Alina knew she was not normal, even for a Grisha. Normal girls could not summon the sun. Normal girls did not wear a black kefta. Even as a child in Temgora, before the world found out she was the fabled Sun Summoner, she had stood out for looking like her Shu mother. Normal girls did not have the Black Heretic take such care to get into their head.

"Vasily Lantsov did not just threaten you last week, did he?"

Of all the questions she had expected the Darkling to ask her that morning as she slouched in the chair opposite his desk, that was not it. She would rather he had hit her.

"How did you come to that conclusion?" Alina raised a disdainful eyebrow, playing it off. "Do you really think he would still be alive if he had laid a hand on me?"

"I have lived a long time. I have seen many women react to a man's touch the way you did to mine last night. All of them have one thing in common,"

"Is it such a foreign concept that I simply don't want you to touch me like that?"

His eyes narrowed, and she smirked to herself. "Ordinarily," He said through gritted teeth. "You hit my hand away if you disagree with anything I am doing. You do not shrink away. You look angry, not scared,"

"The fact there is an 'ordinarily' tells you something about yourself, surely,"

"Alina," His tone was sharp. "Tell me what that unworthy excuse for a Prince did to you,"

"Nothing!" She burst out, angry. "He did nothing much at all. All he did was kiss me,"

His eyes darkened the moment the confirmation left her lips. "But he wanted to do more?"

She scowled. "I talked him out of it,"

"After how long?"

"None of your fucking business. I threatened him, but don't worry - I didn't harm a hair on his princely head. And I scared him enough that he won't go running off to daddy to complain about me,"

The Darkling sat back in his chair, surveying her. He was angry, she knew. Likely at the idea of someone else touching something he saw as his.

Alina laughed a hollow laugh at this. "There's no need to look so upset. He didn't steal my first kiss," Saints, this was dangerous territory. Once again, running her mouth might get her in trouble.

His eyebrows rose. "And who did?"

"Zoya," She said honestly, glad he was ignorant of the fact she had experienced a lot more than a harmless kiss between friends. Alina had slept with another stranger the previous night, while she was out in the city, before she was too drunk to see. This one was very talented despite their encounter being in a wine cellar, and she enjoyed it a lot more than that last sad occasion with Yuri. If the Darkling knew that she had slept with three men, his fury would be... destructive. And still part of her wanted to tell him just to see his reaction.

He seemed to consider her words, taking time to come up with an answer. Then he straightened his back, addressing her. "Whether you view what the Prince did as 'nothing' or not, know that I would like nothing more than to tear him in half with the Cut for daring to lay hands on you,"

"But you can't, and won't, because he's the prince," She said. His silence was confirmation enough. "I didn't expect anything else. I didn't want to tell you, because it would achieve nothing. Besides, if anyone was going to do the tearing in half, it would be me. I could have killed him, but did not think it would be good for diplomatic relations. Are you proud? You always go on about me needing to show restraint,"

"If you had killed him, we would have... adapted," He said carefully. "If he tries anything like that again... well, an accidental outburst of power in a frightening situation would only be natural,"

That won a laugh from her. "I'll bear that in mind,"

"I mean it," He said, holding her stare. "Defend yourself. Dealing with any fallout from that is preferable than any alternative,"

Alina nodded, both surprised and sour. "That's my strategy, not yours. What's got into you?" If she had actually done so, he would not be acting so calm.

A ghost of a smile graced the Darkling's lips. "I will tell you soon, Alina. Just not yet,"

No amount of cajoling would get him to reveal what he meant by that. He dismissed her shortly after, and it was only once she had left his wing of the palace that she realised he had not punished her for the jaunt into the city.

*

Alina might not be a normal girl by any means. But it was times like this, sat outside with her friends, that she let herself forget all of that and just enjoy herself, setting aside the dark mood that had hung over her for a week. It was a (fairly) warm, bright afternoon, the sun shining overhead. The six of them were sat under a tree in the shade, supposedly going over their notes for the upcoming exams. Even better, she had no lingering hangover from the night before; that sobriety tonic was a true miracle if ever she saw one.

Her friends were not so lucky.

"Kasper, explain this to me again," Nina groaned, glaring at the textbook as though it had done her personal harm. "But slower. I think the ungodly amount we drank last night has melted my brain,"

Kasper chuckled, moving over to help her once again. "You do remember that I'm a Healer, not a Heartrender, don't you?" He looked at the passage of text regardless. "I never studied this,"

"But you're one of the smartest, kindest people I know," The girl batted her eyelashes at him mockingly, making Zoya snort. Kasper rolled his eyes. "I'll help you with languages, I promise. And I'm going to fail this otherwise,"

"You wouldn't fail if you actually bothered to open a book once in a while before the week of the exam," Zoya looked up from her own meticulous notes. "Although I suppose that would require you actually being able to read,"

Viktor lazily set the ends of her hair on fire. Not in any defence of Nina; he likely wasn't paying attention to the conversation at all and just did it because he could. The boy was even worse hungover than sober. Zoya glowered at him and snuffed it out with a wave of her hand.

"You're no fun," He grinned.

"You're buying me that Fabrikated hair lotion to fix this," She snapped.

"And buying me a new book," Katya, for once, looked scarier than Zoya as she jabbed a finger at the singed pages.

"Reading's overrated," Viktor didn't sound sorry at all, but Katya wouldn't care so long as he actually bought her a replacement. "I passed last year fine without doing much of it at all,"

"You're an Inferni, that's why," Zoya said. "I'm sure we could all pass those exams without doing any reading,"

That made them all laugh.

"Alina, why are you even bothering to revise?" Nina glanced over to where she was leant against the tree reading. "You're perhaps the one person who could get away with failing. What are those dried up teachers going to do to Ravka's beloved Sun Summoner?"

"Ha," She let out a short, humourless laugh. "The teachers won't do a thing. The Darkling, however, will not be happy,"

"Failing an exam is hardly the worst thing you've done," Katya pointed out. Failing an exam was one of the few things she hadn't done.

"That dubious honour goes to Yuri Vasiliev," Nina said with a straight face, making them all snort.

"Yet both of those things are rivalled by being carried dead drunk through the streets from a gambling hall to the Little Palace by the oprichniki," Viktor snickered.

"You joke," Nina said darkly. "Have you forgotten that we get another two weeks of half rations?" That punishment had clearly caused her great distress. "I'll have to spend next month stuffing myself, or I won't fit into my kefta anymore,"

"At least it's just for us this time, not the whole of the Little Palace," Katya shuddered. They had understandably not been very popular amongst the other students for that entire time, in the aftermath of their return from Fjerda. Exactly the Darkling's intention, of course.

"At least there are no more servant's duties," Kasper said, referring to another aspect of their punishment for the Druskelle incident.

"Not for you," Katya said darkly. "We got given another month of mopping up gore in the Corporalki wing for that mess last night. My hands still reek of blood, guts and saints know what else from this morning,"

"That was horrible," Viktor groaned. "I was still drunk until lunchtime - I thought I was going to be sick,"

"It wasn't that bad, stop being a baby," Nina snorted.

"You're used to it! They teach you Heartrenders how to cope with disgusting things like that,"

"I told you not to go into the city," Zoya sniffed, irritating as she always was when she was proven right. "Did you not think they'd increase security on you, Alina, after you were missing for over four months?"

"No," She said, unapologetic.

Her friend rolled her eyes. "You can be very dense, sometimes,"

"None of us thought they'd come looking either," Nina said with a rueful grin. "Although Alina, once again you've gotten away without having to do servant's work,"

"At least you didn't wake from a drunken stupor in a dark room with the Darkling forcing the sobriety potion down your throat," She said, making the rest of them shudder. "And not that this will make you feel any better, but let me remind you that I did offer to do the servant's duties in your place. He said it was beneath me," And no doubt he knew it would be worse for her watching her friends suffer for her mistake without being able to shoulder the punishment herself.

"And she claims she's not his favourite," Zoya said dryly.

"I never claimed that," Alina said. "I just said that I'd rather not be,"

The concept of not wanting the Darkling's favour seemed alien to the Squaller, who just shook her head in disbelief. Underneath all her haughtiness and talent, Zoya was a teacher's pet through and through. Something Alina was decidedly not. She sometimes wished Zoya could have been the Sun Summoner instead. She'd hate all the fawning as much as Alina did, but she would follow orders to the letter, and the Darkling would like her far more. Alina ran from responsibility, but her friend relished in it.

"Why would you rather not be?" Kasper asked, a knowing look on his face that Alina did not like.

To avoid answering that, she dodged the question as usual by saying something shocking. "There was more to my punishment for the Druskelle incident than just half rations. He's taking me with him to the Shu Han border next week,"

"What?" Nina's eyes widened. "You've known this how long? We've been back for months!"

"The draft age for Grisha is eighteen," Zoya said. "You're not otkazat'sya, you should have over a year left," There was a note of jealousy in her tone; she would very much like to be considered competent enough to fight in the Second Army, but at not-quite-eighteen still had some time to wait.

"Was it the King?" Katya asked. They all knew how the royals had been pressuring the Darkling for Alina to destroy the Fold.

"It was definitely the King, though the Darkling is trying to turn it into a punishment," Alina's tone was rather distant as she picked at the grass around her legs. "He says I need to learn obedience and respect,"

"What better way to do that than throw a sixteen-year-old into a warzone," Kasper said.

"It's not the worst thing he could have done," She wasn't opposed to the idea, and had enough of a reckless streak to actually be excited. And perhaps he would take her more seriously and stop treating her like a child after she had been to war. "He's hardly going to let his precious Sun Summoner near any real danger, besides," She smiled faintly. "I'm going to have to work around that,"

"Would he let any of us come with you?" Viktor asked.

"We're all still under eighteen," Katya said.

"He wouldn't even if you were of age. This is meant to get me away from all of you," Alina said. "There's no chance he'd let you come, especially Vik and Kasper. You know what he's like,"

"All too well," Kasper muttered.

Viktor just laughed. "Why does he even care?"

"That's a good question," Nina said slyly. "Alina, did he sound jealous?"

"As if," Alina forced herself to sound dismissive. "He's just a control freak, and wants his Sun Summoner to appear respectable. If it looks like I'm jumping into bed with half the Little Palace, that apparently ruins my saintly image,"

They all laughed at that.

"Would you, though?" Viktor grinned.

"What, sleep with half the palace?" She deliberately misunderstood.

"No, you know what I mean. Would you sleep with the Darkling if you could?"

Now that was a loaded question.

She knew the Darkling was an awful person. A competent, capable general, perhaps, but awful nonetheless. A centuries-old monster. Manipulative, cold, controlling, and often cruel. She knew that. Called him out on it often enough, which seemed to amuse or irritate him depending on his mood. And that threat of using the amplifier on her had been truly awful.

Yet something in her was drawn to him regardless. It wasn't just his good looks. He was intelligent, powerful, good company, and despite how he used the knowledge, he did really know her. She knew him too, better than almost anyone else; partly because she spent more time with him than most, but also because she had grown very good at seeing right through him. He had a strong hand in making her who she was now, whatever his motives. Another man might have played up to the Sankta Alina angle the Apparat kept trying to push, but the Darkling had made her formidable. She might have drowned on dry land if he'd made her a saint.

Would she sleep with him if he really wanted her? Alina wasn't sure. He was an attractive man, true; experienced too, judging from the amount of women she had seen trying to slip in and out of his chambers in the years, and the noises coming out of his rooms. He hadn't tried to make his bed partners quiet even when she was a child. Part of her was surprised that he wasn't a selfish bastard in bed, but no doubt he was only generous to get one-up on the other person; a power trip. He was rather twisted like that.

If he was a stranger, her answer would be yes. As it was, the idea stirred things inside her that she didn't want to look too hard at. Because Alina did not like the leverage it would give him over her. He already treated her like a prize to control at times, despite starting to learn to listen to her when she demanded some level of respect (regardless if that was only because it made his life easier). Giving in to that would feel like accepting the final shackle.

And she saw the way he looked at her, sometimes. Saw, and refused to acknowledge what that meant, refused to spend time even thinking about it.

She could hardly say all of that to her friends, though, and quite honestly would rather die, so settled for a joke instead. "He's far older than he looks, and he looks at least thirty-five. I'd not sure an old man could last very long in bed, or even get it up at all,"

Her friends all broke down laughing at her words, awkward question successfully deflected. That was what she liked about these people; in private, they did not treat the Darkling with as much respect and reverence as many of the other Grisha did. Perhaps that was because they were used to the way she referred to him - with very little respect at all - but she appreciated the lack of shocked gasps and nervous glances whenever she made comments like that.

Once the laughter had died down, Viktor grinned at her. "What do I get if you die in battle, Alina?"

"Absolutely nothing, because the Darkling will turn her chambers into an untouchable shrine that no one could enter on pain of death," Nina said.

Saints, he actually would. "Do you think I should write a will?"

"Probably,"

"Fine then," She found a new bit of parchment and dipped her pen into the ink bottle. "What does everyone want?"

"All your books," Katya said at once. "I know the Darkling and Konstantin have given you good ones that aren't in the library. And any secret diaries you have are included,"

"You wish I had a diary. Maybe I'll start one, and just write how much I don't like you all. But yes, you can have the books, if you share them with my brother," She wrote that down.

"I want one of your black keftas," Viktor said. "So my last memory can be wearing it to dinner and seeing the look on everyone's face, before the Darkling's shadows tear me apart,"

Alina grinned. "You wish my kefta would fit you - but I approve of the gesture, so yes, you can have one,"

"I want your most expensive set of jewellery," Nina said. "And all your other clothes. They're so much nicer than mine, although I'd have to get them tailored to death - you're a twig," That was an exaggeration. Having trained since she was nine years old, Alina had muscles, she was simply much leaner than the more curvy Nina. Though both of them were fairly tall; Alina seemed to have stopped growing at five feet eight inches, whilst Nina was a couple of inches on top of that.

"Done. You and Genya can fight over them," She wrote that down, as well as that her most expensive necklace would be sent to her mother, so the woman could not resent her in death. "Kasper? Zoya? Anything you'd like?"

"This seems morbid," Kasper shook his head, then hesitated. "But I'll have your crossbow. It's beautiful," That got written down too. She added that her father would get her knives, including his old hunting knife she had taken before she left Temgora. Mal would get her gun.

"What else do you even own that's actually yours?" Zoya tossed her hair.

"Well you can get my corpse stuffed and propped up in your chambers if you like. You can take me to places, then - it'll be like I'm still alive,"

"Saints, no," She pulled a face. "As if I'd want your ugly face leering at me in my sleep,"

"I do that anyway, you just don't realise," Alina grinned. "I can turn myself invisible, remember,"

"I know you're joking but I still want to hit you,"

"There's another use for taxidermy-Alina. A punching bag that doesn't hit back," She laughed as everyone cringed at the thought. "On second thoughts, the Apparat would definitely steal my stuffed corpse and display it somewhere in the cathedral," She quickly scribbled down that under no circumstances was any part of her to be used as a relic; she wanted her body burned, the ashes scattered.

"Which isn't anywhere near as bad as what the Darkling would do to it," Katya muttered, making Alina choke on the water she had just drunk, whilst the others burst out laughing.

*

The Grisha council meeting later that week was... eventful. The Darkling had evidently only just informed them all about Alina being sent to the front, and there was a great deal of discussion about what role she should play. Leonid, of course, thought she should only be there as a symbol; helping troops, bringing hope, performing miracles (though he did not dare put it like that). Sofia thought that she should fight, but stay out of the thick of it given her importance and inexperience; Alina thought the Darkling was likely to agree with her. Inessa thought she could handle herself and should be used where she was needed. Alina voiced her support for that option.

There was an unspoken elephant in the room which went unspoken for a while. Leonid was the first to voice it.

"And what of the King's alternative request? That Miss Starkova be betrothed to Prince Vasily?"

The Darkling's jaw clenched at the mere mention of the prince. "I have thought on the matter and decided against it. Alina is more useful to the Second Army in the field than sat on a silk cushion in the Grand Palace playing princess,"

"But just think, moi soverenyi," Leonid persisted. "A Grisha as Queen. The future heirs may be Grisha themselves, or have a mother or siblings who are. They would be far more sympathetic to our cause,"

"I'm not a broodmare," Alina scowled at the man. "Why are you asking him? Even if the General ordered me to marry the prince, I would never,"

The head of the Etherialki barely glanced at her, watching the Darkling. But his reply was not to the man's satisfaction.

"You have your answer, Leonid," Was all the Darkling said.

Alina blinked in surprise that he actually listened to her.

Leonid persisted, however. "But will you not even consider - ?"

"No," The whole room sat up a little bit straighter at the sharpness in the Darkling's tone. "I will not. This suggestion will not be entertained any further, and no one will bring it up again," He did not tend to be so overbearing with his council, awarding them some level of respect that the fools in the Grand Palace did not get, but there was no room for argument now.

"I do not disagree with you, but may I ask why?" Sofia said, sounding more curious than confrontational.

The Darkling seemed to make an effort to reign in his temper, lips curling. "The entire royal family would be dead within a week, and our Sun Summoner lost to the wind,"

"It wouldn't be so long as a week," Alina muttered, though glanced sideways at him. That entire conversation actually made her gain a bit more respect for him.

*

"You're leaving?"

Alina had thought nothing about telling Yuri she was going away to fight. It was a throwaway comment, an afterthought as she slid out of bed and pulled her clothes back on. She thought the only reaction she'd get would be something snide, along the lines of try not to die - or don't. Instead, he looked... angry?

"That's what I said," She frowned. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"First you run off to Fjerda on some suicide mission without a word. Now you tell me you're leaving to go to war tomorrow," He looked like he would have got to his feet to argue with her, if he hadn't been naked under those sheets. Yuri apparently did not have the confidence to argue with her without any clothes on, which (if Alina was honest with herself) made her think a little less of him.

"And? Why do you care?"

"I don't," But his glower said otherwise, its power diminished by the fact he was still sat under the bedsheets as she pulled on her boots. "But it's just like you, Starkova, to go running off with the Darkling the first chance you get,"

"I don't really get a choice," Her tone grew an edge to it.

He snorted. "You can convince that man of anything when you want to,"

"Well I don't want to," She said flatly, cutting him off before he could reply. "I'm not arguing with you - I don't care enough about what you think of me to bother,"

Yuri just tutted in disgust, which made her blood boil. Alina left before she did something she wouldn't regret enough.

*

It was raining the morning she was due to leave. Not heavily, just a miserable kind of drizzle.

"Now, I've repacked your things because quite frankly the way you had done it was terrible," Genya was saying in her chambers. "Did you even bother to fold anything, or just stuff it all into the trunk?"

"What do you think?"

Her friend snorted. "Well, good thing you have me, isn't it?"

"Thank you Genya, for saving me from creased linens and crumpled shirts,"

"Watch it, or I'll tailor your nose into a pig snout,"

Alina just laughed. "By all means, go ahead. Sankta Alina of the Pigsty has a nice ring to it,"

"Sankta Alina of the Muddy Puddle works better,"

"Sankta Alina in Filth,"

Genya smiled, suddenly sad. "Oh, I'm going to miss you," She pulled Alina into a tight embrace. "You'd better write to me, when you're not too busy trudging through mud or living in a tent or whatever else soldiers do,"

"Of course I'll write. I'll miss you too," Alina swallowed, chin resting on her friend's shoulder. "I - I did ask him if you could come too. So you could get away from... court. He said no, that you're still needed here as a spy. Bastard,"

"Thank you for trying," Genya said tremulously. "It means more than I can say,"

They drew apart. "I know you don't really know my other friends very well," Alina started. "And you probably wouldn't like most of them. But I hate the idea that you're all on your own with no one decent to talk to. You'd get on well with Kasper and Katya," She smirked then. "Katya knows David Kostyk quite well, you know. They are in classes together," She had seen the glances Genya shot at the odd little Durast. In her opinion, he was far too awkward and quiet for her warm, talkative friend, but who was she to judge?

"Oh, shush," Her friend waved a hand at her. "I'll think about it,"

"Good," Alina snickered, then her smile faded. "I probably won't die - if I do, no one's going to be able to stop the Darkling levelling the whole of Shu Han - but just in case... If I die then please can you make sure my family gets these letters. I don't know if he'd bother," She picked up a thick envelope. "And this is my will" She gestured to another, small envelope. "You get my spare blue kefta and your pick of any of my shoes and jewellery,"

"Careful," Genya sniffed. "Or I'll be praying that you don't come back,"

That made them both laugh one last time, before Alina gave her friend a brief hug then left.

*

My attitude towards certain types of men may be coming out a little too much when I write Alina and Yuri... Even with the Darkling and Alina to some extent; I've mentioned before I hate the trope of a powerful, domineering man and a submissive, weaker woman so this is my counter to that. Also we get a little deeper into Alina's views on the Darkling.

Hope you enjoyed the chapter! Thanks so much for all the kind comments (on Ao3 - those of you on wattpad and in particular fanfiction.net need to let me know you're here!! a few words would be much appreciated) and thank you for reading!