Hey darlings, Tis I, TheMercuryQueen (Yeah I used "Tis" lol) here's chapter 12, this chapter has mentions of depression and anxiety in case anyone gets triggered.

Today, is a great day in Uni, a few weeks ago we were told that we are putting on a poetry reading showcase, which is tonight and we each have to write a poem, the topic can be about anything we wanted. The lesson ended, as usual I was the last to pack up and leave but today the teacher Miss Halliwell asked me to stay behind.

Miss Halliwell: (sweetly) Shanai, could you stay behind? I'd like talk to you, if that's okay?

Shanai: Is there a problem miss, am I in trouble?

Miss Halliwell: No, No, my dear girl! Quite the contrary, I just wanted to discuss your composition, "To the sadness in my head" I believe it's called.

Shanai: Yes miss, that's right, It's based on my experiences, with the difficulties I've had throughout life.

Miss Halliwell: Well, I must say that, your poetry composition is worthy of closing the show tonight, I want you to read it tonight, you go on last.

Shanai: Wow! Thank you, miss, that would be an honour, I won't let you down!

Miss Halliwell: (chuckles softly) I know you won't Shanai, You're my most promising student, now go on home and get ready for tonight, I'll see you later.

Shanai: (Smiles shyly) Thank you, Miss Halliwell, Bye!

Miss Halliwell: (gives a warm smile) Bye, Shanai!

As today, is my day off from work, I got the bus to John's house, the boys said they would be hanging out there for the day, but I FINALLY get to meet Robert and Veronica! The bus turned on the corner, I arrived on the road of John's house, I only had to walk 20 yards down the road. I walked up the drive way and knocked on the door, It was John who answered.

John: (warm smile) Oh hello, Shanai, You found the house okay then?

Shanai: Hiya Deacy, yeah I did manage in the end.

John: Well, come in the rest of the boys are here, Ronnie's just upstairs with Robbie, getting him ready for the poetry reading.

I look around the house, wow it's beautiful, Deacy watches my awe filled face.

John: Are you alright?

Shanai: (breaks out of my trance) oh yeah I'm fine, I love your house, I'm not used to this kinda thing ahaha.

John:(amused) You'll get used to it soon enough, the rest of the boys are in the living room.

I walked in with John into the living room, Freddie, Brian and Roger were mid conversation when I entered, Freddie came running, picked me up, spun me around and landed a kiss on my lips, I love it when he does that, he put me back on the floor gently, Roger, Brian, John and Freddie started teasing me about my blushing. But Veronica entered with Robert, she's so pretty and Robert is so adorable, John introduced me, Veronica spoke so nicely saying she heard nice things about me, and Robert liked me so much he wanted me to hold him.

We all made our way to the University Theatre, Lola was outside with her fiancé Oliver, I was so happy but nervous to be performing in front of my new friends, and my loving Freddie, oh dear god, I hope and pray that I don't mess up in front of everyone. And tonight my poem is technically my way of announcing my struggles with depression and anxiety, this should be interesting...

Freddie: My darling! You're performing your own work tonight, How amazing is this?

Shanai: (laughs nervously) Y-yeah totally amazing, can't wait for you all to hear it!

Veronica: Shanai, love, you'll be fine, we'll be in the audience, cheering you, won't we Robbie?

Robert: (excitedly) YEAHHHH!

Shanai: Awww, Thank you Robert, high five!

Robert: (high five) YAY!

John: (chuckles) Robbie's really taking a liking to you.

Oliver: I agree, John's right.

Lola: It's adorable!

Brian: Agreed.

Roger: I hate to halt our lovely chit-chat but Shanai, you're due round at the stage door about now to get ready to go on at the end.

My eyes widened as I quickly said goodbye to everyone, quickly kissed Freddie and sprinted around the corner to the stage door. I sat in the break area, until it was time for me to take to the stage, an hour had passed, someone came in to take me to the wings, then it was my debut, There they all were on the front row smiling, Freddie gave a smile and nodded encouragingly. I smiled and began to read my poem.

To the sadness in my head,

We met when I was eight,

You stayed for a while,

It was a few years before I could smile.

When I was sixteen we met again,

up until then I was okay in between.

To the sadness in my head,

Why choose to live with me?

Why can't you stop and leave me be?

There have been days I cannot lie,

There have been days,

Where I wanted to scream, cry, curl up and die.

To the sadness in my head,

Stop trying to make me,

Bring my life to an end,

You make it impossible,

To tell my family,

And friends.

To the sadness in my head,

Please go away,

How long pray tell, do you plan to stay?

You make it hard for my thoughts,

and feelings to be heard,

Not forgetting my words.

To the sadness in my head,

Please stop making me feel,

The darkness,

Feel alone,

And hurt.

They all had tears in their eyes, I felt a tear in my eye, everyone in the audience jumped to their feet, applauding, whistling, I took my bow and left the stage, I was finally brave enough to tell the world. After the show, Veronica and John had to take Robert home to bed, not before telling me they were proud!  Brian, Roger and Freddie engulfed me in a big hug, Roger gave us a lift, Freddie decided that I would stay the night with him, we bid Brian and Roger goodbye.

Freddie: (gently and lovingly) Dear, that poem's based on you isn't it?

Shanai: (sadly smiles) Yeah, it is, sweetheart.

Freddie: That explains why you're up early, it's to take antidepressants am I right?

Shanai: (Sadly chuckles) Can't pull the wool over your eyes can I?

Freddie wrapped his arms around my waist protectively walking behind me to his room, gently put his lips to mine, our lips in sync, this wasn't lust or sexual, it was sweet, it was pure, most of all it was LOVE.

Okay, this has been chapter 12, and if you do suffer with depression and anxiety, please talk to someone, friend, family, counsellor even a teacher or me, my inbox is always I'm a sufferer of Depression, Anxiety and Separation Anxiety, if you haven't guessed the poem (which I wrote myself) and this chapter is based on my struggles.

Love you all,

TheMercuryQueen

XOXO