1999 (27 years old)

At this point nobody believed that Brian and I were serious. It was in tabloids that Michael and I were getting back together, that I was cheating on Brian, and that the only reason Michael and Debbie were divorced was because of me. Although, that may be partly true. The media stressed me. I sat in my office with Sasha going through different paperwork, attempting to figure out my schedule. It just seemed that everything was hectic. I was just casted in a new movie and I still had to fulfill my promise to Michael about the two night benefit concert. Not to mention, press and media coverage, radio and television interviews and appearances for the movie, and recording my new album in between. I was swamped. "No one told you to be the queen. Everyone wants a piece of you." Sasha exclaims. I give an exasperated sigh and run my hand through my hair. "I need a vacation." I say as I shake my head at my schedule. "Then take one!" Sasha says "You must not remember who you are. You can do what you want! I'm just here to make it happen." I laugh. "Sasha, I can't just up and take a vacation. I have things to do." Brian peeks his head in the door with a light knock. "Hey babe, busy?" "You know what, I was just about to take a break. Sasha, I'll be back in ten" I say walking out the office.

"I just wanted to tell you your dad called." My eyes widened. "What did he say?" "Well, nothing really he just told me to tell you to give him a call back." Michael was the only one who understood the problem of my father and i's relationship. "Baby, you're so stressed. I know you've got a lot going on. I don't like to see you this way. Is there anything I can do?" He pulls me into his arms. This was something Michael would do, it'd be more intimate but still... I sigh as I lay on his chest. "Just keep being here for me. That's all." He kisses the side of my forehead and let's me go. "Let's go out tonight. Ok?" He asks. "I'll be leaving for my next movie shoot in a couple days and then you'll be busy kicking ass all over the place..." I giggle. "Let's spend these next two days together. Just relaxing." "Ok" I smile. "Let me get back to work so we can go out" I kiss him and walk towards my office door. He's been so much better when it comes to paying attention to me and my emotions. I'm not the easiest person to figure out. I walk back into my office with a small smile on my face to Sasha writing out a new schedule. "What's up with the smile?" Sasha asks "Brian is just great." I reply grabbing more papers on my desk. "Jay I'm talking as your friend right now.... You know nobody believes your relationship with him right?" She says lower than usual. I give her a light giggle. "Sasha, do you think I care what people think about he and I? As long as we love each other, that's all that matters." "Not to the public." She shoots back. I give her a dirty look. "I'm just saying Jay. Plus you and I both know you love Michael way more than you could ever love Brian." "Oh come on Sasha..." I scoff. "Jayla I've been your assistant since you were 17. Ten whole years! I've seen you with Michael and I've seen you with Brian. The energy just isn't the same and you know it." I flop in my chair. Sasha was right. "Michael...is different. He's known me since I was a kid. We have an emotional attraction. It's mental too. He's seen me at my worst and I have seen him the same way. Brian and I don't have that. But I love Brian. I LOVE Brian..." I stress to Sasha. "First of all, you forgot physical. The physical attraction between you and Michael is overwhelmingly apparent." I laugh out loud. "What???" I exclaim. "Oh please, you two wanna jump each other's bones so bad it's all over your faces. Secondly, you and Brian don't have the connections because you won't allow yourself to allow him to really love you. I can tell he loves you. But no one can see that you love him." Sasha grabs her papers and stuffs them in her suitcase. "You're leaving?" I ask. "Yeah, we'll talk more tomorrow, get some rest, go on your date." She smiles. I grab the rest of my things out of the office and walked Sasha out then went to get ready.

As we sat in the restaurant I couldn't help but think about what Sasha said. "Babe, you know I love you... Right?" I blurt out. "Of course." He responded, more focused on his salmon than me. He looks up at me. "Why'd you ask that? What's on your mind?" I sigh deeply, this conversation had to be held sometime. "I just want to be sure, you know... How do you feel about me?" I ask. Brian puts his fork down and looks me in my eyes. "This is the most vulnerable I've ever seen you. I'm prepared to work hard to show you that I may not be Michael Jackson, but I love you just as much if not more the he did. You just have to let me. But I know you love me." I smile and twiddle my thumbs. "I don't want you to feel like you have to be in competition with Michael. He's my friend and I'll always love him as my friend." I say disregarding our small encounter at the fountain at his birthday party. Telling Brian about that would probably hurt him. "I know that, and I told you I'll never feel like that. You're with me. I wouldn't stay if I felt otherwise. But I'm glad you finally talked to me about it." He grabs my hand and smiles. He sneaks his fork over to my plate and takes a piece of my chicken, laughing. "I'll bite your fingers off next time." I giggle. We enjoy the rest of our date and head home.

Brian sits on the bed flipping through channels on the television I come in and sit on his lap facing him in one of his t shirts and my favorite knee high socks. He lays his arms around the small of my waist and rubs my back. "I love you..." I say softly, holding his cheek. Brian smiles and plants a kiss on my lips, moving my hair the side he trails his kisses to my neck. He puts his hands underneath my shirt and begins to massage my behind slowly. I push him to lay flat on the bed as he keeps his lips on my neck. I lift up and sit on his lap. He rubs my thighs and rolls me on my back. He lifts my arms and pins them on the bed with his hands. "Let me show you how much I love you baby." He breathes heavily in my ear. I feel his tongue sliding up my thigh while his other hand squeezes my butt cheek. I let out a light moan as his tongue gets closer and closer to my spot. I rub my hands on the top of his head as he gives light kisses in between my legs. His hands grasps my hips as he pushes his face into me. I release a gasps as I grip his head. "Oh baby, don't stop" I scream out as I began shaking. Placing one of my legs around his neck, I began backing away from his lips as he pulled me closer and closer to his mouth. He lays a hand over my stomach as I begin to release myself and my body relaxed. I start to catch my breath as he removes his face. My body was so sensitive, I couldn't bear his touch. He laid his head on my chest as I dozed off slowly.