Some might know me as the bright and cheerful one. The one type who always makes other people laugh and keeps motivating them so they don't give up on life.

In reality, I am just a broken soul, trying to fix the broken pieces with a non-sticky glue.

I've failed a lot – in almost everything. What keeps me going? Hope – I don't know. Maybe my firm belief that everything works out in my favor one day.

Sometimes I just feel like I want to talk to someone, release all these pent up emotions inside me. But, I can't do so without hurting them. They don't know they had somehow become the reason of my breakdown.

Shouldn't we all just forget the past and move on? Then, the real question is – Can you really forget the past?

My answer is NO. You can only learn to hide the pain and pretend like nothing happened. That, whatever happened doesn't matter. What happens when you do that? At some point, you break down all over again, only to pick up the pieces and patch it up, pretend again.

That's what I am doing now. I've been through so much than one could imagine. There are others who have gone through the worst, but I have my fair share too.

Why do I do so many things at a time?

Multitasking.

That's an ISO certified bullshit.

You may want to believe that answer, but it's not entirely true. I am perfectly capable of handling several tasks at a time. However, the real reason I do this is for my personal self.

I like to keep my mind busy, mostly tire it out so it doesn't have time to dig out the pain. I like to keep myself either writing, reading or doing something when I don't want to do both. If I don't keep my mind occupied then it would bring up these unwanted memories and I find myself throwing a pity party.

Most readers might have noticed that I dance around sad scenes, never really going into detail. This is because writing sad scenes are really hard for me. I often end up a crying mess and instead of going deep like I always wanted to, I just mention it and skip it all the way.

As a writer, I should be able to overcome this and I am really trying hard to break this for Hunting the Predator and Vicissitude. Sometimes, it takes a toll on me and I just end up taking a break from both the works.

Things like this takes time. Doesn't it?

One step at a time. Yeah, keep saying that. I really don't know if I will ever be able to overcome this.

For now, I write, keep my mind occupied. When I am stuck on one story, I move onto the other. If I am stuck on all the others, I find something else to do. This is my technique to cope the pain within me.

Does talking helps?

Yes. It also depends who you are talking to.

Being with this group and talking to them helps me take my mind off the things. I am glad I found them. They don't judge me. We talk and we joke. Just have the much needed girl's time virtually.

We are not a group of teenagers if you're wondering. Nope. I am 30+. We have survivors, the real life heroes who fought abusers and brought them before justice and many good hearted women, who would just lend their shoulders to lean on.

Over time, we found we thought alike and our views were similar. That's another reason everyone jumped in when Sarah suggested we start something like this.

You see, when I wanted to talk, I wanted a friend. Not a professional, who'd give me an appointment and charge me a hefty fee. I just wanted them to listen. I just wanted a friendly conversation, not advise.

How did my life change after I talked?

I was able to find myself. At one point in my life, I became a shell of who I once was. I stopped reading, singing, dancing, eventually talking. I isolated myself and even kept wondering why I kept living when I had nothing to live for.

But, talking to the right person at the right moment made me look at the things with a different perspective. I found myself again. It took time, but I am there now.

At this moment, I just want to enjoy the things in my life. Go to places and do things I always wanted to do. Writing is one of them. It satisfies me like no other and at this moment.

I've found many friends in this new world, who don't judge me for who I am or what I've become, the people who just stick with me and encourage me to keep going.

This is enough.

You are not a professional. Why would I come to you?

In a sense, I am a professional. Having a degree in law should account for something, doesn't it?

Anyway, I never studied psychology. I don't have to. I have a heart that understands pain and this insane need that urges me to reach out to people who are in pain. I am not promising to take all your pain away. Nobody can.

All I am saying is, "Girl, I've been there. I've done that. We are on the same boat. Hop in and let's take a ride."

If one thing I can promise, it's that I'll never judge you. My offer is to people who want someone to listen to them. Someone who doesn't need pity or sympathy. Sorry, you won't get that from me. Because, I firmly believe, "we are stronger than anyone out there." I'll admire you for your strength.

So if you need someone to talk to, feel free to PM me.

Remember, this is not an open forum. We talk in private. Your messages will be deleted aftermath. We are also on discord, Twitter, FB and email if you want to chat.