more dumb royal au things while I procrastinate
credit to DaneetheRockstar for the Cali and Florida arranged marriage idea
(I also really want to bother Greg for no reason)

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DC: You're alive!!

Florida: Do I look like the kind of man that dies??

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Florida: What is toothpaste, if not bone soap?

Mass: Existence is prison and being your instructor is mazimum security

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Florida, waking up at five am: Good morning!

DC, going to bed at five am: Morning?

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Texas: Who should we call?

Florida: I was going to call Cali, but I feel safer in jail

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Connecticut: I found Florida

California: I thought he was dead?

California, to Florida: How are you not dead?

Florida: didn't feel like it

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IDC: You don't think I can fight because I'm a girl!

California: I don't think you can fight because you're in a wedding dress. For what it's worth, I don't think Florida could fight in a wedding dress either.

Florida: Perhaps not, but I would be a radiant bride.

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Florida: I'm just saying, when I die in mysterious and unexplained circumstances I want you all to make sure that everybody knows it.

Florida: Instead of saying how I was "a friend to everyone" and that I "lit up a room" when I entered it, I want people to shake their heads while muttering that I "asked too many questions for my own good" and talk about how they "warned me that I was getting in way over my head" and that I "always had a knack for finding trouble" wherever I went. If you don't make me a local urban legend you've failed me.

New York: I'm sorry, "when you die in mysterious and unexplained circumstances"?

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Oklahoma: I beg your pardon?

Texas: Then beg. 

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New York: Eat dinner

Florida: I did

New York: Cereal and alcohol don't count

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California: Why would you give him a knife?

Florida: He felt unsafe

California: Well now I feel unsafe

Florida: I'm sorry. 

Florida: Would you like a knife?

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Texas: Why do you keep pushing my buttons?!

California: I'm looking for Mute.

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Florida: [pours orange juice into his cereal]

New York: Do you take constructive criticism?

Florida: Not without killing. 

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Florida: I'm an idiot.

Connecticut: 

Florida:

Connecticut: If you're waiting for me to disagree, this is going to be a long day.

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California: What's the most inspiring thing I've ever said to you?

Florida: "Don't be an idiot" really changed my life

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Elizabeth: Florida is at that age where there's only one thing on his mind.

Spain: Marriage?

Elizabeth: Homicide

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Spain: I didn't raise you like this!

Florida: You did not raise me at all. 

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that's all I got for now :P