Hi, it's your girl, TheMercuryQueen, this chapter is more dramatic than the other ones I've written and the things the main character in anger are based on how I've felt about my own relationship with my father so the triggers are as followed: mentions of rape, abortion, depression, anxiety, attempted suicide, self harm etc etc. so If you are easily triggered please do not read this chapter, and don't forget if you are going through exactly the same thing with anyone, my inbox is open, I won't judge, don't forget; You're NOT alone!

It's lively in the pub tonight, everyone's having a singsong and having a grand drinking time, Laughing and chatting with the regulars, can't beat it, the door opens and in come Deacy and Veronica, they are such a beautiful couple, it's so amazing how much love they have.

Shanai: (teasingly) Oh hello, Troublemaker and Mrs Troublemaker!

Veronica: (teasingly) Ahaha, Oh dear, we've been caught out at last!

John: (teasingly) Haha, how did you work it out?

Shanai: (with a cheeky grin) I have psychic powers, haha, what can I get you lovely couple to drink?

John: Could I have a diet coke, with ice please?

Veronica: And could I please have a glass of orange juice, with ice?

Shanai: You got it, hun, How's my lovely little Prince Robert?

John: He's with Ronnie's mum for the weekend, her mum thought it would be nice for us to spend time together, so she picked him up tonight.

As I was about to answer, the door opened, in walked a face I didn't expect to see, didn't want to see, never wanted to speak to again. I couldn't believe it, after all this time, after everything I was put through, I never expected to see my father, It felt like it was a horrible dream.

Shanai's dad: (warm smile) Hello, Shanai.

Shanai: (Emotionless expression) How the heck did you find me, and why are you here?

Shanai's dad: (warm smile and friendly demeanour) Come on, love, aren't you happy to see me?

Shanai: Answer my question, how and why?

I could see John putting two and two together in his head about who this could be, Veronica studied my body language towards my father subtly, wondering who he is.

Shanai's dad: I read an article about a show you and your Uni class did, in the Cardiff Echo, I researched you via directory enquiries and this was one of the places they cross referenced you with. I'm so proud of you, my beautiful, talented daughter.

Shanai: Cut the bull, you only looked me up when you realised I could actually make a career in show business, and decided to be fatherly and loving towards me when it clicked I could make a lot of money.

Shanai's dad: Oh come on, sweetheart! that's not true, I wanted to make amends with you, I did a little thinking and realised what I did was wrong, I am sorry!

Shanai: (Sarcastically) Wow! I am honoured, it only took you four years!

Shanai's dad: You must realise it was your mother's fault, she was playing mind games with you, everything I told you about her is true, she cheated on me multiple times!

Shanai: (scoffs) THIS! This coming from the man who got someone else pregnant at the same time as dating my pregnant mother!

Shanai's dad: But love-

Shanai:(getting angry) NO! My turn, you're going to shut up and listen to what I have to say, whether you bloody like it or not!

Shanai's dad: (stunned silence)

The music went off, all of the regulars were hushed, Al was behind me, with an arm wrapped around my shoulder for support, John and Veronica were by the side of the bar near me, everyone let me rip.

Shanai: (Angrily) YOU BLOODY SHOW UP HERE, TRYING TO GAIN BACK MY TRUST, MY LOVE AND AFFECTIONS, AFTER SAYING TO ME WHAT YOU SAID FOUR YEARS AGO?! YOU TOLD ME MUM GOT RAPED BY A RELATIVE, YOU TOLD ME THAT I COULDN'T BE YOUR DAUGHTER BECAUSE OF MY DISABILITY AND DECIDED TO CALL ME DEFORMED THEN TOLD ME YOU LOVED ME!

YOU KNEW I HAVE MENTAL HEALTH PROBLEMS AND DECIDED TO COME UP WITH THAT PILE OF DOG MESS TO TRY AND POISON MY MIND AGAINST THE WOMAN WHO SINGLE-HANDEDLY RAISED ME THROUGH ALL THE HELL THAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH!

I HEARD YOU ON THE PHONE WHEN I WAS EIGHT YEARS OLD THAT I SHOULD'VE DIED AT BIRTH, AND THAT I SHOULD'VE BEEN ABORTED WHEN MUM HAD THE CHANCE! WHAT KIND OF FATHER SAYS THAT ABOUT THEIR YOUNGEST DAUGHTER?!

BECAUSE OF YOU, I WANTED TO DIE, BECAUSE OF YOU, I'VE WANTED TO KILL MYSELF, BECAUSE OF YOU I ENDED UP HAVING TO DEAL WITH A TEMPER, BECAUSE OF YOU, I HAD TO GO TO COUNSELLING WHERE I ENDED UP DIAGNOSED WITH SEPARATION ANXIETY, ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION!

I HAVE BEEN SO BLOODY INSECURE OF MYSELF, I HAVE HARMED MYSELF, AND I HAVE HATED MYSELF FOR SO LONG BECAUSE OF YOUR BLOODY MISTAKES, YOU ARE ABSOLUTE POISON, I'M FINALLY AT A PLACE IN MY LIFE WHERE I AM HAPPY, I HAVE FAMILY, FRIENDS, A JOB, EDUCATION, A LOVING BOYFRIEND WHO I CAN DEPEND ON FOR LOVE, RESPECT AND SUPPORT AND A BOSS WHO LOVES ME LIKE HIS OWN DAUGHTER!

So... GET OUT BEFORE I SHOW YOU HOW BADLY I CAN MESS YOU UP!

My father looked at me scared of what I just did, and ran like the coward he is out of the pub, never to come back. I look round the pub and I see everyone's jaws dropped, they have never seen me lose my temper like that, I look at my hands and I see that they're shaking, I decided to speak up.

Shanai: (Calmly) Now then, Charlie! Stick that jukebox back on, everyone else carry on having a good time!

*I Wanna Hold Your Hand playing*

Al: Are you alright?

Shanai: Yeah, a bit shaky b-but I'll be fine (giving a small sad smile)

Veronica: (hugs me) John's just using the phone to contact the boys, I can't believe you went through that though!

John: (Comforting smile) Right, everyone's staying at Roger's for the night, Shanai, would you like to join us? Roger doesn't mind.

Shanai: Yeah, I'd like that!

Veronica: The five of you enjoy, I'm going to my friend's for the night, they're outside (kisses Deacy goodbye).

Okay my lovelies, this has been chapter thirteen, hopefully you've enjoyed, and trust me I enjoyed writing the rage! Stay safe during lockdown, abide by the rules! I love you, I love you all very much!

Shanai AKA

TheMercuryQueen

XOXO