Pain...what can be said about it? We've all dealt with some form of it. I am no different from the rest of you in that sense. I had gotten pretty damn good at hiding my pain. I have a few phrases that I commonly use to brush off pain that several of my friends have heard many times.

"Pain is common."

"Sticks and stones can't break these bones, they've tried and failed too many times."

"Pain shmain."

I say these things for a few reasons:

1. Pain is common

2. I have a reputation for being tough and for being able to handle whatever life throws at me and then some

3. Pain is an every day, almost 24/7 occasion, there ain't nothing that I can do about it that I'm willing to do

I am a field hockey goalie, one who wasn't taught anything till my fourth year of playing hockey, out of so far five. I simply went on gut instinct and did everything to stop that ball without fear. I was very reckless and foolish, but I don't regret one second of it, it's made me who I am, it's nearly killed me countless times, but I'm willing to die for my team, always. I've had my knees, my hips, my elbow, my ankle, and my spine all screw up because of field hockey, not to mention countless concussions and a heart condition that arose from the sport. I've heard of a goalie who has even died from the sport I love so much. I have had doctors tell me I need a year off my feet, I told them that I'll give them 20 minutes. I have screwed with my body in ways that some have thought impossible, but this doesn't mean that I feel no pain. Even as I write this, my body aches, my chest feels like countless needles are stabbing it from the inside out, I have nerve pain at the lower part of my spine, where I hit it five years ago, and I can't wait for sleep to take me away from reality for a few hours.

Before I started playing hockey before most people can remember, I was a very scared child, hell, I was scared of my own shadow. It was partially because I was always getting bullied and taught a lesson when I was younger, I learned quick don't you dare cry, don't you dare show fear, don't you dare show true emotion. I did precisely that. I grew up quick, didn't cry, didn't show emotion, and I was certainly not afraid, conquering every fear I've ever had. It was tough, but it made me tougher and so I gained this reputation for being a tough, for being strong, for not ever feeling pain, it's all the same mask that I've worn since I was little. I've always had that demon inside that wants to raise hell, the one that has helped me keep my mask on because it reminds me of the pain I was always in when I was little. I've slowly been taking that mask off, sometimes going back to it whenever I panic. The thing is, I now have friends who I trust and will stick by me, understanding that I'm transitioning. It hurts to take a mask off, one you've worn for almost all your life. In the wise words of Friedrich Nietzsche, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger." I have only grown from every day of this pain, this pain has made me who I am, and I don't regret a single thing, if I could go back in time, I'd go through the pain again in a heartbeat. Pain has raised me in a way. I'm not saying being in pain is all rainbows and sprinkles, I'm saying that even in the hardest points of your life, good can come of it, and it's okay. Word to the wise though, do not do what I do, basically, just does as I say and not as I do, because I've screwed up a lot and gotten very lucky. If I wasn't so lucky I would probably be dead a long time ago, and not by a hockey ball either, but by my own hands. So to sum up, life's a rollercoaster, don't take anything for granted and pain is okay, it makes us grow into who we are.