A WORLD LIKE HERS,

To him, Juwon is many things.

She is the light at the end of the dark tunnel he aimlessly runs towards, the stars that shine so beautifully in the night sky, the rainbow at the end of a rainstorm. She is the petals on a flower, so delicate and precious, and she is the color that splatters onto a blank canvas.

Juwon was his friend, the first person that accepted him with all his flaws and because of that, there's no other way he could describe her than perfection itself.

Heeseung doesn't like thinking back to their first encounter. He's always felt embarrassed about the way he treated her, despite her reassuring him that it wasn't his fault. However, there are some days when all he can think about was that day, wondering what he could've said differently.

"We're talking about a conversation that happened seven years ago," Jay said, watching the boy pace back and forth in their living room. He sat on the couch, trying to watch Weathering With You for the twelfth time in three days. "Can you- can you at least sit? You're blocking the TV."

"I bet deep down, like really deep down, she still hates me for it," Heeseung said, biting his nails. "I mean, I insulted her the moment I saw her! No one does that!"

"Seriously, sit down," Jay whined. "Please. It's getting to the good part."

"I should've told her the truth," he said, nodding. "I should've told her that she looked pretty instead of telling her the complete opposite. Do you think she thinks she's not pretty? What if I made her insecure about herself?" Heeseung gasps, "How am I supposed to ever tell her I love her if she blames me for her insecurities?!"

Jay groaned and finally decided to pause to movie and listen to Heeseung's ridiculous rant. "I can assure you that Juwon is the most narcissistic person I've ever me, Heeseung," he said. "And she'd never blame you for anything. Me? Probably, but you?" He shook his head.

Heeseung sighed. "Why am I even thinking about this?" he asked. "This happened a long time ago."

"Exactly what I've been saying."

"She probably loves herself, too," he said.

"Yeah, I said that."

Juwon did, in fact, love herself and did not blame Heeseung for any of her (very few) insecurities. He knew that, everyone knew that. But Heeseung had always had the bad habit of overthinking since he was a child. Heeseung sighed again, taking a seat beside Jay, slouching. "I don't like thinking," he said, starting to rant. Jay closed his eyes tightly, trying to hold in a sigh as he knew he wouldn't be crying to Weathering With You today.

"Why?" Jay asked.

"They're confusing," Heeseung replied. "And complicated and they always change their mind on things they shouldn't even have control of and I hate them." Again, he sighed, closing his eyes tiredly. "I want to go to bed one night without having to worry about what I or other people feel, Jay."

"Then tell her," he said blankly. "You won't have to worry about it if you're straightforward with her."

"I can't just tell her."

"And why not?"

"Because this is Juwon we're talking about," he said, opening his eyes to look at Jay. "Juwon's perfect in every way possible — she's always been." He paused, gesturing towards himself. "Look at me," he said, smiling. "I'm not like her. I'm not even close, Jay."

Jay nodded. "Well, a relationship wouldn't work if you were both that same," he said in an attempt to comfort him. "Having the same personality, same tastes, same hobbies — it'd be so boring. There'd be no... no flavor." Heeseung snorted. "I'm serious! It's like dating yourself. Imagine marrying your carbon copy."

"I get it," he started, "and I know it's always best to let your feelings be heard, but I don't want them to be heard when I'm still like this."

Jay raised a brow, "Like what?"

"Not confident," he said, laughing despite nothing being funny to either of them. "It's not like me. She's always seen the confident side of me; it's all she knows."

"You do know it's okay to not be confident about some things, right?" Jay watch Heeseung "sink" into the couch, groaning. "Relationships are all about being vulnerable."

"What do you know?" he mumbled.

"I'll have you know I've had my fair share of significant others," Jay said. "Don't look at me like that — it's true!"

"Whatever." They sat in silence. Jay didn't know how else to comfort him and Heeseung didn't know what he felt anymore. It was obvious he still loved her — he just felt that he wasn't enough for her.

"I think it's funny," Heeseung started after a moment, "how we could've possibly met while living in two completely different worlds. I was... well, I was definitely going through it and she—" He cut himself off. "I don't know anything about Juwon's world, actually." He turned to look at Jay, smiling sadly. "Isn't that funny?"

"Stop that," Jay said.

"Stop what?"

"Stop being so depressing," he said. "You do that a lot, bring the mood down by talking about your sad life. Listen to me. Neither of you are perfect. You've both struggled in your own ways. It doesn't matter what her world or your world are like, Heeseung. People from the same world don't click anyway."

"I know," he said, smiling at Jay.

Heeseung knew this well, but it didn't stop him from wanting to live in a world like hers anyway.

• • •

seung the rat 🐀

juju tf away from me 👽
WTF WHY WOULD YOU SEND THIS 😭💔