The next morning we got woken up by Hyunjin throwing open the curtains and yelling at us.

"Get outta my room!" I said squinting at the sunlight.

"Time to get up! We got cleaning to do." He said with his hands on his hips.

"Dude. I'm naked. Get outta here." I said making sure Ember was covered up.

"Oh please. Like we all haven't seen it before." He said waving a hand and leaving the room. I had forgetten. There was one day a year that Hyunjin liked to clean, New Year's Day.

I threw myself back on the bed and rolled over, snuggling up to Ember. "I don't wanna get up."

"Then don't" She mumbled with an arm over her eyes, blocking out the sun. We hadn't been fully sober last night either, and the hangover was setting in.

I rolled over on my stomach and pulled my arms in underneath my chest, face first into my pillow and groaned.

"Get up!" Hyunjin said from the doorway.

"What time is it?" I asked with my face still in my pillow.

"Eight. Get up!" He yelled again as I could hear Changbin mumbling some curse words in the background.

"Go manage to wake up Chan and I'll just stay here." I said.

"You're waking up Chan." He said still standing in the doorway.

"Me? Why!? Did I lose a bet?" I complained, still not moving.

"You weren't there when we played rock, paper, scissors, so you're up. Have fun" He said with a smirk.

"Look. Unless you wanna see me naked, get out and shut the damn door." I said putting my other pillow over my head.

"I'll be back in five mins." He said walking away and closing the door.

"Uugghhh" I groaned as I sat up and Ember slowly sat up too. "No, you go back to sleep." I said looking at her.

"But I can help." She said looking at me holding the sheet to her chest.

"It's ok, Em. Go back to sleep." I smiled at her kissing her forehead and tucking her hair behind her ear. She nodded and laid back down pulling the blankets back up over her and quickly falling back asleep.

I got up and got dressed, closed the curtains, and went into the living room with a massive headache. Changbin was at the sink washing dishes and I made my way to Chan's room dreading having to wake him up. I didn't think I'd ever seen him hungover.

I knocked on the door and didn't hear anything, "Chan. Wake up" I said yelling into the door. I banged on the door this time, and still didn't hear anything. "Is he even alive? Did anyone check to make sure he was even breathing last night?" I asked as Hyunjin walked by.

"Not my problem" he said as he walked by with a mop.

Finally opening his door. I looked in the dark room and his LED lights were still on. There was Hyunjin's date getting dressed and froze like a deer in headlights. Chan was laying on his bed face down without a single stitch of clothes on.

"Oh wow." I said laughing as I closed the door.

"I found your date." I said as Hyunjin walked by again. I couldn't help but laugh. Chan was passed out with his ass out, and Hyunjin's date was sneaking out.

Hyunjin dropped the mop and went to Chan's door to peek in. "Have fun?" He said sarcastically as she grabbed the rest of her stuff and sped towards the front door. Hyunjin rolled his eyes and walked away, "Wake him up. He needs to help us."

"Please don't make me go in there." I begged laughing.

"Like you haven't seen his ass before, we all have. Get going" he said pushing me in. I stared at him for a moment.

"Have you see all of us naked or something?" I asked confused.

"Yes." He said then walked away again.

I walked into Chan's room and tried to figure out how to wake him up. This was awkward. I poked him in the shoulder and hoped that would work, but it didn't. "Chan" I said poking him again. "Chan" I said again.

"CHAN!" I yelled suddenly and he sat up straight as I covered my eyes held out a towel to him. "It's Hyunjin's cleaning day. He wants you to help, that girl left, and my god I really don't wanna see anything if I uncover my eyes." I said awkwardly.

"Ugh, what girl?" He asked taking the towel from my hands and I slowly uncovered my eyes. He looked like shit. His whole face was beyond puffy. He was squinting so bad I couldn't even see his eyes.

"Um. The girl you slept with last night? Hyunjin's date? I mean she's pretty. You guys really got along last night I guess." I was rambling. I ramble when I'm uncomfortable.

"I did?" He asked rubbing the back on his head.

"Well, I mean you're naked and she left with half her clothes on. So I'm guessing you did. Can you just put some clothes on and get out there before Hyunjin starts yelling again?"

"Oh yeah, I remember now. I feel like crap, why do people drink?" He said as he threw his legs over the side of his bed.

I went into his bathroom and grabbed Tylenol out of the medicine cabinet and filled a glass with water and brought it to him. "Eat some rice." I said as he took the medicine and I walked out.

"He's up. Now what?" I asked Hyunjin.

"Do the laundry."

"I am NOT washing Chagbin's underwear." I said warning Hyunjin. "I'll do MY laundry." I said walking away.

"Fine" Hyunjin said rolling his eyes while he was mopping.

Chan came out to the living room a little wobbly on his feet as he rubbed his eyes and was trying to wake up. "Hyunjin. You can't just do this tomorrow?"

"Go clean the bathrooms, please, hyung" He said nicely. Sure wish he was that polite to the rest of us. Instead he was like a sassy asian mom.

"Seriously? You're giving me the bathrooms?" He said looking disappointed.

"Yes, that way if you throw up you're already in the right place." He joked smiling.

***

A couple hours later and the dorm was sparkling, Chan was eating rice, Changbin was eating everything he could find and Hyunjin was next door doing it all over again with the other members. I went back to my room and curled up next to Ember who was sitting in bed, in my shirt, scrolling on her phone.

"Sleep" I said yawning and throwing an arm across her waist.

"Is he always like that on new year's day?" She asked smiling.

"Yep. Every single year." I said yawning again and stretching, then curling back up to her. She was nice and warm and the air in the apartment was cold. I pulled blankets up over me and snuggled down under the covers. I watched her as she scrolled on various social media before I found myself unable to keep my eyes open anymore. What was the point of New Years if you didn't spend it sleeping off New Years Eve?

***

We were a month into the new year and I'd been working....a lot. Like I was barely sleeping because Chan kept Binnie and I up all night. I love what I do, it's one of the best parts of my life. Sometimes, though, I just wanted a few days to myself. Hell, just one day to myself would be nice. Not to mention, the headache I'd had on New years day still hadn't gone away. My head had been pounding almost every single day since then. It didn't matter how much Tylenol or Advil I took.

I knew Ember was upset with me. I knew I could tell Chan I had to go and he'd let me go, but I wasn't. I knew she thought I was pulling away from her. I'd get home and she'd be asleep already with her back towards me, or she wouldn't be there at all. I missed her. The first few months of our relationship had been nothing but sex, deep talks about various things in life, and enjoying being around each other, and not keeping our hands to ourselves. But I guess the honeymoon phase was over and she was making sure that I knew that.

I came home one night and Ember was sitting on my bed looking upset.

"Em? You're up late" I said sitting on my bed and taking my boots off.

"We should talk." She said not looking up at me. Here we go, I don't want to fight with her. I love her.

"What's up?" I said trying to play it off. I laid down on my bed and tried to put an arm around her but she pushed me away.

"I know you have to work a lot, Jisung, but this is ridiculous. You come home at three am and leave before I get up."

"I know." I said sitting up and crossing my legs.

"Are you avoiding me? Cause I've been through this before. Guys just pull away and they ignore me and then we break up. They look for any way they can to not be around me and then suddenly things are over, and I don't want them to be over, cause I love you, but if that--"

"Hey" I cut her off and put a hand on her knee. "Things are not over. I'm not pulling away."

She sniffed before she looked up at me. "That's what it feel like though, Hannie." She whispered as tears rolled down her cheeks. Damnit, I hated when I made her cry.

"I swear, we just have a comeback in the next few months, it's not you. I love you. Don't you think I want to come home to you every night and sleep next to you? Cause I do." I said putting a hand over my heart.

"Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe we shouldn't be together like this. Maybe things are just better if we're friends." She whispered. My heart fell into my stomach. Did I just hear her right? Is she breaking up with me?

"No. Please, Em. Don't do this. I'll do anything. Please. Don't do this." I said panicking. Don't leave me, Em. Please don't leave me. I need you.

"I think we just need a break." She said standing up from my bed and leaving my room. What the fuck just happened? No. No. Come back.

"No, Em. Don't leave. Please. I need you." I said standing up.

She was protecting herself. She really thought I was going to hurt her. "Em, come back." I begged, but she left anyway. I stood up and tried to follow her but she kept walking. When she closed my bedroom door, I fell to my knees. "No" I whispered this time in shock.

I sat back against the end of my bed and cried. I pulled my knees up to my chest and wondered what the hell just happened. We were fine....weren't we?

***

The next two weeks felt like a bad dream. Everything moved in slow motion around me. I had called Ember probably twenty or thirty times, and she ignored my call every single time. I hadn't been to the studio with Chan and Changbin in days. I laid in my bed and stayed there all day. This had been the one single thing I was afraid of. Losing her.

I went to her apartment a few times too, hoping she'd open the door and just let me talk. She didn't. She never answered, and all I could think was that she was out on a date with some other guy. Or falling in love with some other guy. 'Taking a break' didn't usually mean take a break, it meant we're over. The brightest bit of sunshine was gone, and now I was stuck somewhere in the dark, alone.

My head was getting worse too. It was getting to a point that just being awake made it hurt. Everything that touched it made it hurt, and as much as I just wanted to sleep, pillows made it ache. My neck felt stiff and my appetite was gone. I knew that I should say something and get myself checked out, but what was the point. Ember was gone.

"Hey" I heard Chan say from my door. I didn't say anything back. I didn't think I'd said a single word for a couple days either. What was there to say? She was gone.

"You hungry? You haven't eaten much lately." He said worried. He sat down on the side of my bed and I rolled over away from him. I had shut down. I didn't want to sing, I didn't want to crack jokes, I didn't want to eat, I didn't give a crap about much of anything right now. Was I being dramatic? Maybe, but she was gone. I was never going to get her back, was I? I'd been loving her for the last eight years and suddenly she's gone.

"You should probably try to eat something...I can make you some ramyeon?" He wasn't going to leave. I'd made them all worry. She was gone. She was gone. She was gone.

"Jisung?" He asked again when I didn't answer.

"leave me alone" I said in a low raspy voice. I felt the tears start up in my eyes again and I swallowed hard trying to push it all down. I can't cry about this, not anymore and not in front of Chan. Besides crying would make my head hurt more, and I definitely didn't need that right now.

"I just want you to eat something. Just something." He said putting a hand on my shoulder. Never in my life did I want to pull away from physical touch as much as I did right now. I was overcome with an urge to scream, and kick, and destroy everything in this damn room like an angry child. That wouldn't bring her back though. God, my head hurts.

"I'll make you something and bring it to you. If you're hungry you can eat it ok?" I didn't move. I didn't want to eat. This bed still smelled like her. That perfume that she wore was all over my sheets. That's why I didn't want to leave my bed, because if I stayed here and closed my eyes it felt like she could be there when I open them.

Chan left my room and came back a few minutes later with instant ramyeon and chopsticks. He put it on my nightstand and left again. I hated to admit that it smelled really good. My stomach started to growl and I rolled onto my back and stared at the bowl sitting there. I sat up slowly and grabbed the bowl off of the table. The steam coming from the bowl felt warm and comforting as I looked down into it. Slowly, I reached for the chopsticks and started eating. Slow at first, but it tasted amazing. It wasn't going to fix all my problems, but at least my stomach didn't hurt anymore.

After I ate, I tried to take a nap. It wasn't the most restful nap in the world, but I did manage to fall asleep for a little while. When I opened my eyes I immediately started to worry. I had double vision. I could see two of everything and I sat up straight. It's just a migraine, right? This can't be happening right now. Not now. Just as I was starting to panic, Chan came back in to grab the bowl he'd brought in.

"You ok?" He asked seeing the worried look on my face. I shook my head and stared at him with wide eyes. "What's wrong?"

"I can't see right. I have double vision." I rasped. My voice still not used to being used much lately. Just then my head started to really pound, aching from the top of my head to my chest.

"You still have that headache?" He asked looking concerned. I nodded and finally broke down, knowing I needed to see someone.

"I think I need to go to the hospital." I said trying to stand up, but instantly felt too dizzy to stand. I fell onto the ground and Chan ran over to me.

"Hey Bin!" He yelled, followed by Changbin running to the door of my room looking worried also. "We need to take him to the hospital. Can you call someone and let them know to meet us there?"

"What's wrong?" Binnie asked grabbing his phone.

"I don't know." Chan said helping me back up and to the couch.

***
Two hours later and I was admitted to the hospital. Staring up at the two ceilings above me. Two Chans were sitting next to me. The double vision wasn't helping my headache. It was making it worse. The doctor in the ER had said they needed to do a lumbar puncture. They weren't sure what was wrong with me, but the idea of having a large needle shoved into my spine didn't sound like fun.

"I called Ember." Chan said next to me. I closed my eyes as I laid in the bed in frustration.

"Why" I mumbled continuing to stare at the celling. "She left me" I said quietly.

"Because I know she'd want to make sure you're ok." I rolled my eyes the best I could with the searing pain going on in my brain.

"Don't bother." I mumbled as I rolled on my side. I groaned loudly as the whole world shifted sideways with me. The vertigo really wasn't helping right now.

"Jisung, she's working through some stuff. You were working a lot. I have a hard time believing that you two are really over."

"BECAUSE OF YOU." I said angrily. "I was working a lot because of YOU. YOU kept me in the studio all night. YOU." I continued.

"You could have left at any time. You didn't have to stay there. I never forced you to stay all night." He replied calmly. I guess he knew I was blaming a lot on him right now. Who knows.

"All right" The doctor said as he came in the room with two nurses and another doctor. Were they going to hold me down or something? Why the hell are there so many?

***
Half an hour later, and that was the worst experience on my life. I broke into a sweat, felt like I was gonna vomit, and felt like I was going to pass out all at once. Now I was told I had to lay completely flat for three hours, or I'd get another splitting headache. I hadn't eaten and I was starving, but no sitting for me. Chan had left a little while ago, leaving me alone. He'd told the other members to stay at home and let me rest for a bit before they came to see me, it's the small things in life. Now I was depressed and felt sick. Great.

"Jisung?" I heard a small voice come from the door to my room. I instantly knew who it was and was surprised she showed up.

"I told Chan not to bother you." I said flatly from my hospital bed. I stared up at the TV in front of me, trying to ignore how my heart was burning in chest. I just wanted her to love me again.

"He didn't bother me. I didn't even know you were sick." She said coming into the room.

"Please don't do that." I said closing my eyes pretending she wasn't there.

"Do what?" She asked quietly.

"Pretend that you care. You left me remember?" This was hard. Why did he have to call her. I already feel like warmed over shit.

"I do care." She said sadly. Silence fell between us as she she down in the chair next to my bed.

"Em. I've had a really bad day. I just got a massive needle shoved into my spine, I can see two of you right now, and my head is still pounding. Can we not do this right now, please?" I asked. Looking to the window on the opposite side of my bed.

"Hannie. I'm trying to apologize." She said taking my hand in hers.

"Please, Ember. I can't do this right now." I was desperately trying to make sure she didn't see me crying. My tears were running down my face.
She came over to the other side of the bed and I quickly wiped my face and cleared my throat.

"I miss you...." She said seeing me. I looked pathetic. Crying in a hospital bed, sick with something. I could be dying of a brain tumor for all I know. Now I'm getting pity.
Finally, I gathered the strength to look in her eyes the best I could while seeing two of her. "Don't say that if you don't mean it. Cause I miss you more than you can imagine. I still don't even really understand what happened." I shook my head.

"I got scared, I thought you were going to hurt me." She said taking my hand in hers.

"I'd never hurt you." I said looking down at her holding my hand.

"I know." She said sounding ashamed, she sat down on the edge of my bed. "Can we pretend it didn't happen? Cause I miss you...a lot" She said with a small smile.

"If I could sit up right now, I'd kiss you." I smiled back at her. She let out a loud laugh and leaned down and kissed me.

"We're ok now, right?" She asked concerned.

"Yes, we're ok." Thank god we're ok now.

"So you broke your brain?" She joked.

"I don't know what I did. They haven't come back with results on anything yet. They just keep sticking me with needles." I pouted.

"Chan said you had to lay flat for another hour, then you can sit up." She said as she laid down next to me in the bed and grabbed the tv remote. "So, we're gonna hang out til then." She smiled.

I leaned my head gently against her shoulder and closed my eyes. It felt like the last week never happened.

***
The next morning the doctor came in my room as Ember and I were pretending to argue or who makes the best pizza in Korea. As a pizza connoisseur, she was easily winning the 'argument'.

"Jisung?" The doctor questioned as he came into the room. He seemed like he really wasn't old enough to be a doctor, but I was going with it. "We got the results of you lumbar puncture. You've got meningitis." He said frankly.

"I'm sorry, what?" I said in shock.

"You've got viral meningitis. Have you had any head injuries, or concussions in the last year?" He asked.

"Nooooo" I said still confused on how exactly this happened. "How exactly did I get that?"

"It could be several things, we're doing some testing, but a lot of times it's a virus that you can pick up just about anywhere. Are you still seeing double?" He asked.

"Yeah, it got a little better, but I still can't see much" I said.

"Ok, so we're keeping your for another few days, we're going to start you on some antibiotics and get you fixed up. Ok?"

"Sure" I said as he walked out of the room. "I do NOT want to be here for another few days." I complained. Ember crawled up on my bed and laid down next to I put my head on her chest. God I missed this. At least I had her back, at least I didn't have to be here alone.

"You'll feel better soon. At least we know you're not dying." She said sitting up looking up at me.

She had a point, at least I wasn't dying of a brain tumor.

"I guess I should probably call my parents." I said snuggling up to her while she rubbed my head gently. My headaches had gotten a little better today. At least I was in excruciating pain anymore, but the vertigo had gotten a little worse. I got incredibly dizzy every single time I moved and forget about standing up. That makes me feel like I'm going to spin off the planet.

"Chan already did, he's got them up to date." She said, "Just focus on getting better. We've got everything else handled, ok?"

"Ok" I said feeling sleepy.

"Take a nap. I'll be here when you wake up" She said still running her fingers through my hair in the most relaxing way possible.

***
Five days and three giant bags of IV antibiotics later and I was allowed to go home. All of the members took turns coming to see me over the last couple days. Felix brought me brownies of course. Those make any situation better. Minho brought me a rice porridge he'd made and some chicken skewers. Chan paced around like a worried mother calling our manger anytime there was an update, and my mom doted over me for three staright days before I told her I was ok and she could stay home.

When we finally got to the dorm, I laid down in my own bed and it was the most glorius feeling on the planet.

"UUUGHHHHH" I said as I laid down. Partly because it was my own bed, but also partly because the room was spinning. The sun had just gone down and Ember made me kalguksu. She brought the bowl into my room and handed it to me. It smelled just like what my mom used to make when I was home sick from school.

"Smells exactly like my mom's." I said shoving the noodles in my mouth.

"Cause it is. She gave me the recipe and told me to make it for you." She laughed.

I closed my eyes and savored every single bite finishing off two big bowls of it before Ember cut me off. I gave her a sad face and she told me any more and I'd explode. Something about saving some for later.

She laid down on my bed and I rolled over and put my head on her chest and wrapped an arm around her waist. She started rubbing my head and kissed my forehead as I laid there happy to finally be home.

"I'm glad you're home, Hannie. I was worried about you." She said softly.

"Me too. I missed you" I said snuggling up to her in the cold room.

"Are you warm enough?" She asked quietly. I shook my head and she got up, much to my protest. She went to the hall and grabbed another thick blanket and put it on my bed. I got under the covers and she finally came back and I laid my head back down on her. "Better?"

"Better." I mumbled trying to stay awake. It was only eight pm. "You still love me, right?" I asked half asleep.

She wrapped both her arms around me and said "Of course I do, Hannie. I'm sorry for what I said."

"Ok. Cause I love you." I said still trying to stay awake. She kissed my forehead and put her cheek against my head. The headaches were pretty much gone, and my neck was loosening up. The double vision was getting better and I think the stress of the last week was getting to me now that I was able to relax. Right now, I just wanted her here with me, just like this. I wanted this moment to last for the rest of my life. I just wanted to lay here with her, in her arms with her fingers slowly running through my hair. Finally, I let my eyes close and I drifted off into the best sleep I'd had in a while.