⚠️Warning: Scenes depicting drug use (heroin), overdose, and death are ahead. If affected, please read with caution.⚠️

~~~~~

《December 1987》

*Nikki*

Tour soon ended and we all went home.

I can't exactly remember how long ago... Its all been a haze... 

I eventually found myself at another party at some hotel, where I practically emptied my wallet for a bunch of heroin for the night. I honestly don't even remember getting here...

I sighed as I sipped my drink while I sat by a corner, leaning against the wall, seeing everyone already passed out, drinking, smoking, snorting, and/or shooting up.

I think it ended.... Why am I still here...?

I was pulled from my thoughts when I saw someone sat next to me and recognized it as my new dealer, Eric, sitting next to me.

"Did I miss the party?" he smirked at me.

I softly smiled at him as he started to rummage through his little black bag.

"You look like a man in need of some sweet... sweet Persian," he said, holding up a small packet of smack.

"How is that Persian?" I slurred. "Is there even still a Persia?"

He thought about it as he got my fix ready. "... There has to be... Its where all the cats come from."

"Oh yeah..." I nodded blankly. ".... What cats?"

He looked at me in confusion. "Persian... The cross-eyed ones, like in Lady and the Tramp. Remember those evil fuckers."

I was confused before I realized what he meant as he mixed teh liquid in the spoon and scoffed.

"They're Siamese cats, you... You don't fuckin' know shit about Walt Disney," I said, taking a sip of booze from my glass.

"I know he's a perv, man," he said as he lit his lighter under the spoon. "He used to like to lay beneath glass tables... and have hookers take a shit right on the glass."

"What are you talking about? That never happened," I said as I stared at the boiling brown substance in the spoon before he put it down and grabbed the syringe, removing the cap.

"How do you know?" he scoffed as he filled the needle.

"Because I'm a fucking perv, and I've never even thought about anything as fucked up as that..." I said, staring into space.

"You want some or not?" he asked after some silence, pulling me from my thoughts.

"Yeah, but you... You do it," I said, clearing my throat as he grabbed the elastic band.

"God damn," the guy scoffed as he then went to putting one end of the band in my hand, closing my fist. "Squeezing."

I winced a bit as I felt a bit of pain in my arm while he tied the band around my upper arm and I squeeze it, helping him tighten it.

He then got the needle and aimed it to my popped out vein, and letting it flow in.

I sighed as I felt the hot liquid course through my veins, and released the band once the needle was empty and pulled out of my arm, the high immediately hitting me.

"Bibbidy Bobbety, boo...." He said, but it sounded like he spoke through a filther as everything blurred a bit.

All of a sudden, everything began spinning. I felt my heart race, my ears beginning to ring loudly.

What is happening?

Next thing I know, I felt myself falling and the world went black.

"Nikki? Hey... Nikki... Hey.... You okay?"

"What the fuck did you give him?" "Fuck dude...." "Nikki?" "Oh shit...!" "Guys! Somebody call an ambulance.....!!" "Wake up!! Fuck!!" "Wake the fuck up!! Party's over....!!"

"WAKE UP!"

Everything sounded like it was distorted and coming through a filter before it slowly started to go silent and blurry.

All of a sudden I could only hear a familiar voice singing in the dark abyss.

"But listen carefully to the sound
Of your loneliness
Like a heartbeat... drives you mad...

"In the stillness of remembering what you had...."

"And what you lost...
....And what you had...And what you lost......"

I know that voice... I can remember who it belongs to...

Her soft dark hair... her smooth, sweet skin..... Her beautiful smile.... Her big brown kind eyes.... Her laugh....

The smile I ruined.... The eyes I've filled with so many tears..... The laugh that I killed....

At that moment, pieces of memories started to flood my mind, from my past. Some were dark, all black and white and scary, but then.... Then Mallory showed up, and the memories had color.

Meeting her... Fighting hecklers together at the first show .... Our first date... Whenever we made love.... Seeing her cheer us on at our shows..... Our wedding.... Our first home..... When she would sing or laugh or just smile.....

Then I saw her crying and the colors just drained again.

When I broke her heart.... When she got hurt defending Tommy from ... When I didn't have an answer.... Isolating herself.... Her breakdown from losing Razzle.... When she caught me shooting up.... The times she'd beg for me to be reasonable.... When I yelled at her during my highs..... Pointing that gun at her.... The pain in her eyes at the wedding..... Letting her walk away....

"And what you had...

And what you lost......."

One single thought filled my thoughts as the singing started to slowly go silent, the image of her face also disappearing with it as it all got darker and darker again....

"I'm so sorry, Mallory... Please forgive me... I love you... I always will.... I'm so so sorry..."

I then started to see a small light emerge from the darkness and slowly coming closer and closer to me.

Fuck.... What have I done...?

All of a sudden a hard force hit my chest and knocked the air out of me, and next thing I knew....

I gasped for breath and frantically look around, seeing I'm in a strange room, two men sitting next to me. The room felt like it was moving, and I saw I was on some table.

No.... A gurney....

The guys.... They're paramedics.... I'm in an ambulance...

I then felt a weird pain in my chest and look to see two large syringes poking out of my chest.

"Ow...." I said, now processing everything.

"Yoo....!" one paramedic said as he high fived the other and I tried to process everything.

I'd finally hit rock bottom.

~~~~~

🎹Currently in Sapph's playlist:

Palaye Royale
"Dying in a Hot Tub"

https://youtu.be/4AnmemzByVY

♡~ sapphire.