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Tw: anxiety attack, not eating, self hatred, guilt, suicide ideation, intrusive thoughts

DC grimaces, staring at the food in front of him, Cali worked so hard on it, why couldn't he just eat?

He feels sick, heavy feeling in his stomach as he struggles not to vomit. He was supposed to be getting better but it's been a week and his anxiety hasn't stopped, what's wrong with him?

He's still staring, trying not to cry as he thinks about eating. He was hungry, he hadn't eaten in a while, but he felt too sick to eat. He was still so anxious.

He was trying not to be, working on breathing exercises and trying to focus on his surroundings instead of his thoughts, trying to reason with himself, trying to remind himself his anxiety wasn't his fault and it wasn't healthy to be anxious to the extent that he was but nothing was working. He was trying so hard and it still wasn't enough.

He didn't want to keep going, everything was taking too long, and nothing seemed to help the anxiety. 

No- no, his eyes widen, did he really want to die? Did he want it all to end?

No, he wanted the anxiety to end.

He stands on shaking legs, excusing himself quickly and hoping no one noticed how panicked voice sounded, he couldn't stay.

He sobs the second he's far enough, locking himself in his room and collapsing to his bed. He didn't want to die, he just wanted his anxiety to stop, he wanted to be okay.

He falls asleep like that, curled on his bed crying, everything hurt but tomorrow gave him a second chance, he just needed to keep trying.