It must've been months since I had last seen my love, but I couldn't pluck up the courage to talk to him. I didn't want to have to hear what he was going to say, I didn't want to hear anymore excuses. But I loved him. I loved him more than anybody on this earth, yet I couldn't look at him. I wouldn't be able to look him in the eyes without bashing him in his beautiful face. I sat there, my hands covering my mouth, as I sat on the edge of my bed. My heels sat by the door, my dress hung up on my wardrobe. Every single night, I went to that hotel, hoping to see my precious boy in all of his wonder. I wanted to see him sat up in that booth, boys on his arms, forgetting about me. He was never there, only an empty booth, as I stood at the bar with the a cocktail in hand.

I had to go to him. There was something wrong if he wasn't there to oversee his own parties. I punched my bed angrily, having previously told myself that I would never step foot in that hotel before. However, there was something that I owed him. He had allowed me to explore and flaunt my true self. He had coaxed my real persona out of the dark recesses of my mind, embracing it with every inch of his love.
My manicured hand tapped against the wood of my bedside table, I bit my bottom lip.

Standing up with a sigh, I stretched my arms, dropping them by my side. My hair was shoulder length, I had dyed it a rose colour. To myself, I looked one million times better, and I was finally happy with my body. I stopped looking at myself, taking off my baggy pyjamas. I pulled on my favourite pair of lace underwear, taking my dress down from its hanger. It fit me like a glove; it was the one that Thaddeus had bought for me. He truly knew me more than anybody, but that didn't give him any excuses for climbing on top of another boy to drink his blood- of all things. I fluffed up my hair, before dragging eyeliner across my eyes. In my personal opinion, I looked irresistible - which was all that I needed to boost my confidence. I would confront him, and I would demand to know everything.

Standing by my bedroom door, I pulled on my gloves slowly, taking care to regulate my manic breathing.
~>•<~

I refused to allow nerves to set in, as I pushed the revolving doors to enter the hotel. The beautiful chandelier never failed to wow me, and the hum of music from the ballroom filled my ears. Tonight, however, wasn't for partying. It was for confronting Thaddeus in whatever state he was in. Talulah was on the front desk, reading a book, taking no notice of me. I supposed that he had no idea who I was, and rightly so. I had changed a lot from the frail, timid little boy that I used to be. Anything would make me cry- quite honestly, I was beyond pathetic.

My heels clicked against the marble floor of the lobby, as I headed towards the lift. My gloved hand gently pressed the button, my hand on my hip as I waited for the doors to open. Two guests exited, looking back at me, I smiled raising my eyebrow, head cocked to the side. Those boys would be in for a shock, I said to myself, giggling as I pressed the close button.
The button that led to Thaddeus's suite seemed untouched, the number still shiny and readable. I held onto the gold bar, as the lift hurtled upwards, my mind wanting to revert back to its timid ways. I shook my head, remaining calm. I loved the new me, the me that had to be broken in order to find their true confidence. That was something that I could thank my beloved Thaddeus for - even if I did still hate him for even touching another boy.

Nerves were absent as the lift stopped, the cutesy noise sounding, the doors opening. The corridor seemed the same, bar the smell of cheap beer. I let out a disappointed sigh, expecting to find him dead in that suite. I walked confidently towards his door, noticing that some of the pictures on the walls had been ripped from their spots, broken glass crunching beneath my feet. I heard music coming from inside, the door ajar.
The warm light from inside the room engulfed me, revealing the mess of the room inside. He was listening to music, the same song on repeat over and over and over again. I sighed, walking around trying to find him.

There he was, lying on his coffee table, eyes wide as he stared up at the ceiling. He wasn't moving, bar his ghostly hand tapping an empty beer bottle along to the beat of the song. It seemed to me like he hadn't noticed my arrival. I walked over to the table, crouching down next to him. He was either ignoring me, or truly didn't know that I was there. He looked like he was dead, his body skinny, his skin paler than anything I had ever seen. The rings around his eyes were darker than the sky at midnight, the light gone from his now dark green eyes. I placed my hand on his bare chest, his beer bottle still tapping against the ground. Taking it from his hand, it stopped moving.

I took a shard of glass from underneath the table, which had probably been left there from whatever he had decided to smash that day. I took off my glove, gently dragging the shard against my wrist. I placed my wrist over his mouth, picking up his limp hand. I missed the way that his fingers would curl around mine whenever they got the opportunity to do so. I hadn't noticed that he was looking up at me, a tear in his eyes. He was refusing to drink from me - I kept a straight face. "Thaddeus James, if you do not drink I will leave you here." I said sternly, a tear rolling down his cheek. His hand snaked up from its spot on the ground, holding my wrist to his mouth as he drank reluctantly.
"Good boy." I said, my fingers getting lost in his curls. Oh how I had missed the way that they felt against my skin, it had been months since I had been given the opportunity to feel them.

I stroked his head as he drank, his eyes closed, hands wrapped around my thin arm. After around ten minutes, the colour returned to his cheeks, his eyes the beautify green that I had fallen in love with. He took my arm from his mouth, looking up at me, my blood dripping from the side of his mouth. I wiped it away with my thumb, looking down at him. "Jacob?" He asked, his voice choked from bottles and bottles of alcohol.

"That's right." I said quietly, my head looming over him. Tiny droplets of blood trickled down my arm, as we gazed into each other's eyes. I could feel myself falling in love with him all over again, but I still couldn't excuse what he had done. I was here to confront him, to ask him why he didn't just tell me his issues beforehand. Sure, it probably wouldn't have made things between us any easier, but it wouldn't have packed as much of a punch as it did when I walked in on him.

"I've waited months for you Jacob. I stopped drinking blood- sure I replaced it with alcohol- that's not my point," he said, blubbering like a baby, trying to sit up, "I told you that I'd do anything for you, and I haven't left my room ever since you left me in here to rot." He said, standing up, holding his arms out to balance.

He looked a complete mess, but thankfully the life had been restored to his face. I could look at him now, able to see the boy that I had fallen in love with- instead of the wretch that he'd become. I cocked my head to the side, sighing loudly, as he looked at the floor with a sniffle. His arms hung limply by his side, his hair covering his face. I wasn't about to embrace him yet- I wasn't as feeble as I used to be. Through the pain that he had caused me, I had learned to mould myself into a strong, unmovable object that not even my mother could manipulate. "I want you to tell me why you didn't bother to tell me, Thaddeus. Then, perhaps I'll begin to forgive you." I said sternly, as he sobbed hysterically.

"I-I didn't want to turn you against me, because this would happen. I'm a fucking mess without seeing you every day." He said, pain in his voice as he tried to get it out of his mouth.

"Do you not think that I've suffered? Did you think that I could get the image of you on top of that boy out of my mind? Don't be so selfish." I folded my arms across my body, looking away from him. I wouldn't cry, I wasn't going to allow him that emotional victory over me. I could hear him moving around in front of me, looking in his direction I saw that he had sat down on the floor with a bottle in his hand.

"I wasn't doing anything with him. Talulah had left him there on the bed for me to drink from when I had gotten back from your house. I was in pain, and I needed to drink, Jacob. I go insane without it." He said, he sounded like he was slowly pulling himself together- making our conversation a lot more promising. "I can't not drink, if I don't then- well, you've just seen why. My condition makes it so that my body rejects my own, and by drinking that of other people I can make it through the day to go through it all the next day." He started to drink from the bottle he was holding, squeezing his eyes together after one huge gulp.

"You could've told me this before anything got serious, do you ever use that brain of yours?" I asked in an exasperated tone. He shook his head, finishing off the bottle.

"Well, if you'll excuse me, I have wallowing to be doing. I don't imagine that you want to stay here." He said in a monotone voice, standing the empty glass bottle up next to his knee. I shook my head with a laugh, he really was screwed up.

"You're so selfish, Thaddeus. I swear that you only think about yourself. It hurts me to see you like this, you're ruining yourself! Look at you! A beautiful, charismatic boy turned raging alcoholic in a matter of months-"

"You don't fucking care yourself. Just leave me alone Jacob." He hissed.

I scoffed, waking over to him, batting the bottle out of his hand, it smashed all over the floor. He looked up at me with a straight face, clapping slowly. "Get up." I said, he looked away.
"Now." I said through my teeth. He grumbled to himself, standing in front of me. We were standing close together, I reached out to touch his cheek. His bottom lip twitched, his cheek damp from all of the tears that he'd shed.

"Do you still hate me?" He whispered, looking down at my hand. I shook my head, kindness in my eyes, sadness in his.

"Of course not. I could never stop loving you. You made me, and I adore you." I said quietly, rubbing my own blood away from the corner of his mouth with my thumb. He smiled, as I pressed my lips against his.

It felt so right to be with him, to rescue him from the madness he'd caused. There could be nobody else in my life but him, and being happy with my image, I knew that I had to stay.  I couldn't be anywhere else but in his arms.
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Song Of The Chapter- I Wanna Be Adored by The Stone Roses

A.N
I've no idea if you've clocked on but The Stone Roses song 'I Wanna Be Adored' brought on the name of this book, because it's a slowish song but I can imagine Jacob walking through the doors to it in his beautiful little dresses and such. I also hope you guys know that this is the end of You Adore Me- there's only the epilogue left. How sad is that? How am I gonna spend my days not documenting the wonderful adventures of Thaddeus and Jacob??

Welllll, either tomorrow or later tonight I'm going to post the prologue to The Revolution, my new short story that I've adapted from my script in my film studies class <3

I love you guys so much and thanks so much for loving my stories- don't forget to comment and vote, and look out for my new story. It's quite different to my usual stories I have to say ;)