⚠ Warning: chapter contains mentions of past drug use and mentions of violence, mentions of death by overdose, and mentions of relapse️. Chapter also contains a short excert from The Heroin Diaries. All rights go to Nikki Sixx. If affected by the contents listed above, please read with caution.⚠️

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《2005》

*Nikki*

"Okay, one more time guys, " Mal smiled as she played the keys on the piano, Jasper playing his guitar as he sat next to her, and I strummed my bass a bit.

https://youtu.be/mwgg1Pu6cNg

(Video: Fleetwood Mac "Gypsy")

"Alright take it away, Peanut," Nikki told Ava, using her nickname.

Ava smiled and started to sing the song.

"So I'm back, to the velvet underground
Back to the floor, that I love
To a room with some lace and paper flowers
Back to the gypsy that I was
To the gypsy... that I was

Zander beat along to his drum kit as Ava smiled as I took Nona's hand and spun her around and she kept dancing around with Stevie and Micah and Jasper played along with Mal.

"And it all comes down to you
Well, you know that it does
Well, lightning strikes, maybe once, maybe twice
Ah, and it lights up the night
And you see your gypsy
You see your gypsy....." Ava continued to sing.

Time passed and thankfully things have been well.

Mötley Crüe kind of went on a bit of a hiatus for a bit, but that just meant more time with my family, which I'm glad about. Tommy is working with his project Methods of Mayhem, and Vince has released some solo stuff, but he and Beth divorced a few years ago so he kind of took a break. Mick's taken up producing new bands and helping them with their debut albums and stuff.

We have talked about a reunion tour for next year, so here's hoping.

Mal's continued with her work as a doctor, but has considered retiring early at 45 so she can be at home more and focus on other stuff as well so she's not juggling so much.

She's still considering it, though. I'm supporting whatever she decides.

Our kids have grown up healthy and happy at home, each one like either me or Mal in so many ways.

Jasper, Zander and Ava each want to play just like their godfathers do. Jasper always studies videos of Mick playing guitar, and Zander is just like Tommy, can't go anywhere without a pair of drumsticks. Ava has proven to already at the age of 7, soon turning 8, that she has an amazing voice, and always tries to dance around like Vince would on stage, singing her little heart out.

Nona and Micah tend to stick more to sports, but they also have a passion for music as well, Nona also being a massive bookworm. Stevie is still figuring out what she likes most, but she does say she wants to be a doctor "just like mommy."

We all still live in the ranch house in San Fernando Valley, 15 minutes outside the city, and its practically our little slice of heaven here.

The kids and the dogs all have plenty of open space and land to play around, even stables with horses, which the kids enjoy riding on their free time, and even a small lake we all swim at from time to time.

The air is surprisingly fresh and Mal even lose the open space and calmness the area brings.

To say I'm the luckiest dad in the world is an understatement.

Right now it was a Saturday and me and Mal had a day off, so we all enjoyed it the way us Sixx family always do, and that's rocking out.

"I still see your bright eyes, bright eyes
And it all comes down to you
I still see your bright eyes, bright eyes
(She was just a wish)
(She was just a wish)
And it all comes down to you
Lightning strikes, maybe once, maybe twice
And it all comes down to you...." Ava sang, ending the song.

We all cheered out loud as the song ended.

"Woohoo, baby rockstars!!" I shouted as I put my bass down and then I scooped up Ava with one arm, making her squeal and giggle as I tossed her up into the air and caught her. "We did it, Mal!! We're raising our own little rock band!!"

Mal giggled as Micah ran over with Zander and they tackled my legs, sending me to the ground laughing as then Ava, Jasper and Nona came and dog piled me, along with Nova and Jack.

"Ohhooooo, bass player down!!" I laughed with a groan as I tapped the ground in defeat while the kids laughed hysterically as they all piled on top of me.

Mal giggled as she got up from the piano bench and then walked over. "Okay, okay, guys, no crushing Daddy, come on."

The kids then climbed off him giggling as Mal helped Stevie and Micah stand up when suddenly the phone rang.

"I got it," Mal said and walked over to get the phone.

"Dad, can you take me and Ava to horseback ride by the lake?" Jasper asked as I sat up.

"Yeah, buddy, no problem," I assured.

"Can we ride without a saddle this time?" Ava asked.

"Aw, Peanut, you know that's risky," I said. "I don't want you and your brother getting hurt."

"Awww.... When can we try?" she whined.

"I promise, once you're all older, we can try it," I assured.

She sighed, blowing some of her hair out of her face. I snickered and turned her around and pulled her hair back into a ponytail as best as I could.

"Babe," Mal called out, walking in with the phone in her hand as I finished with Ava's hair. "Its Karen... Says she wanted to talk to you... Sounded important..."

I furrowed my brows, then walked over as the kids dispersed in different directions, probably to do whatever it is they do.

I took the phone as Mal then went after Micah and Zander, who darted into the kitchen with Jack.

"Hey Karen, what's going on?" I asked.

"Hey, Nikki.... You're never going to believe this...."

***

I nervously walked into the semi-barren house, looking around the familiar walls.

This house.... It feels so strange coming back here....

I looked over at the end of the stairwell, seeing the dent where a wooden night stand once landed...

"GET BACK HERE!!!! YOU PROMISED, MALLORY!!!

"Nikki, stop, please!!! Calm down!!! STOP!!!!"

*SMASH!*

"AAAAHHH!!!"

"MALLORYYYYYY!!!"

"NIKKI, STOP IT, OH MY GOD!!!"

I took a deep, shaky breath and quickly shook my head a bit, trying to get rid of that fucking memory.

I hate coming here....

"Its just a roof with four walls," a voice said, and I look over to see Karen coming in, holding a box in her arms.

I looked at her weirdly.

"Its what my momma told me once when we were moving to California and I didn't want to leave the house I grew up in," she said, setting the box on top of others. "It can apply to this, too.... Its just a roof with four walls...."

I sighed. "Yeah... A lot happened in this roof and four walls, though.... A lot I want to forget....." I said, then motioned to the box. "Is that it?"

"Yeah," she said, patting the box. "Clean up crew for real estate found some more stuff in the attic and since the house was never really sold or rented out due to the foundation issues, they came to fix them and found your old stuff.... Mostly old Crüe stuff, and then this....."

I sighed as I reached in and grabbed one of the journals.

"I can't believe they were here this entire time...." I said.

"Yeah, when I got the call for some reason and they told me, I ran over to get some stuff, and there it was," she said. "Thought I'd call you for it..."

I sighed as I flipped through the pages, reading through all my smack induced ramblings... All the fucked up shit I've done.... Then the pages about that day....

[Last night was unlike many nights for me, driving towards hell, hoping to be welcomed into death's arms or simply to kill the pain and fill the hole of emptiness inside. I'm too weak and sick to write the whole evening down, I'll try later.... So here is the short version....

Picked up Slash, his girlfriend Sally, Steven Adler and Robbin and went to the Cathouse. Lots of coke, alcohol, pills.... I really don't remember much. At some point the usual blackouts. Then we went to Slash's hotel to get some junk. I was too wasted and let this cat shoot me up. I turned blue on the spot. This is what they tell me.

Steven and Sally came in and tried to revive me. I'm sure all the usual drama behind a junkie dying in your place happened at that point. But then something that's never happened before- I couldn't come back. The ambulance was called and I was well on my way to getting out of my skin......]

I gulped and looked away.

"Nikki?" Karen asked, looking up at me worriedly.

I sighed, closing the notebook and looking ahead as I decided what I had to do....

"Heroin almost cost me the woman I love..... It almost cost me my band.... My family.... Me...." I said. "I vowed after I left rehab the last time to never let it hurt anyone else ever again, especially my family, no matter how bad things got....."

Karen pursed her lips and nodded.

"I can't let the past repeat itself ever again....." I said, staring down at the notebooks.

***

I tossed the last of the notebooks into the firepit and threw the empty box aside.

I sighed as I then reached for the lighter fluid when the back door opened and Mal walked out.

"Babe? What are you doing out here?" She asked.

"Just doing what I need to do to keep my family safe," I said sternly.

She frowned as she walked over and saw what was in the firepit.

Her eyes widen, as if she realized what those were.

"A-Are those....?" she asked.

"Every detail of my smack induced states back in the 80's.... Ever hallucination, angry thought, and painful memory, including that night..... All written down whenever I was high or just wanted to be," I sighed. "Karen got word that the box was found in my old place at Van Nuys....."

"And.... You're burning them?" she asked, looking a little shocked.

"Mal.... Sikki Nixx almost killed you.... He managed to in my dreams too many fucking times.... He almost came back and could have made me hurt you and even the kids, or worse...." I said. "I want this to stay in the past and have us move forward. Too much shit has happened to us already, and I'm not letting anything else happen."

I went to grab the lighter fluid, pulling the cap off, but then Mal had walked over and gently placed her hand over mine, stopping me.

"Nikki...." Mal sighed as she looked up at me. "This isn't going to get rid of him, or the whole past.... Sikki's been around long before you even found heroin.... You know that...."

I sighed and looked down.

"As much as you hate to admit it, and so do I, that's a part of who you are.... Sikki Nixx, that's your dark side... Everyone has one, and its hard to get rid of......" she said, holding my hands in her's. "But that doesn't mean he is everything that you are..."

I looked over into her brown eyes.

"You still won...." She said. "He may be stuck inside of you, but he lost.... He can't control you or tell you what to do, only you do that...."

I sighed, and looked down. "I hurt you so badly back then.... I scared the hell out of you, and I risked putting our own kids in danger when I relapsed..."

"And now we're okay..... You're recovering, so am I, the kids are safe..... That's all that matters.... You don't have to burn away the past just because you're scare of it... It won't help you or the people you love..... Believe me...."

I gulped, knowing what she was talking about, and sighed as I put the lighter fluid down.

"You're right...." I said. "Its not going to fix what happened back then......"

She gave me a small smile as she looked up at me before pulling me into a hug.

I wrapped my arms tightly around her, burying my face in her shoulder as I lifted her off the ground and she held onto me.

"I love you.... So much...." I murmured. "And I love the kids, too.... All of you..."

"We love you, too, baby," She said, holding onto me.

I hugged her for a while longer before she pulled back and smiled at me and kissed my lips.

I kissed her back, holding her in my arms before I put her down and we pulled back.

She looked up and stroked my hair a bit before looking back at the books and holding one and skimming through it.

"Everything you've been through.... I always thought these notebooks were lost...." she said, skimming through it.

"Yeah.... Its insane," I said as I peered over and watched her skim through the pages.

She then lifted her head up in thought.

"You know, Nikki... With what you've been thinking of doing.... Bringing awareness to the opioid epidemic..... What if you showed these entries to the world?" she suddenly said.

I frowned and looked at her. "What?"

"I-I mean, just think..... This pretty much shows a clear enough idea of the ups and downs addiction can lead people through..... Proof that its possible to overcome it, to recover," she said, holding up one of the journals. "I just have a feeling this can help people in many ways..."

I frowned. "Mal.... The things in these pages... Its not just the drugs and hallucinations and stuff," I said, pointing at the notebooks. "Its every awful thing I've done, to either myself, or to you, or even to the guys, anyone.... Every fucked up shit is in those journals, even the darkest most deranged thoughts that ever crossed my mind...."

"And those were fueled by the same thing that are even killing others and their families in different ways right now as we speak...." she said. "You can help them, Nikki.... I know you can....."

I took a deep breath, looking back at the journals.

"You can change lives.... Not just through music," Mal said, wrapping her arms around me. "After all, you changed mine with just being you... With just being there...."

I smiled down at her as she pulled me into a kiss, and I kissed her back.

We then pulled back and I looked down at you.

"You are without a doubt the greatest thing to ever happen to me, Mal," I said.

She smiled up at me as she kissed the middle of my chest before resting her head over it.

I smiled as I then reached over and got one of the journals.

"So.... What do have in mind I do then?" I asked.

She put her finger to her chin in thought for a few seconds, but then smiled up at me.

《2007》

Everyone applauded as I finished the book and looked up, smiling as I saw Mal and my kids standing there, along with my band, our friends, and our family as well.

"Thank you everyone," I smiled.

After giving it a lot of thought, I decided to turn the journals into a book.

It took a lot of work, from forming even a side project, SIXX: A.M., to getting everyone to write an entry, promotional music and photoshoots and stuff, even planning out the whole book cover to cover, soon The Heroin Diaries was soon published and released into the world.

Almost immediately sales were hitting the roof, and everyone was talking about it in a matter of days.

Its already been a week and I had a public reading and book signing event today and

Soon we were lead to having a book signing and the girls let the kids pick some books while the guys got some food or chill around while I signed some books.

"Thanks for coming," I said to one young girl after signing her book when Mal came and sat down next to me.

"My turn to steal the show," she sung with a playful smirk.

"Gladly," I smirked as we shared a quick kiss as she giggled when the next fan stepped up.

"Nikki, I..... Your book saved me," He said. "I've already been six days clean because of your book..."

My eyes widen as I looked at Mal and then back at the fan, then smiled.

"That's awesome... Keep up the amazing work," I assured him.

He nodded happily as I handed him the signed copy, he waved at both me and Mal, and then left.

"Babe..." I said, leaning over towards Mal. ".... The book's only been out for a week..."

She smiled as she leaned over and kissed my cheek. "I told you... You can change lives with more than just music," she said.

I couldn't help but smile as we continued and after a bunch of books signed we decided to take a coffee break.

We all sat in the coffee area of the bookstore

Vince and Sharise sat with me, Mal, Ava and the twins in one table, everyone else pretty much disperesd into different tables around the area.

"So, Dad... You really did die in the 80's?" Ava asked.

Mal and I looked at each other, Vince looking over at us before Mal put her hand over mine.

"Kids, ummm... Your father and I, as well as your uncles, made many terrible choices in the past....." She said. "Choices that almost even cost us our own lives...."

Ava frowned softly as she and her siblings looked at each other.

I then took a deep breath before reaching over and held Ava's cheek.

"Hey, come on, no long faces, Peanut," I smiled. "We all learned hard lessons from those choices and from that we make sure you kids don't make the same mistakes we made."

"So, we can't do drugs?" Nona asked.

"Never," Mal said immediately. "Alcohol and drugs are very bad and we don't want you kids taking any sort of substance like that ever."

"What do drugs do to you?" Micah asked curiously.

"They uhh... Its different for many people, but they can mostly make you act all crazy and weird," I explained.

"..... So.... Uncle Tommy is on drugs?" Nona asked curiously, and we couldn't help but laugh out loud at that.

"Hey, hey!! I heard that!!" Tommy shouted, making Mick smack the back of his head.

I snickered as then my phone rang.

"Its my editor," I said, then answred. "Hey, what's up?"

"Hey, Nikki!" He said. "Guess what... Your book is on the New York Times bestsellers list!!"

My eyes widen and Mal and I quickly looked at each other.

"No way!" Mal exclaimed, getting everyone's attention.

"I just got the call right now, thought I'd call you as soon as possible," he said.

"Holy shit," Vince smiled as everyone crowded around. "You're officially a big shot!"

"Basically! You're practically on the same list as Bill Clinton and Mother Theresa's books," he said.

"Oh, fuck," Vince snickered.

"Good god, Mother Teresa is probably rolling in her grave as we speak," I scoffed as we laughed and Mal hugged me. "Alright, thanks!"

I hung up as Mal grabbed my face and kissed me.

"Baby, I am so proud of you," Mal smiled as we shared another kiss, her hand holding my cheek.

"Well, I couldn't have done it without you, babe," I smiled. "Or you kids, the guys, or even the girls, any of you.... Thank you for making this all happen."

The kids then crowded around and pulled me and Mal into a hug.

We laughed as we tried to hug them all at once, everyone smiling at us as they watched.

Soon my publicist walked over and told us it was almost time to go back.

We finished up and started heading over.

"New York Times..... Fuck," I smiled in disbelief.

"I knew you'd be successful, " Mal smiled.

"So, what do you think we do now?" I asked, looking down at her.

She looked up and smiled at me, then got my book and then placed it in my hands.

"What we've always done..." she said, then leaned up and kissed my cheek. "We make it ours..."

I smiled as I then pulled her into a quick kiss.

"Then on with the show..."

~~~~~

One more chapter to go! 🌻

This chapter is based out of The Heroin Diaries, and diary entry shown is a part from the book itself. All rights are still to Nikki Sixx. 👍🏻

🎧 Currently in Sapph's playlist:

Sixx: A.M. ft. Corey Taylor,
Joe Elliott, Brantley Gilbert,

Ivan Moody & Slash
"Maybe Its Time"

https://youtu.be/A9LKBhktTAM

♡~ sapphire.