⚠️T.W: dark, self-unalive thoughts and implied attempt/s ⚠️

Summary/background:
—Peter lost Aunt May to the green goblin as per canon
—tony did die when he snapped, but a mysterious godly force revived him (🌲) (iykyk)
—Peter has dealt with a lot of crap as we know
—MJ and Ned don't know him anymore (so basically NWH but Tony was revived afterwards, and therefore the spell doesn't affect him)

Based on the song You Don't Know by Katelyn Tarver.
Not edited.

Peter

Peter stood in the back as the funeral service came to a close, head down as he listened to the heartfelt words of May's family and friends. Memories shared, tears shed, all common funeral activities. He stood in the cemetery until the very last guest left. His breath froze in his throat when he saw Happy amongst the crowd, but kept his head down and didn't draw attention to himself as the man walked past him.

Finally, he was alone. He walked up to the new grave, the casket down below yet to be buried. May didn't even have a headstone yet, but he knew what it would say.

And what it wouldn't say.

Aunt. Mother.

His head sagged, shoulders drawn in on himself. If only I had been faster. If only I had noticed sooner, or protected her. It is my fault she's in the ground. He stood there for almost an hour, staring down at the casket that held his aunt. His mother, really. She was all he had. He was all she had. But now she was with Ben, and Peter was left alone.

He only left because they needed to bury the casket, and the workers preferred for the family to not be present when that happened, because anything could happen. So he walked away, angry. Angry that it was a beautiful fucking day. Angry that May wasn't there to enjoy it. Angry that everyone else was going home to their families, and he was going home to no one. He didn't even have a home anymore— it's not like his name was on the Apartment's lease.

He walked the streets, head down. No one paid him any mind, no one knew who he was. He kept walking until he was alone in an alley. Where he numbly pulled on his Spider-Man suit. It was torn in places, stained with blood in others, but it's not like he had the resources to make a new one, so he would have to deal with it. He took to the streets, swinging from building to building and hoping the rush of air would numb his thoughts. It worked for a little while, because there were people in danger and he refused to let anyone else become like him tonight, so he would do his damn best to make sure everyone would be making it home safe. He had to remind himself to hold back, because in the back of his mind the other Peters' were warning him about becoming bitter and vengeful.

However, as the time passed on and the sun went down, he grew frustrated. The low life mugger he had just trapped in webs seemed like a perfect target. He picked the criminal up and shoved him against a wall.
The man stared at him, stunned.
"Why?!" Peter yelled.
The man stuttered. "I... I have to pay my dealer."
"WHY?!" Peter screamed, hands shaking as they gripped the man's collar. He wasn't talking about the man anymore. He punches the wall next to the man's head, making a crack spiderweb over the whole building. A brick of two even fell out and hit the ground.

The man was pale. He was terrified. He didn't know what to do, all his buddies said that Spider-man just made jokes all the time. He decided that this Spider-man was absolutely fucking terrifying. "I-I'm sorry, I'll never do it again." He stammered. Peter was breathing heavily, chest heaving as he stared at the man. He wanted to beat him.
"I stopped pulling my punches. I got rageful." Peter 3's voice rang in his ears.
"I got what I wanted. It didn't make it better." Peter 2's voice now.
"I just don't want you to end up like... like me." Peter 3 again.

Peter stopped. He took a deep breath. He slowly released the man and set him down on the ground. He then pulled his webs off the shaking man.
"Go..." he whispers.
The man stares at him with wide eyes as he scrambles away and runs off into the night, vowing to turn his life around.

Peter stood in the alleyway silently for a minute, before his shoulders started shaking. The weight of everything came crashing down on him, not just May, not just being forced to make the world forget him, but everything. Mysterio. Dusting. Fighting Thanos. Fighting the vulture. Hell, even back to losing Ben. It was all... too much. He had to get away.

He shot a web up and pulled himself away, swinging as his body shakes and tears threaten to fall, until he ends up sitting on the arm of a crane, staring down at the city below him. He sat there, pulled off his mask. The wind whipped at him, making his skin sting and face red. But he didn't care. He deserved it. He deserved a lot more.

He sat their, thoughts spiralling to dark places. I should have been better. I should have tried harder. I should have saved her. I should have protected her. It should have been me. It shouldn't have been her. I should have died. She would be ok. Ned would be ok without me. MJ would be okay without me. If I had just died then none if this would have happened. All I bring is suffering. People get hurt because of me. I bring no benefit. All I do is hurt people, all I do is make people suffer, and all I do is suffer. It'll never stop. I can never be happy.

He wasn't sure how long he sat there until he heard the thrusters of an Iron Man suit. But he didn't care. He ignored it, because the less people he talks to—even robots— the better. A metallic clunk sounded behind him, sending a vibration over the crane. Peter half hoped it would be large enough to throw him off. He didn't think he'd bother to catch himself. Seconds of silence pass, before another metallic sound happens. Peter hoped it meant the suite was going to leave him alone, but that wasn't the case. Soft footsteps vibrated against the metal behind him. Peter glanced behind him.

Tony Stark held his arms out for balance as he walked across the yellow metal towards Peter, his designer suit blowing in the wind and his Iron Man suit vacated behind him. Peter looked away. He didn't know what he'd do if Tony fell, if he lost him again, he'd probably throw himself after him and let his webs catch only one of them— and it wasn't going to be Peter.

Peter stared at the city below, noticing the reflection of the sun on the skyscrapers as it rose behind him. Tony lowered himself to sit down next to Peter, million dollar suite flapping in the breeze. He didn't say anything yet.

I know you got the best intentions
Just tryna find the right words to say

"Kid." Tony said after a moment. He sighed, seemingly struggling to find the right words.

I promise I've already learned my lesson
But right now, I wanna be not okay

Peter shook his head, "Don't." His voice was hoarse. Had he been crying this whole time? "I get it, I screwed up. Again. She's gone because of me. I learnt my lesson now."
"You know it wasn't your fault." Tony says. "These things... they happen. And we have to understand that they will happen."

I'm so tired, sitting here waiting
If I hear one more "Just be patient"
It's always gonna stay the same

"I'm tired, mr Stark." Peter exclaims, raising his voice. "I'm tired of it all. I'm sick of having my heart ripped up over and over again! I can't stand it! I can't just... I can't keep going through this. It's always going to be like this."

"Peter..." Tony whispered. Peter shook his head and shut his eyes.
"If you're going to tell me that she would want me to be happy save your breath. Nothing is worth it, not without her. Not without my friends. I have no one left now. So let me sit here and watch my life burn around me, and if that's unhealthy, well, it's not like my life matters."

So let me just give up
So let me just let go
If this isn't good for me
Well, I don't wanna know

"Your life has been awful, lately." Tony says. "And it's not looking up for you, is it?"
"It hasn't been looking up for a long time, mr Stark, it's just been getting worse. I can't do it anymore, I can't sit here and grin and bear it, or look at the bright side. There's none left. I don't want your advice."

Let me just stop trying
Let me just stop fighting
I don't want your good advice
Or reasons why I'm alright

"If you're going to tell me that I'll be fine, then don't. Because it's not fine. I'm not fine, and I'll never be fine. There is nothing that you could say that would tell me that I'm alright."

You don't know what it's like
You don't know what it's like

"You don't know what it's like." Peter whispers, tears rolling down his cheeks. "I'm not like you. I can't be a superhero and accept all the side affects. I'll never live up to you. I'm not worthy of my powers. I almost killed a man earlier, you know." He couldn't stop now. He stood up and started pacing on the metal. Tony watched him.

Can't stop these feet from sinking
And it's starting to show on me
You're staring while I'm blinking
But just don't tell me what you see

I'm so over all this bad luck
Hearing one more "Keep your head up"
Is it ever gonna change?

"I can't take it anymore, Tony. I don't know what I could have done to deserve this life, but it's the one I got. And all it's done is deteriorate. People tell me to be optimistic, to stay positive, but I can't. Because it's never going to change, is it?!"

So let me just give up
So let me just let go
If this isn't good for me
Well, I don't wanna know

"So just... let me give up." Peter exhaled, stopping pacing and looking down at the city below, standing frighteningly close to the edge. Tony's heart entered his throat.
"Peter." He said, the emotion in his tome enough to make Peter turn his head and see Tony's unguarded expression. Fear. Dread. "Don't... don't."

Let me just stop trying
Let me just stop fighting
I don't want your good advice
Or reasons why I'm alright

"Let me stop trying. I can't keep going on like this." Peter said, heartbroken. He stood still as the wind whipped at him. Tony held a hand out to him, scared that Peter would fall. "I'm not alright. I can't keep going."

You don't know what it's like
You don't know what it's like

Tony slowly stood, focused on Peter and Peter only. He held his hand out, trying to soothe Peter.
"You don't know what it's like." Peter whispered. He turned back towards the ledge.
"I do. I do." Tony insisted, voice breaking with emotion.

Don't look at me like that
Just like you understand
Don't try to pull me back

"Don't look at me like you get it." Peter snaps. He took a step towards the edge. Tony lunged forward and grasped for Peter, managing to grab a hold of his arm. Peter tried to shove him off.
"Don't try to pull me back." He whispered. "Let me go... let me give up."

Let me just give up
Let me just let go
If this isn't good for me
Well, I don't wanna know

"Never." Tony manages to keep his grip, his heart nesting loudly in his chest. "Never."

Let me just stop trying
Let me just stop fighting
I don't want your good advice
Or reasons why I'm alright

You don't know what it's like
You don't know what it's like
You don't know, you don't know, you don't know
You don't know what it's like

"Let me let go." Peter sobs. "Let me do this. You don't understand. You don't know what it's like. You don't know. You don't." He becomes hysterical, twisting in Tony's grip. Tony steps forward and wraps his other arm around Peter, pulling him back away from the edge.

You don't know what it's like
You don't know, you don't know
You don't know what it's like
You don't know what it's like

Peter stops struggling and collapses into Tony's arms, sobbing. Tears stream down his face. Tony turns him and pulls him into his chest, hugging the teen close to his body. He breathes in, trying to steady his breathing. He holds Peter in a tight grip, never wanting to let go. His arms tremble and tears slip down his face. He almost lost the kid again. He looks out to the sky, thanking whatever entity gave him a second chance at life that he found Peter. What if he had been five minutes late? He would've been scooping him off the city down below. He hated that thought.

"I know how you feel, trust me, I do," Tony whispered, holding the sobbing boy. "I've been where you are, seen no light at the end of the tunnel."
"I can't do it, Mr Stark." Peter sobs into his shirt. Tony couldn't care less about it getting wet. It meant that Peter was alive.
"You think you have no one left, but that's not true, Underoos. You have me." Tony adds. "And I can't pretend that everything will he okay, but I can promise you that I'm going to do my damn best to help you."

Several minutes later, both of them calmed down. Peter leaned out of Tony's arms, finnally starting to feel the exhaustion. And the weather. He'd been outside constantly for the last few days, in all kinds of weather. Tony noticed Peter shivering and took off his suit jacket.
"Here," he insisted softly as he held it out towards Peter. Peter looked at him, sad. "Come in, kid. You're freezing." He reluctantly took the jacket and put it on. Tony summoned the Iron Mam suit to them and got inside.

"Let's go, kid. You're joking if you think I'm leaving you out here alone." He said, offering a hand to Peter. Peter slowly took it, and Tony picked him up and held on tight, flying off. He had the kid in his arms, and that was all that mattered. His kid.