's her."

"What?" Hindi ko na siya pinansin.

I walked towards them and I pushed the man shoulder.

"Ano ba?" angal niya.

"What?" My fiery eyes broadly look at him. He's. Wasting. My. Time. Huwag siyang magkakamali at masasapak ko talaga siya.

"Makaalis na nga." Kahit hindi ka na bumalik! Siraulo.

Nabalik ang atensiyon ko sa babae nang marinig ko ang paghikbi niya.

Umupo ako sa sahig upang mapantayan siya.

"What should I do with you?" She looks at me.

I hold my breath. Ngayon ko lang napansin ang asul niyang mga mata. And I'm already drowning because of her eyes.

"Ikaw?" Ah. I miss that voice.

"Palagi ka na lang umiiyak. Hindi ka ba napapagod?"

Mas lalo siyang umiyak. "Pagod na. Pero anong magagawa ko? Mahal ko, e."

He loves that man? She doesn't deserves him. She deserves something more. She deserves the whole world. She deserves... me instead.

"Tahan na," I whisper. I gently hold her hand. "Ssh. Tahan na."

I knew from right then, she really loves that man. Kahit gaano pa niya ito saktan.

She loves that man and it's killing me. Pero anong magagawa ko? Wala. Bukod sa damayan siya at maging kaibigan niya. Fudging. Friend.

She's Angel Casitas. Third year, Bachelor of Fine Arts student. And she's been in love with that man for 5 years. Classmates niya ito no'ng High School.

Angel and I become bestfriend, best of friends.

I become her crying shoulder, her best buddy. I become her walking handkerchief, her knight and shining armor.

Ako ang sumbungan niya. Ako ang nagdadala sa kanya sa clinic at nagbabanatay sa kanya sa tuwing inaatake siya ng dysmenorrhea. Ako ang palagi niyang kasama sa tuwing may art exhibit siyang gustong puntahan. Ako ang nagsusundo at naghahatid sa kanya.

But I remain as an ordinary best of friend for her.

Hanggang do'n lang ako.