STOMACH BUGS,

Park Sunghoon was weird.

Juwon sat across from him in the library where they had run into each other, watching him as he attempted to read a book backwords. She didn't know what decisions he had made in life that lead to that moment, nor did she want to know, but she had come to the conclusion that her friend was weird.

"Don't look at me like that," the boy said, glancing at her before looking back at his book. "I'm experimenting. Leave a scientist to his work."

"Scientist?" She raised a brow, "Aren't you majoring in art?"

"I am," he said, flipping the page of his book. "Artists can do experiments every once in a while, Juwon. How else is one supposed to discover the secrets of life?"

"You reading backwards has nothing to do with the secrets of life or you being an art major," Juwon said, turning her attention back to her own book. She started reading, only to become distracted by her own thoughts. Sunghoon glanced at her, realizing she had been on the same page for ten minutes.

He tapped the table with his finger, trying to get her attention. "You okay?" he asked once she looked up at him, pretending she hadn't just spaced out.

"That's a stupid question," she mumbled. "No one is ever okay. Whether they be in a good mood or in a good state physically and mentally, there is always a problem people choose to look over and forget." She stared at him, "So logically speaking, I have never been okay."

Sunghoon stared at her, processing her response. "Do you always respond with logic or are you just avoiding my question?"

"I like confusing people," she smiled.

"So logically, you're not okay," he said. "But I didn't ask for logic, I was asking you if you were okay. Of course no one will be okay one hundred percent of the time, but it's all about how you feel." He paused, "Are you okay?"

"I don't like that question," Juwon said, flipping the page of her book and pretending she was reading.

"Why not?"

"Because you're making it obvious that I'm not okay," she said, avoiding eye contact. "And I don't like not being okay — even though we've never fully been okay. So I'm ignoring you now. It was nice talking to you, blueberry."

"How will you ever be okay if you don't confront what's bothering you?" he asked, receiving no answer from her. As she'd told him, she'd stopped listening to him and was now reading (which was a lie). He sighed and leaned back in his chair. It was clear he wouldn't be getting an answer from her anytime soon. But Sunghoon was right, and Juwon knew that.

She didn't like that he was right.

Juwon groaned, closing her book and resting her head on her table. "Fine," she mumbled. "Fine. Whatever. I don't care."

"So you're gonna tell me?" he asked, leaning closer to her expectantly. She hummed and he smiled. "That's great!" Juwon gave him a look and he cleared his throat, trying to hide his excitement. "I mean, okay, do what you want."

She sighed and sat up, clearing her throat and intertwining her fingers on the table. She stared at Sunghoon for a moment and he stared back, waiting for her to begin. "Something's happening," she started. "Something's happening to my brain and I don't like it. And it's not just my brain — it's my stomach, too. My stomach and my brain have turned against me and now I want to curl into a ball on my bed and never come out ever again."

"Okay," he said, listening carefully to her words. "You have a crush."

"You catch on too quickly," she said.

"Well, I've had my fair share of experiencing feelings," he said, laughing. "So I think I know what you mean."

"I don't want to have a crush." Juwon sighed, "I don't have time to have a crush. I haven't even considered my future yet and you're telling me I have a crush?"

"Technically, you already knew."

"I don't like you right now, Park."

Sunghoon laughed and leaned back in his chair. "Juwon," he started. "It's okay to have a crush on someone. It's good to experience those kinds of feelings! If you didn't, I'd be genuinely concerned."

"But what does that have to do with this?!" Juwon gestured towards her stomach, poking it aggressively. "Maybe my thoughts have changed, but my stomach doesn't need to! I feel like bugs are crawling all over my insides — stomach bugs." She shivered dramatically.

"Those are called butterflies," Sunghoon corrected her. "And butterflies are a good thing, Juwon. That means you're falling in love!"

"I don't like them," she said, making a disgusted face. "I don't like these stomach bugs and I don't like having a crush and I don't want to fall in love. Crushes are weird."

Cha Juwon was weird.

Sunghoon sighed and leaned forward. "Listen," he said. "I think you should try to be a little more positive about this. It's nice to like someone every once in a while, and falling in love is pretty cool, too. Maybe you should just... embrace it, no?"

"No."

He groaned, leaning back in his chair and throwing his head back. "You don't have to make this so hard," he said. "For your sake and for my sanity, you should just accept it."

Juwon shook her head, refusing to say anything else. She knew that they were only going to keep playing a game of back and forth if she continued, so she chose not to. Checking her phone for the time, she stood up from her seat in the library and grabbed her bag, along with the book she'd been reading. "I'll leave before you force me into accepting something I'll regret," she said.

Sunghoon scoffed, "I'm not that pushy, you know."

"Whatever," she said, waving. "I'll see you later, blueberry." He waved back as she walked away, their conversation still repeating in her head on loop.

Juwon knew she'd have to accept it sooner or later. She knew that ignoring her feelings would only hurt her in the long run, but it was so hard to think about being something other than friends. She also didn't know what kind of reaction she'd receive once the "secret" was out. Would she be accepted? Rejected? Jeez, just thinking about it made the bugs living in her stomach come to life.

Juwon had a crush and her feelings needed to be acknowledged instead of being locked up in a box and tossed to the side, where they'd rot, just like she'd planned to do.

She sighed, walking out of the library with the book in her hands. "I don't like this," she said to herself. "I don't like this at all."

• • •

juju tf away from me 👽

seung the rat 🐀
you know what
I don't even know how to respond to this one