30. you make me feel

It is that time of the year when families, friends and lovers come together to love and be loved, share gifts and wishes to one another, without segregation or judgment. For people who have faith in the spirit of Christmas, there is so much to prepare for, like a dinner for the celebration, or a night service to commemorate the birth of the Saviour.

Children are enthusiastic, the world is rejoicing as we embrace amid a forever winter weather. Carol songs play in the background at shopping malls, Christmas lights embellish the ambience of cheer and joy, ornaments hang on walls and fences, wreaths on every doorpost, mistletoes on lampposts, streets as busy as it can get with folks whipped up about the season.

Pine trees are set up at different corners and in houses, beautifully decorated with ornaments, hollies and a radiant star above.

Felix, Agnes, Ronald, Tessa, Xian and Yvonne go out shopping for the celebration.

"Xian will escort me to the grocery store. I think I could use his assistance," Yvonne says

"Ronald and I will head over to the boutique to buy clothes and new jackets," Tessa says.

"Well, that leaves us with the gift shop," Agnes says. "As we know, it's aunt's tradition to share gifts to all her loyal customers."

YVONNE

Even though it seems like we've swept through all the sections in the grocery store, it still feels as if I missed something. My connoisseur sense tells me to go towards the canned food section again and see if I left out anything.

In my mind, I already picture the feast and how everyone will be stuffing their faces with food. It will be a shame on my honour if I don't get it right and I have to come back again because an ingredient was missing.

Of course I'm that intentional when it comes to grocery shopping.

We round a corner to another section with our rolling cart and I spot more items to buy.

"I think we should buy corned beef, anchovies, and yes! More sardines."

"What do you mean more sardines?! Just look at our cart! It's literally full!" Xian complains.

"How is that an issue? Hey Xian, it's Christmas, remember?"

"Are you kidding me?" He stops rolling the cart. "We have many other holidays. Who's going to eat all this food?"

"We will!" I exclaim softly "Christmas time only happens once in a year, so we should enjoy the most of it."

"With food?!" He groans, "come on! Christmas isn't just all about food."

"Then what is it about?" I ask as I place sardines inside our already loaded-to-the-brim cart. "Do tell, what time of the year can you eat a whole turkey without your dad reminding you of your big appetite?"

"I don't have an appetite. Unless you're talking about yourself, which I should not be surprised to know."

I sneer at him, "that's not the point, Xian."

"So, what's your point?"

"Forget it. You wouldn't understand anyway."

"Okay, fine. Don't tell me, but at least consider me. How are we going to pack all these stuff in paper bags?"

"Jeez! Be a gentleman and stop complaining. If you are worried about carrying the paper bags, we could ask somebody to deliver it to Agnes's place."

"You're not even getting my point."

"I don't want to. The foods you are fussing over cover all celebrations, including the New Year."

"We can always come back. It'll be fun if we can do this again."

"What if one of us isn't available by then?"

He remains shut and overthrown.

"See!" I smirk, "my dad always says, 'make hay while the sun shines,' but my version is, 'eat all you want while your insulin lasts."

"Oh boy!" He slaps his face in utter frustration. "Fine. Call me dumb if I let us keep arguing."

I let up a winning smile. Hats off to myself for a fight well fought.

"We have to hire another cart."

"Good point." He rolls our cart ahead.

TESSA

Ronald and I walk together through the aisle of nice-looking apparels on hangers, every one of them looking all so tempting to purchase. Lord knows if it wasn't for the budget I am restricted to, these priced attires would go straight to my dress collection.

As if 'tis the damn season reputable companies supply their best products. Is it those Burberry bags up ahead, or the Angelo Galasso shoes on the other side? Damn! This boutique is serving my guilty pleasures, and I'm going to make sure I satisfy those desires when I get my allowance.

"What are we buying?" Ronald asks. "You have been admiring these clothes since we got here. Any plans to purchase the entire store?"

"Funny you asked that. I was considering doing so, but I'm not. Consider yourself lucky."

"So, what do you want to buy for Christmas?"

"Not only Christmas, I'm planning towards the next few festivities after Christmas – Christmas Eve, Boxing Day, and of course! New Year's Eve and New Year's Day, too!"

His eyes bulge. He has no idea how excited I am about the holidays. "That's quite a lot! How are we going to take all that stuff home?"

"Don't worry," I assure him, "we can do it. That is why you are my companion, right? I wouldn't choose you to escort me if I didn't think you are capable. Now let's put those muscles to work."

"Whoa! You're so materialistic," I hear him say under his breath.

"I heard that!"

But he's not mistaken. I can't help it when I find high style clothes and accessories in stores like these. No matter how many I purchase, there's this insatiable urge I get anytime I come across a new brand of clothing. I thank my dad and my school for keeping me busy most times, unless that, maybe every mall and boutique that sells quality stuff would run out of stock.

By the way, this is Christmas. Don't judge me.

I turn to him to ask a quite important question. "What good is a holiday without new outfits?"

He just shrugs.

"I'm telling you, that's what makes the holiday special." I face ahead, looking over at colourful jackets displayed up front.

"Oh! Material things make the holiday special? Well that's a first."

"Yes, it does!" I attack him. "Talk about arriving to family dinner or a Carol service wearing your old clothes is as criminally offensive as murder or... or genocide."

"Genocide?"

"I was trying to think of worse crimes."

"Funnily enough, no one cares."

I roll my eyes. "I do, actually. Wearing those old clothes does bring back the misfortunes during the year into the next year."

He burst into laughter, "really!" I sense ridicule in that laugh, but I decide to ignore it. He would not understand. "I'm sure you are the only one who is knowledgeable on this theory."

"Believe me, it's the truth," I say cogently.

"Fine, I believe you."

Ugh! What a waste of my time. I walk forward, already pissed, and he follows to catch up.

"Tessa! I'm sorry. You can't blame me if I think your opinions are far-out crazy."

I halt and clear my throat. It's Christmas season and I don't want to lose positive vibes. "We are also buying for others, too."

"Do you know their sizes?"

"Yes," I reply him in a sour tone.

"Even... Xian and Felix?"

"Of course I do. I took my chance to check their clothing size. Xian wears medium, though a tad smaller than Felix's, but Felix and Yvonne wear roughly the same size."

"That's some serious Christmassy vibe there."

"Come on, we still have lots to do." I select two white garish knitted pullover jackets from their hangers and toss them to him.

AGNES

Felix and I walk side by side along a row of truly expensive stuff until we take a break in front of a towering Christmas tree at a corner of the gift shop.

We barely have any conversation, except when he points at fascinating things to gift someone, while I give remarks or throw in a few giggles. I have a feeling it's just me. There's this pressure I get begging me to start a regular conversation without the odd stares and occasional flushing. It is still very awkward seeing Felix as my friend after our long history.

By the Christmas tree, a cluster of boxes are on the floor, all of which are wrapped with papers and ribbons. I pick some of the boxes according to personal preference.

"Why aren't you choosing the bigger ones?" He asks, peeking over my shoulders.

"It doesn't matter the size."

"Really?"

"Really." I give him an over-the-top retort – the same me who was struggling to begin a normal conversation with him.

"I remember when I was young, I used to think the bigger the gift, the deeper my parents' love was for me."

I get up to face him. "Well, do you still feel that way now?"

"Does it even matter? It's not like love exists or something," he sneers.

That statement strikes a series of chords on my string, and my face reflects what he should see as contempt.

"What?" He cries.

"That is exactly what I hate about you, Felix!" I raise my voice. "This attitude that doesn't even suit you!"

"Why? Because I don't believe in love, I'm now a bad person?!"

"I won't even try to convince you. The fact that you don't believe in love will not stop love from existing. The world doesn't revolve around you or your beliefs."

"In that case, why then do you so much believe in love, yet you had the heart to hate me?"

"Because you don't! This is Christmas for God's sake. Christmas is all about love and sharing. So if you don't believe in love, don't you think you shouldn't be part of this celebration? You could just go home!"

"Whoa! Easy! You don't have to be so harsh."

"Don't tell me that!"

"Jeez! I'm sorry. Let us rewind to the gift boxes, okay. There's no need for you to get so worked up about it."

I allow myself a moment to relax first after that emotional rollercoaster of an argument.

He's right. I don't have the right to rule over his sentiments and it doesn't warrant my concern. But this just proves how unmatched we are for each other, and that is simply good to know.

"On a simpler note, what will you be getting for your friends?"

"I still don't know," I shrug a little. "Is it just me or does this Christmas feel weird?"

"That is because it's our first together," he says with a playful grin.

"It's not that, you freak!" I shoot at him. "It just seems as if for the first time, I don't know what to get for Yvonne or Tessa."

He laughs. I coyly look around to see if anybody is seeing us talk, since I virtually don't have any privacy when I'm out with friends. Not like I can help it but I don't want people to get any wrong ideas.

"Maybe you should give them something weird as well," he tells me.

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