Tw: suicidal thoughts, self harm implied, bullying, the f slur for LGBT people, harassment online, teachers being ignorant

Patton sighed, sitting by Damien's bed. He hated this, wanted to help him so badly. But...he was asleep still. It had been a week, they'd put him in a medically induced coma to keep him from pain. Patton had written ever day, leaving notes that had never been read.

Day 1

'hey Damien....I'm so sorry this happened, it's all my fault...Your dad wanted me, not you. It would've been ok if I hadn't kissed you...or you kissed me...either way I kissed back. I helped make him mad. I don't wish I didn't kiss back, I just...really wish this hadn't happened.

Your mom isn't listening to me about what happened. She believes your dad, De. I don't know why...she seems insistent that he wouldn't hurt his son, no matter what. Nobody believes me, they wanna hear from you. He sees you daily...I hate seeing him.

Momma came and saw you too....she loves you, y'know. Like another son. She brought flowers today, too. Some peonies and roses and lillies. Oh and she brought chocolate for when you wake up.

Please wake up soon...people at school are making fun of me. Saying mean words about me because I like you. Please wake up...'

Day 2

Hey Dede. You still aren't allowed to wake up, from what they said. People still aren't listening to me...

I brought you a toy. A stuffed rainbow snake! I have to hide it from your dad though. He told me it was for a faggot...I don't like that word. That word got you hurt, Dede...

It's at my house right now, in safe keeping. Momma doesn't mind that we're gay, she said she loves me no matter what. She said you can stay with us if you wanna, too.

I'm tired...it's late when I'm writing this, tomorrow is Saturday. The nurses said I could stay the night tonight. I didn't wanna leave anyways.'

Day 3

Damien...they're messaging me online now...I don't like people at school anymore...I don't wanna go back on Monday.

They keep saying that mean word and a bunch of others. I tried telling the teachers in an email but they said there's nothing they can do...I'm scared cause one of the bullies said they'd hurt me.

Please please wake up soon...I miss you, I need you. You're the only one that likes me anymore.'

Day 4

People are saying you don't really love me...that's what your mom and dad say too...are they right?

I keep praying you'll wake up, Dede. Why isn't God answering my prayers anymore? Momma says it's because you need to heal...but I need you...I know you're hurting, I'm sorry I'm being so selfish...

I have to head home now...school was bad. I got a black eye, no teacher saw, so nobody did anything...'

Day 5

Dede I'm really scared now...they keep saying you'll wake up soon but you're not. Please please wake up...I need you so badly. I miss you so so so much, Dede.

I got a busted lip.... Momma says I'm special but I feel horrible. I feel like I don't belong anywhere. Not even here, with you anymore.

I don't wanna be here anymore, Damien...I really don't. It's scary...you're the only person who makes me happy...but are they right? Do you really want me anymore, after what happened?

Probably not...'

Day 6

Dede...I'm so done, honestly. You're not waking up, and people won't stop being mean...I don't wanna do this anymore...I'm so scared.

It hurts, what I did to myself. My arms...they aren't deep but they still hurt, Dede. I'm so sorry...'

Today was the last day. Patton decided on one last note. He'd get through the night...but he wouldn't be back tomorrow.

Day 7

Hey Damien...I'm sorry. This is the last note, I can't take it anymore, really. I'm so tired...I'm so done.

People have called me names all my life, really. Then highschool started and people seemed to like me more.

Then this got out, that I love you. Yeah....love, Damien. I love you so so so much...but I keep getting hurt for it, or you do. I can't forgive myself for what happened...

I'm so so sorry, Dede...I have to go. I won't be here when you wake up...I'm sorry.

I love you so much, Cobra. I'll...see you on the other side. Don't follow too soon, ok?'

Patton left after that. He had a bad black eye, a busted lip and bruised cheek. His chest and torso were bruised and he was limping.

Normally, the people would get in trouble. But not if they didn't see it, he figured.

~

Damien woke up the next day, early. Way early. Nobody was there, anyways. He frowned, always thinking he'd heard Patton's voice when he was asleep.

He read the notes, sighing at the first one. He read all the others, getting angrier and angrier. He got to the latest one and paused.

He grabbed his phone with wide, teary eyes. Damien called Patton, biting his lip. He couldn't lose his best friend. The one he loved so much, more than anything.

Patton checked his phone and his eyes brightened slightly. He picked up. "H-hello?"

"Patton?" Damien asked, sniffling. "oh thank God you haven't done it yet...hey, I'm awake now, ok? Please don't hurt yourself...visiting is open. Come see me, please. I miss you."

Patton didn't dare wait. He said ok and hung up, getting ready and driving there. He got to Damien's room and ran to him, carefully hugging him.

De pulled back and kissed Patton. It was full of love and want and need. He couldn't lose him at all. He knew that now. Both of them did.

Neither could lose the other without losing themselves.