TW: sexual assault and unhealthy coping mechanisms/thought patterns.

*

Since her sixteenth birthday, Alina had been expected to attend far more events in court. The Darkling had had her sitting in on his meetings and war councils in the Little Palace for almost four years - observing how government and war worked, and how to lead - but now he brought her to his meetings with the King and his advisors and generals. It was nothing like the meetings at the Little Palace. There, whilst everyone was respectful of the Darkling, they did not blindly follow his plans nor attempt to flatter his ego; alternative suggestions were made, and even if Alina did not care much for a few members, she could admit they were all loyal to the Second Army first and foremost.

At the Grand Palace, everyone was either sucking up to or trying to manipulate the King. The Darkling fell into the latter category; well, manipulation mixed with an undertone of intimidation. For the most part, Alina sat quietly at the Darkling's side, just watching, but occasionally one of the otkazat'sya nobles would address her, or more often, the Apparat. Pointed questions about when she would destroy the Fold, demands on her to appear more saintly, do more public demonstrations ('performances', some called it, though that was better than 'miracles') and attend the royal church.

The Darkling fended off most of these questions, and was always there to prevent her saying something too sharp to the fools that ran the country, by saying something sharp himself. Her disdain for most of them was likely too obvious. He hid his own disdain better, though not by much.

But at least these meetings were somewhat interesting. Whilst a lot of government business was mind-numbing - simply because the King's council spent so much time going around in circles - the actual matters themselves interested her, and the decisions made were affecting the whole of Ravka. It was easy to see the flaws and failings in the system, which the Darkling and a few other intelligent advisors were trying to work to fix, but the overwhelming majority were indifferent to, or so dense that they could not cut straight through to the heart of the problem. No, Alina did not mind attending the meetings, even if she had to make a constant active effort to not kill the King where he sat for what he continued to do to Genya. It was her invitations to attend the Queen that she dreaded.

She had hoped, after her... dramatic display five years ago, that she would never be invited back to have afternoon tea with the Queen and her ladies. Alas, since she turned sixteen, the woman had either forgotten, seemed to think she had grown out of having a spine, or valued being able to parade around the Sun Summoner too much to continue to not invite her. Or, even worse, the King was seriously considering betrothing her to Vasily and the Queen wished to know her better. Saints, the idea of calling that hateful woman 'mother' was disturbing. She would rather spit in her face instead.

After the first afternoon of tiny cakes, gossiping, veiled insults and false smiles, Alina had to acknowledge that it was likely all four reasons combined. These events had not changed a bit, to her frustration, although she had much more restraint than she did when she was eleven, as well as some knowledge on how to wield her sharp tongue in a vaguely courtly manner, to avoid being openly offensive. She could not be too rude, after all, as the Darkling was still furious with her for the Druskelle incident even months later, and he had scared her enough with that threat of using an amplifier to control her powers. Anything else would be pushing her luck. She only had to attend the Queen every other week or so, but that was still too much.

One afternoon, after being dismissed from one of the Darkling's meetings at the King's request - which was rather concerning, he hadn't done that before - Alina had been wandering towards the library to pass the time when the last person she wanted to see called after her.

"Sankta Alina," Alina stopped dead and closed her eyes briefly at the voice of Vasily Lantsov coming from behind her.

"Moi Tsarevich," She did not smile but turned around and bobbed a half-hearted curtsey, hoping a show of politeness would be enough and he would let her be on her way. The crown Prince had not endeared himself to her at all, unlike his younger brother. Vasily was careless, lazy, incompetent, arrogant and not in a good way; he embodied the worst qualities of the nobility, with little to counteract that. "Miss Starkova is fine, not Sankta,"

"Of course," He smiled like she'd flattered him. "Familiarity cannot hurt. What brings you to the Grand Palace today, Alina?" To her annoyance, he walked up to join her, offering his arm. There was no polite way to decline, so she reluctantly took it, knowing that any rudeness on her part would come back to haunt her.

"The Darkling has me sit in on some of his meetings," She replied as they walked through the halls; he knew this, he'd been at his father's side for a few of them, though looked terribly bored throughout, more interested in ogling Alina. "He was meeting his Highness, the King today. I was sent away so they could discuss sensitive matters,"

"Ah. Not for the ears of young girls, I suppose," He chuckled rather patronisingly and she fought the urge to scowl. You weren't invited either. "So where were you headed in the palace? The gardens are beautiful at this time of year. As are you. You would fit in well amongst the roses,"

Alina turned her snort into a cough. An advantage of being heir to the throne must be that girls trip over themselves to please you, even after terrible lines like that. Though what was his game here? Was this just the harmless flirting of a bored Prince - saints know Nikolai tried the same in the letters they exchanged, he was just better at it - or did he have an ulterior motive? Saints, he likely knew there was talk of them being betrothed. She needed to cut this conversation short so as not to encourage him.

"Black doesn't fit in a rose garden," She gestured to her kefta. "I was going to the library,"

"Oh, you don't want to bother with all those dusty old books," Vasily said. "You'll be bored senseless. Allow me to escort you to the portrait gallery,"

Alina liked the library. She did not want to look at six hundred years worth of dead, oil-painted Lantsovs. "Do not trouble yourself, moi Tsarevich," She failed at trying to sound anything but irritated, though she doubted he noticed; Alina had never met anyone with such an unfortunately thick skin. "I'm sure you have much better things to do than show me around,"

"Nonsense!" Vasily protested. "I always have time to show a lovely girl like you the wonders of the Grand Palace. Besides," He lowered his voice with a conspiratorial smile. "There have been, ah, whispers about the two of us in the future, as you must be aware. I would like to get to know you more, and I'm sure you feel the same,"

She would like nothing less, but there wasn't much Alina could do but follow, even though she wanted to run away from him and his hateful implications. Any further protests would seem rude; something she normally would not have a problem with, but she could not afford to push the Darkling's patience at the moment. He was doing her a favour in getting her away from this place in the present climate, even if it did land her in an active warzone. And she had no desire for him to decide she wasn't worth the trouble and force an amplifier on her. The idea of that had kept her awake at night, as if her existing nightmares were not bad enough. She'd kill him if he tried, and, if she was unsuccessful, she would kill herself.

The portrait gallery was in a rather empty wing of the palace, something which Alina noted with a hint of trepidation. Quite rightly, too; Vasily's arm had slithered around her waist as he told her about each portrait, tugging her closer and closer as his little tour continued. She showed no interest at all, looking dead ahead and distracting him with loud questions whenever he got too close, but eventually he stopped and turned her to face him.

"Alina - "

"Moi Tsarevich, I really must be getting back," She said, refusing to look at him. "The Darkling will not like it if I am late," Alina wished she could pull off the frantic, concerned young girl act. Her voice just sounded pissed off and flat.

"I outrank the Darkling," He said, trying to sound impressive. "I will get you back when I want to, not dance to his whims as half this court seems to. Besides," He paused, turning so they faced each other, eyes darting down to her lips. "You may become my wife, sooner or later. Then he will not have a say at all,"

The Prince leaned in, his intentions to kiss her clear, and Alina stepped sharply back.

"Your highness, I really shouldn't - " Her back hit the wood-panelled wall, and he was still moving forward. She tried turning her head away, but he grabbed her face hard enough to squeeze and pressed her lips forcibly against his own.

In that moment, there was very little Alina could do. Physically, she was more than capable of getting out of a hold like this, but not without hurting the prince, which would end in a whole lot more trouble for her. Against every instinct she had, Alina had to shove down her anger; she could not punch him, kick him, nor burn him with light. Laying a hand on a member of the royal family was treason. Saints, was this how Genya felt, every time? Her friend was capable of fighting the King off, she knew - Tailor powers could be surprisingly nasty - but outside factors prevented her from doing so.

Was this a plot the King and the Prince had devised together? Have the Prince seduce her, then swoop in gallantly to save her ruined reputation when they were caught in a sordid affair, offering his hand in marriage? It sounded like the kind of twisted thing these people would do. Maybe she was paranoid, maybe she was right. All she knew for certain was that she did not want his tongue down her throat.

She tried to wriggle away without hurting him, but his leg forced its way between her own, pinning her against the wall. Alina wanted to retch as his wet lips moved to her neck, just below her ear, breath hot against her skin, tongue slipping and sliding disgustingly.

"Get. Off," She said through gritted teeth. Not wanting to be rude was out of the window now; it was trying not to kill him that she had to focus on. "I don't want you to kiss me," The girl she had once been would have already killed him, but now she was older, and had at least some consideration for consequences despite what people thought of her. I won't give him an excuse to force that amplifier on me. I won't.

"Don't be nervous, Alina," Vasily murmured against her skin in a way that he likely thought was seductive. "I know what I'm doing with a girl. Just relax, you'll enjoy yourself. No one will interrupt us here. This will be the first of many times, I promise,"

"I know what I'm doing with a man," She hissed, trying to put him off, wanting to scream. "Both people are supposed to be willing," Alina had always hated people touching her without permission; the grasping, clawing hands of her cult were always fresh in her mind. It took everything in her to fight her panic and not lash out. Even the Darkling had learned not to push her when she batted his hands away.

"Sankta Alina is not so saintly after all," He chuckled, hands unbuttoning her kefta, as she fought to calm her breathing and not lose control of herself. "If you're so unwilling, then fight me,"

He attempted what he no doubt thought was a roguish grin. It didn't work; Vasily was not unattractive, and may have even been handsome if not for the weak Lantsov chin, but no one had ever been more repulsive to Alina than him in this moment. That line itself was just a slap in the face. Whether he was aware of it or not, she could not fight him. At this point, it would likely end in his death or serious injury. If she used any force at all, she would be unable to prevent it from being lethal.

"I'm Grisha. Sun Summoner or not, if I hurt the crown Prince in any way I'd be dragged away in chains. Listen to me - I do not want to do this. Get off me," How could she say it more plainly? She had not felt so frustrated in her life. Alina knew that she could stop this in less than a second, but at what cost? She gritted her teeth and grudgingly used the final card she had before physical violence. "I'll run straight to the Darkling after, if you don't stop now. I'll go straight into his meeting with your father and say in front of both of them that you raped me,"

Vasily drew back as though stung, and she took advantage, tearing herself away from his grasp, stepping well out of reach. Alina focused on taking even breaths, furiously rebuttoning her kefta with shaking hands, but the panic was still rising even after he had stopped. It was worse, now, actually, as what had happened started to sink in.

"What do you take me for? Some common criminal?" He had the nerve to sound indignant.

"What, do you not like that word?" She looked at him with open hatred, trying to keep herself from sounding shrill or hysterical; the moment that happened, he would just brush her off as a typical over-dramatic woman. "A royal can still rape a woman. Just ask how your father treats your mother's servant Genya. I have held that poor girl in my arms countless times, with her sobbing over being raped by your father. She was thirteen years old, the first time. It hasn't stopped since. Are you the same kind of man? Will you be the same kind of King?"

He gaped at her, stunned. No one had ever spoken to him like that in his pampered, charmed life. But still he tried to appeal to her, now a sulky boy who had been denied a toy he wanted. "More likely than not, I will be your husband one day. What does it matter if we consummate a little early? You hardly act like a saint - as you say, you've already lain with a man. What's it matter?"

Oh she could have killed him for that sentence alone, never mind anything else. You've already whored yourself out, so surely I can take what I want. "You will never be my husband if I have anything to do with it. In a month, I am going away to fight your father's wars with the Second Army. I will be Ravka's weapon but never its Queen,"

"Saints, the Darkling really has done a number on you," He glared at her. "Is it him you've been spreading your legs for? I can't say I'm surprised. Matters of royal betrothals are not up to you. When you become my Queen, that man will have to be sent away. Lest you birth any little demons with shadows spilling from their fingertips,"

Alina imagined in vivid detail the Cut flying from her hands, slicing him clean in two bloody pieces. She took a moment or two to collect herself. To bite back her initial fury - men like this never took an angry woman seriously - and make her voice cold, her glare so dark and disdainful that Vasily drew back subconsciously. Oh, perhaps that was the fact that her right hand was holding a glowing ball of light.

"As the future ruler of Ravka, you are going to want the Darkling on your side. The General respects my opinion considerably more than he respects yours,"

"But - "

"You are also going to want me on your side. I have the power of the sun in the palm of my hand," She cut him off, making the light grow brighter, bigger. "Even in the repulsive eventuality that I become your wife, do not think that will make me yours to do with as you please. To many Ravkans, I'm a living saint. Who will the church favour if any nasty accusations come to light?"

She paused for one moment, two, making sure he was listening. To Alina's gratification, he was, wide-eyed and silent. Maybe she was scarier than she thought. But she was unable to stand his presence any longer.

"Touch me again without my permission and I will make your life a living hell," She extinguished the light and turned on her heel, striding away in a whirl of black kefta.

Alina forced her steps to be even, trying not to make it seem like she was rushing away. She found an empty bedchamber with a looking glass to neaten her hair, rebutton her kefta properly and make herself presentable. There was one moment - wiping traces of the prince's saliva from her lips, neck and ear - where she threatened to stop, break down, scream loud enough to shatter the mirror and stay hiding in that room for hours, but she gritted her teeth against it and forced herself to leave.

She met the Darkling in the grand entrance hall, taking his offered arm as they prepared to return to the Little Palace; her fingers brushed his exposed wrist on purpose, needing the calmness that came with his touch but not wanting to ask. She saw Vasily on one of the balconies, watching them, and refused to look at him. She didn't ever want to see his face again, though that was impossible. Now the adrenaline had worn off, she could admit she was truly shaken by that encounter, an unpleasant sick feeling curdling in her stomach. How easily he had rendered her all but unable to stop him.

The Darkling raised an eyebrow, knowing instantly that something was wrong.

"What?" She snapped with more aggression that she should have as they left the palace. This is your fault, you and that stupid fucking threat about the amplifier.

"Aside from being even more rude than normal," He said. "Your hands are shaking,"

"No they're not," She let go of his arm and crossed her own, refusing to look at him. "Just... please don't let them marry me to the prince," Not unless you want him dead, at least.

"Did he hurt you?" His tone was cold at once, dangerous. Crown Prince or not, Vasily Lantsov would suffer the consequences one way or another if the Darkling knew what he had tried to do. Part of Alina wanted to tell him; wanted to lie, even, and say he had succeeded, out of petty revenge. But a larger, more illogical part did not want anyone, especially the Darkling, to know what had really happened. Nothing had really happened. She was too worked up over what had essentially been a bad kiss.

"No. He's just an arrogant prick,"

"Alina..."

"He didn't do anything!" She insisted. "He just... threatened to. Once we're married, which he seems to think is inevitable," A lie, but close enough.

"No doubt his father has been filling his head with foolish ideas," The Darkling seems to believe that, glaring. "This is exactly why you're coming to the front. You need to be more useful to them as a weapon than a Queen. The King can hardly send his heir's wife out to fight their wars for them, particularly as you would be supposed to birth the next generation of Lantsovs,"

"If any child of mine had the Lantsov chin, I'd smother them in the cradle," She muttered viciously, and he let out a bark of harsh laughter.

Once they returned to the Little Palace, Alina was restless for the rest of the day, unable to keep her thoughts away from what had happened, and the truly horrifying possibility that she might have to marry the prince. She was more than glad when, as she was leaving the dining hall, Viktor grabbed her arm and said that he wanted to drink that night.

Perhaps he had just sensed her dark mood, but it gave her something to do. She made herself invisible and snuck into the cellars later than evening, coming back with a couple of bottles of hard spirits. There were a few raised eyebrows from her friends when she returned to Viktor's dorm.

"Are we just drinking medical spirits tonight?" Kasper raised an eyebrow.

"No wine?" Nina looked dismayed. "What have you got there - whisky, vodka, rum?"

"That's everything that burns, Alina," Katya shook her head.

"Do you want to kill us all?" Viktor grinned. "You've brought three bottles - there's only six of us here!"

"Kasper's a Healer, we'll be fine," Alina set down the bottles and flung herself onto the floor. "The Darkling always brings in some Healer to sober me up when he catches me drunk. I could probably talk you through how to cure alcohol poisoning,"

"Some Sankta you are," Zoya scoffed, pouring herself a decent measure of whiskey. She didn't join them to drink when they went into Os Alta - too much of a teacher's pet to risk being caught - but this was not explicitly forbidden. So long as they were not too loud, and kept the alcohol hidden. "Do you not think you have a problem when the leader of the Second Army has to commission the creation of a more potent sobriety tonic specifically for you?"

"A problem?" Viktor laughed. "I'd see it as an achievement,"

"Thanks to you, advancements in healing have been made," Nina said, grinning. "It was a selfless act, really,"

They all laughed at that, but Alina's heart wasn't really in it. It should have been a fun evening with her friends, should have made her feel better. They didn't even have to risk sneaking back into the Little Palace. Yet even so, Alina could not enjoy herself. She tried to laugh along with everyone, but felt rather hollow, like she was putting it on. So much so that before midnight had even struck, she was saying her goodbyes, telling them that she shouldn't push her luck with the Darkling and slipping away.

She did not go to her chambers. No, she turned herself invisible and snuck to Yuri's door. The Inferni was awake, as he always was at this time, and greeted her with a snide remark and a fierce kiss.

She met him with enthusiasm, but Alina knew something was wrong the moment his lips touched hers. She felt a surge of revulsion, a reminder of when Vasily had done the same earlier that day. Mentally scolding herself, she fought down the bile rising in her throat as Yuri's hands moved all over her, and tried her best to seem normal. She would not let the vile Prince affect her whole life and turn her into some victim, weak and ashamed.

She slept with him, but did not enjoy it much. He was perfectly fine, but she had to fight against her own mind to not see his face as Vasily's in the dark, telling herself furiously that his hands on her were the ones she chose. She forced herself to go through with it, which she could acknowledge was not the best attitude to have towards sleeping with someone, but she did not want this becoming a bigger issue than it had to be. Vasily had barely even done anything. Why was she being so stupid?

"Stay tonight," He asked her afterwards as they both lay there panting. He always dropped the insults and needling comments after they'd slept together.

Alina stared up at the ceiling, irritated and unsatisfied. "No," Same as always.

"Why not? You can get up early. The Darkling will never find out,"

"If he does, he'll have you flogged in the city square,"

She wasn't joking but he laughed anyway, albeit bitterly. "If you don't want to stay, just say so,"

"I did say so," Alina sat up, not in the mood to deal with this. "You didn't want to hear it. Do you need me to spell it out, Vasiliev? I'm never going to spend the night here. Just because we sleep together doesn't mean I like you any more than I did before," She got to her feet and started pulling on her clothes. She was barely even drunk anymore, just had a headache and wanted to go to sleep.

"Saints, no need to be rude," He actually sounded hurt.

"We've said much, much worse to each other before. Get over yourself," She gathered the rest of her things, turning herself invisible and leaving without another word. Overall, the experience left her even more angry and frustrated, with both herself, Yuri and that hateful prince.

Tired though she was, Alina lay awake long after she got into bed, staring up at the ceiling. And when she finally fell asleep, it was to visions of the Darkling, holding her as Vasily had done earlier, only forcing a white band - like Zoya's tiger amplifier - into her skin. She didn't wake screaming. She was too old for that, now.

*

I cannot stress enough that Alina's way of thinking 'Vasily barely did anything' is not true. It is just her way of coping with what happened, trying to convince herself that a horrible thing 'wasn't that bad'. Same with going to see Yuri afterwards; this is not healthy, just her way of coping. Alina hates seeing herself as weak so sets out to prove that she is not. To be clear, what Vasily did is sexual assault and is unacceptable. I hope I outlined my reasons clearly enough as to why she didn't use force to get him off her; in summary, she would be in severe trouble for hurting a prince, she didn't trust herself to use any force without overdoing it in her panic and killing him, she wasn't sure if it was a plot to trap her in marriage, the Darkling's amplifier threat really got to her, and she thought she could talk him out of it (which she eventually did). Apologies if this chapter upset anyone, I promise it is not just gratuitous violence.