***Trigger Warning*** Mentions of Self Harm and Suicide. 

I have always described myself with the phrase "Broken Body Broken Mind"

 I've always known something was wrong with me, and I distinctly remember from a young age having my inner voice yelling at me and calling me a burden on my friends. I remember always thinking that they didn't really like me or were just pitying me. I've had anxiety and depression since I was 7, and have never outgrown it. 

Fortunately, I never suffered any abuse or childhood trauma, I just have really really bad genes. Which makes things harder for people to understand. I am so incredibly fortunate to have an amazing lifestyle and family, so it's really weird to people that I'm so messed up.  

My family never really believed anything was wrong mentally at first, I started showing symptoms at age 7, but It went ignored. In 8th grade though, everything crashed. 

I started cutting and burning and tried to kill myself twice, and on top of that developed Anorexia/ Bulimia. None of this to inspire pity, but if I can help one person like me, I think that's worth putting my story out there. 

From there I developed Body Dysmorphic disorder and Tourettes Syndrome, both of which are incredibly difficult to live with. 

Through it all, I learned coping skills with the help of therapy and medication, and am much more stable now. I still relapse occasionally, but I know how difficult that is, and am always offering support to others struggling with things. I believe everyone could benefit from therapy and professional advice, but I know how hesitant afraid, and/or unable some people are, so I am putting myself out there as a resource. 

My parents did eventually get me help and start me on medication after they found me after my 2nd attempt. 

My physical disabilities are much easier to deal with, I have scoliosis and lumbar lordosis which just fucked up my back. Lastly, Chronic ankle laxity, which is where my ligaments and muscles in my ankles are really weak and loose and buckle under me when I walk, so I have to wear braces.  

Normally I don't like telling people what is wrong with me, because most people find it weird when more than one thing is wrong with you, and I often feel like I am faking or just looking for attention. But I am learning to accept myself, because in reality when something is wrong, other things go wrong too. Like if you spill water on the table, not just the table gets wet, the napkin and the pen and the notebook get wet too, everything affects each other, and the body has a balance it wants to maintain, so when something goes wrong, other things to wrong too. 

That was a really long tangent to say, accept yourself, you are not too broken, and don't judge people. 

Your pain and your past do not define you, and you have the strength to move past it and recover. Anyone can recover. And it is never too late.