Alina was in Dasha's chambers under the guise of a ladylike afternoon tea. She did such things often, now. The guards and court were under the impression the Sun Summoner and the Tsaritsa were dear friends. There were rumours, of course, though the worst Alina had heard centred around her manipulating the sweet-natured Queen for political gain, or to stab her in the back at some point. She couldn't complain about those rumours, when she had spent the afternoon in bed with the Queen, and now lay sprawled naked in her bed in a tangle of silk sheets. Dasha's golden head was resting against her chest as she traced small circles with her fingertips on the smaller woman's bare skin.

"You seem distracted," Dasha murmured.

She was distracted. Insideous thoughts of Demetra kept coming creeping back. Alina was one to fix her problems rather than endlessly dwell on them, but her options here were limited. She had been over them again and again, combing through for any possible option she had missed, and even though she knew that she hadn't missed anything, her mind still churned with the problem in a way she absolutely despised.

Demetra could be kept hidden. She couldn't stay in the city, of course, not as a child of three with remarkable powers that she couldn't really control, powers she didn't even understand that she had to conceal. It would be easy enough to send her and their mother off to some house in the country, claiming that the notoriously difficult Saran Starkova had grown sick of Os Alta. 

But then Alina would have to visit, regularly, to teach Demetra to use her light, which would raise suspicions. And she wouldn't want to risk sending them out to the middle of nowhere without any protection, for which only Grisha would suffice, most of whom would report back to Aleksander. Not to mention that her sister might grow to resent Alina for keeping her hidden away as she grew older. Saints knows that Alina would've loathed being kept sheltered and lonely; it had been bad enough being confined to the Little Palace for her whole childhood, but all the young Grisha were, and she was hardly kept naive and cosseted at Aleksander's side.

The more she thought on it, the less that option made sense. And the only other option was to let her live in the Little Palace, where she would be safe from outside dangers, but that opened a whole other can of worms. Alina remembered only too well how much she disliked all the attention from the Church, the religious insanity and courtly expectations, and would never subject her own sister to the same treatment.

Demetra could be kept secret from anyone who wasn't Grisha, that was true. She could be given the choice to reveal her light to the world when she came of age, and have a happy, normal(ish) childhood in the Little Palace. She would be around other children like her, would learn to control her powers in the best environment, without all the horrible pressures Alina had growing up.

But then, perhaps the crux of the issue, there was Aleksander, and the fact that she'd have to trust him entirely.

With two amplifiers, Alina was more powerful than any Grisha ever could be. Aleksander needed her on Ravka's side; if Fjerda or Shu Han got any more ideas about war, she was a threat that could stop them in their tracks. Not to mention she was revered by the Ravkan people, the reason his ascent to the throne had gone so smoothly. 

The trouble was, he would have no issue ruling through fear, if it came to it. And the Fold was weapon enough. He just needed one Sun Summoner to move the Fold. What was more valuable; a powerful, unpredictable summoner who had made it incredibly clear she was uncontrollable, and was in fact quite capable of controlling him, or a weaker, younger one, impressionable enough to charm or threaten into doing his bidding?

If it really came to it, Alina could overpower him, true. But what if he manipulated Demetra behind her back? In the right circumstances, it would be easy to stoke resentment towards her more famous, stronger elder sister, who had tried to keep her hidden her whole life. Then she would be facing two people she loved. 

Love. Aleksander said he loved her. She did not doubt it, though she doubted that his love for her would get in the way of his ambition. Her whole life, her main leverage over him was that she was the only Sun Summoner alive, someone who could accompany him through the centuries, the only one too precious to break or turn against him. She had dragged Aleksander, grudgingly, into truly respecting her, through sheer force of will, and knowing his weakness. But now, she was replaceable. Demetra was even younger than Alina had been, and a far more agreeable child; a blank slate.

Alina's own hateful little insecurity, though she disliked to acknowledge it, played a part in her turmoil. What if, now there was a choice, he cast Alina aside? Demetra was a child now, but Alina had also been a child, not that long ago in the vast span of his life.

She knew one thing for sure. If he dared lay a hand on Demetra, whispered lies into her ear, made her the consort Alina never would be, then she would kill him. It would be easy, for there would be nothing left of her heart to break.

Saints, what a fucking mess this was.

"Alina," Dasha's gentle hand on her chest brought her back to reality. "What is it?"

"Nothing," She shook her head and forced a grin on her face; anything to stop thinking. "I could say the same to you. You've seemed more tired, lately. Are you ill?"

"If I'm more tired, it is because you are always sneaking into my chambers in the dead of night," The Queen said, amused. "Not that I can complain,"

Alina was about to reply, when her stomach let out a loud rumble. 

"Hungry?" 

"Extremely," She said. "I could demolish some of those little cakes they cooked yesterday. What about you? I could bring some up," She paused. "Or I could ask one of the servants, I suppose,"

"Best not," Dasha said, a little dejected. "I haven't been able to do up some of my nicer gowns, lately, and Irina's been tying my corsets much less tight. I dread to think what my mother will say if I'm the size of a carriage the next time I see her,"

"Oh, don't be ridiculous," Alina scoffed. "Have all the cakes you like. You're so tiny that, if anything, you could do with gaining some weight for the sake of your health. You'll have more energy, too. Did you eat lunch today?"

A pause. "No. They brought in some sort of chicken dish but the smell of it turned my stomach. I thought perhaps it had gone bad, but I wasn't hungry enough to send for anything else,"

"Well that's why you're tired!" Alina got to her feet, reaching for her clothes. "I'm going to send for some food - what would you like?"

But Dasha was eyeing her naked form. "You're much taller than me, and you spend so much time outside doing active things that it doesn't matter what you eat. If I ate whatever I liked, I would just be short and dumpy,"

"You could never look dumpy," Alina rolled her eyes. "Even if you were, Irina would dress you so well that no one would care,"

She sent for a selection of food, for once not feeling like a useless lump for not getting it herself, and made sure that her friend ate something, at least. 

"Perhaps you should go to a Healer," She said, genuinely concerned now, watching Dasha pick at the meal.

"Oh, but I don't like to make a fuss,"

"You're the Queen. Compared to Tatiana Lantsov, who would have happily called a national emergency if Genya forgot to fix her wrinkles, you're practically a saint,"

That made her friend smile, albeit weakly. "I suppose you're right. Perhaps I will,"

*

The Winter Fete had been a Lantsov tradition that Alina knew Aleksander had always despised for its pomp and extravagence. He was right - it was a ridiculous waste of money when half the country was starving - but as the new Apparat at pointed out, this time of year held a lot of significance with the Church, so he could not let the day go by unmarked. Thus, the celebrations were scaled back and simply named 'All Saint's day' after the religious festival, a church service accompanied by a modest ball. Which seemed to be the minimum a Tsar could get away with.

Alina had not been intending on going to either the church service or the ball out of principle, instead planning to get drunk with her friends in the Little Palace and enjoy the festive meal there. However, both Dasha and Aleksander had separately asked her to join. For very different reasons, of course.

"Why do you want me there?" Alina asked the Queen, bemused. "Forgive me for sounding disgustingly pigheaded, but you know it will steal the focus from you, purely because it's All Saint's Day, and half the court truly believes that I am a saint. People will be trying to kiss my arse left, right and centre. And I spend enough time with you that no one is under any doubt we dislike each other, so there's no need to flaunt our friendship in front of them,"

"You don't have to be there long," Dasha said. "And you don't have to participate at all - "

"As if I ever would. My days of being the Lantsovs' performing monkey are far behind me,"

" - but I would appreciate if you were there for some of it,"

Something in her tone, and her even-more-pale-than-normal face, made Alina pause. "Have you been to a Healer yet?"

Dasha opened her mouth but hesitated.

"You're a terrible liar, so don't even try," 

"I wasn't going to lie!" The Tsaritsa protested. "No, I haven't been to a Healer,"

"Why on earth not?"

A pause. "I'm scared of what they'll tell me. What if I'm really sick?"

"I don't think I need to tell you how foolish that is," Alina said. "They will be able to fix whatever it is within the day,"

"I suppose," Dasha admitted. "I'll send for one after the ball. I have to be there on All Saint's Day, and I can't if I'm confined to bed,"

That was as far as she was going to get, so Alina left the matter for now.

"Well now I have to go," She sighed. "If you faint in front of the court, I'll have to do something truly obnoxious to catch everyone's attention while they carry you out,"

*

Aleksander, of course, phrased his request differently.

"It will be an evening of sanctimonious preaching, false piety and sickening prayer," He said to her. "I need you there so that I am not the only sane one in the room,"

"I'm not some pet to drag to court events for your own amusement," Alina grumbled. "No need to persuade me, either, I'm already going. Dasha invited me,"

"And you agreed?" He raised an eyebrow.

"I like her more than you," She grinned.

"How fortunate. Often, I feel the same way," He replied with a cold smile, for once having the last word, leaving her open-mouthed and irritated behind him.

"Liar!" Was all she could shout after him, earning a sharp laugh, though he didn't turn back around.

*

Alina was in her chambers preparing for the All Saint's Day ball - sat at her dressing table wearing nothing more than an open silk robe, lace undergarments, stockings and a corset - when she heard him enter the room. "Have you ever heard of knocking?"

"You asked once why I bothered knocking if I was going to come in anyway," He said, moving closer. "I took your request to heart,"

She snorted, not turning to look at him, though meeting his eyes in the mirror, putting on a breathy tone that did not hide the wicked look in her eye. "And what could you possibly want slipping into my rooms at this hour, moi tsar?"

His lips twitched, amused. "Must you always assume the worst, Alina?"

"Well, I'm not even dressed!" She said, keeping up the false show of wide-eyed innocence. "It's not proper for a gentleman to see a lady in such a way. You have a wife, moi tsar! How would poor dear Dasha feel if she heard? She would surely get the wrong impression,"

"Funnily enough, that was what I meant to talk to you about," His faint smile faded to something darker.

"Whatever do you mean?" She did not think much of it.

"You and Darya have become close of late. Rather too close, in fact,"

Alina burst out laughing, illusion shattered at once. "You found out?" She turned to look at his unimpressed face, and laughed again. "Believe it or not, you weren't meant to. How did you know?"

"You know full well you are not the only one who goes into that forest," He said. "Considering that I was the one who took you there. It took a moment to recognise that the girl with twigs in her hair and your head between her legs as the Tsaritsa of Ravka, but Tsaritsa she was," Aleksander smiled, then, words carefully chosen to anger her even if he did not believe them. "I should have known you would stoop to such levels to try and inspire jealousy,"

"You do seem jealous," She agreed easily. "Of Dasha. Though that was not my intention. On the contrary - " A slight leer, "- your wife is a beautiful woman, and gets so very lonely,"

"By all means," He said through gritted teeth, dropping all pretense of being above it all. "Be her friend, if it pleases you. It makes my life easier, if the Sun Summoner publicly accepts the queen I chose, and saves the palace from petty arguments and gossip. But you cannot simply - " He broke off.

She grinned, unabashed. "Fuck the queen when her husband wants me too much to do it himself?"

He closed his eyes for a second then opened them. "Of all the outrageous, ridiculous things you have done, this one truly outshines all others,"

"For now," She shrugged. "But come on Aleksander, you must see the attraction. Dasha is unused to a woman's skilled touch, only the carelessness of a man using her in place of his own hand. The way her big blue eyes flew open when I - "

"And since when were you skilled with women?" He cut her off with a slight scoff. "You never showed any interest before,"

"You were always a rather overwhelming influence - there wasn't much space for anyone else," Those she had slept with before him had merely registered as a fleeting interest, no one else having that great a hold on her. For Alina, sex and love were two different things. "Men are easy, besides. A smile and a pointed look tends to be all it takes," She shot him a sly glance. "Though after all these years, surely you... at least once?"

To her surprise, he laughed. "As I'm sure she's delighted in telling you, Baghra was not the only one who sold herself for food and shelter,"

For once, it was he who had shut her up by saying something shocking. "I thought perhaps a rich widow, or an easily influenced young heiress," Alina covered her surprise with a smirk. "You know, I can almost see it - Aleksander Morozov, young, fresh-faced and pretty, batting your eyes at a well-dressed lord," She got to her feet and made to cross the room to her changing screen. "What would you have made of me, when you were eighteen, do you think?" 

Brushing past him, Aleksander caught her wrist in his hand. Behind him, her curtains were not yet drawn and thick snowflakes were falling outside, stark against the darkened sky. 

"I would have adored you," He said, eyes meeting hers. "You would have been everything I scarcely dared hope for,"

"That's alarmingly sincere," Alina murmured.

He smiled briefly. "You would have harboured such hate and fury at how Grisha were treated. You couldn't have stood hiding, living in fear, for so long. With someone more bold to push me, together we'd have torn the world apart," His expression was almost wistful.

"People are people, and some will always be rotten, no matter who rules them," She said. "Whether that is you, Sankta Alina or a Lantsov Tsar. Though of course, unlike myself, you would prefer it be you at the top," Alina smirked, then. "Not always, though, I'll grant you. When was the last time you let anyone rule you?" The objectifying leer creeping into her tone said clearly of what she meant by that. 

"You've slept with my wife. You tell me," 

His flat tone had her bursting out laughing. "A fair point. You know, most would think that Dasha is exactly what someone like you wants," She traced his jaw with one finger on her free hand. "Would you like me to play the virginal bride for you? All surpised gasps and shy modesty, demure and blushing, pliant and obedient," 

She leaned into him a little, so that his hand folded her caught wrist behind her back, his jaw clenched. To her annoyance, Alina was not as unaffected as she acted. Being this close to him again, putting him in a position of control over her, was... tempting, and she fought down an unfamiliar, ridiculous sense of being flustered, his body hot against her own. As ever, when something was in danger of embarrassing her, she ploughed on with something even more awful.

"You'd like that, I think, but not as much as you'd enjoy me fighting you for control, pinning your hands above your head and - " She stood on her tiptoes to whisper something obscene in his ear, which she knew would work. Then, even as his grip on her wrist clenched, she tore herself away. "Oh look at the time! You must get going, Genya will be here soon," She glanced down pointedly. "Why, I think that is the first time I've made you blush,"

Alina snatched her arm out of reach before he could grab it, swanning off towards the changing screen to hide her own reddening cheeks.

His eyes were on her all night, as intended. When she ate, when she laughed, when she danced with her friends; in particular, when she danced with Dasha - the pair of them well matched due to their difference in height - whispering in her ear, brushing her hair over her shoulder to place her hands there instead, holding her just slightly too close. Not too close for the court to suspect they were anything more than good friends, but enough to drive Aleksander mad. 

 "What did you say to him?" Dasha asked at one point, half curious, half incredulous. "To make him look at you like that?"

So Alina lowered her voice and told her.

The Queen of Ravka cut her off with an unladylike shriek and a hand clapped over Alina's grinning mouth. "No, no, no, I don't want to hear any more,"

"Too much for your innocent ears? Come on, Dasha, don't play coy - you've lain with both a man and a woman, now,"

"Not like that. Saints, if that kind of depravity is what you two get up to together, you're welcome to each other,"

"I thought you didn't like to use the Saints' name in vain?"

"You are a bad influence," The Queen said primly. "I'll use your name in vain all I like,"

Aleksander's gaze had narrowed in on Alina at the sound of her laughing at Dasha's comment. He had clearly reached the end of his tether with her that night, and the crowd was parting like a wave to let him walk over to their corner unobstructed, eyes and whispers following him the entire way. It had been obvious who had held his attention the whole evening, not that he cared to hide it.

Alina, of course, did not help the situation, smiling like a shark. "Isn't your darling wife just delightful, moi Tsar?"

"Most try to keep their affairs with royalty secret," He said, quiet enough that no one nearby would overhear; no one had dared get close enough, and after Alina met a few stares challengingly, they returned to their revels. "Yet you, Alina, seem to enjoy advertising both of yours to the entire court,"

Dasha's eyes widened comically. "Alina, you told - ?"

"Oh. I forgot you didn't know. No, I didn't tell him," 

"Then how - ?"

"Don't ask what you don't want to know," Alina patted her arm.

Aleksander took pleasure in telling her anyway. "Seeing the Queen be pressed against a tree in the forest with the Sun Saint's hand up her skirts is rather incriminating," He said with a straight face. Saints, how long was he watching? "Darya, I expected more from you,"

"Are you insulting your own tastes, your Grace?" The Tsaritsa managed to get out, despite her horrified expression, making Alina snort. 

"It really would be the definition of hypocrisy to condemn her for not only having an affair, but with the same person," She paused. "In the same place,"

"Oh no, Alina, really," Dasha turned to her, dismayed. "The same?"

"The same tree, now I think of it,"

"Reducing the Tsaritsa of Ravka to your own lack of civility is nothing to be proud of," Aleksander said. 

"Don't be angry just because you weren't invited,"

He glared at her. "As if I - "

But Dasha had closed her eyes in mortification. "Enough! I don't even want to think about being any more between the pair of you than I already am,"

"Come now, Dasha," Alina smirked. "We all know I'd be in the middle,"

The Queen made a frustrated noise, leaving without another word in an uncharacteristic display of rudeness that would no doubt send rumours spiralling around the court. There was absolutely no chance any of them would be close to accurate. 

"I tell you now," Aleksander said to her. "Under no circumstance would that happen, so get the idea out of your head,"

"Believe me, I'm trying," Alina pulled a face. "The idea of you and Dasha doing anything other than walking beside each other with at least half a foot's separation genuinely sickens me," She paused, grinning. "And most likely her, for that matter,"

"How upset do you want me to make you?" He shot back, sounding rather like Alina for a moment. "I was well aware of her inclinations - I never came to her, she always came to me,"

Anger and hurt did flare up at that, but he had walked right into a way for her to win this conversation. "Yet in many ways, you could say that she never came at all,"

His cup paused on its way to his lips, eyes closing briefly, though she didn't miss the ever-so-slight twitch of amusement. "You have the humour of a twelve-year-old kitchen boy,"

"And you the skill of one," She was grinning now, as he gave in and smirked, shaking his head.

"You know better than that. Dance with me?" His hand held out in question, not a command. 

She had always had to drag him into a dance before, often literally. Alina hesitated for a second, then, as ever, refused to overthink and just acted. 

"Fine," She took his hand, and though it felt more right than anything had in a while, she could sense the eyes of the court narrow in on them, eager for gossip and disapproval. 

Today was the closest they had been in three years. His hand on her waist felt indecent even through layers of fabric, and the way they moved in sync, two tall, dark figures, felt almost as raw and exposed as fucking in front of the whole court. As it was a holy day, she wore her black and gold kefta, to display to the court and the Church that her alliances lay with the Little Palace, but it had just made them look even more well-matched. Alina found herself unwilling to meet his eyes, that absurd sense of being flustered returning, in a way she had never been with anyone, let alone him. 

As soon as she acknowledged the thought, she made herself look up at Aleksander, to find his eyes were already fixed on her. Saints, it was going to be hard to turn him down later, because he was going to do more than just ask politely, and he knew exactly what to do to get her to throw caution to the wind. The hot-headed side of Alina was practically screaming to just give in to what she wanted. This side of her was admittedly much larger than any other, and fed by alcohol, making it excruciatingly difficult to go against its persuasive whispers of what would really be the harm?  and who cares about principles anyway? 

In the end, much later, having walked with him back to the Little Palace through what was fast becoming a heavy snowstorm, she had to think of Demetra, and the associated weighty, complicated problem that she knew she had to solve sooner rather than later, to give herself the willpower to smile cheerily at him in front of her chamber doors and say,

"That was so kind of you to walk me back to my chambers, moi Tsar. What a gentleman you are. Have a good night!" 

As the wind howled outside, he caught her hand on the doorknob, pulling it shut with a slam and pushing her by the shoulder into the door with his other hand. "Alina, you cannot possibly - "

That earned a genuine smile of satisfaction at the frustration in his tone, deliberately misinterpreting. "Of course, I cannot possibly tempt a man of such strong morals. Your willpower is commendable, truly, your Grace," Less cheery now. Sarcastic, yes, but there was a definite note of daring him to push things further.

"You are punishing yourself, as well as punishing me," His tone was low and dark, his lips close to her own, and she almost threw her grudge to the wind and gave in there and then, breath hitching. "Surely humiliating me with Dasha was vengeance enough?"

That was a good point, actually. 

The fact he was so willing to show his own want, freely admitting to her getting one up on him instead of trying to spin it in his favour, sent a bolt of heat right through her. Alina's knees actually went weak; it had been so long since anyone had made her feel this way. No one ever had, except him. She enjoyed sex with others, very much so, but it paled in comparison to what they had together, enough to make the two situations completely different altogether. An equal, someone who wouldn't break, who knew her inside out, saw the ugliest parts of her and loved her all the more for it, someone for whom she was irreplacable.

For now, at least. She decided then that he would know of Demetra, for fear that her own petty insecurity would cloud her judgement and her sister would suffer for it. And, a more pathetic part of her cried, so that he would have a choice, and he would choose Alina.

Her self-restraint had never been the strongest, nor had she ever cared to improve it. Looking up at him in the dimly lit hallway, it was her who closed the distance between them, her who let out a groan as their lips touched for the first time in years, her who pulled him closer, closer, leaning into the kiss, which was more than just a kiss in so many ways. He seemed just as affected by her as she was by him, his body telling her all the things he would never say, all but worshipping her, as Alina, not a Sankta. 

"Not tonight," She managed to gasp out, pushing him away. "I - " She would tell him, before she slept with him again. "Not tonight,"

He stepped back, the question clear in his eyes, though to her surprise, he did not voice it. Aleksander's expression did close up again, however, that cold smirk returning. "Eternity, Alina," He said, stepping back smoothly. "I can wait,"

*

Alina, for once in her life, was being a coward. 

Two days since that heated encounter outside her chambers, the memory of which still had her stomach curling, she had not told Aleksander about Demetra. She had ventured out into the now fully-developed blizzard, warming herself with her light throughout the deserted streets, and spent hours upon hours mulling it over until the storm was over, holed up in the townhouse, fruitlessly trying to teach her sister some level of control over her light. The girl was three years old, however, and was not interested in anything other than making harmless golden sparkles fly from her hands. These attempts were useless, just to keep both of them busy, whilst delaying what she needed to do. 

So distracted was Alina, that she did not realise Dasha had been absent from court for two days, quarantined in her chambers, until she received the Queen's oddly-worded summons the morning the snow clouds dispersed and the sky cleared, leaving thick mounds of snow throughout the city.

Irina met her at the door, looking pale and harried. "I didn't know what to do," The maid wrung her hands, whatever had her worried overcoming her dislike of Alina, as well as the rigid formality and rank in the Grand Palace. "She's asking for you, but - be kind to her, please. Even if she makes you angry. It's not her fault, it - "

Alina was concerned, now. "Is she alright?"

"No," Was all the girl said, looking close to tears. "The Healer, he - Well, I'll let her tell you,"

Dasha was not in bed, deathly ill. She was curled up on the sofa in front of the crackling fire in a comfortable dressing gown, looking perfectly healthy, aside from the red eyes and tear-tracks down her face. Irina sat beside her, barely glancing at Alina now, holding the Queen's hand and not even trying to hide it.

"What is it?" Alina strode over, sitting down in a nearby armchair with a feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach. "What happened, did someone hurt you?" As ever, she felt a little out of place in Dasha's beautiful, delicate chambers.

"You're truly sure?" Irina asked Dasha. "If it was me..." She broke off.

"What else can I do?" The Queen dabbed her eyes with a handkerchief, sniffing. "That Healer is going to tell him anyway, soon enough. I'd rather not face it alone,"

"What are you talking about?" Alina pushed.

"Alina, I really need your help," Dasha said, starting to ramble a little. "I don't know how it happened. Well, obviously I know how. But I was taking a tonic, nothing should have come of it. Saints, he'll think I did it on purpose, he'll be so angry. I always wanted one, but he was so against it. I've spent so much time around him, I've picked up on things. Strange, isn't it? All Tsars need an heir, that's why the court whispers I'm barren, but... he's not a normal Tsar, is he?"

Dasha looked right at Alina then, blue eyes cutting right through her, and her blood ran cold at the realisation. How the fuck does she know?

"You're pregnant," She said, her tone rather hollow as she dodged the question, wondering if Aleksander had been stupid enough to tell his wife the truth. Surely not. Dasha was pregnant. With Aleksander's child. Her jealousy was rearing its ugly head now. Actually, no, not jealousy; she had never wanted a child herself, and that had not changed. This was... possessiveness. 

Dasha nodded miserably, oblivious to Alina's newly discovered, nasty possessive streak. "We haven't - you know. Not since before you were back. The tonic stops my cycles anyway and I barely even have a bump - I didn't know what to look for, no one told me,"

"You really don't have a bump," Alina said in an attempt to lighten the tone and hide her own anger, having seen Dasha naked often, lately. "Are you sure you're pregnant?" 

"I was sick in the mornings, some time ago now. The Healer says that's a sign. Not to mention he heard the heartbeat. Not strong enough to sense unless you reach for it, but soon enough it will be. And the craving for strange foods, feeling tired all the time, being unable to stand the smell of meat. I thought I was just getting fat," She sniffed.

"Fat," Alina repeated incredulously, sitting back, now somehow in the middle of yet another doomed situation. She ruthlessly shoved down her own feelings, trying to think of what was practical. "The Healer will tell him. You know he will,"

"I brought enough time saying I wanted to  tell him myself,"

"That won't last forever,"

"You think I don't know that? Then saints know what they'd do - put something in my food, have a Healer hold me down - "

"Dasha," Irina implored. "The Tsar has never been cruel to you before, surely he wouldn't do that? And why would he be so furious that you are pregnant? Why would he kill his own child? You haven't told me, I don't understand,"

"No, she's right," Alina said, more blunt than she intended. "He will be angry," The Queen's face crumpled and a stab of guilt ran through her. She leaned forward. "Dasha. Dasha, listen to me - listen! Do you want to have this baby?"

The Queen nodded jerkily, fresh tears starting to flow. "Now I know it's there, I don't know what I'd do if it was gone,"

"Then I promise you I won't let him harm you or the child," She meant it, too.

That only made her cry harder. "I'm so sorry, Alina. I know how you care for him, it's awful of me to put you in this position,"

"Don't be stupid," Alina said, a little harshly, knowing that such talk would only bring out the worst in her. "It's not your fault your father married you to him, and it's not your fault you got lonely. However, I would like to find the person who messed with your tonic and wring their fucking neck. Who has access to it?"

"Lady Glinskaya," Irina muttered, looking more at Alina now. "She visited shortly before you came back. Hateful woman,"

"I don't want to think it was her," Dasha protested weakly. "She's awful, but not that awful,"

"She was always nagging you for grandchildren," The maid said. "Nagging is an understatement - she is spiteful and cruel, too used to getting her own way. She must have done something to the tonic, or paid someone to do it for her,"

That seemed most likely, but Dasha already looked upset enough that Alina did not push it further.

A silence.

"All Grisha are loyal to him, first and foremost. The Healer will tell him soon, if you don't," Alina said. "But he doesn't have to have anything to do with this child. It can be yours alone," Which might be the kindest thing for everyone, in all honesty; there was a significant chance the baby would not be Grisha, let alone a Shadow Summoner. Aleksander's reasons for not wanting a child were valid ones. There were days when Alina struggled with the knowledge that she would outlive all her friends, her family, but he'd had to live it, again and again, with Baghra as the only constant in his life. Let alone a child.

"Will you be there, when I tell him?" Dasha asked. "You must hate me, truly, for putting you through this, but I don't think I could do it without you there,"

Alina laughed without humour. "Well I can't exactly let you tell him alone,"

*

The one good thing to come of this whole mess, Alina thought as she walked with Dasha on her arm to Aleksander's study, was that at least it put off any notion of telling him about Demetra for the near future.

"If I say to leave, then you leave," She murmured as they approached the door down the long corridor. "He won't want you seeing him weak, and will just turn it into more anger. You can understand why, can't you? Why a man like him would not want a child?"

Dasha nodded, her grip on Alina's arm tight and nervous. "I understand," A pause. "Does that mean that you, also..?"

A sharp nod. "And the child, if they come out summoning shadows," 

The Queen looked startled, clearly having not thought of that, but it was too late to say anything as Alina was already greeting the oprichniki at the door with a joke and a grin, slipping into her usual warm familiarity like nothing was amiss. The guards knocked on the door, announcing them - Her Majesty, Queen Darya Glinskaya, and Miss Alina Starkova - and Alina had to tug Dasha forward a little to get her feet moving when they were bidden to enter.

Aleksander's eyebrow raised as the door closed behind them, tone dry. "To what do I owe the pleasure?" He looked more closely at Dasha and frowned. "Has someone died that I have not yet been made aware of?"

At the Queen's silence, Alina spoke. "Technically, we bring joyous news that will be celebrated throughout Ravka,"

He set down his pen. "In which case, do enlighten me as to why my wife looks like a frightened rabbit,"

Alina looked to Dasha. 

Faced with him, her mouth opened but no sound came out. She turned to Alina, imploring. "I can't. I just - Alina, can you - ?"

"It's not exactly mine to say, not to mention I'm hardly an ideal bringer of sensitive news," 

"Please," Tears were shining in her eyes again. 

More to get this whole uncomfortable situation over with, Alina did.

"I've been told that Lady Glinskaya - the elder - the much elder - visited court several months ago. We suspect she may have tampered with, ah, substances that were to be consumed by the Queen,"

"I see," Aleksander did not look impressed. "Not that I wouldn't believe it of that vile woman, but you wish to accuse the wife of one of the most powerful lords in West Ravka of poisoning and treason, three to four months after the fact, with no apparent symptoms?"

"Well," Alina said, part of her wishing she had just sent Dasha in alone and then retrieved the quivering wreck from the floor later. "There is quite a significant symptom, actually,"

At her lack of explanation, he looked impatient. "Are you practicing for a career in theatre, Alina, or can I get on with my afternoon?"

Prick. She felt less guilty about dropping this on him now, spreading her arms in mock-joy. "In which case, congratulations, moi Tsar. You're going to be a father,"

Silence. For once, she did not break it.

He slowly got to his feet. When he spoke, it was soft and dangerous. "If you are joking - "

"It's not a joke," Dasha said, shrinking a little behind Alina when his stare fixed on her. "Healer Andreev sensed a heartbeat two days ago," She started to ramble again. "It wasn't me, I swear it! Even though I wanted a child, I wouldn't do anything like that, but please, you don't have to be near it, you don't have to be a father, just please let them live, moi Tsar, I - "

"Out," He interrupted, icy cold.

Dasha flinched like she had been struck, glancing at Alina, who nodded with a grimace and a squeeze of her hand. Dabbing her eyes with her sleeve, the Tsaritsa left without another word.

"What an excellent husband," Alina drawled, moving over to his side of the desk, leaning against it. "Your wife so terrified of you that she quite literally begs for the life of her unborn baby in the same breath as she confirms its existence. She brought me along because she was scared, you know,"

He met her eyes, practically snarling, "You know exactly why I have no want for a child,"

"So does she, apparently," Alina said. "Why in hell's name did you tell her?"

"I did not tell her. She suspected, after an interaction with Baghra, though I do not know how she worked it out when much greater minds have been oblivious for centuries,"

"Perhaps that's it. She just believes more easily," A pause. "I sympathise, if it helps. I don't know what I'd do it if were me,"

"It will never be you, though, Alina," He smiled humourlessly. "If you were with child, you've said repeatedly that you would rid yourself of it before anyone knew. If you could not do that, for whatever reason, you would be just as furious as I,"

"Is it fury you're feeling?" She put her hand on his arm, and he didn't shake it off. "Don't kill Dasha's child," She said. "It's not her fault. You really don't have to have any contact with them, you know. You can send them to be raised in a country palace with Dasha. Or, if they are Grisha, keep them in the Little Palace like any of the others,"

"In which case, it best be a girl," He said. "How long until a son grows tired of the Tsar's neverending life and being banished from court, and becomes a figure for the otkazat'sya to rally around?"

"Then you could always try being a decent father, and perhaps they would not turn against you,"

He looked right at her, then. "Think me a monster all you like, Alina, but I have no desire to watch a child of mine grow and wither and die,"

"There's always a chance they might be like us,"

"A small one. And the same applies, if they long for power of their own,"

"They won't have the Sun Summoner, though, will they?" She gave a half-hearted grin, and then it faded as she remembered. "Actually, I do have something to tell you,"

"I swear to all the saints, if you are also with child - "

"It wouldn't be yours if I was," She rolled her eyes. "No, I'm not pregnant. But nearly a week ago, now, I was playing with Demetra - my sister - "

"I know your sister's name. Do you know mine?"

She thought for a moment. "The terrifying half-sea-monster, half-Baghra? Ulla, wasn't it?"

"Very good,"

A weak laugh. "I'm surprised you remembered Demetra's name. You won't forget it soon, after this," She paused, serious now. "I want you to understand that by telling you what I'm about to tell you, I'm putting in a great deal of trust that you won't use it against me. And if you break my trust on this, you lose me forever," 

"After all this time of using that very fact as leverage over me, Alina, surely you know by now that losing you forever is the one thing I am not willing to risk,"

"Well, you'll understand my concerns, then," She said, taking a breath. "Demetra likes when I summon. She always has," She glanced away from his grey eyes, smiling wryly, taking a leap of faith. "But imagine my surprise when she plucked a ball of light right out of my hand,"

*

Many parts of this chapter all but wrote themselves. I was not intending to have Aleksander and Alina kiss so soon. Nor was I planning on having Alina reveal Demetra's secret in this chapter either. This way felt more organic than what I'd planned, however, so I hope you all enjoyed! I aimed for Aleksander to show some vulnerability this chapter, though I will admit him finding out about Dasha and Alina was for my own amusement. Alina's struggle over Demetra being a Sun Summoner, and her worries over how Aleksander will treat her because of it, was an interesting angle for me to explore.

As always, please comment to let me know what you think! Also, how would you as readers feel if I delved into an Ice Court arc? I feel like the fallout of jurda parem needs to be explored more, as these past few chapters have been more focused on Alina's personal arc than plot. I have a few interesting ideas and key points that I've plotted out a little, but would appreciate your input. Including this arc, I estimate five more chapters of this story to go before it ends for real (aside from several one-shot what-ifs I've written for fun), but knowing my writing style, it will most likely end up being more than five haha.