Making my way downtown, seeing TACOS. 

I'm alone for once and it feels great. I mean, I don't feel safe without James, but being alone after a few months of not, feels good.

There's one problem. My hand keeps on thinking I'm holding James', so my hand is holding the air.

I arrive at my destination, also known as, the unnamed Park! They've got ice cream, cotton candy, a cute unicorn cow mashup, and tacos! 

Wait. A cute unicorn cow mashup?

I look back over. It's not there. Weird, must've been an hallucination.

I walk to the actual park part of the park, and played on it.

No kids were here, which confused me. It's after school, there should be children here!

Night falls, and I'm sitting there on the slide, zooming out in the cute cow unicorn mashup that's staring at me with a whole bunch of dinosaurs. 

I close my eyes, and open them again. They're all gone. 

What's with all these hallucinations?

I blink. I blink. I close my eyes, and don't open them.

I fall asleep.

--------------

I awaken. The sun is blooming, there's a potato, a giant one, in front of me.

I run my eyes, and blink a few times. The potato slowly turns into James.

"Oh thank God you're awake! I thought lost you for a second!" He looked relieved.

In the corner my eye, I see the cute cow unicorn mashup staring at me with some cotton candy and a cup of iced coffee.

"I want coffee and some cotton candy," I speak, as the cute cow unicorn mashup disappears.

"Ok, let's go!" He pulls my arm. 

---coffee shop---

James and I sit at a table, drinking our iced coffee, whilst eating a Bubble waffle.

I look over, and see a unicorn peeking out of a trash can.

"Whatcha looking at?" James asks, breaking me from the unicorn in trash can.

"Oh, I thought I saw something. Must've been an hallucination again," I laugh it off. Or at least try to.

"Again? How many times has this happened?" 

My eyes break from his face and onto the cat.. WAIT THIS IS A CAT CAFÉ? OH MY GOSH I AM SO HAPPY!

"Lee! There's nothing there!"

"There's a cat," I point at it.

He turns around, and says, "there's no cat!"

"But, see, it's so cute and fluffy, and I get this feeling it's name is Sand, and," I explode into this cat's life story.

It had an owner, and the owner's name was Fred. Fred loved cats, but then decided to chuck Sand out onto the road while Fred was driving.

Sand luckily survived once the VET people came, sadly not the Wee Woo truck. I would've been delighted to say wee woo truck, because it's kinda funny.

Sand's front left leg was injured severely, and they're back right paw was hurt.

After getting a cast, and waiting a year, the vet people said that the cast wasn't gonna help, and they should've known that because now there's mushrooms growing out of Sand's leg.

The mushrooms stop growing, and fall off. The vet people decide to give Sand a robot leg.

And now, Sand is in a café where they belong.

"Lee, we should take you to the doctor," James says as he grabs my hand. "This many hallucinations in just two days, is far too many."

I shake my head. I hate going to the doctors. Like why am I just supposed to let them cut off my blood circulation just for a few seconds, and meanwhile, I'm in SOOO much pain.

Fuck, sometimes the doctor is wrong, and you may end up dying because of it.

There's one thing I like about the doctors. They're the ones providing my testosterone. Without it, I'd just feel like shit all the time, and want to die.

"No." I spoke at last.

"LEE! I'M BEING SERIOUS!" James pulls me up, and takes me to the doctor.

I'm just joking my iced coffee, and the Bubble waffle. Like why can't he hold that? I'm juggling two things, while my other hand is being pulled along.

That's it.

I slam my iced coffee (almost done with it, a little ice and some coffee) onto tje ground, and throw the Bubble waffle away.

"The fuck was that for?" James stops.

"I don't care! Let's take me to the doctors so then I can feel like shit because I'm ina stupid white room and it smells like chemicals! Fine! I might not be ok! But everyone isn't! I'm gonna get prescribed pills and they're not even gonna work!" My anger has been through the roof.

I didn't understand why I was so mad, I just was. 

I just wanted to curl up into a ball, and lay they crying. But no, I have to go to the doctors.

"It's the right thing to do, after all," I spoke.

As I was being pulled along, my brain started forming a song, a song about my anger, about my hatred towards no one in particular. Kinda like one of my favourite band's song.

"I can't help but feel the pain inside of me.

All I wanna do is die, all I wanna do is curl up I to a ball and cry.

Maybe not die, but scream out to world.

I hate you, and I don't even know who I'm hating. 

Not you, not you, but it sure as hell is someone.

My life's a mess,

I keep on thinking it's perfect.

But all of those problems

They're just locked away

That way I can enjoy my life 

With my boyfriend.

Maybe it's about time

To unleash those problems.

I should start talking to my therapist again

It's been awhile.

I don't know what's happening to me

But maybe you can help. Please tell me. You. Can!"

Now, I don't like that song.

I wave my free hand, as if the song was in a thought bubble, and was smoke.

---doctor---

"Yeah, well, there's nothing we can do about that. And taking these pills will probably start an addiction. May be good for this book's plot line- wait we're not in a book, I'm so sorry, I'm rambling," the doctor said as they placed down their clipboard. "Either the pills, or just let it go away on its own. It may not do that right away, it'll take time."

"We don't need to take the pills, thank you though!" James got up.

"Yeah, we'll see y'all next time, if there is an next time." The doctor waves at us as we walk away,.leaving the building. 

"Ok, well let me know when they sto-" 

I pull my hand away from his, and run off.

"I want to be alone, don't ask me why, I just do!" I call out to him, before running faster.

My running goes down to a waling pace, and I sit down by some train racks.

"Next, I'm gonna start talking to this field, like a ranting session," I spoke.

I lay down, curl up into a ball, and close my eyes.