Feeling author's note:

Thank you so much for reading this far.

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Everything felt surreal.

The part when realizations enwrapped your reveries. The part when you couldn't sleep 'cause the happenings in Melo's life couldn't seem to keep you fast asleep. The part when you and Seph had a drama for a conversation that didn't ask for one. So was the part when Melo finally decided to father the child he had with you.

Everything. As in everything. Was surreal.

Not until you felt a hand lightly tapping you on your arm, and you heard a not-so-lowly manly voice saying, "Ate, gising. Nananaginip ka."

Your forehead creased upon hearing what he said, much more when you opened your eyes and saw a very familiar house set-up. The old TV with an antenna wrapped with electrical tape, the monoblock chairs, a dining without a table, floor covered with linoleum, a doorless bedroom with two folding beds, a very narrow restroom with a detachable plywood as a door, and an old, overly damaged couch where you're lying yourself at.

You're home. Back home. And that beats you.

"Ano'ng....nangyari....Seph....? Nasa'n....nasa'n si.....Madam....?" you asked, your eyes still lurking around with surprise painted all over your face.

His brows furrowed. "Ha? Anong ano'ng nangyari, Ate? Ok ka lang ba? May napanaginipan ka ba?

You shook your head. Lahat ng 'yon panaginip lang? Imposible. Totoong-totoo lahat sa 'kin.

"At saka, bakit mo pa siya hinahanap? Ha? Ate, ok ka lang ba? Kinulang ka ba talaga sa bakuna no'ng bata pa tayo at ang tanga mo para hanapin 'yong isang taong mas gugustuhing ipalaglag 'yong bata dahil sa lintek na dahilang 'di niya kaya kasi nga grabe napagdaanan niya? Hindi ka superhero at mas lalong 'di ka tanga para intindihin na lang lahat. Gumising ka nga."

You suddenly felt a strong, painful twitch inside you along with the stinging of your auburn eyes. "Pa-panaginip....la-lang....pala....a-akala ko.....akala ko....nagbago isip niya.....at
...at....aakuin niya na...."

Seph scoffed and said something more which you didn't happen to hear, for you were caught by your own reveries.

When you were a kid, you didn't believe your mother when she told you she had these vivid dreams and nightmares when she was pregnant with you and Seph. But with you experiencing it firsthand, you knew it wasn't an invention. Plus the fact that it was later supported by the knowledge you had during your learning years.

Vivid dreams and nightmares are common during pregnancy, because it can be the pregnant woman's way to subconsciously deal with the issues she has in hand. And that very well suited your current state.

You were scared to let your child live without a father.

You fear to have your child experience being at the edge of life's beauty.

You wanted Melo to father your child.

And everything that happened in your dream, was what you wished to happen.

But didn't come into being.

'Cause just then, little by little, reality came knocking at your door.

"Gusto mo bang umalis na kami ngayon pa lang? Maiintindihan ko kung 'yon 'yong gusto mo. Pero lilinawin ko lang na kailangan ko ng sustento para sa anak natin, kaya hindi magbabago 'yong naging desisyon kong aakuin mo na s'ya," you told Melo when you both reached the bedroom to talk privately.

His brows knitted. "Don't you understand, Torres? I told you all that 'cause what you're asking from me-"

"Naiintindihan ko 'yon, Madam. Pero sana intindihin mo rin na walang-wala ako. Pinapaaral at binubuhay ko rin 'yong kapatid ko at sarili ko. Sa'n pa ako kukuha ng para sa anak natin? Barya lang naman 'yon sa 'yo kung tutuusin at hindi naman basta kung sino lang ang makikinabang, ba't kailangan mo pang ipagdamot?"

"Then abort that child. That's the least-"

You landed a hard slap on his face, making him seal his mouth and immobilize himself from being seated on the bed.

That was an option that never occurred to you. Would never, that you didn't even expect a human like him to arrive with it, even already taking into consideration his past life that was close to living in hell like yours.

And you could never breathe the same air with someone as monster as him.

So, you left.

"Ate, okay ka lang ba?" Seph's question snapped you out of your thoughts.

You nodded as you sat on the couch, tied your messy hair into a bun and smiled as if you're not hurting at all. "Oo naman, medyo nawala lang sa sarili sa sobrang dami ng iniisip," you said, thinking of something that may cut short the agonizing conversation you're having with him. Then, to your favor, you noticed him wearing a corporate attire of navy green dress shirt tucked in black semi-fitted ankle length slacks, and black loafers. "Saan ka pupunta? Bakit nakaganyan ka?"

He rolled his eyes, like you said something stupid. "Maghahanap ng afam-aray, shuta!" atungal niya nang bigla mo siyang tadyakan sa tuhod.

"Umayos ka ha?! Saka ka na maghanap ng boylet 'pag nakatapos ka na ng pag-aaral! Isang taon mahigit na lang, maghunos-landi ka! 'Wag kang gagaya sa 'kin" natatawang singhal mo. Biro man, pero may laman.

"Maghahanap ako ng work, sizzums!"

You gasped in surprise, suddenly remembering the dream you had when he cried telling you he didn't do anything to lessen your burden.

"Ano na, juntis? Tulaley na lang us? Kumain ka ng almusal at may trabaho ka pa," aniya kaya napabalikwas ka sabay tingin sa orasan. It's few minutes past five in the morning. "Aalis na rin si wata para makarami."

"Bakit ka-"

"Ssshh! Wiz ko betchi na makarinig ng keti ka magwowork? Si Ate dapat nagawa n'yan," he quipped. "Sa sitwasyon mo ngayon, at sa kawalan ng father figure ng pamangkin ko, ayaw kong walang gawin, Ate. Kaya kung walang magpapaka-ama sa pamangkin ko, ako na lang. Tita na, daddy pa! Oh siya, aalis na 'ko. Mag-ingat ka rin sa pagpasok. 'Wag papastress sa baklang 'yon."

"T-thank you...." Just when you were about to pull off a drama, Seph placed a chaste peck on your cheek and left, prolly not wanting to see you crying, or not wanting you to see him crying, or both.

After some time of hushing your crying self, you rather went straight to the restroom to bathe and be ready for work instead of grabbing a meal 'cause you didn't have the appetite to eat.

Sana panaginip na lang lahat simula umpisa, you told yourself while staring at your reflection by the glassdoor of Melo's office, feeling hesitant to step in and serve him his Green shaded cup of coffee.

"Ano'ng tinatanga-tanga mo r'yan?"

Your shoulders jerked upward upon hearing Melo's voice from your behind, whom you thought was inside.

"Ka-kape mo." No longer did you look at him as you let him take his coffee and trotted off without asking the usual, may kailangan ka pa po, Madam?

The moment you reached your secretarial office, the telephone rang.

"Good morning this is Sirach, Mr. Alejandro's secretary, what can I do for you?"

"In my office. Now. Pronto."

It was Melo.

Sighing, you disconnected the call and went to his office.

"May kailangan-"

"What's with your attitude earlier? Is that how you decided to act around me for suggesting practicalities in regards to your pregnancy?" he asked, plainly.

"Practicalities?" You let out a bitter laugh as you palmed your hands on his desk to give him a clearer auditory of what you wanted him to repent on."Praktikal sa 'yo 'yong ipapalaglag ko 'tong anak ko, na anak mo rin?! Kung hindi naging maganda 'yong buhay mo noon, 'wag mong idadamay 'yong bata!"

"Very well," he said as he slowly clapped his hands, obviously more to insult than to commend you. "That was one hell of a great drama. I am now itching to hear more from you and to see how well and long you could pull that act off given the fact that I am as good as keeping you alive since your only source of money is me."

He was stunned when you harshly pulled him by his collar. "Hindi mo 'ko binubuhay kasi binabayaran mo lang 'yong serbisyo ko, magkaiba 'yon. At para sabihin ko sa 'yo, hindi lang ikaw 'yong ginago ng mundo, ako rin. Kaya 'wag kang umasta na parang ikaw lang 'yong may dinadala, kasi lahat ng taong nakikita mo, lahat 'yan meron."

He smiled as his features softened. And you didn't know why, but there was pain with it as he held your hands that were holding his collar.

"Just so you know, Torres, doesn't mean everyone goes through a rough road, you now have the right to tell me to stop acting like I do. 'Cause knowing what they've been through, is different from knowing the pain they've felt. So stop acting like you know my pain 'cause you don't. Ever. No matter how you fit your shoe in mine or in someone else's," he said. "I know my past and pain wouldn't justify my want to abort that child, that was why when you left, you did hear nothing from me because I know how evil I was when I said that. But unlike you who's also used, damaged and broken, I can hardly take control and get away from all this shit that'd been consuming and controlling the best of me, Torres. So, it's just now that I'd beg, please, just find a good father for my child."