Previously on Chapter 44

I turn to look at Shinobu-San. "Sorry!" I mouthed at her. She just shakes her head while letting out a giggle. I let out a sigh and turn to look forward at Tanjiro's back as he leads me away from the Insect Hashira. Gosh, Tanjiro... what am I gonna do with you?

-Can't You Understand?!-

Y/N P.O.V

"Tanjiro..." I said, turning my head to look at Tanjiro as he keeps on pulling me along. He slowed down a little once we're quite far from Shinobu-San. He turn his head to look at me. "You're being too worried about me again. I'm not complaining. I'm happy that you care so much for me. But Oyakata-Sama specifically said that I should try out every Breathing Technique to find the one most suitable for me" I said.

He let out a sigh and turn his head away from me. "I just don't want to lose you..." he said, in a hushed voice. I let out a sigh and gently cups his cheeks, turning his head to look at me. He lift his hands, placing them on top of mine.

"But I'm still here, Tanjiro... and I'm alright. The one that died only my demon half" I said. He stares into my e/c eyes with a sad gaze. He leans his forehead against mine. He closes his eyes.

"That's the thing, Y/N. You're not immortal anymore. You can get hurt. So the risk of losing you to death is higher than before. I don't... I-I don't w-want that, Y/N" he said. His voice cracking as he speaks.

"Tanjiro..." I said, in a soft voice. I pull away slightly to look at him as tears starts to stream down his cheeks. My eyes saddened at the sight. I gently wrap my arms around him. He clutch onto the back of my shirt, burying his face into the crook of my neck.

"I've lost my family. Everyone but Nezuko. But she has turned into a demon. You both are the most important people in my life, and I don't want to lose either of you. I can't... I c-can't lose anymore p-people that are important t-to me" he said. His whole body starts trembling as he hold onto me tightly. It pains my heart to hear his cry.

After a while he finally calmed down. He pulls away to look at me. "Please... just quit being a Demon Slayer, Y/N. I know it's a selfish request. But I just can't stay calm at the thought of you going out there on missions to fight demons. I'm scared, Y/N. I'm scared that one day your crow will return alone with the news that you are gone...that you have fallen. So please... just quit the corps" he said.

"I'm sorry, Tanjiro... I can't do that" I said, closing my eyes as I let out a long exhale. I open my eyes to look at him again. His stares at me with a sad gaze. I give him an apologetic smile. "I promised my mama I would keep on fighting 'till the end to protect the weak. So I have to keep being a Demon Slayer" I said.

I feel guilty for saying that so straightforwardly, because Tanjiro looks saddened at what I said. I give him a small smile. I hold his hand with both of mine. I stare at him in the eyes, as I try to make him understand my position.

"And as a Demon Slayer, and a Hashira. It's my job to protect the lives of the humans, Tanjiro. If I fail to do so, then what would my life purpose be?" I said. He bit his lips at what he said. His eyes shows both desperation and sadness.

"You don't have to be a Demon Slayer to be helpful, Y/N. You can... you can be a medic! Shinobu-San can teach you about medicines. You can help look after the injured!" He said, placing his hands on my shoulders. Tears starts to gather in his eyes as he stares at me pleadingly. "Please, Y/N..." he pleaded.

"I-I... I c-can't..." I said. His hand dropped from my shoulders. He take a few steps away from me. "Tanjiro. Please... try to understand. I didn't come this far to quit now. When I was in that place. I met my mom. She said that I'm the only one who'd stand a chance against him. Against my father... this is my destiny, Tanjiro. You need to understand..." I said.

He shakes his head. He clutch his head and throw his hands in the air, while staring at me with a frustrated face. He look so lost, and sad.

"I can't... I don't understand! I don't understand why must it be you who need to make such sacrifice! I will take your place... I will fight Kibutsuji in your stead! I will train hard and be stronger! So you don't have to fight anymore. Let me be the only one to fight. I will risk my life hundreds times over just so you could be safe" he said. I open my mouth to say something. But he shakes his head, as a signal that he didn't want me to say a thing.

"Can't you understand me, Y/N?! I don't want to lose you!!" He exclaimed, raising his voice a little. I flinch at his tone as I stare at him with my eyes wide open. He let out a choked sob as he drops on his knees in front of me as his body starts to shake. "I-I can't... I don't want to. I can't handle anymore loss. If I lose you... I would lose myself too..." he cried out.

I kneel down in front of him. I wrap my arms around him. His arms automatically wrapped themselves around me as he starts to cry once again. His arms around me are tight. I can feel his anxiety and fear of losing me. It pains my heart to see him like this. But, I can't break the promise I made to my mom. I've made a promise that I will bring father down.

Tanjiro's breathing slows down. I pull away slightly to see he had fallen asleep. I turn my head and notice a Kakushi walking by. He notices the two of us. I lift my hand and calls him over.

"Help me carry him to my room..." I said. He nods his head and help me unwrap Tanjiro's arms. It was a struggle because he hugged me pretty tightly. But we manage to pull him away. I help the Kakushi get Tanjiro on his back, and we make our way to my room.

A While Later

"Thank you..." I said, after the Kakushi places Tanjiro on my bed. He bows at me and turns around to leave. I turn around to face Tanjiro. I kneel down next to the bed and gently pulls the blanket up to his neck.

"N-No... d-don't leave m-me, Y-Y/N" he whimpered in his sleep. His hand raise up a little. I take a seat on the edge of the bed. I gently grab his hand and place it on my lap.

"I'm right here, Tanjiro..." I said in a soft voice. His whimpering stops as his breathing evened out. I smile sadly as I caress the back of his hand. "I'm sorry for making you feel this way, Tanjiro... but I can't quit" I said. I notice a tear slip out his eyes. I lift my hand and gently wipe it away. I flinched when his arms shot out and pulled me down, until I'm laying down next to him.

"I can't lose you..." he said, in his sleep. I close my eyes as I place my head closer to his chest. I feel tears starting to gather in my eyes. Tanjiro is in a lot of pain... and it's all because of me.

I'm so sorry, Tanjiro...

*to be continued*