Previously on Chapter 57

It hurts me to see her in this state. If only I could just do something to make it easy for her, I would. I'd do anything to make sure she's okay. But, what can I do?

-It Was Never Gone-

Y/N P.O.V

After a while of crying in Tanjiro's arms, I have finally calmed down. But I didn't make a move to pull away. I just continue to lean my head against his chest. His hand gently caresses my hair, as he knows I need his comfort. Even though his hands are heavily calloused, his touches feel soft.

"Are you feeling any better?" He asked. I pull away a little to look at him. His eyes soften a little as he stares into my eyes that reflect my emotions. He gently cups my cheeks, wiping away the remaining tears with the pad of his thumbs. He leans closer, making me close my eyes. I feel him gently placing a soft kiss on each eyelids and on my forehead.

"It was never gone, Tanjiro..." I mumbled after I stayed silent. I slowly open my eyes to look at him. I stare at him as tears starts gathering in my eyes again. He stares at me in confusion. "The demon side of me. It was never gone. It just laid dormant within myself. Now it's slowly coming back. Stronger than before. I'm afraid that I would actually lose myself this time..." I said. I bit my lips as I try not to cry again.

"Tanjiro..." I said, grabbing his hand and holds it with both of mine. "If I show any signs... any signs that I'm turning into a monster. I need you to kill me" I said. His eyes widen at what I said. "Please, Tanjiro. If I turn into a monster... kill me" I said, staring at him with a pleading gaze.

Tanjiro removes his hand from mine. "No, Y/N. That's just asking for the impossible. Ain't no way I'm killing you!" He said. I open my mouth to protest what he said. He shakes his head. He stands up and walks back a little as he stares at me. His eyes reflects pain.

"Tanjiro, please!" I said. I stare at him with a pleading gaze. I stand up and walks up to him. "I don't wanna end up hurting anyone. Hurting you! I'm scared, okay? I don't wanna turn into a monster" I said. Tears starts to gather in my eyes.

"If I show any sign of turning into an evil monster... I need you to-" I tried to finished my sentence but Tanjiro rushes over to me, covering my mouth to stop me from saying anything else. I flinch at his sudden action. I've never seen him move that fast before.

"NO!!" He said, shaking his head as he stares at me with a sad gaze. "I'm never doing that! And that's final! You hear me, Y/N?? I'm not going to do that. I will find a way to fix you. I'm NOT going to kill you. End of story" he said. Tears starts gathering in his eyes as he stares at me.

"Are you crazy, Y/N? You don't actually believe that I'd actually go through with it, do you?" He said. I just stare at him in sadness. He removes his hand from my mouth and backs away.

"When I thought you were dead back at that Sword-smith Village, do you know how devastated I was??" He said. I stare at him as I recall what happened after that. I remember how depressed he was over my 'death.' So depressed that he developed that separation anxiety.

"I'm not going through that again. Nah uh. No way" he said, shaking his head rapidly. I open my mouth to say something. But he shakes his head. "I don't wanna hear anything like that coming out of your mouth ever again. Do you understand??" He said. I close my mouth again. He grabs my shoulders. "Don't ever talk like that again" he said.

He let out a sigh as he wipe the tears from his eyes. He runs his hand through his hair as he seems to struggle to maintain a regular breathing pattern. "I need... I n-need some f-fresh air" he said. He turns around and walks out of the room.

"Tanjiro!!" I called out. But he didn't listen to me. I let out a shaky breath as he slams the door shut. I move to the bed and take a seat. I place my elbows on my thighs, burying my face into the palm of my hands. Tears starts to roll down my cheeks.

***

I don't know how many hours has passed since Tanjiro walked out on me. I've never seen him so sad like that. I was the cause of his tears this time and it makes me feel like I'm the worst person alive.

The door to the room slowly opens. I turn my head to see it's Tanjiro. He keeps his head down. His breathing seems regular as he seems a lot calmer now. I choke out a sob as I stare at him.

"Tanjiro" I said. He lift his head to look at me. He sends me a small smile. I stand up from the bed and rush up to him. I wrap my arms around his torso, burying my face in his chest.

"I'm so sorry, Tanjiro" I said. He wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me closer. "I only thought of my own feelings and fears. I disregarded yours. Please forgive my selfishness" I cried out. I feel him burying his face into my shoulder. I tighten my arms around his torso. I feel my shoulder getting wet from his tears.

He slowly pulls away from the hug. He gently cups my cheeks, leaning his forehead against mine. "Please... don't ever say or think of anything like that again, okay? Because no way I'll ever do something like that. You matter so much for me. I can't lose you... I don't ever want to lose you" he said. I nod my head lightly. He sends me a small smile. "I love you, Y/N..." he said.

"I love you too, Tanjiro..." I said. He leans his face close to me. I close my eyes as he gently connected his lips with mine. I wrap my arms around his neck, titling my head slightly as I return his kiss.

I feel so guilty for making him cry. I should've known better than to make a request like that to him. I've seen how he's been acting around me after he thought I was gone. He was scared of losing me and yet, I made that selfish request without thinking of what he would feel about it. Gosh... I feel so stupid.

*to be continued*