5 years later, I still love you

It's been 5 years, 5 long years of heartache, you know I still miss how in the morning you would wake up early to make me breakfast and how when you called me to eat I would pretend to still be sleeping and you'd always come back up again and you'd end up bringing the breakfast with you, I can still smell the burnt pancakes.

I've been rejecting so many men just because I can't move on from you, I'm still mad at you.  Because if you didn't die I wouldn't have to keep on swatting away so many men, and I wouldn't be scared of listening to the last phone call you left me before you died.

I can't listen to it because I feel so much guilt that I didn't pick up and I'm scared that your last words were "I love you" and that I never got to say it back to you, but I hope you know that I will always love you, you're my first love and no one can change that or take that away because it's already been engraved on my heart.
I think- I think that I finally have the guts to listen to your message now after such a long time just know whatever you said in that call I'll still love you no matter what.

(Have you figured out what the bold letters spell out? What does it mean?)