⚠️Warning: Scenes depicting drug use/relapse and suicidal tendencies/attempts. Please read with caution if affected.⚠️

~~~~~

*Nikki*

I was discharged about 2 days after Christmas. 

Mallory had stuck by my side ever since.

But why would she? After everything she's been through, I'm surprised after this, she isn't already on her way to New York by now, even if according to Mick she's still waiting on their call, but they should be calling any day now.

I sat on the bed in clothes Tommy bought me, some jeans, my boots, a tshirt and a hoodie, while waiting as Mal finished signing some papers.

Apparently this hospital hasn't exactly updated some of their records in a while, so they still think Mallory and I are married, but right now wasn't exactly the best time to argue about that or anything.

I didn't realize I was staring into space until I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder and jumped.

"Hey hey hey hey hey," Mal's soft voice said as I realized it was just her.

She wore a leather jacket with black shorts with fishnets, black boots, and a Ratt tank top, hair in waves down to her shoulders.

When did she cut it....? How come I never noticed....?

"Its okay... I-It's just me," she said, calming me down.

That's when I realized I had spaced out and let out a deep breath.

"I finished signing the papers... We can go now," she said quietly.

I gulped and nodded as I got up and followed behind her as we walked.

"Nikki...?" she suddenly spoke and I looked up, seeing she had walked a few feet ahead of me.

"U-Umm..." I mumbled as I looked down a little.

Mal gave me a sad look, but what scared me was... It was the same look she gave me before....

The look she gave me when I broke her heart....

She took a deep, shaky breath before slowly walking up and taking my hand in her's.

I was surprised by her actions.

"Let's go home, okay?" she said softly.

Home....

"O-Okay...." I said quietly, holding on to her hand.

She then leads me out of the hospital towards her car.

***

We make it inside and I take a look at the mess inside...

Empty bottles and bags all around, and also empty, used syringes as well, and other stuff.

"S-Sorry....." I mumbled, making Mal look up at me. "It's umm... It's been a while..."

"Umm... Its fine," she said shyly. "You should... You should get some more rest... Doctor's orders..."

I looked up at her. "You should, too..." I said, seeing she looked exhausted. "When was the last time you slept?"

She gulped quietly, looking down. "I... I just wanted to make sure you were okay..."

I frowned and looked down.

"If its okay with you, I can stay the night... Doctor's said its best not to leave you on your own for a while," She said. "O-Or I can call Tommy-"

"No, no.... No, its okay... I rather it be you," I confessed.

She seemed a little surprised, but nodded. "Okay... I can take the guest room."

I nodded, knowing it was best for now, but deep down.... I wanted her to stay with me....

I was about to head upstairs when suddenly...

"Nikki, wait," she said.

I turned and then see her walk up, looking up at me.

She then carefully held my face in her hands, and I sighed and closed my eyes, taking in her touch.

Her hands... They're cold..... But they still make me feel calm....

I then heard a soft sniffle and look to see her eyes all watery as then her hands trail down to my chest, her soft fingers lightly grazing over the purple bruise from the adrenaline shots.

"Mal...." I murmured.

That's when she just whimpered softly and pulled me into a hug, her face buried in my shoulder.

I went still, but then felt tears in my own eyes and just pulled her into my arms tightly.

This was exactly what she was afraid of... What she didn't want...

If anyone was hurt more because my stupid decisions... Because of heroin.... It was this girl.... The girl I loved....

No... I still love her.....

.... No.... She deserves better than this.... Better than me....

Breaking her heart was bad enough... Yet here I was, just shooting up and blaming our failed relationship on her  being scared because of the monster who nearly killed her in the past

I'm done with drugs... I'm done with being unhappy, and I'm done letting everyone down...

I'm done letting Mal down....

"J-Just let me hold you... J-Just this once at least," she said in a soft cry. "J-Just to know you're here...."

I sniffled and nodded, holding her closer.

"I'm here... I-I'm here..." I said, whimpering a bit at the end.

We stayed like that for who knows how long before she pulled back.

"Go get some rest... I'll check on you later," she said quietly.

I took a deep breath. "Okay...." I said, then headed upstairs to my room.

I walk in and see the room as I left it since who knows when.

I then spot the broken mirror by the dresser, and then remember the night... When I chased Mallory out of the house.... everything from that night.... Even what I was told, how Vince had caught her with a gun to her head..

I sat on the bed as I buried my face in my hands.

She shouldn't even be here... She should be at home with Mick, getting her things ready to go to medical school in New York.... Away from me, away from this entire fucking train wreck...... Starting a new life, like she should have before meeting me..

I sighed as I walked into the closet, seeing the mess left there as bad as downstairs. 

Clothes tossed around, needles and bottles and spoons all over the place. The answering machine light was blinking, meaning it must be full.

I sighed and walked over, clicking the voice button to leave a message for whoever called.

"Hey... Its Nikki...." I said with a sigh. "I'm not home.... 'Cause I'm dead...." I said into the answering machine before cutting it.

I couldn't face that I was one of the luckiest guys on the planet..... 

She's in my life.....

I have so many reasons to live...

She's one of them.

I don't need the drugs... Fuck the drugs....

I need her.

It's time to get clean...

For her.... For both of us....

***

I groaned as I woke up, my head spinning and my arm hurting.

I let out a deep sigh as my vision cleared and looked down, seeing a needle stuck into my arm, blood dripping from it as it was hurting.

Fuck.....

I then hear the door suddenly open and Mallory stood there, wearing just her bra, shorts, and barefoot, her nose bloody and white dust all over her mouth, going down her chest and stomach, tears in her tired eyes.

She's still on blow... I thought she quit....

She looked at me in shock, her eyes..... Those bright big brown eyes I fell for.... They looked dull now.... Lifeless.....

She looked so broken...

She looked over at me and looked hurt, but kept a still face.

"Mal..." I murmured as I looked down.

Mallory just quietly walked in and sat down next to me, then carefully reached over and pulled the syringe out of my arm, making me hiss in pain.

She tossed it aside before reaching for a new needle nearby I had filled, then placing it in my hand before untying the handkerchief from my arm and wrapping it around her arm.

"Mal?" I questioned as I sat up.

She tightened the hankerchief before squeezing her fist,  showing her arm to me. "Go... Do it..."

My eyes widen in shock, and I shook my head. "N-No."

"Nikki, just do it," she begged. "Please.... I'm done...."

"N-No, I-I'm not fucking doing that to you!" I panicked.

"Do it, Nikki, I mean it," she snapped as tears fell down her face.

"No!" I said, louder as I sat up, throwing the needle aside.

"Do it!!" She snarled out loud.

"NO!!!" I shouted as loud as I could.

"JUST FUCKING DO IT!!" She screamed out as I gripped her shoulders and shook her hard.

"WHY!?" I screamed back in her face. "WHY DO YOU WANT ME TO DO THAT?! WHY!?!"

"I WANT TO DIE!!" She screamed out loud.

My eyes widen in shock as she sobbed.

I let her got and she falls forward into a huddled mass on the ground, crying uncontrollably as I sat there, frozen

"I can't take it anymore... It-It hurts so much..... I don't want to lose you, too......" she sobbed. "Please, just... Just take that needle and-and let me die already before I lose anyone else, please, Nikki, I'm begging you, please please please... Please, just make it stop, make it all stop.... Please...."

"Stop, shut up, shut up," I said, pulling her into my arms and holding her small body close to my chest. "Don't say that, please... Please..."

She just sobbed and held on to me tightly.

We sat there for who knows how long, before she finally calmed down and we had ended up lying on the carpeted floor

"Did I ever tell you why I got to be like this...?" She mumbled. "Why the drugs for me got bad, too....?"

I frowned, as I thought about it.

Ever since Razzle died, Mal has gone downhill with cocaine, smoking both cigarettes and marijuana, drinking, popping pills, starving herself, even taking a stronger stuff like crack.

I always wondered...

"No..." I said, looking down at her.

She sniffled and sat up a bit. "I was pregnant.... with Razzle's baby..."

My eyes widen in shock.

"W-What?" I asked.

"R-Razzle, he.... He got me pregnant.... But I lost the baby before I ever even found out... Turns out, genetically, if I ever manage to carry a kid longer than 3 weeks, its a fucking miracle," she whimpered.

I looked at her in shock. "M-Mal, I... I had no idea...."

"I found out after he died, a-and..." she cried as I just pulled her into my arms and held her as she cried.

That's when I realized something.

"Vince..." i mumbled.

She shook her head. "I-I never told him, he doesn't know," she said. "I-It could break him. O-Only Tommy, Mick, and the girls know..."

I gulped as I processed everything.

"Oh, Mal...." I murmured as I pulled her into my arms.

It all makes sense.... Mal has lost so many people, the drugs and suicide attempts all make sense.

I comforted Mal as she cried and we laid there on the ground, holding on to each other.

She sniffled and looked up at me. "What happened to us....?"

I sniffled and held her close. "I don't know...."

This... was rock bottom...

~~~~~

Hope everyone has a Happy Turkey Day! 🦃❤🌻

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Jason Derulo ft. Maluma 
"Colors"

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♡~ sapphire.