When I was young, I never really dwelled on having to fall in love with a boy. We were so set on playing in the fields and making random friends at the park. We never cared about anything. It was just this sense of freedom where you were oblivious to the real world that you would eventually set out to discover in the future. Yet, I knew that love existed then. It was a different kind of love with your family. It was also different with your close friends. When my heart started to feel weird, it shook me as if I were a building set for demolition.

It felt so unusual. You felt safe but at the same time you felt that fear gnawing into your flesh. You felt extremely happy but at the same time you felt that queasiness at the pit of your stomach. It was because of this certain boy. We were in 4th grade then. I wasn’t fully aware of what I was feeling but it was there, waiting to be understood.

He passed me a note while we were learning about shapes in Geometry. I opened it and saw that it was a picture of Mr. Harrison being eaten by disfigured shape monsters. It made me giggle and when I looked beside me he had the bluest eyes I’ve seen on anyone. When I looked back, I always wondered why I never noticed him in class. It was probably because I really didn’t care about the people around me.

But that instance started a bond between us – friendship. We then started to pass notes all the time using drawings to keep us entertained during class. This went on whenever we were in the same class until high school. Of course, words were formed in our note exchange as we grew but we still couldn’t help but draw a few images here and there to keep us from boredom. It was petty but it was the only time I get to talk to him in school. We never really took our friendship outside class which was weird considering he knew a lot of things about me as I was the same with him. It was fun but when you started to see him more often outside school was when I felt that tug. It was heavy and it made my heart go ‘thump, thump, thump’.

You eventually notice every single detail about him.  It was the way he dressed so coolly. The way he looked relaxed as his soft sandy brown hair go against the wind. That little scar just above his lip which made you wondering how he got it. I would notice his blue eyes meet mine at times but I knew he wouldn’t notice me. I was nobody. I was just the girl that he was exchanging notes with in class.

I was just enjoying a good book under a tree when I noticed a shadow blocking my light. I looked up and saw the boy who I’ve longed to talk to in years. I couldn’t believe he was right in front of me. He held out a note to me and walked off. Confused, I slowly unfolded the note.

Maybe it’s time for us to see each other outside of class more often.

I couldn’t contain the smile that escaped from my lips. I might have felt an attraction or instantly fell in love but no matter what it was it made my heart go ‘thump, thump, thump’.

~END~