His eyes fluttered open and he sucked in a shaky breath through his nose. I gave him a weak smile and found his hand, kissing it gently.

"Hey honey..you feeling okay?" I asked. My thumb ran circles into his bony hand.

He swallowed hard and closed his eyes tightly. I didn't need an answer. I crawled into the hospital bed and wrapped my arms around him tightly. I pulled him close and cradled his head in my arms. I kissed his head and laid mine on his.

"It's gonna get better, Frank. I promise," I tell him softly, unsure if I'm trying to convince myself or him.

I felt his body jerk and hot tears start to stain my shirt. I held him tighter and resisted the urge to cry myself.

"Frankie, don't cry honey. What's wrong?" I asked. It was a stupid question.

"I never asked for any of this. I don't want to be this way," he said between cries, "Everyday is getting worse and I'm tired of it all. It hurts you and Gee and everyone else more than me. I hate myself."

"No, no," I said into him, "Honey listen, we're worried about you because we love you and there isn't another way to show you. As long as you're taking care of yourself, you're taking care of us."

"What if I don't want to be here..." he whispered, muffled into my shirt, "I want this all to be over, the pain and the worry. I can't even breathe right Rose. It hurts to be alive. I want to stop everything in the easiest way possible."

I closed my eyes and kissed his head, "Don't say that. It's gonna be okay eventually. It will. Soon it'll all be over and you'll look back and say you did it. You're my big, strong boy. You're gonna make it through this. I promise."

His tears seeped through my shirt and I knew it was okay to cry with him. He drew shaky breaths in and out. His whole body shook. I pulled him closer and he sighed and sniffled.

I was lost for words. I'm not some inspirational speaker who could get him to be okay. I don't relate to what he's going through. I don't even understand what he's going through. All I could do is be here for him. My whole life is dedicated to making him better. That's everything I can do at the moment.

After he fell asleep, I slipped out of his grip and left the room quietly. I picked up my phone and called Gerard.

"What's happening.." Gerard answered. No "hello", no "how are you" or even "how is he". He knew something was up. I wish I had good news or even a reason to call him when there wasn't something wrong.

Gerard was good at fixing people. I relied on him for that help.

"Frank's hope is running out..." I wiped my cheeks as I paced through the halls.

"How do you know that for sure? Maybe he's just had a bad day," Gerard tried.

I shook my head, "No..I mean he wants to give up."

He sighed, unable to come up with words.

"Every day is a bad day for him and I don't blame him for wanting to stop trying but I can't lose him. I don't want you to lose him either," I told him.

"Rose..we're doing everything we can to keep him here against his will. It's only for a little bit longer. Soon it's gonna be all over and the three of us will be closer than we ever have before," Gee preached hopefully.

It was really cute and sweet to hear him so full of hope. If I was there with him I would hug him. But, I can't and I'm not the only one who's hopeless.

"I hope that's right, I don't know how much more he can tolerate," I say and bit my lip.

"He's very strong for a little guy like him. I mean, you know, you've known him your whole life. But he's just proved himself by surviving this long when they thought he wouldn't," Gerard said and lowered his volume, "And Frank says things. He might say he wants to quit but deep inside he knows it's wrong and he won't leave us."

I nodded and looked into his room again, "Okay..."

"Why am I not convinced you believe me?" he asked, I could almost see his nose stuck up in the air.

"I do believe you. It's just not easy seeing him like this, he's breaking himself into pieces. He's changed a lot during this time, I feel like he could do anything if he wasn't stopped," I press my fingers on the window sill.

"So we don't let him. Mikey and I can come in when you can't and we can find a lot more people who will be with him and able to help him. Don't worry Ro," Gerard said calmly.

I smiled a bit, "Thank you."

I stepped back into the room, realizing how easy it could be for Frank to grab something if he were alone. There's a glass vase on the counter with flowers I gave him. There's tools in the cabinet that are easily accessible.

I cuddled back next to him and held him closely. He moved a little, but stayed asleep.

Ever since the cancer took over his lungs, there was a sound that came through Frank's mouth, laid open as he slept. It reminded me of a baby when they got a cold or a cough and didn't know any better. It sounded like his throat was swollen and his breathing would hitch, scaring the crap out of his monitor and I.

I eventually fell asleep after a long while of staring at the empty wall in front of us.

In the middle of the night, I would feel him squeeze my body tightly and he would tense up. I would settle him down..but it got more and more frequent. I was nervous for the day he would fall apart.