CHAPTER FIFTY-SEVEN: GRIEVING 

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It has being almost a year since the universe was reset and since you died in his arms and Five still miss you like hell. Not a day went by without him thinking about his wife. Images of your constantly crossed his mind. Your face was so angelic-like. You were so naturally beautiful. Your big, luminous onyx-shade eyes that you would sheepishly car upwards from your thick long lashes to meet his gaze. Lips you tended to nibble on with your teeth, which had your long, waves draped over your shoulders, caressing your soft skin that felt so delicate underneath his fingertrip. The sound of your gently graceful chuckle. He thought of you his wife when he slept, when he shower, worked. Every minute of his existence, the image of your innocent beautiful face would always someone manage to weave into his dreams. He thought about you every single day.

Missing you wasn't just a feeling. It felt like someone had stuck their hand inside him, ripped his heart and soul from his chest, then crush it before throwing it against the wall.

It was almost the one year anniversary without you. Almost one year since he made that mistake, that decision that took you from his world. And as much as he could pretend he didn't care, he knew damn well he'd never forgive himself for it.

It has been almost a year since that day happened, but Five is still haunted by it. The pain of losing you feels as fresh as the day it happened. Like a wound that never healed, a reminder of what he can never get back.

He never stop loving you. Hours turns into days, days turned into weeks. Weeks into months.

Five actually managed to find your family a few months ago where he bump into your dad, but Martin told Five that you had a miscarriage and then committed suicide a few days after. Those news broke Five down. He failed you again.

He felt like he was losing the ground beneath his feet. As if falling down a dark abyss. The depths of hell. Over and over again. Every single goddamn day of his wretched existence. The days started blurring. Each one was a broke tape on repeat.

He wanted to scream, to let the pain growing inside of him out, but no sound would come out of his mouth. He wanted to cry, but no tears would well up his eyes. He felt numb.

He lost a piece of himself. When you took your last breath in his arms and you were not there when he walked out of that elevator. A piece of him died. He died inside. He merely existed. Existed only to find you.

Did his love fade after days, weeks, months without the love of his life?

NO.

This love intoxicated him like a drug.

He saw your face before his eyes every second of everyday. Whenever he heard your name, his heartbeat accelerated. It felt like his heart would burst out of his chest and break into millions of pieces all over again. Always the same. Like a never-ending cycle.

The pain of losing you was still there. It never left.

He was a mess, his eyes were red and puffy from crying all the time. He have dark circles badge under his eyes from not getting enough sleep. His lips were puffed and his whole face just look like he came out of a hot furnace.

He was not getting enough sleep, he rarely slept and when he did, he cried himself to sleep.

When he finally did sleep, he would dream of you. Dream of that life you and him would have right now.

His place seems empty without you, like a desolate desert. On a lonely night like this. You were the oxygen he inhaled, the large full moon seeping into his flat through the window, even through the curtains. I saw her everywhere, even though you were only a memory....merely an elusive creation of his mind that faded with the sunrise ripping through his bone. You were every sip of whiskey he'd drink to numb his misery, knowing even the sea of alcohol would not help him.

He wish he had his powers, then he could time travel back.

But he have just lost you and no time travel can change that, not this time cause he didn't had his powers anymore.

And because of the huge alteration to the timeline, he no longer had you. He had never felt more lost and alone.

Ten months almost a year without your touch. Ten months without your voice. Ten months of talking to himself. Ten months years of your name echoing in his mind. Ten months without you.

Five felt alone even so he was not alone, he had his siblings, but he still felt alone. Old him wouldn't agree. Apocalypse him would be grateful to see at least one face that had life in it. But he wasn't. How could he? He grew unused to it. He craved much more. He was greedy now. You were everywhere. You were the flickering lights, you were the symbols on the wall, you were was the cold on his skin, you were the warmth of the fire, you were the water he drank, you were the blood he spilt.

How long did he have before he lost his mind? Ten months gone, maybe a year was his limit?

Missing you wasn't just a feeling. It felt like someone had stuck their hand inside him, ripped his heart and soul from his chest, then crush it before throwing it against the wall.

Five was in his apartment, he was sitting on the couch and was looking at the only picture he had of you and him which was taken right before Viktor destroyed the moon, and after you and Five have gotten married in the town hall.

"I miss you Y/n, why would you leave me? I don't know how long I can live without you" he stroke his thumb down the picture as a tear fell from his eyes.

----

It has only been a few weeks since you return back from the hospital after giving birth to yours and Five's twins. You have decided to name the boy Elliott Hargreeves-Russell and the girl Ellie Russell-Hargreeves. 

You still thinking about Five and where he was. You have tried to search for him, but it has being hard while you were pregnant and now you have to look after two newborns, but lucky you had your older brother Robert who have being trying to search for Five.

You also wondering why he has not being looking for you, is it because he think you are dead.

A knock on the door made you snap out of your thoughts "Yeah" the door opened and Robert entered.

"Have some amazing news" he was holding a piece of paper "What?" you got up and turn to face your brother.

"I found him" your eyes widened "You found Five?" he nodded "Yeah, well, I found his number" Robert lifted up a piece of paper.

You quickly rushed over before grabbing the paper to look at it and you smiled when you saw the numbers on it.

"Are you sure this is it?" you looked up at him "Well, unless there is someone else that is called Five Hargreeves" Robert said.

You just stared at the numbers, a part of you were scared.

"What is wrong sis?" Robert asked as he looked at you "Call him" he smiled "I'm scared" you said "Over what?" he asked "What if he don't love me anymore?" you looked up at your brother.

"You told me the whole story about you and him. And after what you told me, there is no way he wouldn't still love you, why wouldn't you think that?" he asked "Because of our fight and the argument we had before the universe was reset" you let out a sigh.

"What if he don't love me anymore, or have forgotten all about me and moved on" you said "I don't believe he has, beside he is an idiot if he has" Robert smiled "But there is only one way to find out" you looked back at him "Call him" he said and you nodded.

----

Five was sitting in a bar, by the counter, drinking some vodka. He have being going to a bar every night since the alcohol helps him sleep at night because without you, he can't sleep probably.   

Then suddenly his phone rang and he pulled it up to see it was an unknown number.

He let out a sigh before he answer the phone and put it to his left ear.

"This is Five Hargreeves, who am I speaking to?" he asked.     

"Five, can you hear me, it's me, it's Y/n, your wife" you said "No, it isn't, my wife Y/n is dead. Who is this? You don't even sound like her" he said "Okay, you need to stop being an stubborn asshole for a second and listen to me, it is me, I'm alive and I'm really glad you are too" you said.

When Five realized that it was you, tears appeared in his eyes as he realized that it was you "It really is you" he sob, he couldn't believe that he was hearing your voice, and it was real, not in any dreams or anything, it was real.

"It's really good to hear your voice" you said "It's really good to hear yours too" he said and you chuckled.

"Where are you, I thought----" "I'm back home where my family live" you said "I'm on my way" he hang up the phone before he rushed out of the bar.

Five ran as fast as he could while he just kept smiling.

---

Finally he came to your house and he took a deep breath as he knock on the door.

It didn't take long until Robert opened the door "You must be Five" he said and Five nodded "I'm Robert, Y/n's older brother" Robert said "Is she here?" Five asked and Robert nodded before he step aside.

You were sitting in the living room when you heard footsteps and you got up before you turned around.

A smile appeared in your eyes when you saw Five standing in front of you.

His hair was a bit longer, but it didn't matter how long it had been or what he or you looked like, you would never forget the man-and boy- you had spend a lifetime in the apocalypse with.

Y/n Russell would never forget Five Hargreeves, and he would never forget you.

Five couldn't take his eyes off you, the fact that you were right in front of him was unbelievable. 

The unbelievable torment he has had to endure without you felt everlasting, that he would never see you again.

He couldn't believe who was standing in front of him. The only woman he have ever loved.

Five looked at the woman with Y/h/c, it was different than he remember, but the same texture from his dreams.

To chase your heart
No distance could ever tear us apart
There's nothing that I wouldn't do
I'll find my way back to you

It can't be.

Icy chills ran down his back as his gaze met yours.

On my way now
Don't give up on me
And no one knows what
What tomorrow brings

Five prayed to God, unsure whether he believe in his existence to help him find you. It seems like his prayers had just been answered.

His eyes narrowed as he scrutinized the woman that was standing in front of him.

He know every inch of your body, every millimeter of your face, by heart. No matter the fact that your perfect, soft skin was one shade darker than he remember.

But your eyes and your voice...the beautiful, deepest shade of onyx hadn't changed a bit. The corner of your soft lips quirked into a definite, one-sided grin.

In that moment the world stopped turning. It felt surreal to gaze into your eyes, finally after so long time. And your smile...that smile brought back a million memories.

You were stunning, like an angel and a goodness, with what Five would call a dark feminine energy that rendered your irresistible.

All the beautiful from the entire universe could not compare with you. In his eyes, you were perfect.

Five blamed love for making him this way. Love made us blind. Love made us see no one but the person we adored. And without a doubt. He still loved you. He never stop and never will. And now the sight of you....fuck for a second he forgot about the pain, the unbearable months of insane, excruciating pain he felt without you.

As he look at you, he forgot about the past, the pain, everything. He let himself believe that it was over now, that the years of agony had just come to an end and it was.

"Five..." you broke the silence between the two of you as tears started streaming down your face. Five's shoulders began to loosen up.

Five step closer to you "Are you--" he lifted his hand up to your cheek.

The moment his skin met yours, you tense, your body freezingas if the touch was foreign to you as if it had been far too long since you'd felt anything like it. His hand burshed against your cheek gently, and tough you tensed at his touch you didn't pull away. Your eyes met his, and the pain, the sorrow, and the guilt were so raw in your faze that it took Five's breath away.

You lifted up your hand and cupped Five's hand with yours "Real?" you looked at your hands before you moved them to your cheek, proving to Five that you wasn't a fragment of his imagination. 

"Are you real?" he asked as he lifted his hand up to your cheek and you nodded as you grabbed his hand "You are really are alive" he said and you nodded "I thought I lost you forever" he said "I thought I was never going to see you again" you said.

"I love you, today, tomorrow, forever and a day" Five muttered. His words were barely audible but you caught them and a smile tugged on your lips. It was a rare sentence to leave Five's mouth but when he said it, you knew he always meant it and even when he didn't say it, you knew exactly how Five felt about you.

"Don't get all mushy now" he dropped his graze from you to the top button of your shirt "I love you, today, tomorrow, forever and a day" his eyes met yours again. He had only ever heard you said that you loved him a handful of times in your many years together and every time his heart skipped a beat.  

"I'd sure hope so" Five smirked when you rolled your eyes.

"Your hair is longer" you ran your fingers through his hair "Yeah" he nodded while he had tears in his eyes "I decided to let it grow for you" he said "Well, I like it" you smiled and he smiled while he let out a sob.

With a small step that was barely a step, you closed the gap between you both. You let go of Five's hand and hooked your arms around his torso. Your hands pressed flat against his back and your head rested on his shoulder.

Five didn't hug you back for a moment but as soon as you mumbled his name Five gave in. One arm circled around your shoulder as his fingers brushed over your Y/h/c hair, again making sure that you were real.

Both you and Five cried tears of joy as you were hugging each other, so happy being with each other again.

You were finally back into your lover's arms. The arms of Five's. And Five was finally back in yours.

"Your heart?" he asked "It's heathly, nothing to worry about" you said. 

"I thought you were dead" he said "I came back. I walk out of the elevator" you said "But your dad told me that you had died" 

When Five said that you pulled away "What?" you asked "He told me you had died" Five said "I didn't. Why would he say that?" you asked.

"Because dad hates Five" you both turned to see Robert enter the living room.

"He still think that Five kidnapped you, kept you prisoner and then rape you" Robert said and you let out a sigh.

"He just wouldn't see it" you said before looking at Five "I'm sorry. I wanted to look for you, but my parents refuse to leave me alone without a family member, and it was a bit hard looking for you when I was pregnant--- " "So you didn't had a miscarried?" he asked "What? No. Did my dad tell you that?" you asked and he nodded "He told me that you had a miscarried and then you committed suicide a few days later" Five explain "Jesus dad" you shook your head "Well, I didn't had a miscarried. I gave birth to twins. A boy and a girl" Five smiled.

"So we are---" "Yeah, Five, we are parents again. The universe has giving us another chance in being parent" you smiled.

"They are so cute" Robert said and you both looked at him. 

"Nice to finally meet you Five" Five and Robert shook hands "You too" Five said "Welcome to the family. Treat my sister right" Robert said "I will, I promise I will never hurt her or break her heart ever again" Five said "Good" Robert said before he looked at you "I will go to work, mom, dad, Jesse and Gabe will be home later tonight, but I promise to be there, so dad don't kick Five out or report him to the police or hurt him in everyway" Robert said "Thanks Robert" you smiled "Of course" he smiled back before he grab his jacket and left.

Five then turned to look at you again "Can I meet the kids?" he asked "Of course. Come" you grab his hand and lead him upstairs.

Five followed you up the stairs and over to a door "They are in here" you slowly opened the door and Five saw how the nursery was made.

One a wall behind a blue crib hang a poster that said 'Good morning handsome' while next to the blue crib was there a pink crib and on a wall behind the crib hang a poster that said 'Good morning beautiful'

This was just like his dream and that made him smile.

"They are sleeping right now, here they are" you slowly lifted up the baby boy from his crib very gently and slowly so you didn't woke him up.

"This is your son. Elliott Hargreeves-Russell. He is the youngest. He has your eyes" 

Five smiled while his cheek turn a bit pink as you handed Elliott to him.

Tears appeared in Five's eyes as he stared down at his son who was asleep "He is beautiful" he smiled before he looked at you "How old?" he asked "Only a month" you said "I'm sorry I wasn't there" he said "It's not your fault" you said.

Five then gave you back Elliott who put him in his crib before lifting up Ellie "This is Ellie Russell-Hargreeves" you handed him the baby girl.

"So beautiful" he smiled before he put her back in her crib.

"They are so beautiful Y/n, just like their mom" he looked at you.

"Y/n, I'm so sorry for everything that has happen between us. For not telling you the truth about how you landed in the coma, I'm sorry for everything, but I want to give our marriage another chance" he said and you let out a sigh as you sat down on the couch that was in the nursery.

"I just don't think I can go through all of that again" you said "As much as you think it was Y/n/n. Love you wasn't one sided. Because I gave you every part of me and I loved you with everything I had" he said "But you left out the part of being present. You fell in love with this idea of who we could be, but you never have any love who we were and when you left, it didn't feel any different, because you were never there to begin with" you said "I'm sorry I couldn't keep my promise Y/n/n" he said.

You smiled softly and look at the floor but he raised your chin up.

"I was really serious about building that gorgeous house with a big yard. That house you talk about when we were on our road trip. I was really looking forward to it" he said "The house on the hill, where you could see the sea?" you asked and he smiled "A big white house with blue shutters and room overlooking in the sea so you can pain. The designer kitchen and the basement and piles of clothes in your closet. I'd be there waiting so every time the world hurt you. A big old porch that can rap the entire house. Where we can drink tea or coffee and watch the sun go down. You could come back home and just smile" he said you smiled over that he could still remember it.

"Five I don't know what to say" you said "You know, there was before you, and there was during you...for some reason I never thought there would be--an after you, but there it was, and I was in it, it felt like forever until I heard that you were alive. I knew I couldn't be in it forever, I knew I couldn't leave you" he said as he looked at you.

"Ever since I laid eyes on you, I knew I couldn't hurt you. And you keep proving me out every single day. Everything I've done after was to protect you. I'm so sorry. Please give me a second chance, I promise I will never fucked this up again, I promise I will never hurt you. Just please give me a second chance to show you how much I regret what I have done, give me a chance to show you how much I care about you and how much I love you, and how sorry I am" he said.

"Okay" you said softly "Okay what?" he asked "One last time" you said "Thank you Y/n, thank you. I promise you, I'll be better and if I'm not, I want you to kill me yourself, because I wouldn't be able to live with myself knowing I'd let you down a second time. So no more lies or secrets, I promise" he said.

"I'm sorry for getting so mad at you" you said "No, you had the every right to be mad, I would be too if I were in your shoes" he said. 

You kissed Five's cheek and leaned your foreheads against each and nodded. The two of you stay like that for a minute until Five cup your face in his hands and smile.

There was a spark in your eyes that caught his attention. Your Y/e/c eyes were always the most beautiful thing he's ever seen, beside your smile, but the spark it was a warm look that always told him that you were right here.

The spark in your eyes remind him of the stars, like they have always do.

He decided that if his own fate, if it even existed hanged in the stars. Those stars were in the eyes of you. All he saw was you, he saw the fullness of you. It was your eyes, smile, words and mind. He could stare at you forever.

Five wasn't an emotional person, hardly so, but you being alive and here with him make him crack. He pulled his y/n in and hugged you as if he never tought he'd see you again. He just cried out your name over and over again in a small whispered almost if he believe if he spoke too loud you would disappeared.

You held him too, joining his sobs. You had both been broken by each other, not on purpose, never on purpose, but your small words and tears had begun to heal whatever it was that broke you both.

Your hands went to his hair and ran a hand through it, your fingers entwining with the soft pieces. His hands went to your back and your neck, pulling you incredibly closer than before. Scared that if he let go of you, you would disappear.The two of you are forever in that moment.

What you and Five had was incomparable to any connection made by friends, foes, lovers and companions. You were the best lovers in any time.

If your castle crumbled overnight, you and Five would rebuilt every time your arrival.

The world faded away, every star in the sky hid away, the only thing left was the two souls that had been made to be together.

He had his whole world in his arms. You became everything that mattered to him.

Five felt his life made sense and it was worth living now, because he have gotten his world back.

You and Five were finally together again.

If you didn't know Five so much, you wouldn't have notice his blush nor would you have notice that the end of his ears turned red although they were covered by his black hair.

"You will always be safe with me, I'm not letting you go or losing you again" he said. He was always a man of few words, expression more in actions than words ever could. He loved you dearly. And if he could bring himself to, he would go back in time and give you what you wanted. But he couldn't. He had believe you were dead once, hold your dead body in his arms, watch you die and he refused a second time to that to happen. It was love that drove him to move the clock of time forward and backwards in order to please you. It was love that had him plastered on the word 'no'. He wouldn't do it. And it was because of love.

He want to grow old with you. He want to marry you. He want move to the ocean or countryside with you. He would be there at your graduation. He would support you through your career you choose. He would watch you sleep on slow morning and see you woke up in the middle of the night. Be the shoulder for you to cry on. He want to spend the rest of his life with you. 

Five felt happiness running through his body, sitting in front of you, looking at you, touching you, making him feel whole and happy again, he had missed you so much and you have missed him too.

Five would make sure that nothing would ever happen to you again.

The two of you are forever in that moment.

"I'm glad you are finally here" you said "Me too. And I promise we will stay together. No more splitting up" he said "And I promise not to get so mad, and let you explain" you said and he smiled.

"I love you" you said and you wrapped your arms around each other as you pressed your lips against each other while tears of joy felled from your eyes.

The two of you then pulled away before resting your foreheads against each other.

Then you pressed your face onto his chest, knowing you could not stop yourself from ugly crying anymore. You sobbed on him, letting out loud whimpers as his hands caressed your back and hair fondly and devotedly. You could hear his heartbeat in your ear, easing you from all worry, making you feel like it was all worth it. But you needed him close just to be sure.

Your hands slid to his back as you caressed him as well. He was so tense, his muscles felt like stones under your touch. Although your voice was definitely shaky, you wanted to speak to him.

"I am...sorry" you whispered at him, hiccuping in between the words. His hands grip became tighter.

"No, don't say that. I don't want to hear that" your brows furrowed and you lifted your head just to look at him, not breaking your hug. You did not really care if you looked like a mess.

"Why?..I am sorr-- " "Say anything else but that---" "His expression seemed pained, yet relieved. His eyes waterline was piling up with tears too, but contrary to you, they never spilled "I love you" it was all you could really think of. It was the simple and pure truth.

"I love you" he whispered at you, before closing the last bit of distance between you both with a delicate kiss.

You pulled away to look at each other.

"You and me, today, tomorrow, forever and a day" you both said before you both connected your lips again.

While you were kissing you jumped up and wrapped your legs around Five's waistline while he carried you to your bedroom.

You and Five was going to have a lovely moment together. Because after spending almost a year apart there's a lot a married couple miss.

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