So two of my close friends do spam books often and I'm pretty sure that helped them a bit and so I have decided to try it out.

This is half addressed to a person I'm almost certain will read this book and the second part is more me just babbling.

I just wanted to say that I'm really sorry about yesterday when I like fucked up your pronouns. And I mean yeah I know that you'll be like it's fine or whatever, but like it's not fine and I know that. The thing is that I know there is absolutely nothing that I can say to make up for it, because I know that thought is always there even if and after you forgive me. There's always that voice in the back of your head telling you that you can't do this. That you will always only be a girl,but first of all it's completely wrong. So yeah I do understand not exactly the same way but similar concepts. Also just that it's so hard for me to get it right all the time after where I come from. I struggle constantly with all of the LGBT concept. It's just has been so hard for me to grasp after growing up literally being drilled that how the world works is that there are two genders and everyone is straight. To come to accept all of you people I not only had to go completely against what my culture looks like, but I had to rebel against my own instinct, my own head, and man did that fuck me up. So much of when I was in a bad state was devoted to mentally discounting this pathetic tradition and  accept everyone as human beings and not classify by your gender and orientation. And what makes it even worse is that I still have to pretend that I'm still the way I once was. I still have to pretend I still believe everything that the people I walk the halls with, so it's just like grrrr I just want to be done with this place and get to college.