Alabama, seeing someone yelling at Indiana: I spy with my little eye a little bitch-

South Carolina: I'm gonna kill you
Indiana: Wait let me ask
South Carolina: ...ask who?
Indiana: Ohio and 'Bama
South Carolina: That's not how this works-
Indiana: They said no

Texas: A man can sleep with another man and be straight
Florida: Holy shit I'm straight now

Florida, using the which pride flag are you filter: [gets straight ally]
Florida: Yes! Dad, can I come home now?

Florida: [kisses Gov]
Gov, flustered: finally, some good fucking food

Elizabeth: I'm sure you'll find a nice husband someday
Florida: How did you know I'm queer?
Florida: I didn't tell you I'm queer!

New York: Who ate my fucking leftovers?! I swear to god I'll ki-
Florida: I did, I'm sorry, I didn't think-
New York, wrapping an arm around him: -ss you [kisses him on the cheek] have you been eating enough? Are you still hungry? 

New York, to everyone else: Hey, panini head! Are you listening to me?!
New York, with Florida: So I'm not leaving until you laugh.

Florida: Allow me! Locks are my specialty 
Florida: [throws a brick through a window]

Louisiana: This is a terrible idea!
Florida: But not our worst, right? 
Louisiana: No, it's the worst.

Florida: I have an idea!
California: We aren't going to kill him.
Florida: I no longer have an idea!

Florida: We're making a gender reveal cake
Florida: 
Florida: no one's pregnant 

Old DC: Who could be so careless that they'd lose an arm?
Florida: Well it's not mine.

Louisiana: We can't panic.
Old DC, crying: WATCH ME

Florida: Aren't you tired of being nice?
Florida: Don't you wanna go ape shit