oh no I might actually do this au

quick note: current time Roman and Dave aren't dating but they are friends

Dave: Why is there a sticker on the fridge?
Florida: It did a good job
Dave: [gives it another sticker]

Dave: When your toddler can open the door themselves in the middle of the night congratulations, you live in a haunted house now.

Roman: I think I found something better than caffeine to wake me up in the morning
Roman: My kid waking me up by saying "I think I'm going to throw up"

Roman, trying not to laugh: Dave?
Dave: I'm so glad we spent time and money picking out stuffed animals for Florida and now he's choosing to carry around and sleep with a lemon instead

Dave: No one laughs or even smiles when I sing "Lord I was born a scramblin' man" everytime I make eggs but that's the dad life, baby.

Roman: I just asked Florida what he wanted for dinner
Dave: and?
Roman: and he said "not a burnt quesadilla"
Dave:
Roman: I overcooked one side of his quesadilla once last year

Florida: I'm ready for pizza
Dave: It's breakfast time
Florida: I said what I said