A/N: I'm sorry for the long wait,  my motivation juice ran out and it was out of stock so I had to wait a while to get some more :( ALSO TYSM FOR 1K VIEWS AHHH

T.W: traumatic flashbacks, rape is implied but not in detail

John's POV:

"I think we should probably get heading back to the dorms." Alex says with a sigh after we all finish up our cheesecake. "Aw, okay. John say hi to your siblings for me, will you? We miss having kids in the house." Mrs. Washington says with a sigh, nuzzling up against her husband.

I smile at her and nod. "Will do, maybe I could bring them here sometime when we visit." I offer. She hums in agreement as me and Alex bring our plates to the sink. "See you boys Monday." Washington says with a smile. We say one last goodbye, give hugs, and slip out the door into the cool night air.

"Well that was fun." Alex says with a smile, getting in the passenger seat of my car. I agree and turn the keys to the engine before pulling out of the driveway. "I notice you haven't been going to therapy in a while," he points out.

I nod. "Yeah, I've been good lately so I decided to stop going for a few weeks." I say. Alex looks over at me with a disappointed face. I sigh. "What?" I ask, running a hand through my curly hair. "You have to keep going for at least a few months if you want to get better, John." I sigh and nod, noticing how he said John which he only does when he's serious.

"Alright, alright. I'll go Wednesday." I say with a slight groan. He sighs and leans over to peck me on the cheek before buckling in. We get back to the dorms in about fifteen minutes and make our way out of the car.

"Wanna stay at my dorm tonight? It's just Thomas tonight so there'll be extra room." Alex offers, taking my hand and leading me towards his room. "Alright, sure." I say with a small smile as the two of us approach the door.

"Oh hello, gays." Thomas says, opening the door before we can even knock. "You're even gayer than me, I'm bi dummy. Also were you just waiting at the door for us like some kind of puppy?" Alex asks, rolling his eyes and pushing Thomas by his chest out of the way.

"Rude! No need for all this attitude when you just got home, gosh." Alex rolls his eyes at Thomas and mocks him. "Y'all are such children I swear to god.." I mumble under my breath, laughing softly. Alex huffs and crosses his arms before making his way to the bedroom.

"Me and John are gonna go to sleep, mk? So don't bother us or whatever just sleep out here." Thomas groans at this and flops on the couch. "Fine. But no funny business or so help me." I chuckle and do a little salute. "Scouts honor." I say cheekily, following Alex to the room.

"Wait so are we actually going to sleep?" I ask, once Alex closes the door behind him and sits in his bed. "Well yeah, but we could always you know...do..stuff if you want." My face heats up at the thought and I gulp as I sit down next to him.

"Uh, um." I pause and take a quick breath. "Well, I mean- uh, Thomas. Thomas! Thomas is here- I don't think he'd appreciate-" I stammer out desperately, Alex reaching a hand out on my shoulder.

"Hey, calm down. We don't have to do anything if you're not ready, no pressure." He says, smiling at me comfortingly. I smile back, lean in, and connect our lips. He reaches his hands up to the sides of my face which have started to grow some stubble and holds it gently.

I sigh contently as our mouths move in sync with one another, before pulling back slowly. "I love you, Jacky." Alex says, smiling at me with a pink tint dusting his tan cheeks. "I love you too." I reply, brushing a stray piece of hair behind his ear. We stare lovingly at each other for a few more moments before he inhaled sharply.

"Well, I guess we should actually go to bed because we have classes in the morning." He announces, climbing over to the top of the bed and wiggling himself under the comforter. The hot summer days have grown colder and colder lately, as the cool fall breeze blows in slowly but surely.

I climb in next to him and drape my arm over him protectively, him instinctively burying his face into my shirt. "Good night, Lex." I say, kissing the top of his head and closing my eyes softly. "Goodnight Jacky." I let the sleepiness take over my eyes as I fall asleep to the sound of our breaths.

"You're so pretty."  Francis purrs, running my skirt through his fingers. I blush, playing with the ends of my sleeves. "S-stop.." I mutter. "What? You don't think so?" Francis asks, getting closer to me. I shrug my shoulders softly. "I don't really like wearing stuff like this, I guess." I reply plainly, breathing in the strong scent of his cologne.

"Well I like it," he starts, getting even closer to me. I breathe in sharply as he inches me closer and closer to the bed. "F-Francis.." I stammer, my cheeks getting red from the closeness of our faces. "I'll show you just how pretty you really are..." I gasp as he pushes me onto the bed.

"Francis- Francis w-wait." I stutter, freezing up as his strong hands travel up my body, taking off my shirt. "Cmon, let me show you how pretty you are, doll." I gently push on his chest as his hands get closer to the zipper of my skirt.

"Francis- I'm not- I'm not ready." I stammer worriedly, squirming away from the hands that keep trying to get their way. "Well I am. And you're the one who was prancing around in this little skirt all day, begging for it." He replies coldly, gripping the zipper of my skirt.

        
                                 Zip!

"No- no that's not was I was trying to do. I just wanted to see how I looked in it, please francis." I beg, tears pricking my eyes. "Stop being so dramatic, don't you want to lose your virginity to me? Don't you love me?" He asks, running his hand through my curls. I sniffle softly and wipe the tears from my eyelashes.

"I- I do love you. But I'm not ready, please Francis, I'm only 14. I'm not ready. Please just listen to me." I plead, grabbing his wrists which pulled my skirt off. "Stop, John! Stop acting so innocent when you know you've done things with me already. Just let me have my way this one time, I'll make you feel good. Okay?" He shouts, gripping my freckled thighs roughly.

I yelp softly and attempt to jerk my body away from his, resulting in him pinning my wrists about my head. My breathing becomes raggedy as he slides one hand down my body slipping my boxers off, as the other still pins my wrist.

"So pretty," He praises, although it's unwelcome. I feel a hot tear run down my sun kissed cheek and I slam my eyes shut. "Please...s-stop.." I sob, more tears falling down along with the first. Suddenly I feel a sharp pain inside me and I gasp loudly, my body immediately trying to get away from the feeling.

"It'll feel good soon, It'll feel so good."

"John...! John!"

I wake up with a gasp, sweat droplets on my forehead and tears streaming downy cheeks. I dart my eyes around the dark room until I make eye contact with Alex. I close my eyes tightly as I begin to hyperventilate softly, gripping the comforter in my clenched fists.

"Hey, hey. Look at me."

I open my eyes slowly as Alex rubs the side of my cheek lightly. I blink away the last bits of tears and lean into the soft touch. "Are you okay now?" He asks quietly. I nod solemnly. "Do you wanna talk about it?" He questions, removing his hand from my face and caressing my knuckles tenderly.

I shrug. "It was just- it was scary. It was a flashback to the night I lost my virginity. It was the first time that francis- you know. It wasn't even really a dream but more like a memory. It was bad." I explain, drifting my eyes to the bed to avoid eye contact. "I guess you were right about the therapy thing, though." I say with a dry chuckle.

"I'm sorry John, I'm sorry that this hurts you so much still. I'm sorry that Francis ever did that to you. You didn't deserve it." He assures, kissing my cheek. I nod unsurely at him. Our conversation gets interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Uh, what's up?" Alex calls out. "I uh, I heard what you guys were saying. I kinda picked up on the subject. I'm sorry John. I made some macaroni for you two, to feel better. Macaroni always makes me feel better." Thomas says from behind the wooden door. I smile softly as Alex rolls his eyes lovingly, even though Thomas can't see him.

"Thanks, we'll be right out!" I call back, standing up from the bed and walking towards the door. Alex follows behind me as I lead us both to the dorm kitchen. Immediately the strong odor of cheese fills my nose.

I can't say it's the best smell for two in the morning, but it's the thought that counts really. The two of us take a seat at the kitchen counter as Thomas gets our bowls prepared. He fills them both up with the gooey food and sets it down on the table for us, his little apron that has magenta polka dots twirling when he turns around. "Bon apetite."

We thank him for the late night meal and eat it up quickly. "Goodnight you two, if you ever wanna talk John, I'm here." He announces after we all finish putting our dishes in the sink. I smile at him softly. "Thanks, Thomas. I'll see you tomorrow in class."

"I hope I don't see him," Alex says.