We'd been trying for eight months, and every single month when she got her period she would try to hide how sad she was. One month I walked in the bathroom to check on her and she was crumpled on the floor in tears. Holding the negative pregnancy test in her hands. She just looked up at me with so much disappointment on her face.

No one ever tells you that it takes so much time to actually get pregnant. They all just make it seem like one time and you're done. I guess that's why they call it 'trying'.

After yet another disappointing month, she threw herself down on the couch next to me.

"I don't know what's wrong with me." She said trying to hold back tears.

"There's nothing wrong with you, baby" I said putting an arm around her shoulders. "It takes time. Remember what the doctor said? She said you're healthy it just takes time."

She sniffed loudly and leaned her head against my shoulder. "I'm broken"

I pulled her face up towards me and looked her in the eye "You are NOT broken. You're perfect."

"What if I'm too old?" She said looking anywhere but right at me.

"You're 28. You're not too old." I said forcing her to look at me.

"Then what is taking so long? Why can't my body just do this? I'm so frustrated." She said getting incresingly upset the more questions she asked. Her bottom lip started to tremble and I pulled her into a hug.

"Baby...Don't cry. We're going to start a family. We are. I'm disappointed too. I want this just as much as you do."

"Hyunjin's wife had a baby before us." She said fully sobbing at this point. "He just got married last year! And Chan's wife--"

"Stop comparing yourself to everyone else. Just because we've been together the longest doesn't always mean we're going to start a family first."

"Obviously" She sniffed loudly. I could tell she was getting tired of constant let downs, in all honesty I was too.

"Wanna go try again?" I asked trying to make her laugh. It didn't work, she just looked up at me with her eyes all red and puffy.

"No." She mumbled.

I kissed her forehead and she laid down in my lap. "It'll happen. I promise, Ember." I said brushing her hair back behind her ear and rubbing her head gently. She just nodded her head silently and didn't say anything.

***

Today was her birthday, and why she decided she had to take another test today, I have no idea. I had just wanted her to be happy today.

"Em, do this tomorrow. Don't ruin your birthday." I said standing in the doorway to the bathroom.

She stood in front of the sink with the stick in her hands and shrugged her shoulders. "Cause I wanna know and get it out of the way. I'm going to be sad either way, Jisung. Might as well." She mumbled closing the door and closing me out of the bathroom. I slid down the wall and sat down outside the door. Nine months. We'd been doing this for nine months. She could have had a baby by now. I threw my head back against the wall and closed my eyes waiting for her to come out crying. Then I'd hug her, tell her I love her, and she'd go about her day trying not to break down in tears.

"Jisung?" I heard her say as I stood up waiting for her to come out.

"What?" I said leaning against the door frame as she opened the door.

"I--I--Am I looking at this right?" She asked opening the door and handing it to me.

"You're aware you just peed on this right?" I asked holding it with two fingers.

"Not on that part you idiot." She said grabbing it from me and holding it sideways so I could see it. "LOOK"

"Yeah, I see that it says---" My eyes widened and I realized it was different from all the other tests she'd taken. In big black letters it said 'pregnant'. "OH MY GOD" I said loudly.

She giggled and did her little happy dance for the first time in months. "I'm pregnant, Hannie!" She grabbed me and we both jumped up and down in a circle. "WE DID IT!" She squealed. "Best birthday present ever!"

When our excitement died down a little I held her face in my hands and kissed her. "I love you" I said as she smiled at me again.

"We have to wait until we tell everyone though." She said being serious. "We have to wait until the doctor confirms it and makes sure it's ok." She was worrying already.

"Whatever you want." I said nodding and smiling at her again.

"You're gonna be a dad, Jisung" She said sweetly looking at me.

"You're gonna be a mom, Ember" I said back to her.

***

Eight months later...

"Hi, little girl" I said to Ember's belly as we sat on the couch. I ran my hand across her stomach softly.

"Can you stop kicking my bladder, please?" Ember said looking down at her belly.

"Can you stop kicking your mom, please?" I joked as I felt a little kick under my hand.

"She didn't like that." She laughed looking at me. We spent a lot of time talking to our little girl.

"Suji!" I said in my best dad voice. "That's not nice" I laughed. We'd had her name picked out for months now. Ember had been so excited to name her that we'd gotten that out of the way pretty quickly.

"You've almost got the dad voice down, Hannie. I'm so proud of you." She joked.

"Why thank you. I've been practicing" I said trying to look really proud.

Telling our parents was the best part. Well, my parents anyway. We'd gone over for dinner, like we did sometimes. We gave my mom a gift since it was a few days before her birthday. She insisted on not wanting to open it before hand, but we talked her into it. It was just a small white box with an ultrasound photo inside. I remember she screamed at first and my dad thought she was having a heart attack. Ember and I laughed until we couldn't breathe until my dad looked at what was in the box and he yelled too. Apparently, my parents were hoping I didn't reproduce. We had a short conversation explaining that I really wasn't that bad of a child, they disagreed, and then they were excited. It was a process.

Ember's mom was a different story. We did a video call and first she thought we were lying to her. She said that Ember didn't know how to be a mom, told me I didn't know what I'd done to her daughter. We tried to explain that we put a lot of thought into our decision, and she just yelled at Ember some more. Telling her she'd made a mistake. By the time we got off the call, I was ready to fly to the US and....well, we won't go there. Ember cried herself to sleep that night, and the pregnancy hormones didn't help. She'd felt guilty about it for almost a week before I called her mom again and made her realize how she'd made her daughter feel. She apologized to Ember, but let's just say, she won't be allowed near our kid.

***

Three weeks later and we were in the hospital, Ember was in labor. I was nervous, more nervous then I thought I'd be.

"Oh my god. I'm so done. We're never doing this again, Jisung" She said as she relaxed from pushing for what seemed like the 856th time.

"Don't worry about that right now, just focus. Ok?" I was surprised I wasn't passing out by now. The guys had taken bets on if I was going to pass out or not. Looks like I was winning the bet.

"One more push, Ember!" The doctor said as she rolled her eyes at me and sucked in a breath before making one final push. Ten seconds later we could hear her crying. I leaned down and kissed Ember's forehead smiling as they handed our little girl to Ember.

"She looks so much like you." I said as everyone finally cleared out of the room and gave us some alone time for the first time in almost twenty hours.

"But she has your cheeks." She laughed.

"Yeah..." I said as she handed her to me and I held her close to me. "We made a pretty cute little baby" I said sitting down in the rocking chair behind me.

"Hi Suji" I said quietly rocking in the chair and was mesmerized by how cute she was. "I think we picked a good name."

Ember laughed, I could tell she was tired. "Me too. The name fits her."

"HEEEEYYYYYY!" My group members yelled as they entered the hospital room.

"Shhhh, my kid is sleeping. Aish" I said laughing.

"Oh sorry." Jeongin said as Changbin clapped him on the shoulder, trying to pretend he wasn't the one who just yelled too.

"Jeez, man. Calm yourself." Chan said as Seungmin and Hyunjin were behind him. "Felix and Minho couldn't make it today, but they'll be here tomorrow."

Chan's daughter peeked out from behind his leg, "Hi, Lola!" I said waving for her to come over. Still unsteady on her tiny little feet and wobbled over to me and I brought Suji down low enough that she could see her. She clapped her little hands together and gave Suji a sloppy little kiss on the cheek. Chan smiled as he walked over and picked her up.

"Sorry, I had to bring her. I didn't have a babysitter and Ivy's at work." He apologized.

"It's ok!" I said as they all came over and took turns holding her.

"I'm uncle Changbin. I'm the one that's going to give you all the candy and send you back to your parents." He said laughing while poking her chubby little cheek.

"Yeah, watch him with her. He's not kidding. Lola was wound up for like three days last time he looked after her." He said shaking his head.

"Yeah, I remember that!" Hyunjin said, "He did that with Haru too. I think he's still coming down off the sugar high. It's been two months." Even with a kid Hyunjin was still our drama llama.

"Soo....Whose ready for that comeback?" Seungmin said as a joke, though he wasn't kidding. We had a comeback in less than a year.

"Oh my god, Seungmin. Don't even say that right now." Ember said giving him the evil eye from her hospital bed. "No wonder you were 'blessed' with triplets. It was karma" She said, not even close to a joking tone in her voice.

Jeongin snorted out a laugh at Ember and soon the rest of us were laughing as Suji woke up from her nap at all of the noise.

***

Before we knew it we were back home with our little girl.

"I love you..." Ember said as she laid her down in crib for the night.

"I don't think I could be any happier then I am right now." I said wrapping my arms around her waist when she stood up.

"Look at her...she's perfect."

"We made that, Hannie" She whispered.

"Mmm. I love you. All I ever wanted was you." I said kissing her neck and putting my chin on her shoulder.

"I love you...you've always been the one for me. And now we have a perfect little daughter too. We made a family" She said happily.

***

That was the beginning of our story, definitely not the end. We had a little boy two years later, Ilsung. Even when Stray Kids disbanded twenty one years after our debut, we were still close. We were still a family with thirteen kids between the eight of us. Christmas was crazy when we all got together, but none of us would have had it any other way. We talked about all the crazy places we'd been and the crazy things we'd done. The songs we sang, and the songs we wrote. We talked for hours about all the people we'd met, and lives we might have changed. We'd lived incredible lives with incredible experiences, but we'd also tried to enjoy the little things in life. Friends, family, food, music, and the community we'd created.