It had been a shock to find out that Emily and Richard were essentially separated because they had been married for so long. It was kind of a bummer, but Thea was sure that they might find their way back together again, some day.

However, Thea couldn't dwell on the separation for too long because she had finals to focus on.

Jess lovingly woke Thea up by smacking her with a pillow.

Thea threw a pillow at him, "What is it now?"

"Liz is getting married," Jess told her, "And Luke wants me there even though I don't want to go."

"Then don't?" replied Thea. She knew that Liz was getting married, because Liberty told her. And apparently the 'bachelor' party that was on T.J.'s end went to a strip club. Sage and Aiden were invited to the strip club, but they declined because it seemed gross. 

 There hasn't been a bachelorette party on Liz's end yet, but apparently Thea, Georgia, and Liberty were invited to it.

"And Luke is listening to and reading weird self-help shit," Jess told Thea.

Thea replied, "That's his choice?"

"And he gave me the self-help books," Jess continued ranting.

"Did you burn them?" asked Thea.

"No, I'm reading them," Jess said. "Do I look like I need self-help?"

"I think you need something," Thea replied. "Like a kick in the ass for waking me up for this."

Thankfully, Thea managed to miss the bachelorette party because apparently it was a male stripper in the middle of Luke's according to Jess, who ended up agreeing to walk Liz down the aisle.

She guessed those self-help books were working.

The wedding was Renaissance faire themed, which was nice, Thea guessed. It was also nice to see so many townspeople dressed for it.

Aiden whispered, "Where did all these people pull these costumes out from? Surely, they couldn't have had these costumes stashed away in their closets."

"I know," Sage agreed. "That's what's tripping me out."

Jess came over to them, "This is crossing the line, but do any of you happen to have any heroin on you?"

Sage patted his pockets and took out a cereal bar, "I have this."

Jess took the cereal bar, "It'll do." He opened it and looked at the townies who were heading for the seats. He motioned at them, "Look at this."

"I know," Aiden replied.

Jess asked, "Who has these costumes stashed away? Where do you even go to get them? Who made them? Where do you go to rent these costumes?" He looked over, "Oh, god that T.J.'s brother. I have to see my mother at Miss Patty's. Good luck." He took off, leaving Sage, Aiden, and Thea at the mercy of T.J.'s brother.

The man came up to them and said, "What's this? Surely these two men accompanying the young lady must be time travelers from the future in such foreign, mystical garb."

Aiden and Sage were wearing regular clothes, while Thea was in what she assumed was a time-appropriate dress.

"If I wanted to dress like a fool, I would have," Sage told T.J.'s brother.

Thea grabbed Sage's arm and dragged him over to a chair before he got in a fight with T.J.'s brother. 

They sat down in the chairs.

"Please try to refrain from getting into fistfights because they just might throw you in the stocks," Thea told Sage.

"I think I'd rather be in the iron maiden than the stocks," Aiden said. "I don't want people to throw old tomatoes at me or some shit."

"They never used the iron maiden," Sage replied. "That was a concept."

Luke, wearing a suit, and Jessie wearing a Ren Faire dress, came over to their row and sat down.

"If you two start fighting, I'm shoving you both in the lake," Luke warned Sage and Aiden.

Liberty, Georgia, Todd, Rory, and Anthony had finals, so they weren't coming to the wedding.

Mrs. Kim was finally visiting Lane, so Dave and Brian were busy trying to make themselves as presentable as possible to impress her.

Elowen, Ethan, and Craig were busy at the bakery due to the townies who weren't interested in attending the wedding.

"Okay," Sage replied.

Lorelai, wearing a flower dress, came by and sat next to Jessie, who just smiled at her, and greeted, "Hi, Lorelai. Nice weather we're having." She frowned, "No Jason?"

"He had some business thing to attend to," Lorelai replied.

A woman came up to them, "Hi, Lucas."

"Oh!" Luke seemed startled and then slightly annoyed, "Hi, Carrie."

Carrie asked, "Is that a power suit?"

"It's my only suit," Luke replied.

"Looks pretty powerful to me," Carrie replied, checking Luke out. "So, um, Barry stayed home."

"The ball and chain," Carrie explained. "I'm flying solo tonight. Save a dance for me?"

"Uh, I don't dance," Luke replied.

"You will dance," Carrie said in a vaguely threatening manner.

"Hey, how 'bout you, me, and Jess work on him together?" Lorelai joked, "I think there's a hoofer buried deep inside there, don't you?"

Carrie apparently didn't see the appeal of that, "I guess."

"Carrie, this is Lorelai and Jessie," Luke said.

"I know," Carrie said. She nodded at Lorelai and Jessie, "Hi.""

"Hi," Lorelai and Jessie said in unison.

Carrie said, "So, um, there's gonna be a little delay. Liz ripped her dress and it's gonna take a while to fix it. I'm supposed to spread the message."

"Well, spread it, Car – the message, the message," Luke said quickly. Carrie walked away, and Luke said, "She makes me very uncomfortable."

"Poor Liz," Lorelai said. "Does she know how to fix something like that?"

"She was never one for household skills," Luke replied.

"I'm gonna go see," Lorelai said. "She's at Miss Patty's?"

"Yeah," replied Luke.

Sage looked at Carrie, "Oh, that poor guy over there."

"Yeah, that will keep her occupied," Lorelai agreed, before she looked at Jessie. "You know how to sew?"

"Yeah," Jessie agreed, surprised at the question.

"Good, come on, if we work together, we get this show on the road," Lorelai said, taking Jessie's arm and the two took off together.

Aiden spoke to Luke, "Want to bet that Carrie'll move on to T.J.'s brother?"

"That's a chump bet," Luke replied. "You're on."

Aiden was now five bucks poorer and Luke was five bucks richer when Lorelai and Jessie returned.

Due to the music, Sage had fallen asleep using Thea's shoulder as a pillow.

Luke asked, "Everything okay?"

"Crisis averted," Lorelai replied.

The band started playing and Thea had to shake her shoulder to get Sage to wake up.

"Must be starting," Luke replied.

Lorelai asked, "Think they know any Zeppelin?" Two women danced down the aisle, tossing white rose petals down. "Ooh, roses – nice."

"Does she remind you of someone?" asked Luke, pointing to one woman, who stopped when she got down the aisle.

"My god, she looks like Leslie Van Houten," Aiden said.

"I was going to say that," Lorelai replied.

A jester cartwheeled twice down the aisle and did some kind of standing backflip as a finisher.

They clapped for him.

"Now, that's impressive," Lorelai stated.

"Yeah," Luke agreed.

Now it was T.J.'s turn to walk down the aisle. It sounded like he was talking to random guests, "These tights, I'm telling you – the best. I'm happy, my boys are happy, and they don't ride up." He stopped at Luke and lifted his arms a little, "Hey...still dry. Thanks, buddy."

Disgusted, Thea asked Luke, "What the hell does that mean?"

"Don't ask," Luke told her.

"You dried his armpits?" asked Lorelai, equally disgusted.

"I don't want to talk about it," Luke replied.

Two men push a cart, with Liz seated upon it, up to the entrance of the aisle, where Jess was waiting.

"Oh, I want one of those," Lorelai said as the guests stood up. Liz took Jess's arm, and they made their way up the aisle. "She looks happy."

And Jess doesn't, Thea wanted to add.

"Yeah, she does," Luke agreed.

"She looks hot," T.J. said to his brother.

"Smokin'," agreed T.J.'s brother.

"Don't you say that," T.J. replied.

Once Liz and Jess got to the end of the aisle, Liz kissed Jess on the cheek, and Jess went to sit down, then wiped at his cheek, apparently not used to affection from his mother.

Thea leaned forward in her seat to whisper to Jess, "Good job, buddy. At least you looked like you wanted to throw yourself in front of the bus for approximately a minute. She patted him on the shoulder and sat back down on her seat.

The minister walked in the gazebo, strumming a guitar and started singing, "As kids we shared our toys/with all the girls and boys/barrel of moneys/your battleship sunk me/please recall the joy/Wheelo, Clue, Mousetrap/bash and spirograph/kaleidoscopes spinning/Yahtzee I'm winning/think of how we laughed/but today we share our love/today we share our love/for love is the greatest toy around, around, around..."

Thea was trying hard not to laugh during the song. She even heard Jessie forcing back laughter.

"Help," Luke whispered, also struggling not to laugh.

"Think of something not funny," Lorelai whispered.

"Can't," Luke replied.

"You may plant the ceremonial sword," the minister said.

"Avalanches, earthquakes..." Lorelai listed as Liz and T.J. planted a sword into a tree stump.

"Not doin' it," Luke replied, stilling thinking of the song.

"Dead puppy on the side of the road," Sage tried.

The minister said, "Hello, friends. Isn't it a beautiful day? The day that Liz and T.J. share their love in front of those they love." He spoke to Liz, "Liz, do you want to tell T.J. how you feel?"

"Yes," Liz said. She turned to T.J. who was staring at the minister, and said, "T.J."

"Yeah?" said T.J. loudly.

"My heart just pours out to you," Liz said to T.J. "You have been so good to me and for me. I don't know where I'd be without you. I'd be worse off, I know that." She exhaled, "You're something else."

"Nice," the minister complimented. "T.J."

"Well, I wrote something down, but, for all the good points about tights – and there are a lot – they don't have pockets," T.J. said. "So I gotta go off the cuff. I love ya."

Liz and T.J. kissed and hugged each other.

"Aw," Lorelai said. "That wasn't so funny."

"Nah," Luke agreed, "That wasn't funny at all."

Thankfully the food seemed great when they got to the reception, which was also in the middle of the town center.

Jess, Sage, Aiden, and Thea found some seats at a table so they can eat their food together.

"I heard you trying hard not to laugh at the song," Thea told Jess.

"It was hilarious," Jess defended himself.

A bald man came over to them, "Mind I sit there?"

"Go right ahead," Thea said, and the man joined them sitting next to Jess.

After eating in silence, the man said, "This food is better than the food that I got served in prison."

"Is it now?" replied Jess.

"Yeah," the man replied.

"People think prison's a waste of time, but prison's the best thing that ever happened to me," the man continued.

"Interesting," Jess said, clearly not caring. He already hears enough jail stories from Anthony.

"Picked up skills," the man continued. "Metal working, laundry – that's a skill. Doing laundry for six hundred guys – no piece of cake."

"Great," replied Jess.

"Added fabric softener for cigarettes," the man continued talking.

Thea looked at Sage and Aiden, who were looking just as confused as Thea felt.

Sage leaned over to whisper to Thea, "Why are you an ex-con magnet now?"

"I don't know," Thea replied, equally confused.

T.J. and Liz had gone up to Luke, Lorelai, and Jessie to speak to them briefly, before Jess got up.

Liz turned to Jess, "Hey, hey, hey! You say 'goodbye' before you leave."

"I'm just going to get more food," Jess replied.

"You promise?" asked Liz.

"I promise," said Jess before he started walking away.

"Hey, get me a turkey leg," Aiden told Jess.

"You didn't have a broken leg," Jess replied as he walked off.

"That was two years ago," Aiden said to Sage and Thea.

"You didn't have a broken leg," Sage told Aiden.

Aiden threw some grapes at Sage.

Thea noticed Luke glaring at Sage and Aiden and said, "Don't look now, but Luke is definitely plotting on shoving you two into the lake."

Jess did return with more food, but at least he brought back a turkey leg that he 'definitely didn't lick' which made Aiden hand it over to Jess, because he couldn't be sure.

Jess just smiled as he took the turkey leg, "Thanks, man."

Eventually the reception turned into dancing.

Kirk was speaking because he was DJ, "Hope ye took much pleasure in Kajagoogoo. Methinks Oingo Boingo whilst soon makest an appearance. But first, please clear the floor for our happy couple...eth."

They clapped and Sage looked at Thea, "This is probably why Georgia and I couldn't find a job in high school."

Thea was confused, "What are you talking about?"

"You, Aiden, and Libby had jobs, while Georgia and I didn't," Sage explained. "We kept telling each other that we really need to find jobs, but we never did. It was probably because Kirk had like fifty jobs." 

Aiden came up to them, "So, the court jester would juggle if you pay him first."

"I appreciate the hustle," Sage replied. "How much was he asking?"

"Five dollars," Aiden replied.

"I would've asked for ten," Thea stated.

"But that's so much," Sage pointed out.

Thea replied, "It depends on if they really want to see me juggle."

Aiden said, "Better juggle chainsaws for that much."

"On fire," added Sage.

"Liz and T.J. wouldst enjoy others to join them in their modest wriggles," Kirk said.

Sage asked, "How much money should I pay him to hear him say 'modest wriggles' again?"

"I'd rather not hear it again," Aiden said.

Thea nodded, "Yeah. Same." She looked around, "Where's Jess?"

"He probably went home," Sage said with a shrug.

The evening wore on and it was finally time for cake. Although Thea really didn't appreciate T.J. pulling off his tights and throwing it at the bachelors instead of the garter, although it was impressive how Luke ducked and shoved Sage and Aiden to the ground at the same time. 

And then some guy started choking on a grape and the court jester had to do the Heimlich on the guy to dislodge the food.

However, the main highlight of the evening was that Mrs. Kim had shown up to Lane's apartment, twice. The first time, Mrs. Kim ran off, but Mrs. Kim had returned, but this time they were going to fix a window, get a temporary fridge, and then called Dave and Brian girls. But at least it was a start.