That night went by slower than ever, 2 whole days went by without a word from Colton. School was boring, and when I had to sit by Colton in chemistry, we didn't talk. It was like we had broken up, and at this point I didn't know if we had or not.  Ben was quiet, he would give me a hesitant smile every once and a while, but he hadn't been over since that morning. I tried hard not to read too much into his absence, but I couldn't help but wonder if he was mad at me too.  And still, the statement still haunted me every time I closed my eyes. Me or him, is what Colton had said right before he left.

Choosing between my best friend and my crush since pre-k wasn't something I was prepared to do. I didn't want to have to do that, I wanted both of them. I loved them both.

I was laying in bed that night, tears silently running down my cheeks. I texted Ben hours ago, asking him to come over for one of our criminal minds episodes. But, he never answered. I sat there pondering why he was mad, why he had left. Maybe it was because he was in a awkward situation? Maybe he found it weird that Colton accused me of having sex with my best friend? What could it possibly be, what could've made him so worked up.

I let out a deep sigh and looked out my window, hoping and looking for answers. Unfortunately, it wasn't the answer I was hoping for. Ben's window was shut and Reagan's car was parked in the driveway. I don't even know what happened, but all of a sudden the tears started to fall harder, jealousy bubbling up in my soul all at once. I knew what he was doing to her, I knew how good he was making her feel and suddenly I wished he was doing that to me.

I shook my head, ashamed of what I was thinking - but the thought only returned. Damn me. I shouldn't be thinking this about my best friend, I shouldn't, but there was nothing I could do to keep the thoughts away.

I had to go see Colton.

I drove to his house instantly, probably going over the speed limit as I drove. But I couldn't control my foot as it pressed on the gas harder, more eager to get him back. It was a weird feeling, loving two people. I'm not sure what happened, but all of sudden I faced the realization that I loved Ben. I loved him so much, and it was so weird to love someone when you don't know what type of love it is.

When I pulled into Colton's driveway I hesitated before walking up to the door and knocking, expecting Colton to answer. But it wasn't Colton who retrieved the door, it was his mom.

"Hey Mrs Briggs" I said, quickly wiping away any tear residue. She smiled and looked at me heartwarmingly. "Is Colton home?" I asked, hope building up inside of me.

     "Yeah, of course. He's in his room" She said politely before moving a side for me to pass. I went up to his room, afraid for what he might say, and afraid that this won't go as I planned. Walking up to his room I stopped at the closed door and knocked, my breathing picking up pace.  He answered.

   "Oh. Hey Elizabeth" He said, while opening the door wider. I walked in as he retreated to his bed, laying down with his phone in his hand.

     "Colton... I - I miss you" I chocked out, trying to put into words how I really felt.

"Elizabeth... I really want to believe you. I really do, but for some reason that seems insanely complicated right now. I'm sorry" Colton said, and for a moment I swear I saw a tear fall from his eye. Of maybe I just imagined it, hoping that he was just as sad as I was - that he understood that I didn't sleep with Ben.

       "Colton I swear, I like you so much and I want you to know that. I want you to trust me. I miss us" I said, walking over to him as he sat on the bed. At this point it felt like I was grasping for thin air, to only have it slip right through my fingers. The feeling was unbearable.

"Come here" He said slowly, patting the spot beside him. "I have something to tell you"

I walked over to him, slowly propping myself up next to him. The outline of his chin resembled a sharp knife, and his hair was neater than his whole entire house. I couldn't understand how one human being could be so perfect, so untouched.

"You know why I try not to drink?" Colton said, looking at me closer. I didn't answer, all I did was stare at him intently. "Because I get aggressive when I drink. That's why. I'm sorry for what I did that night, even when it's all a blur - but I want you to know that He isn't me, that messed up human wasn't me. I forgive you Elizabeth, because I know you well enough that you wouldn't cheat on anyone, nobody. Your heart is precious, untouched and vulnerable - and I just pray to god that I'll be the one you want by your side. So, what's it gonna be - Me or Ben" He stated.

For a moment, I thought I was going to have a heart attack, quick spurts of panic and frustration. I didn't understand, I couldn't understand why he wanted me to choose between two people I loved a lot. It was like trying to decide between Vanilla and chocolate, almost impossible. There wasn't a way I could possibly choose - there wasn't.

"Colton-" I said, tears threatening to spill at any moment.

"Maybe this will help you decide" He said slowly. He bit his lip, and stared at me so intently it was like he was undressing me with my eyes. And then he came in and kissed me hard on the lips, so smooth and harsh I forgot how to kiss back. It was nice, it made me feel nice as his hands glided down my sides.

But as I kissed him, it was like something insane happened. Something wild. Like I transformed into someone else. It was fueled by the undeniable envy I had.. of Reagan. Every time I saw them together, every time I imagined him in my head - I kissed Colton as little bit harder.  This couldn't be happening, it couldn't.

I was fooling myself - because I liked Colton. Not Ben. Never. No.

Colton was on top of me now, kissing my neck and making my head spin like crazy. He had his shirt off, and my eyes instantly watched his chest as he moved, but I could only imagine Ben. What if Ben were the one on top of me right now.

I shook the thought away, only being convicted by my own mind. I let out a deep sigh, a sigh of frustration and want. Colton kissed harder and harder until it was almost midnight, and we had stopped. For once, Colton hadn't asked me to go any further than what I wanted to go.

We sat on his bed, looking at each other intently. I wanted to know if he forgave me, but I think he did judging by how happy he seemed to be.

"What do you film?" I asked, looking at the top of his cabinet. I remembered seeing them the first day I walked into his room, but I had never asked about them.

"Just nature, things that interest me" He said. He stood up and grabbed the camera from the shelf and turned it on, facing it in my direction. He spoke. "This is Elizabeth, my beautiful girlfriend" He said, I couldn't help but blush.

I raised my hand and let out a small wave before laughing. "I like pineapples"

"That's 'las penis' in Spanish" Colton said. "So, I guess you liked me penis" He said, laughing. I laughed too, although it was faker than any laugh I've ever portrayed. It made me think of Ben.

"Actually it's Las Piñas" I stated, seriously. He chuckled and shut the camera off, returning it to the top of the self. He smirked at me, before getting on top of where I was laying.

"Let's do something. It doesn't have to be sex... just anything" He pressured, grabbing my hands and holding them to his chest. He smiled at me, and honestly- I tried so hard to smile back - but I couldn't manage to pull it off.

I gave in, and did something I'd rather not speak of. Something that looking back on, I ashamed to say I have done. But at the time the only thing I wanted to hear was him say something, was to make him happy. I had to prove to him - and maybe to myself - that I liked him.

I remember hearing him moan and groan as I did what he wanted with my hands, but I mostly remember what he said afterwards.

"Elizabeth. I forgive you. Oh God, I love you" Is what he had told me. I remember those words as clearly as day would have it, and I remember what I told him afterwards too.

"I love you too" Is what I told him.
But really I was just admiring his features, his chocolate brown eyes.

I realized then, that If I had to choose between Vanilla ice cream or Chocolate ice cream, I would've said Chocolate.

But only because the Vanilla was already taken.