Before this book starts I'm going to let you know that there are mentions of suicide and cursing. If you do not like reading about such topics I strongly suggest you stop reading now, because death is a big topic in this book. So, WARNING.

John Pov
I sat on the uncomfortable bench in the gym. It smelled like sweat and over used deodorant. Gross.

"He was truly a great guy and I wish that if he was still here that I could tell hi-" I zoned out.

Nobody fucking knew him.
Not like I did.
They are all lying.
I was his best friend, his boyfriend, his first kiss.

These assholes are just pretending to know him.
They don't.
God it disgusts me.

Everyone is talking about how good of a guy he was and that he was awesome or whatever but that's all lies.

Alex was messed up.
He was damaged.
He was fucked up.
He was a loser.
He was mine.

After the last lying fucker finished their speech the principal put a white tarp over the wall and pinned it there. He turned on a projector and small fragments of videos and photos of Alex came on the sheet.

This is so fucked up.

They only put his school pictures in it and every other picture, he was in the background.
Me and him were the losers.
The scum of the school.

"I heard that he cried in the bathrooms during lunch." A girl whispered.

No he didn't.
You know how I know?
I was with him during lunch. We sat in there and ate our lunches by the urinals with the door locked so nobody came in.

We had to, or else we'd be bullied.
We were for quite sometime.

Whenever we got in trouble it was always, "Alex! John! Stop talking!"
But now?
It's just, "John? Are you alright?"

Soon enough the projector was off and the principal was driving on about how suicide should never be the answer and how Alex was just a victim of blah, blah fuck you!

God I can't fucking take this! All these lies and no one even knows there are any lies except me!

I shook my head and stood up, making my way out of the gym.

Alex why'd you have to go off and do this to me?
I could've helped you.

The funeral is next Friday. I'm debating on wether or not I should go. There's just going to be more lies there.

I walked down the hall and went to my locker. Next to mine was Alex's. There was a sticker over it saying, 'DO NOT OPEN' I ripped it off, like any good friend would.

I put in his combination and opened it. There were a couple pictures of me and him. I saw a little corner piled in notes.

Notes that we'd hand each other in class.

The note were I confessed to him.
The note were we told each other we loved each other.

I felt tears streaming down my cheeks. This is the fucking worst.

I closed his locked and put the sticker back on it. I rested my forehead on his locker sobbing silently. I turned around and slid down to the floor, sobbing in my hands.

I heard the bell ring and all the students came from the gym and out the doors.
School was over.

All of them smiling and happy like they hadn't just attended a memorial for a kids suicide.
Why'd you fucking do this to me Alex?

I adjusted the straps on my bag and walked out. I went to the bike racks and grabbed my bike. I stopped and grimaced for a minute.

Looking at were Alex had used to put his bike.
I'm not going to fucking see him again. The last conversation I had with him was so normal too.
Over the phone.

"See you at school tomorrow!"
"Yeah. Love you John."
"Love you too Alex."

That's how it went.
The last time I'd ever talk to him.

I took a deep breath and started to ride out of the school.
My phone rang. I opened it and lazily opened it said, "Yo?"

"Hey John. Remember to go to that therapist today." My dad said.

"Oh fu- right. I forgot. Thanks Pops." I said.

"No problem. Love you John."
"Love ya too."

I put my phone back in my pocket and crossed the street riding to that therapist. Like they'd be able to help. I'm too messed up without Alex. There's nothing fixing that.