Most people don't know what killing a person does to your soul.

Guilt was too consuming, fear followed her everywhere...as if death was knocking on her door, whispering a life for a life.

And the thing she feared the most was, it might not be her life...but Jiyong's.

Dara pushed the fear away. There'd always be residue. There'd be residue as long as she lived, but she wanted to live, she wanted to be a functional adult.

Functional.

That's the word.

But as she remained on Jiyong's bed even past noon, for most days, day after day, even after New Year had passed and school returned, Dara finally realized...this is not living.

She was not being functional. She's close to going insane.

Creak

Another weight on the bed, she didn't even notice when Jiyong entered the room with a tray of food. He placed the tray on the bedside table as he sat beside her on the bed.

His dark eyes studied her face as his hand gently caressed her face.

"Dara."

Even the way he called her name was so gentle, so soft like he was afraid she'd break anytime soon.

But it won't make sense, she's already broken.

Not only did she lose her dream and taint her soul by killing someone, but she also lost her purpose in life.

The words of her mother no longer exist, it was no longer her guidance.

She felt lost.

And after a month of staying only in this house, mostly in Jiyong's room, wallowing in grief and sorrow of losing her self, she finally realized today...that she needed a new sense to live.

Put a new meaning in her life. So she won't feel lost again.

And the answer to that is not difficult to find. She didn't have to look that far. She's already staring at him.

"Jiyong."

Her new purpose.

---

"I quit school today."

Jiyong looked up from his plate. He and Dara were having dinner together after a long time of her only staying in his room.

He stared at her, studying her face. She looked determined, the fire in her brown eyes coming back after spending weeks of only looking sad and void of life.

Something happened to her today. It's a good kind of change.

'My Dara is finally coming back.'

He clenched his fists.

But he needed to approach this change carefully as he didn't want to lose her again.

"Quitting school four months before graduation?" He asked her, meeting her gaze.

You've waited for this for so long. This is one of your dreams. Graduate, find a job, and a new place, right?

These were his thoughts but he didn't try to ask her further as he waited for Dara's answer.

Dara smiled bitterly as she drank her orange juice. "I've been missing school for a month," she looked down and played her food with the fork, "and I don't have the desire to go back. So, I let the registrar know am quitting and signed the documents sent via email by school today." She sighed. "Nothing matters anymore for me at that school."

He held his breath as if waiting for another shoe to drop. His grip on his fork tightened.

She looked up again and held his gaze. "I quit my two jobs too. I want to start anew." She bit her lips as she continued, "I wish to leave the town."

He dropped his fork as he looked at her, coldly. "You wish to leave the town." He repeated.

'I' not leave the town with you.

She meant to leave on her own.

She nodded. "I need a place to escape." She looked around his spacious apartment. "It felt nice living here but I need a place away from...everything."

Everything including his gangster life.

He didn't like the words he was hearing right now from her.

"For how long?" He asked, his voice the same.

"A month...maybe two. I don't know. I'll figure it out." She tucked a strand of hair behind her ears, she was nervous.

He could handle a month but a two and I don't know, he wasn't sure. He didn't like it.

He was silent as he continued staring at her. He wanted to understand her but he couldn't help himself slowly getting angry at the same time.

She continued looking at him nervously. "Please?"

"You're leaving me." It wasn't a question, it's an accusation.

She looked surprised as she stood up. "I'm not!" There was desperation in her voice next. "I'm doing this...for you."

"For me?" He scoffed.

Foolish, foolish, my love.

She pushed back the chair as she slowly walked towards him.

He's hurt and he didn't hide it on his face.

She saw it. She knew it.

She held his hand he didn't know he was clenching so hard. "Yes. For you." She repeated. "I'm doing this for you, for us."

Us.

Ah. That word finally came out of her mouth. She's finally including him in her thoughts now.

He finally relaxed as he clasped her hand tight and pulled her closer to him, he made her sit on his lap and buried his face on her neck. He sniffed her scent, a mix of citrus scent and his body wash.

He liked it a lot.

He liked to smell himself on her. A reminder that she belonged to him.

He pecked a soft kiss on her neck and smiled when she shivered at his touch.

"I realized after spending most of my time only in your room that I'm not living healthily. I'm done feeling worthless."

He looked up to her. "You're not worthless."

She shook her head. "I'm drowning in misery, Jiyong. And the only way I can see myself healing—" she paused. Healing. Right, that's the right word. "—the first step to all of this is changing the environment, like sort of soul-searching."

Jiyong didn't mention this before as he couldn't find the right timing but it's time for Dara to hear it. Even though it pained him to remind her of what caused her misery in the first place.

"Dara," he started as he held her tighter. "You made the world a better place after getting rid of that...trash." His look darkened as he relayed the report he got a few weeks ago. "The trash liked to hunt weak women living with young girls so he could assault them after...grooming them." He was utterly disgusted when he found it out.

Dara was not the bastard's first and only victim. The bastard raped and killed more women before he ended up in his demise. Some women were even younger than Dara. He wanted to kill the bastard the second time around after learning it just to feed his corpse to the dogs.

Dara widened her eyes in shock hearing this for the first time.

Reaper.

She never uttered that name again. She wanted to forget that name but upon hearing this from Jiyong, he knew that this new information could give her a sense of relief.

She took out the trash.

She should not feel bad about it. She serviced the world.

"Th...thank you for telling me that." She said as she looked away. It was obvious she didn't want to talk about it. "It doesn't matter anymore. I...I just want to move on." Her hands trembled, still shaken thinking about it.

Because still. She killed someone.

And Jiyong understood.

He knew that was not the only reason that Dara fell into depression. He knew the feeling of a person when you take a life for the first time. It can change your view of the world, your view of yourself—no matter who.

Throb

Ah, he should not dwell on that dark memory.

"Kill him, Jiyong. You are my son, after all...you are my legacy..."

"Ahhhh! No! Help me! Spare me!"

Stab!

....

Thirteen. Only thirteen when he got his first kill.

Except he didn't fall into depression like how it did to the good-hearted Dara.

His Dara. His pure and innocent Dara.

He buried his face on her neck again, sniffing her scent. "I understand." He whispered.

He didn't fall into depression after his first kill...but spiraled into something worst. He become even more violent.

The beast in him has awakened. As how he described it back then.

Ah, that's why he loved this woman he was holding in his arms so much, he realized.

She tamed that beast. She tamed that violent side of him. She made him believe a future is possible for him. A future to look forward to. A future with her.

He nipped her skin and loved the way she moaned his name.

"Jiyong..." she called as she held him tight. "Will you let me leave, then? Will you let me go?"

'Never.' He thought but answered, "I'll do whatever you wish, babe."

She smiled as she kissed his head. "Thank you."

He smiled back. She started to be vocal and sought his opinions too. He liked it. He liked it a lot.

He could let her believe she could go on her own for a month but not 'a two or I don't know'. He could have his men watch her in a distance, scout the place she's having her 'soul-searching', and plant people to keep her safe, she could live in her bubble, and he would be her shadow.

But Dara didn't have to know his plans.

"You're welcome."

He said with a smile.

--//--//tbc

a/n: How do you feel about this chapter? I tried to portray something and hope I delivered it right. D'you know what it was? ;)

love, siv