3. Phantom Memories



Work had just finished. And as usual his schedule deal with: Drop your daughter to school. Begin work, lunch break, continue working, leave to attend college. It was not an easy schedule but he had to manage and if it wasn't for her he would be homeless, in jail, or dead. He remembered that night when he was young. He owned his second motorcycle a black cruiser. He was drunk but as he was heading to his run down apartment he had to take a leak. He slowed down, climbed off of his cruiser and he walked into the woods on the central highway. While he was peeing he heard a strange sound. The sound sounded almost like wailing like but a wild animal could not do this sound. It sounded familiar to him even while drunk. He walked up hill but in his sober state he tripped on a root and fell face first of the floor to discover a moving blanket. The moving blanket was the source of the loud wailing and it was moving. Curiosity took hold of him. forcing himself to lift up the moving blanket. Under the blue blanket he discover a little new born baby still attached to the umbilical cord . The baby was so tiny that he could hold it in his big hand. But it was too loud causing him a headache. He told it to shut up. It wouldn't listen. the only thought that came to his mind was to pick it up, throw it to the ground as hard as he could to make it shut up. As he bent down to pick it up by its leg he shifted his hands towards its chest and as soon as he did that it stopped wailing. The silence pleased him because all he wanted to do was sleep. And that's exactly what he did just to wake up the next morning with the full blaze of the summer sun in his face. The next morning he woke up with a hangover and the memories came in all fuzzy. He tried to remember why he was sleeping in the woods but he couldn't remember anything. When he looked down at his legs he found them covered by a blue blanket with a newborn baby on his legs staring at the sky.

*Where the fuck did this thing come from? * He wondered to himself as he picked the child in his arm and got up trying to look for the mother or father. But there was nothing to find about the existence about the child's parents. He searched for his black motorcycle cruiser still parked where he left it during the night. He got on his bike unable to drive it. Driving with a child was difficult. He was using one arm to get to his pitiful run down apartment. When he got home he parked his motorcycle and said."Ok, little one. This is where I live." He pointed to an old run down building that seemed it was going to go down any moment. But hey, it was the cheapest apartment he could afford after he ran away home. He dropped out before finishing high school, and had a low paying salary at a mechanics. When he opened the door to his apartment, he placed the newborn on his little cot. He then went to the tiny and runned down kitchen to get a knife and cut the umbilical cord and throw it on the garbage. The new born baby was a girl and she needed clothes and diapers. He was never a father which meant he didn't know what to do. Also have anything for babies but a dirty black shirt which he used as a dress for her. The shirt was so enormous on her tiny little body that he used it as a dress, blanket and sleeping bag for the newborn. He washed his face before grabbing the newborn and headed out of his apartment to buy a pack of diapers. While he was at the convenience store he found out that the amount of money he had could only afford him one little pack of diapers. He didn't know her size so he asked help from an old lady who smiled at him and carried the little girl.

"What is it?" She asked referring to the newborn's sex.

"Ummm, a girl." He felt embarrassed because he had never planned on becoming a father much less carry one.

"Awww, she's so cute and adorable." She gave the little newborn a kiss.

"What about her name?" She asked, he was not sure what her name was, or if it had a name but the first thing that came to mind was the state of carolina.

"Carolina." He muttered as he watched the old lady pick out a small pack of newborn baby diapers.

"Here you go, now enjoy your time with the little princess." She smiled before disappearing down an aisle of food for cats. He went to the cashier just to get looked at all weird.

"No beer today?" The young man behind the cash register box asked as he eyes the baby diapers and the newborn in his arm.

"Ummm, have there been any reports of a missing newborn baby?" He asked.

"As far as I know, No.Why?" He asked concerned.

"I found this thing near the 79 exit at the main road inside the woods." He explained to the man standing in front of him. He had been his friend and neighbor since childhood and knew when he was lying.

"I'll keep you informed if pops comes across or hears about a missing newborn."

"Thanks bro." He handed him the money to pay but he refused it and pointed to himself signaling that he was paying for it.

"For now take care of the child." He walked out of the store, mounted his motorcycle and drove to his apartment. When he arrived he placed the newborn on the cot, ripped open the bag of diapers making them fly all around him. He struggled for a good half hour trying to figure out how to put on a diaper even though it was easy. No sooner than 2 minutes after he had put on the diaper on her she dirtied it meaning it was time for her first bath. The thought of giving her a bath was terrifying to him. She was so tiny that he could hold her in one arm. He tried to shower her with the bathroom shower, he gave up and decided to use the tiny rusting sink as a tiny tub for her. As soon as the child's feet touched the water it started to cry and he didn't know what he was doing wrong. He was afraid to drop her in the water but somehow he managed to not drown her. Once he finished bathing her he wrapped her in one of his dirty shirts laying around on the floor using it as a towel. Once she was all dried up he put a diaper on, but she seemed to not like the idea of it and started to cry. No matter what he did she just wouldn't stop crying making him feel exasperated. But like a miracle there was a knock on his door , he went and opened the door to find his cranky old neighbor.

"What's all this fuzz about?" She asked as she turned to look at the crying newborn.

"It's nothing mrs. Ratignolle." He closed the door while trying to hush the baby but she pushed open the door and took the newborn out of his arms.

"Has it eaten?" She asked as she walked into the messy runned down apartment.

"Umm no." He answered as he watched her fill a small pot with water while carrying the newborn.

"Where's the cinnamon?" She asked as she searched in what she could reach.

"I don't have any." He answered her.

"Go into my kitchen and look for cinnamon and sugar." She glared at him almost as if she disappointed in him. All he could do was do what she told him, which he had no problem with. When he entered her apartment it didn't take him long to find what he needed, there, standing in plain view. When he got back he found mrs. Ratignolle cradling the little girl in her arms.

"About time you came." She placed the child on her shoulder blade and looked at him as if waiting for him to do the first move.

"Well are you going to move or stay there frozen like a dang boulder?" She asked.

"I don't know what to do." He answered her.

"Kids nowadays don't know what they're doing and are already fucking."She muttered. "Put two sticks of cinnamon on the water." She pointed to the water that was starting to boil, he opened the cinnamon jar and added two sticks to the water. "Now put 1 spoonful of sugar." She handed him a normal spoon and he did what she told. him to do "Where are the bottles?" She asked.

"I don't have any." He looked down ashamed at the floor.

"Go upstairs right above your apartment and ask the neighbor to let you borrow one." He immediately made his way to the upstairs neighbor and knocked on the door. He heard children running, jumping and screaming inside the apartment before the door opened.

"How can I help you?" The woman asked.

"Mrs.Ratignolle told me to come here and ask you for a baby bottle." She looked at him as if he was crazy, almost as if he was talking in another language. "You know.. A baby bottle where babies drink milk." She nodded before closing the door on his face making him wait in awkward silence. After a while of waiting it seemed like she was never going to come out. He turned around making his way back to his apartment, until the woman opened the door and gave him a baby bottle.

"Keep it if you want." He smiled and was about to say thank you but she shut the door leaving him standing outside her door. He made his way back to his apartment to find the old lady still carrying the baby in her arms, still crying.

"About time you came." She said as she handed the child back to him. She started pouring water into the baby bottle. The water was brown and it almost looked like apple juice but it was just cinnamon water with sugar. She beckoned him to her and asked for his arm, he did, she then sprinkled some hot drops into his hand.

"Is it too hot or warm enough for the baby?" She asked, he had to think about it for a moment.

"Too hot." He guessed right and had to put the baby bottle on water to cool down, once it was warm enough he gave it to the crying baby. At times he had to take her bottle away because she seemed to forget how to breathe. Every time the bottle was taken away she would cry making the old woman smile. Once she had drained the last drops she started crying and this confused him. He didn't know if her diaper was still clean ?or if she was still hungry?what else does she want? He wondered to himself, worried.

"Put her on your shoulder and pat her back." The old woman explained as she taught him how to handle the newborn and patted her back to make her burp.

"Now she has to sleep." She instructed. When Mrs. Ratignolle said time for the newborn to sleep he had no idea of what do, and the look on his faced showed it all. Mrs. Ratignolle saw how clueless he was. She took the child from his arms, placed her between her shoulder and neck, she paced until she fell asleep.

"You should put some clothes on her so she won't get sick." She instructed.

"Will one of my shirts do?" He asked hoping for a yes.

"No, The baby needs his own clothes."

"But mrs. Ratignolle I don't have any money to buy her clothes."He started to get exasperated.

"You had seven months to have gotten everything prepared."She scolded him. "Come with me." He followed the old woman into her apartment and into her room, she had a more luctorious life than he did.

"Put her on the bed."She pointed toher bed. "And lower that blue suitcase." She pointed to a medium blue suitcase to travel on top of a closet, when he got it off he could feel how heavy it was.

"Where do I put it?" He asked and she pointed to the bed. He made sure the suitcase was at a safe distance from the little baby before he placed it on the bed. The old woman opened the old suitcase and started taking out a lot of baby clothes for boys only.

"They used to belong to my son before he died." The look in her eyes showed the reason why she was always cranky. She was like that because she only wanted to hide the sadness in her eyes because she had lost the meaning of life.

"I'm sorry to hear this." He wasn't sure what to say but that was the best he came up with.

"OH. No. it's ok. Just make sure to always look after the baby no matter what because her parents are the only ones she has in life." She smiled with sorrow in her smile and eyes. "Who's the mother?" She asked changing to a different subject.

"I don't know." He answered her, she stopped unfolding the clothes.

"How do you not know?" She asked.

"I found her last night in the woods while I was drunk." He looked at the baby. "I searched all over the area but there was nothing that I could do. I didn't find her parents or an identification or anything." He looked sad because he felt bad for the newborn.

"Who else knows about her?" She asked.

"You and a friend of mine." She nodded before going back to the baby clothes.

He pulled up at her new high school and waited for her while almost every kid inside the school pilled out of it. She was one of the last kids to come out of the school and by the sad look in her eyes he could tell she had a bad start.

"Something went wrong?" He asked as he started his motorcycle.

"Nope, just a normal day." She lied with a smile as she climbed behind him.

"Are you sure?" He asked before starting the engine.

"Yes." Then they rode off to their new home in the middle of almost nowhere surrounded by 5 other houses and the woods.

"Want to order chinese food? Pizza?Or we cook?" He asked as he opened the front door letting her in first.

"Chinese food." She smiled as she took off her shoes and placed her bag on the grey couch.

"Chinese it is." He smiled as he took his boots off and took his jacket off before he took his phone and dialed a chinese restaurant.

"Luna, do you have three spare bucks?" He asked as he looked in his wallet.

"Yeah." She took 4 dollar bills out of her back pocket and handed it to him, he took the forth dollar bill and gave it back.

"Do you have any homework?" He asked as he took a beer out of the fridge.

"Yeah, I'm going to do it after I take a shower." She shouted as she headed to her room to collect her stuff to take a shower leaving him alone in the kitchen.

The first night that he had brought the baby with him into his apartment he couldn't sleep at all. The baby was dressed and was covered in a baby blue blanket like a burrito and asleep on his cot next to him. He was not sure what he was doing with the newborn, why couldn't he had given her to social support or to a foster home? He wondered and wondered unable to sleep. If they caught him with the newborn people would think that he had kidnapped her. He tossed around his little cot while being careful to to not harm the sleeping child next to him. He couldn't sleep at all. When he got up and as if he was looking at his apartment for the first time in his life he started to go around it. He washed dishes, dusted the run down couch, cleaned the tiny two seat table. He swept and mopped the floor, cleaned the windows. He cleaned the bathroom and placed all his dirty clothes in the dirty clothes. He didn't feel satisfied once he had finished cleaning his apartment. He sat down and decided to check on the fridge. The fridge was empty and full of spoiled foods that were ready to cause the world's deadliest disease. When morning came he didn't notice until he checked his watch and saw that he had to have left thirty minutes ago. He was already late for work but with the child he didn't have anyone to take care of it and he needed the job to feed her. He decided to put the old clothes that mrs. ratignolle had given him on the newborn covered her with her baby blue blanket. Before going out he decided to wrap his leather jacket on her and drove off in his motorcycle to work. When he arrived to the mechanical garage the manager was starting to open the doors.

"Good morning, sir, Jacob." His manager, boss and owner of the garage greeted him.

"Good morning, Pablo."He turned his bike off and climbed off of it.

"What's the matter?" Pablo asked as he eyed the bundle in his arm.

"Nothin, just........" He wasn't sure how to say it. "Can we go in and talk about it?" He asked as he felt her stir inside her burrito blanket.

"Sure. Right in." He invited Jacob into his garage and into his office where he made most of the paper work. As soon as the two of them walked in Jacob closed the door. He then handed him the bundle of blankets to Pablo. He was not expecting a baby inside it but drugs or something but not a baby, he almost dropped the baby on the floor.

"Jacob, what's is this?" He immediately asked.

"My daughter." He lied. Mrs. Ratignolle had told him that if anyone asked about the newborn, he was to tell them that he was the father. And if they asked about the mother he was to answer that she was dead after she gave birth.

"Why would you bring the baby in here?" He asked.

"I don't have anyone to take look after her." He started cradling the baby.

"Where's the mom?" The baby started crying.

"She's dead."He looked down.

"Jacob Blake. You better not lie to me." He pointed an accusing finger to him.

"I'm not lying sir." Pablo was not convinced but he looked at the baby

"What are you going to do now? You can't have the baby in here, it's too dangerous."

"But sir, I really need the job." He pleaded.

"Calm down, I'm not firing you. I'm just saying it's dangerous to have the baby next to you while you work." Jacob nodded.

"Where can I leave her? I don't have the heart to give her up in adoption and I live alone with no one to help me with her." This put Pablo to think.

"Unless If you leave her in the office and you check on her while you work."

"That sounds like a great idea?" Jacob agreed.

"Where are the things?" Pedro asked.

"What things?" He asked confused.

"With what are you going to change its diapers and feed it?" He asked.

"I..I" Jacob was getting frustrated.

"Do you have any money?" He asked. Jacob shook his head.

"You know what? I'll lend you money to buy what you'll need today." He smiled at the baby.

"Have you two eaten?" He asked to the baby.

"No, sir." Jacob answered, he usually never ate but what mattered to him was the baby.

"OK. let's go and buy a bottle and some milk for the baby." He opened the door and walked out with the baby in hand and placed her on the baby seat in his car.

"Get in." He kick started the engine as Jacob got in in the back of the car next to the toddler seat. They made a stop at a convenience store to buy baby wipes, diapers, and baby formula. Then they drove to a dinner and ate breakfast while feeding the baby her milk in her baby bottle.

"What's her name." Pablo asked as he let her grab his finger and tried to put it in her mouth but he refused to do so.

"Carolina." He answered as he gave her a little taste of maple syrup on a coffee spoon.

"Who named her?" He asked as he eyed his scrambled eggs.

"I did." He didn't want to keep talking about it.

"How was she?"

"Who?" He asked.

"Her mom."

"She was a nice woman and well.......I liked her unlike others." He lied because it wasn't true, he didn't know who the mother was. After they had finished their breakfast they headed back to the workshop. When they arrived they found two men sitting next to the closed doors, waiting for the workshop to open. They opened the workshop and started working on the cars. Before everyone started working Pablo gave Jacob a box to put the baby in inside the office. She wasn't much trouble because she slept most of the time. That day she would cry whenever she was hungry or had a dirty diaper but after a while she started crying non stop.

"Go check on her." Pablo told Jacob as they finished lowering the engine inside a jeep. Jacob wiped the oil off of his hands as he went and looked into the box. There was something strange about the way the newborn was crying, he picked her up. He picked up his leather jacket and found something that made him almost throw the box on the floor.

"Jose!" He shouted, Jose got out from under a car with a wrench in his hand. "Teneme la nina." Jacob handed the baby to Jose as he grabbed a size 24 wrench and ran back into the office. He peered into the box to kill the Timber Rattlesnake but it didn't move. He threw a pen at the snake, it didn't move and as he tried to move it with the Wrench he picked up the head and found it dead.

"¿Que paso?"Pablo asked as he ran into the office only to find Jacob poking something.

"Who was in here?" He asked.

"No one but you and her." Pablo approached him and saw the dead snake.

"Are you sure, the thing was dead before i came." Pablo feared the worst, he had never know that there was a snake inside the box with the newborn.

"It was dead before you came?" He asked.

"Yes. Someone must have been here because this thing was killed just now."

"No one was here." Pablo assured. He even revised the security footage to only find the snake slithering into the box. The baby placed her hands on its head, it flinched away from her touch. She then started carrying and that's when he ran in.

"She couldn't have killed it." Jacob refused to believe that a newborn baby could have killed a deadly snake.

"Unless she is some type of god then it was her." Pablo joked trying to light the mood. Jacob walked out of the office with the dead snake in hand and threw it in the middle of the road where it got ran over.

"Jacob, what should I do with the bebe?" Jose asked as the little newborn sucked her thumb in his arms.

"Give her to me." Jacob took the child from Jose's arms. As soon as she was in his hands she started giggling at his bewildered expression. Her tiny toothless smile, her giggles were the first time she had ever done that to him. That little smile tugged at his heart making him feel guilty for wanting to give her up.

"Hey. Pablo. Do you still think I can leave her inside the box in your office?" He asked as he glanced at the ran over snake.

"Yes,check out there is nothing dangerous inside of the office." Jacob nodded before going into the office with the child in his arms. He check for poisonous critters but didn't find anything. He then put his leather jacket as a mattress for her and placed her inside the box before leaving the door open. He kept sipping his beer as he heard the shower running. His phone rang startling him but it was the delivery boy standing outside his front door. Jacob opened the front door, took his food and payed the delivery guy. As he placed the food on the tiny table he heard the water turn off, the bathroom door open and her room door clicked shut. After he came back from work he made his way towards his apartment. He struggled to find the right key to his apartment while she was sound asleep in his arms.

"Where in the whole wide world have you been?" Mrs. Ratignolle asked as she made three attempts to get up from her chair but failing to get on her feet.

"I was working, ma'am." He answered. He approached her and held out his hand to help her get up. She took his hand and pulled on it to stand before taking the sleeping newborn away from his arms.

"With whom did you leave her?" She asked as she looked at the sleeping child's face.

"I took her with me to work." He opened his apartment and led her in it.

"All day? Are you insane?" She asked as she placed the baby on the cot.

"I don't have anyone to leave her with." He walked towards his kitchen, filled a pot with water, placed the pot on the stove and washed a dirty baby bottle.

"Why didn't you leave her with me?" He was getting tired of the old woman's interrogation.

"Why didn't I?" He asked exasperated. "Because it was freaking five in the morning and I didn't want to bother you." He almost shouted and woke the baby up.

"I'm sorry mrs. Ratignolle." He apologized as he started pouring baby formula into the baby bottle and filled it with warm water. He shake it and gave it to the crying newborn.

"Are you really willing to look after her even if it means that you will get killed?" She asked as she sat down. This strange question took him by surprise. He was not sure what she meant by that, But he was willing to make her his daughter.

"Yes." She started kicking as she kept sucking on the bottle.

"You will need a lot of patience." The old woman smiled, a weak and sad smile.

"Give her a bath before putting her back to sleep and make sure the windows are closed. And if you are going to work tomorrow please wake me up to take care of her while you're gone." She smiled as she walked towards the door leaving him propped up against the wall while feeding her.

"Wait. Mrs. Ratignolle." He watched the old woman turn around. Her long tin white hair made into a bun and blue dress with printed colorful flowers shone in the moonlight.

"What's a good name for a girl?" He asked as he felt her place her little hands on his huge hand.

"I'll go for luna."She smiled.

"Er, I was thinking of naming her Carolina." He couldn't think of any names for girls.

"Then let's name her Luna de Carolina." She said as she closed the door behind. His apartment didn't feel as lonely as it once did even during his affairs nothing had ever made it feel like home. It never felt like home not without the little newborn who seemed to give the place a little bit of life. He started undressing her and wrapped her up in a dry towel while checking if the water was warm enough. She didn't seem to like the idea of a bath, she cried and cried during her warm bath. She cried as loud as her newborn baby lungs could let her. After a while she stopped crying, and looked around the small bathroom. when bath time was over he wrapped her in a towel and placed her on his cot to get her ready to sleep. She fell asleep while holding his thumb and pinky finger while staring at the ceiling. Jacob also fell asleep while sitting on the floor and watching her sleep. After a while he woke up not knowing if he was still asleep because on his cot was a naked young woman. She had long brown curly hair and was breastfeeding the newborn. He could see that her stomach still looked stretched and loose signals of just having given birth.

"Why did you leave her in the woods to die?" He asked as he got up from the floor making her flinch.

"I...I c...can't ke..keep her." She stuttered as a tear slid down her cheek.

"Then why did you get pregnant?" He asked.

"I was forced to marry him and he forced me to...to......" She broke down in sobs unable to finish her sentence.

"What are you doing here?" He asked as he remembered leaving the door closed but not making sure about the window.

"I wanted to see her one last time." She caressed the sleeping child's smooth and silky hair as she pulled her nipple out of her mouth. Like any newborn she refused to go of the mysterious bump that was the source of delicious milk. that milk tasted nothing like the dirt tasting formula that displeased her but had no choice but to take. She then placed her back down on the cot before she stood up and started to shrink in size. Her hair drew back into her scalp. The hair on the rest of her body started thickening and growing to a certain length. Her bones in her face shifted position, her teeth looked like thorns but they canine teeth and molars. Her ears started to narrow on the tip and shifting position on top of her angled flat skull and her fur was grey. her claws clicked against the old creaking floorboard as she approached him. The way her body moved enchanted him before breaking into a run and attacking his neck. When he woke up on the cot, the baby was awake, staring at the ceiling while sucking her thumb. He was ok and the woman was gone.

*Probably a nightmare.* He thought to himself as he got up and started to get her ready. He changed her diaper, dressed her up in a blue jumpsuit with airplane printing on it. He started stuffing all the things the baby was going to need in his black bag before getting ready for work. the time to go to work had come ,he grabbed the baby and knocked on Mrs. Ratignolle's door. He served the chinese food in two plastic plates. They were eating in plastic plates because they still hadn't finished unboxing everything.

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