John Pov
"Yeah. Alex and I were dating when he died." I said.
"How'd you come out?" My therapist asked.

"Oh, it's a really funny story actually. So erm...my sister was down stairs and she was coming out as lesbian to my dad. My dad exclaimed, 'None of my children like boys!' And so I took this opportunity to sprint out of my room and shout 'I DO!' And then two days later Alex and I started dating." I told him, smiling softly.

Day two of therapy and I still hate it. Almost like school but that would be I still hate it after fucking FOREVER.

"How'd you meet?" He asked.
I smiled a bit.
Well damn.

~~
I looked over at the new kids paper. The worst time to come into a middle school is the middle of the year and that's what this kid did.

And on top of that everyone had their friend group.
It was seventh grade.

"Your name is Alex?" I asked.

"Yeah, How'd you know?" He asked. There was a small accent in his voice.

"I looked at your paper." I told him, smiling.

"Oh. And your name is John?" He asked.
"Yeah...you wanna hang out later or somethin'?" I asked.

"Really? I mean yeah! Thanks. I have no friends here and it's super weird, ya know?" He said with an exasperated sigh.

"Yeah. I moved here from South Carolina in third grade." I told him.

"Cool. I've always thought abo-"
"Alex! John! Stop talking!"

~~

"We were such nerds back then." I said with a dry laugh. "We went from nerds, to dorks, to the losers."

"Elaborate on what you mean by losers." He said, putting his pen in his mouth.

"Well, I guess you know the kids that nobody likes? The ones that nobody really knows? We were them. Now it's just me I guess. I love Alex but I hate what he fucking did. He should've told me." I said, putting my head in my hands.

God, I wish this would stop.

"Hey, it's alright. Tell me what you and him usual did after school. Maybe traditions?" He suggested.
I sniffled and thought about what to tell him.

~~
I rode my bike with Alex on the pegs, holding my shoulders. We did that for a few days before we made his bike out of spare parts we found in alleys, dumpsters and Goodwill.

You could say we were creative.

Today was different though.
It was the Fourth of July and we were going to the baseball field to shoot fireworks and mess with sparklers and just fire in general.

We got there and Alex hopped off my bike, dropping his bag on the ground. He threw a couple lighters out of his bag.

"Where'd you get all this stuff anyways?" I asked, rummaging through his bag with him.

"My cousin smokes." He replied, pulling out some sparklers.

"What about the fireworks?" I asked. He smirked.
"I know a guy." He told me.
Alex was always a strange kid.

~~

"Back then, did he show any signs of maybe depression or self harming?" Mr.W asked.

"No. He was actually pretty happy most the time. Like I said, he was just a regular kid. There was no different about us. To be honest there's nothing different now except for the fact that he's gone. I know he would tell me too."

"The suicide- his suicide caught me so off guard. I never knew how much I relied on him until he was gone. Do you even know how gross it is to sit in the bathrooms next to the urinals with your boyfriend?
No?
Well it's ten times grosser when your alone. And I fucking know that."
I said, running my hand though my hair.

"Do you miss him?"
"Is that even a fucking question?"