Previously on Chapter 45

"I can't lose you..." he said, in his sleep. I close my eyes as I place my head closer to his chest. I feel tears starting to gather in my eyes. Tanjiro is in a lot of pain... and it's all because of me.

I'm so sorry, Tanjiro...

-Breaking Down-

Y/N P.O.V

Despite Tanjiro's reluctance and constant worried, I have tried out every existing Breathing Techniques. But none of them seem suited for me. I just can't get the hang of them no matter how hard I tried. It makes me feel really upset. Without a breathing technique, how am I gonna continue my life as a Demon Slayer?

I'm in the training ground. A sword in my hand as I train hard. I breathe heavily as I've been at it for about an hour. I'm on my own because I don't want Tanjiro to constantly worry about me.

I swing the sword as I try to conjure something. But no matter how hard I try, nothing seem to work. I breathe heavily as I fall on my knees. I've never felt so useless before. Even though I hate being a half-demon, at least I was useful. Unlike now... I can't even cut a tree with a simple technique.

I slam my fist on the ground with a frustrated yell. I feel tears slowly stream down my cheeks. My body starts to shake as I start to cry. I lift my hands, clutching onto my head out of frustration. I keep hitting my head repeatedly out of frustration.

"Hey... I've been looking all over for you. Why didn- Y/N! Stop hurting yourself!" I hear someone said. I hear footsteps rushing towards me and a pair of arms wrap themselves around my wrist as an attempt to stop me from hitting my head.

"Stop it, Y/N! Hey!" The person said. I didn't listen and keeps on hitting my head despite the person's hands on my wrist. The person covers my head instead, to stop my action. "Stop!" The person said again, pulling me into a hug instead. My head is rested on the person's chest, as I keep crying.

I finally start to calm down. I remove my head from the person's chest to see it's Tanjiro. He stares at me with a worried gaze. He gently cups my cheeks as he wipe the tears from my eyes.

"What's the matter, Y/N?" He said. I bit my lips as I try to not to cry again. He pulls me closer. I place my chin on his shoulder. He lift his hand, gently running it through my hair.

"I'm just so frustrated, Tanjiro" I said. He stays silent as he continue to caress my hair. "None of the Breathing Techniques I tried works for me. I can't even cut down the tree, something I can do with ease when I was still a half-demon. I'm so useless..." I said.

"Hey... no, you're not useless. I don't want to hear you say that about yourself" he said, shaking his head. I just look down. I feel a hand on my chin, gently tilting my head to meet his red eyes. "You're not useless. You're strong... you're brave and you're kind" he said.

"But I haven't been able to do anything, Tanjiro... how am I suppose to defeat Muzan if I can't fight properly" I said. My voice cracks as I speak. Tanjiro smiles sadly at what I said. "I've never wished that I'm a half-demon as much as now. Pathetic isn't it? When I was a half-demon, all I wished is to be a human. But now I realize just how useless I am as a human!" I said.

He shakes his head at what I said. "Please stop saying that, Y/N. It pains me to hear you talk bad about yourself" he said. I move away from him and stand up. I clench my hands tightly to the point my nails are digging through my skin. Blood starts seeping out of the torn skin.

"But it's true!!! I can't do anything as a human, Tanjiro! I'm useless and that's the truth! Stop saying that I'm not because you're only filling me up with false hope!" I said. Tanjiro's eyes widened as he stares at the blood dripping from my hands.

"Stop, Y/N" he said. He grabs my hand and try to get me to loosen my grip. He turn his head to look at me with a pleading gaze when he notices I didn't budge. "Please... you're hurting yourself" he said. His voice soothing and soft, making my body relaxes a little as I loosen my fists. He gently move my finger to open my hand. He frowns as he stares at the blood.

"Let's take your to the Hospital Ward and get this treated, okay?" He said. I just nod my head at what he said. He wrap an arm around my shoulder as he guided me. I just keep my gaze lowered.

***

Tanjiro guides me to sit on the stool of the hospital ward. Kocho-San is busy. But she did give some bandages and ointment to Tanjiro. I just look down at my lap as Tanjiro gently clean the wound on the palm of my right hand.

"Please don't do this again, Y/N..." he said, as he gently wrap a bandage on my right hand. I lift my head slightly to look at him as he do the same. I can see the sadness reflecting in his eyes as he stares at me. I just stay silent at what he said.

"Promise me... promise me that you won't hurt yourself again" he said. I turn my gaze away from him, still nod saying anything. He let out a sigh and starts to work on my left hand, doing the same steps he did as my right.

I place my hands on my lap as I keep staring at the floor. "I'm so useless..." I muttered as tears starts building up in my eyes once again. Tanjiro quickly cups my cheeks, tilting my head to look at him.

"You're not... stop saying that. Please... you're hurting me" he said. He move to straighten his body while still on his knees. He leans his forehead against mine. "You are not useless. We'll find a way, okay? I'm sorry I haven't been supportive. I'm just so scared to lose you. But now, I will have your back. Every steps of the way until you find a new way to fight" he said. I just give him a weak smile.

"Tanjiro..." I said as I move off the stool and wrap my arms around his neck as we both sit on the ground. He wraps his arms around me, pulling me to sit on his lap as I bury my face into the crook of his neck. I start to cry again as he tries his best to comfort me.

I'm glad that Tanjiro finally accepts my choice. Now that he's going to be with me in every steps, I'm positive that I'd find my way again... with him by my side.

*to be continued*