Tw: self harm, anxiety attack, self hatred

(there's mentions of his partners hating him/thinking bad of him, it's his thoughts though)

He blinks slowly, rereading the email, they said no, they shut him down.

He bites his lip as his vision blurs with tears, he couldn't do it.

He wipes the tears, adding pressure in the hopes of gaining some kind of control. 

What the fuck?

Why didn't they listen to him? It was his state, he should have some kind of control. 

He's laughing, trying to hold back the sobs, he's laughing as the words on screen get harder to read. He fucked up, again. He's sobbing now, covering his mouth to muffle the sobs, how did he fail? 

What would his partners say? They already thought he was stupid, what would happen if they found out about this? Would they leave him?

He shaking now, his eyes burn with tears, he was getting overwhelmed, why was it so loud? 

It wasn't loud, it was quiet.