It's been close to a week since Jungkook invited me to his friend's house for a very unproductive study session. We've made efforts to actually work on the project since then, and so far I can say it's going fairly well. We've finalized our project idea and now Jungkook and I sat in my room, building a template for our market strategy. 

We both sat on the floor, our backs against the side of the bed and stared at the books in our laps. The silence was comfortable. Occasionally one of us would look up at the other to solidify understanding, but I couldn't help but take note of the way he would slightly reach for the top of his ear. There were even a few times when I would catch him staring off in space and when I would ask him if he was following, he'd just blink and nod.

Kinda like right now..

"Hey," I said, staring at the side of his nose. "Did you hear me?"

Again he blinked. "Uh—yeah my bad. You were saying something about the media ad?"

"Yeah, I was." I narrowed my eyes in suspicion. "Is everything ok?"

"Yeah. Why? Whatchu mean?"

"Well.." I started, "you've been kinda.. spaced out lately. You good?"

His big eyes looked at me, using a humorous glare to mask whatever he was actually feeling. His nose wrinkled as the boyish smile spread across his lips.

"Aw, Jay, you worried about me?"  He asked, poking fun at me.

"I wouldn't say I'm worried; I'm just confused. Since knowing you, you're usually reasonably attentive, but over these last couple of days you've been, I don't know.. in the clouds. I'm just waiting for you to come back down, is all."

His grin fell and the playful glimmer in his eye left. "Oh."

"And maybe it's nothing," I shrugged, "If you can't properly focus right now then that's O—"

"I'm sorry, Jada."

"—Kay.."

I blinked. Not only was I confused but for some reason my fight or flight was kicking in. The sudden apology was anxiety inducing, and his eyes being glossed over made it worse.

What the fuck was he apologizing for.

My eyes darted away and I fumbled my words. "Uh-um.. sorry for what?"

"For not defending you."

"Defending me from what, Jungkook?" I raised a brow

He sighed and looked away. All I could do was stare at the side of his sad little face and wait for him to respond.

"When they were all laughing and shit. I know they were laughing at Gage, but you were the butt of the joke and I—I should've said something. It's been on my mind since then and I feel terrible. I'm sorry, Jay."

I sat in disbelief, watching him fiddle with the fabric of his pants. I would've never thought that the infamous Jungkook Jeon would be such a Softie. It was actually very sweet that he cared enough. The sadness and disappointment in himself made my heart wrench.

"Hey, it's alright." I reached out to touch his shoulder in an attempt to console himself, but he shrugged it off

"But it's not. I brought you there, I'm responsible for making sure you are comfortable and safe."

I scoffed. " Jk, you're not obligated to save me."

"Maybe not. But I consider you a friend, and I shouldn't have let a friend be humiliated by people they barely know. I was an asshole."

"You can't control people's actions." I said, watching the moisture spill from his eye.

"I know." His voice shook.

"Ok, but why are you crying?" I said, with a lopsided smile.

"Because I feel like shit!"

And then the dam broke. One tear after another. Sniffle after sniffle. He was genuinely disappointed in his actions and deemed himself as an evil villain. In the middle of my bedroom floor at that. As much as I tried, I couldn't hide the smile I displayed through tucked lips. This was all too much.

I allowed him to spill his emotions, though. He bent his knees and leaned forward, resting his arms across them and buried his face. His shoulders trembled, so I used a calming hand to rub circles in his back, feeling the tension in his muscles through his hoodie.

Dude was ripped, but man was he stressed, this couldn't be all from the incident at Oscar's house.

I'd say maybe 3 minutes later, he finally soothed himself. His body was much more relaxed than before, and his sniffling was much more staggered.

" Good now?" I asked.

His head rose like the sun, then he took a deep breath.  "Yeah, I'm good."

"Cool." I nodded

"My bad for crying. I do that sometimes." He said plainly.

"It's cool. I'm glad you got it out. Thank you for apologizing."

"Sure thing." He sniffed. "We good?"

"We're good." I assured him.

I didn't know where to look now. Ironically it was my bedroom and I could look anywhere, but where? At him? Out the window? In the book? At the posters? I didn't know.

"So um.." I tried, twisting my lips as I searched for the right words. "Did you want to pick this up another day?"

"You kicking me out?" He asked, his bloodshot eyes on my smaller frame.

"I didn't say that. I just figured you might want to take a break or try again later. You know.. a crowded mind and what not.."

He covered his eyes with the back of his hand, lifting his shoulder in a half shrug. "I don't know."

"Ok.." I removed my hand from his back. "So what do you want to do then?"

"Hit the wood."

I sucked my teeth and rolled my eyes "Other than that.. what do you wanna do?"

"I don't know, Jay. I can't see." He sniffled truthfully.

I threw the towel in, setting the books to the side and kicking my legs out in front of me in defeat. I allowed my body to slouch further and blew the few strands of hair away from my face. He doesn't want to study and he doesn't want to leave..so now what? I guess all there's left to do is talk until my mom calls us for dinner.

"Don't parents know that you smoke weed?"

He lifted a brow. "Huh?"

"You heard me."

He gave me a once over then turned and gave a halfhearted chuckle. "Why? you gonna tell them?"

"So they don't."

"No, they don't. Why?"

"Oh nothing." I shrugged with a smug smile "I'm just curious how they'd think of their prize baby boy being bad."

"You know, I think that sometimes too."

"Do you really?"

"Yeah. Actually, my parents aren't as strict as you would think. Of course being Asian you get stereotyped and people automatically assume my parents beat me with a broomstick if I don't speak Korean correctly, take college courses at the age of 12, or master the Piano at 2. They're pretty chill, they just ask for respect. And I give them that. They'd rather not be all up in my business anyway unless it's school, health, or I'm in danger. So yeah, sometimes I wonder how they would react"

"What do you think?" I asked

He breathed. "I think they'd wonder why I do it."

"Like why do you choose to smoke?"

"Yeah. Like what's the reason. Of course I like the high, but I also like not stressing either. When I am high, I feel lighter and more worry free. Any tension I felt mentally or physically gets numbed and I can finally.. Relax, you know."

"So that explains your 'camping out' and 'getting Blown with the boys' ." I mumbled the thoughts that were supposed to stay in my head.

He chuckled again. "You really do think out loud, huh"

" I guess."

"Ain't no I guess, you do." His boyish grin returned.

"Ok sure, and now that I had you crying in my bedroom, I can tell you're very emotionally inclined." I teased.

"Ooo big words." His eyes rounded as he faked a tremble in his voice.

"What are you talking about? Those aren't big words at all."

"You're not big words at all."

I gasp, gripping my nonexistent pearls. My hair bounced around my shoulders as I looked for who he was talking to. He on the other hand couldn't contain his laughter as I turned up the heat with my antics.

"Oh no you didn't." My neck rolled with a vengeance. "I am TOO, big wordz-uh."

"Puh-leeze, Jay. Ain't nothing big about you but that head." He said.

"Ain't nothing big—now that's where I draw the line."

"What?" He laughed, amused by my funsized fierceness.

"We are not finna lie to kick it, Jungkook."

"Who's lying to kick it?"

"You." My lips poked out from the power of the emphasis.

"How?"

"You said ain't nothing big about me but my head. So you mean to tell me you ain't seen this big body Benz?"

"Big what??" He scrunched his face then started busting out laughing even louder than before. "Jada c'mon be deadass."

"I am, and stop cursing in my mom's house."

"Can't be." He said, wiping the remaining tears from his eyes. "And you cuss too, but anyway, what the heck are you talking about?"

I deadpanned. Using this moment to stand up in my spot and place my hands on my hips, glaring down at him with a forced frown. He looked up at me from where he sat, giving me a once over to understand what I meant, and then it hit him.

"Oh my god, what the fuck, Jay!  Are you trying to call yourself fat?" As if his voice couldn't be any louder.

"Why are you so loud!"

"Because I didn't know what the hell you were talking about."

"Stop cussing in here." I warned.

"Fine. Fine. But do you really think that about yourself?"

"Well," I looked away. "Yeah."

"Why?"

"Because I am."

"Who said that?"

"What do you mean?

"Who told you that you were fat?" He asked, this time not as amused as before.

I searched for the right words to say because there were more than I could count. There were countless times when I've been made to feel larger than others or was flat out slapped with the fat girl card. It didn't matter whether that be in a group setting, in public, or simply the girls locker room. All I know is each of these times have stained and tainted my self image.

"Jada."

"Hm?"

"Who called you fat?" He asked, raising his chiseled brow.

"They don't say it specifically." I answered.

"Who is they? People at school are saying it?"

His expression hardened the more he questioned me and I started to regret even bringing it up. I started to stray away as the nervousness built up inside me.

"They're not necessarily.. saying it." I said, looking away from his piercing eyes.

"What do you mean?" He slouched back in confusion.

"Well, it's usually the looks I get, or the comments people make. Sometimes people say more with their eyes and actions than words. But there are also times when people say certain things that hurt. Like that guy at homecoming."

"What guy at homecoming? Who this guy?" He asked, tipping his chin as he surveyed me.

"Well, Amayah and I were in line for hotdogs and a guy came up to me and offered to buy us one. I declined, but he wouldn't leave us alone."

"Then what did he say?" He asked, his nostrils subtly flaring.

"H-he said 'I see your thick ass like to eat'."

"Is that all he said?"

"Uh.. no. When Amayah told him off he said 'my big ass ain't need no hot dog anyway'."

I didn't think retelling this story would have this much of an effect on me like it did. My eyes welled up with tears that threatened to fall. My lip even began to quiver and I cursed the pained lump in my throat. Although I know Jungkook wasn't upset at me, I still lightly cowered away in the darkness of the conversation, yet I never took my eyes off of him.

Of course noticing the state I was in, his features began to soften like his voice. "Damn, Jay.. what the fuck."

This time he pushed off the ground to stand on his feet, of course towering over me. I teary eyes bore into him and he poked out his lip in pity, placed his hands on my shoulders to give them soothing rubs.

"You're not fat, Jay Jay."

"Yes I am." I spoke through the tremble of my lips.

"No you're not."

"Then why did he say it?" I asked, the question being less rhetorical.

"Because dudes don't like being rejected, so they try to find a way to hurt you and that's what he did."

Replaying the moment in my head, a moment that has happened more than once, it started to make a little bit of sense. I just couldn't understand why? What did they gain from it?

"They gain self satisfaction." He said. "That's pretty much it. But that doesn't really matter, because now you think something about yourself that isn't true."

I opened my mouth to speak, but I was cut short.

"You're not fat at all, maybe a little chubby, but still, for the most part you're just short and thick. Like a small bean or a pinky toe." He chuckled shortly like a dweeb at his own joke.

"But I don't wanna be chubby." I whined.

"Then do something about it." He shrugged. "But don't allow other people to make you feel insecure. You gotta think you the shit, Jay, or others won't. Now matter how you look."

He stepped back to give me some space. Bloodshot eyes mirrored mine with hands on his waist, watching me idly as I processed what he said. "You good?"

"Yeah, I'm good." I sniffed.

"Good." He flipped his hoodie on, "Now dry them eyes, little piggie, we going to the market."