Singto sat on his knees in front of the grave. He was in a black shirt and black jeans, a bouquet of orange dahlia in his hands.

He stared at the gravestone in front of him, clutching onto the bouquet in his hand. Letting the tears fall on his cheeks.

"I bought your favourite flower P." Singto smiled as he placed the bouquet on the grave.

"It's been a busy day," Singto sighed, caressing the stone.

"Everyone left, no one cared P. Everyone here was of fake tears and sympathy. And you never needed that. You might have seen the drama that occured here with the warden, right?" Singto took a deep breath, rubbing his tears away.

"Your Simba is strong, and I'll make sure I stay that way. You don't have to worry about me." Singto chuckled to himself.

Reminiscing the times he could hear her tease him with the nickname, now he just wishes he could hear her call him by that, one more time.

"I'll be leaving the orphanage P, that place is no longer my home. You're not there, there's nothing that makes me stay there anymore. Nothing that makes it home anymore." Singto sniffled.

Flashes of the figure of a lady with her hair in a bun and a cheeky smile on her face rushing to his mind. A picture Singto always wanted to remember when the name 'Leola' comes to his mind.

"I've already found a dorm room, the part-time job is paying enough to pay the rent P and the money you gave me helps too. Don't worry about me because I know you'll."

Singto sighed, she was the only family he had. The only one who he could call his. And now she's gone, today was her funeral and Singto had promised himself that he wouldn't cry in front of others. That he wouldn't show them that he was weak, he didn't want others to feed upon his weakness anymore. And that is what lead him to take the decision to move out or the orphanage which he called his home since he had ever known.

"I'll visit you soon P, I'll make you proud one day. Please be happy there, I hope you're in a safe place now. I love you P'Leola, and I miss you soo much." Singto joined his palms and kissed it, closing his eyes he smiled softly.

He slowly stood up, brushing off the dust on his jeans he spared a glance at the grave before he turned around and walked away.

Singto never expected that his life would change soo sudden, for the past one year his life wasn't the same. He had to work harder, and at the same time play deaf to those who tried to bring him down. The orphanage had never been a place where he could be himself, the only reason that made him rooted in that place was Leola. She had always been there to save him, and stand up for him. The only reason he never felt alone in that place was because of Leola, she was the one who gave him the strength and confidence to live on.

But Singto found himself losing all the inspiration he had when Leola was admitted to the hospital when she was spotted with a seizure. And things went downhill from there.

It's a memory Singto never wanted to look back on, he had given Leola a promise that he'll move on. But now that the time has come it was hard.

He was alone now, all these years he had a hope that even if everyone left him and bullied him for who he's, Leola will be there for him. And that thought alone gave him strength.

But now, the only hope he had was taken away from him and he was feeling helpless.

Singto found himself at the garden near the orphanage he lived in, at his favourite spot. It was a place he made beautiful memories with Leola. This was the place where he could smile and laugh, and speak out his thoughts without the fear of others judging him.

He and Leola would secretly jump the fence of the orphanage to come sit under the huge tree near the small pond. Even at nights, they would sneak out, having their own little happiness. And ever since whenever he needs to clear his mind he would come here, it was a public property so he didn't have any restrictions except for night hours. People usually didn't come to visit the place, so it gave him more privacy.

It was a huge expanse of lawn with trees and flowers that separated the orphanage from the city. NY Entertainments Building was at the other end of the lawn. It was one of the famous entertainment company in the country, and that reminds Singto about one person.

Krist Perawat was one of the artists from NY Entertainment. Singto gulped, feeling his heartbeat rise at the thought of the singer. He sat down under the tree and leaned his body against it.

His thoughts slowly clouding around the singer.

Krist Perawat was a big name, everyone admired him and Singto did too. He loved people who could sing, being a music lover himself he wanted to be a singer too when he was a child. But that dream changed as he came to know the reality of life. It was not said for him.

He respected Krist for that, respected him because he could reach his goal. He had seen his interviews and radio talks, each time Krist would thank his fans for the support he gets and would thank himself for being able to achieve this dream. Krist was one of the most positive personality out there, he always looked at things on the bright side.

But as the days passed with Krist being his classmate Singto could see there was a person underneath that cheerful and happy person. Especially when it came to Namtan, Krist's girlfriend.

Singto doesn't know what really is going on between them, he had seen Krist being disturbed whenever she's around. Especially on the incident that happened the previous day. Why did Krist get soo angry when he told him to return to his girlfriend? Why did he tell him she's not his lover?

Wasn't Krist happy in his relationship? Or was he just mad at his girlfriend at that time?

Singto doesn't know much about their relationship, the only source of information about them is from social media and by overhearing from other people. Many rumours are going on since Krist joined university. There had been people telling Krist is being forced into the relationship by his girlfriend and some telling they're on the verge of a breakup. Another section says that they're just having trouble in their paradise and they'll work upon it.

Singto doesn't even know if he should believe all those, he's sure that the truth is much deep that those rumours. He's never a person who believes what someone else tells about others, he never believes it until he's given proof. You don't know what a person goes through in that situation, and thus no one should ever criticise and talk behind a person.

Singto took a deep breath, why is he dwelling upon the singer's life? Who is he to him anyway? Just a classmate, maybe a friend? Afterall Krist had the heart to stand beside him and be a pillar for him to lean on, even if it was just for a moment. That alone means a lot to a person like Singto.

Singto ran his hand over his face frustrated. Why does his mind always go back to the singer? Why does he feel soo guilty for leaving Krist in the hallway? Why does it hurt soo much seeing Krist broken like that? Singto sighed.

"You'll grow old soon if you sigh like this."

Singto jumped when he felt a voice behind him. He clutched his chest, feeling his heart beat soo fast as if it's going to jump out of his chest. He turned around to see a dimpled smile directed towards him.

"Krist!" Singto glared, not minding that the person was a famous singer of their country. The man almost gave him a heart attack!

"Hello Singto," Krist waved at him as he sat down beside the latter.

Singto looked around, trying to find a crowd or more people around.

"What are you looking?" Krist raised an eyebrow as he leaned on the tree.

Singto squinted his eyes, "Why are you here? How did you know this place?"

Krist chuckled, "You know this place is behind the NYE (NY Entertainment) building, I know this place. I used to come here and sit when I get time."

Singto blinked. Then why did they never cross paths here?

"Now tell me, why are you here? You didn't come to classes too." Krist raised an eyebrow as he turned towards Singto.

"Nothing," Singto whispered before he turned his gaze from Krist and looking ahead at the pond.

Krist stared at the side profile of the young man beside him. He could see that something was troubling the latter's mind and he wanted to help him if he can.

He was surprised when he saw a familiar figure walk into the gates of the garden when he was at the back of the NYE building, talking to his manager about his new project. Anyone at the back of the building had a clear view of the large garden except for the region covered by the trees.

He had immediately recognised that it was Singto, he wanted to go talk to him and ask why he didn't attend the classes. After yesterday's incident, he didn't meet Singto at all, until now. Krist had to talk to him, his curiosity was making him impatient. Or was it something else?

Whatever it was he wanted to talk more to the latter, even if he tried to push him away. So he had cut short his conversation with his manager and told him that he had some personal matters before leaving the place. He knew Jane never restricted him, he had always been that understanding and supportive person. More than his parents had been.

He knows he just has to take that step and Jane would take care of the rest. He knows his P'Jane was capable of much more than anyone imagined. But he didn't, because he didn't want his parents to feel ashamed of him again. Especially his mom. And he didn't want a black mark on his career.

After all, he didn't have anything that he could look up to. There was never a hope out there which encouraged him to do it. No one cared, except for a few number of people who he could count with his fingers. And he appreciates it, very much but that didn't give him the strength, the hope to fight.

"Hey, you okay?"

Krist blinked when he felt a hand on his shoulder, his eyes then met a concerned stare, making him smile.

"I'm okay, nothing much." Krist shrugged.

"A-are you sure?" Singto gulped, his eyes fell on his hand on Krist's shoulder, be quickly withdrew his hand.

"I'm, just stressed about work." Krist gazed ahead at the pond.

Singto bit his lips, nodding his head. He didn't know what else to do. He just stared at the singer for a minute before he turned his gaze at the pond. Both of them falling into a comfortable silence.

Singto thought it'll be awkward when they meet again, after all, he was rude to Krist on their previous encounter. But he was surprised at how freely Krist talked to him.  As if nothing happened between them, as if Singto didn't cry in front of him.

Something between them felt soo calm and easy. This is the third encounter happening between them, and yet within these few meetings he could feel that he didn't experience the fear or the thought of not being enough with Krist. He never made him feel like that, it was always in his head that he overthought about it. They didn't feel the need to explain themselves for their actions between them, it felt all easy going and calm.

Singto had promised himself that he'll apologize to the latter and he thinks this is the suitable time. No one will interrupt them and if Krist ever asks the reason behind his distress he'll open up to him.

Singto never thought he'll feel safe with a person who he just got to know. Something inside him told him that he could trust him. He has been never a person who trust someone easily and feel attached to them. He never trusted anyone except for Leola, whenever he tried to trust anyone they only broke it into pieces.

But with Krist, he felt different. There was something in the man who made him feel that he could rely on him and that he wouldn't break him like others.

"Krist," Singto voiced out suddenly.

Krist side-eyed the latter who still had his gaze ahead, he hummed in reply.

"I'm sorry."

Krist furrowed his eyebrows, "For what?"

"For-for being rude to you yesterday. I-I didn't want you to be in trouble because of me." Singto turned his head to face Krist who had a neutral expression on him.

"And what made you think that I'll be in trouble?"

Singto gulped when he felt Krist's gaze turn hard, he could see that the other's jaw was clenched and he didn't know whether the latter was angry at him or at himself.

"I heard you and Namtan speaking, sorry for eavesdropping but I wanted to make sure you're not in trouble because of me. She was angry at you, because of me. I never wanted others to get in trouble, especially if I'm the reason for it. You don't know Krist, I had been facing this ever since I know. And it breaks when people around me are blamed and shamed just because I'm with them." Singto gasped for air, he felt as if he was suffocating as he spoke. All the emotions are resurfacing and he didn't like it.

"I'm sorry for being rude Krist, you're a public figure, admired by lots. And I don't want to be a black mark on your life. People will ask you to stay away from me because I'll be a bad influence on you. I'm a nobody. A failure. Nothing more. So it's better I make you stay away from me so it won't happen."

Singto gulped as he stared into the black orbs of the singer, he blinked a few times as he tried to hold the gaze. Their eyes locked and it seemed like time had stopped.

Singto couldn't see any kind of sympathy or disgust in those eyes. Much above it, he felt the other's gaze soften as he stared back at him, there was something that was holding him to those eyes, something that he doesn't dare to put a name to.

"Have I told you that your voice feels like heaven?" Krist blurted out, his gaze still locked with the other.

"What?!" Singto blinked, feeling the base of his neck heat up. Does Krist even realise what he's blurting out?

Krist broke their gaze, feeling his cheeks and ears turn hot after he realised what he had just said. "N-nothing."

Krist cleared his throat, feeling embarrassed. He wanted to smack his own head for blurting out things that are supposed to stay in his mind.

Krist cleared his throat, feeling Singto gaze on his face. He has to distract the latter from thinking deep.

"Why did you cry? You mentioned a 'her', does it has something to do with it?" Krist questioned suddenly.

Singto shivered, he broke his gaze from Krist's face and looked down at his hand on his lap. He clutched and released his fingers, contemplating whether he should tell the latter or not? Isn't it too early to talk about his personal matters to him?

"I-I understand if you don't want to talk about it. I am just worried about you." Krist bit the inside of his cheek.

Singto snapped his gaze towards Krist, his eyes widened. "You're worried about m-me?"

Krist nodded, "Of course yes! You looked soo distressed that day and your face keeps on bugging my mind. Honestly, I don't know why but I feel that you need someone to be with you at this time." Krist poured out his feelings, not minding what the other might think of it.

Singto felt the corner of his lips stretch up at what the singer said. How did the latter read his mind? And what made Krist worry about him? A feeling that no one had for him, not that he knows, other than with Leola.

"M-my sister passed away." Singto let out a deep sigh.

Krist gaped, "I-I didn't know, my condolences Singto."

Singto smiled, "Yeah. Today was her funeral, I just came from the cemetery. This place holds a special place in my heart. I and my sister used to sit under this same tree whenever we want to have our own little time, and enjoy ourselves from the world outside full of judgements."

Krist's lips quivered seeing the bitter smile on the other's lips, "What about your parents? How are they?"

The smile on Singto's lips vanished, and Krist regretted asking that question. He was then surprised when he heard Singto chuckle.

"We don't have parents, Krist. I have never seen them, P'Leola might have but she never spoke about them. It was always me and her, and I never thought about my parents anymore."

Krist nodded his head, he knows Singto doesn't want any sympathy from him. He understood that Leola was Singto's sister's name, now he understood who Singto was talking about over the phone a few days ago when he caught him at the campus cafeteria. He remembered he was talking about hospital and treatment.

"You see that orphanage?" Singto pointed in Krist's direction making the singer turn his head to face the large school-like building far away.

"That's the place I and P'Leola lived, she was five and I was still a baby when our mom abandoned us there." Singto chuckled to himself.

"I and P used to secretly jump the fence at nights to come sit here. We would play and talk a lot about our day. Sometimes we even sneak out some snacks here, having our own little party." Singto smiled at the memory.

Krist patted Singto's shoulder, smiling at her. "You both are lucky to have eachother."

Singto gave a thin smile as he nodded.

"May I ask you what happened to her?" Krist asked after a few seconds of silence.

Singto sighed, "She was diagnosed with brain tumour a year ago. It was in the last stage so surgery couldn't work. She was admitted to the hospital two weeks ago since her condition became worse. I wanted to look after her but she compelled me to go to classes. We didn't have much money for her treatment. I and her worked part-time jobs but it wasn't enough. Yesterday morning I got a call from the hospital telling me that she passed away. I wanted to go to the hospital but the orphanage people didn't let me. They told I'm wasting my time and that I shouldn't cut my class because of her."

Krist felt his knuckles turn white at how hard he was clutching his hand hearing what Singto had gone through.

"They told me that they'll only do the funeral the next day, due to some procedures and I shouldn't bother about it, her own brother shouldn't bother! I tried to go visit her in the morning but unfortunately one of the orphanage members where there and they send me away!" Singto scoffed, he tried to keep his emotions at bay but he couldn't help it. Singto tried to not acknowledge the hand on his palm that was trying to calm him.

"I had to come to classes yesterday. But I couldn't focus. Everything was too much, her own brother didn't have the right to see her body. What kind of rule is that!? After I felt classes I went to the hospital, the doctor was kind enough to show me her body even though the orphanage warden had refused me too. Since he was the guardian of her. "

"I skipped today's class to be at her funeral. Had a fight with the warden about it. I was thankful that the priest let me stay there. I felt soo useless, I don't know why the warden hates me soo much. For god's sake, she's my sister! My family!" Singto felt hot tears run down his cheeks.

Krist sighed, taking Singto's hand in his he caressed it. "I understand how you feel, people out there don't have the same thoughts Singto. Some may stay with us but a majority of them are out there to see our downfall. And I can see how strong of a person you're Singto, and I'm proud of that. Your sister is proud of you."

Singto looked up, holding their gazes. Why is Krist here? Why did he come searching for him? For a nobody?

"Why are you here, Krist?" Singto felt his eyes whelm up in tears.

"What do you mean?" Krist asked confused.

"Why are you here, Krist? Why do you always find me at my weakest? Even when I told you to stay away from me you're here, why?"

A cold breeze brushed upon them making them shiver. Krist didn't know how to answer that question. Why does it feel soo painful? Yet he felt the need to explain to him.

"I don't want to stay away from you Singto, because I know how it feels to be lonely. Even when you have thousands of people around you, you still feel alone in this world. And it hurts, knowing you might not have something to hold on to in life." Krist felt the words choking him.

Singto sighed, "You got to know about me, and I'm not a fool to not see the pain in your eyes. You enquired about me and encouraged me even when you have a dark side. What's bothering you, Krist?"

Krist gasped. How should he answer that? He doesn't want Singto to stay away from him. He doesn't want him to leave like everyone else.

"I can't say that now, Singto. And I want to let you know that you won't be alone anymore. You don't have to feel that you can't be seen with me. You're special Singto, and even if it's just been days since we met I can feel that you're a really good person."

"What if I say I'm not?" Singto asked back.

Krist chuckled, "Then I'm not either."

Singto rolled his eyes. He knows Krist is trying to divert him from asking about him and he isn't hurt about it. At least Krist took time to be with him and listen to him, that's more than enough for him.

"My classmates and people at orphanage push me away telling me I'm a disgrace and that I've done a sin. They tell people around me will be sinned because of it." Singto remarked with a smile confusing Krist.

"And I'm giving you one chance Krist, you can leave me now. I've already lost a lot of them and I don't want a repeat of it. God always took people away from me and I don't want to keep hopes." Singto bit his lips.

"Come on Singto, I don't believe what people say about y-"

"I'm gay."

"Huh?" Krist gulped.

Singto laughed, "I said I'm gay, I hope you know the meaning. I came out when I was in high school and had been in a relationship for a year and well, things weren't good and our relationship was out. He was the son of a politician so it spread out in social media. You could guess what people might tell, right? From then on my life changed, people started to look at me with weird eyes and it's as if I have done a big crime."

Singto looked up at Krist, "See Krist, whoever you are. A singer, actor or anyone. I'm not talking to you as a fan of yours but as a fellow human. I'm seeing you as a person. I had a choice to not tell you this but I felt the need to explain to you and don't ask me why."

"I don't have anything to lose other than myself.  I don't want to hope anymore, if you want to walk out. Walk out now, don't betray me like others."

Singto stood up, without giving time for Krist to reply he walked away.

Krist sighed, what should he do? Singto trusted him enough to speak out about himself. And that makes him feel special. Whatever Singto told him, it didn't make him feel disgusted because it's a part of his life he is trying to hide.

Total strangers like them started to feel as if they knew eachother for long within these few days.

Was faith playing with them, showing them a hope they want to hold on to?

Krist took out his phone from his pocket that started to ring. He rolled his eyes seeing the caller ID.

Answering the call he placed it on his ear.

"Yes, mom?"

*****

"What are you doing Krist!? How dare you hurt her!?"

Krist chuckled hearing his mom's words. "Why am I not surprised that you care for her more than you do for me?"

"Krist! Watch your tongue!" Rin glared at her son.

Krist sighed, he looked behind his mom to see Namtan wiping her fake tears.

"Krist! You're her boyfriend! You shouldn't hurt her feelings, why do you keep on ignoring her in public and in front of others. Don't forget that it's because of her you're in this position," Rin pointed a finger at her son.

Krist closed his eyes, clutching his hand into a fist. "Is this why you called me to come home? I had work to do."

"Is your work more important than your lover!?"

Krist snapped his eyes open, glaring at his mom he felt the urge to turn the house upside down with how things are going on.

"Yes! You're the one who gave way for our love telling me I could achieve my dreams because of it! You clearly know that what I and Namtan had isn't something worth it and that it's going downhill!"

Rin gasped, she stared at her son feeling offended.

"You-"

"Mom! It's okay!" Namtan came forward and caught Rin's hand which raised to hit her son.

Krist blankly stared at his mom, feeling ill at whatever was happening.

Namtan glanced at Krist and smirked as she soothed Rin by caressing her arm. "It's okay Mom, let him vent out his emotions. He's just tired from all the work, he'll take care of me better now. Right, Krist?"

Krist clenched his jaw, seeing his Mom's angry tears he wanted to just run away. There was no use in having people who don't understand you around.

"Mom," Krist's voice was soft making Rin look up at him surprised.

A bitter smile formed on Krist's lips, "Have you ever loved me? Thought about how I felt? No, right? You're playing deaf towards your own son, Mom. And I'm disappointed. In everything."

Krist didn't wait longer, he walked up the stairs to his room. He halted on his way when he saw his dad looking down at him from upstairs.

"Will you ever speak up for me? You're a big businessman, you have a great heart yet you won't stand up for your own child." Krist scoffed.

"Krist I-" Jack tried to explain but Krist stopped him.

"Enough Dad, enough. I think I know what to do, I hope one day you'll understand my feelings and stand up for me." Krist walked past his dad to his room.

Locking himself in his room he let his tears fall from his eyes. He can't understand why his parents don't get what he means. He felt betrayed that his own parents, especially his mom cannot see the pain he's going through.

Living a life as a person who you aren't is suffocating. Krist knows Namtan has the power to destroy him, and she's using that against him. Especially when it's her dad who's working as the managing director of NYE. And he had gratitude to Namtan's family because, if it wasn't for her dad he wouldn't be in this position.

But that doesn't mean he should sacrifice his whole life for it. But his mom doesn't understand, she still doesn't. Namtan had put a perfect daughter-in-law's image in her mind that Rin doesn't see her own son's disapproval.

Even after he came out to his parents and told them that he's clearly not happy with this relationship his mom just bashed him and told him that he's just sick. While his dad just stayed silent beside his wife and came to calm him down when he was in his room alone.

Krist chuckled bitterly, it was much better having no one than having people who can't understand your value.

His thoughts suddenly moved towards the honey skinned man, those fluffy long hair and deep black eyes that made him feel drawn towards him filled up his mind. Singto's words were haunting him in a way, the pain in them and the feeling of hopelessness was breaking him.

He knows that the feelings he had for Singto were something more than just mere curiosity. He knows he's falling, that he'll have to break the barrier he had made. He knows that if he chooses this path he'll receive threats from his own family and the so-called girlfriend.

He doesn't want Singto to be in danger because of him. He doesn't want something to happen to him like Jenna's case. She was hurt because of him, she was hurt because he thought she was worth the fight. But no, she wasn't...or he wasn't worth enough to fight.

Krist let out a puff of air, feeling dizzy with all the thoughts that run inside his head.

He'll take small steps, careful and planned. He's going to reach out for his happiness but he shouldn't jump into actions.

Faith had brought Singto to him, and he's sure that faith is planning a bigger day for him and Singto. He remembers that Singto had told him that he used to visit the garden most of the time but yet why did they never cross paths?

And Krist, as an artist feels that it's all destiny's play for both of them. It might sound crazy but Krist believes that there is hope out there for both of them.

"Small steps Krist, small steps." He mumbled to himself feeling a smile on his lips.

****

Phew! That drained me!😅

Let's see Krist fighting for his own happiness now, and Singto is of course a part of it😉

Hope you enjoyed the update!

Stay safe!
Love you all!❤️❤️