The next morning I woke up alone. Which really only happened on days she was working, today was Saturday though. I sat up and looked around my room in the early daylight. Hoping she'd somehow appear, but she must've gone home. It only made my jealousy resurface. She stayed up talking to Chan and then went home?

Why did I feel like this? She and Chan talk like that all the time. He's like a brother to her. There was never anything romantic there. I knew that. Chan wouldn't do that to me, he knows how I feel about her. So why the hell did I want to suddenly yell at him? Why did I feel like I wanted to punch him in the face?

"Calm down, Jisung. You're overthinking" I whispered to myself as I picked up my phone and texted her.

HJ: Where'd you go last night?
E: I came home.
HJ: Obviously, but why? I waited for you...
E: I didn't want to wake you up, Hannie.
HJ: I'm so cooollllddd, I need you here. :(
E: It's April. lol
HJ: And? I wanted you here with me...I'm sad.
E: I'm sorry, I'll come over tonight and make up for it, ok? I just had a lot of stuff to around my apartment. I've been neglecting it.
HJ: Oh fine. I miss you.
E: I miss you too. I'll see you later, ok?

I put my phone down and threw myself back on the bed in frustration. She hates cleaning. She'd rather clean? She went home last night so she can clean her apartment? And since when did she care about waking me up? She usually comes in and just curls up to me and goes to sleep.

Still in my own thoughts I went into the kitchen and sat at the dining room table with my legs crossed underneath me, and my hands in my lap. I was staring into nothingness when Chan came out into the kitchen ready for the gym.

"Hey" He mumbled as he opened the fridge. Annoyance prickled at my senses and I tried to push it away. I tried to tell myself I was being stupid. There was no reason to feel like this. She'd had long talks with Chan before. This is nothing new. Let it go, Jisung.

"Mm" I mumbled still staring off into the distance.

"What's wrong with you? You look like shit" He said waving a hand in front of my face.

"Nothing" I said standing up and ignoring him.

"Ok. Well I'll be at the gym if you need me.....ok?"

"MmHm" I said now standing in front of the coffee maker watching intently as it made the hot brown liquid and poured it into my cup.

"Bye?" Chan said confused.

"Bye" I mumbled taking the coffee in my room and walking straight past him.

***

It's been a week. A bad week. A week of my anxiety getting the better of me and making me feel like something is going on with Chan and Ember. She hadn't slept in my bed in a since that night. She keeps saying she has things she's doing, but why all of a sudden does that mean not sleeping in the same bed as me. I missed her, she felt so far away. Pulling my phone of my charger I texted her.

HJ: Did I do something wrong?

I watched as the three little dots popped up that she was typing and then they went away and it just said 'read'. My heart dropped into my stomach. I waited another ten minutes before I texted her again.

HJ: Honestly, Em. If I did something, let me fix it. I miss you.

Still no answer. The little dots didn't pop up this time. It just said 'read'.

HJ: Please answer me. I can see that you're reading these. Please. I can fix it.

I threw my phone down on my bed and crossed my arms trying not to let it bother me. I knew Chan didn't come home last night.

Stop it, Jisung. She's not sleeping with Chan. You know that. Chan just met someone. She's not sleeping with Chan.

After twenty minutes of me laying there trying to fight the urge cry and scream out of confusion and frustration, my phone dinged.

E: You didn't do anything wrong, Hannie. I've just had a lot of work to catch up on. That's all. I'll come over tonight.
HJ: You said that last week and never came. You're avoiding me.
E: I know that's what it looks like, but I'm not. I'm sorry. I fell asleep at the studio. I told you that. I'd never avoid you.
HJ: Yeah. Whatever, Em.
E: Don't be upset. I'm sorry. I really am.
HJ: Fine. You don't have time to spend with me, but you've got time to spend with Chan. I get it.

I threw my phone back down. I shouldn't have said that. Why did I say that?

E: What? What are you talking about? Where are you getting that from? Because Chan and I had lunch?
HJ: Nothing, Em. Just keep ignoring me.

She was slipping away from me. Slowly. In a few months, we'd be strangers. She wouldn't want me around, and I'd be sick of being led on, and we'd be over. I'd been in this type of relationship before. Once day you're ok, the next you're not. I rolled over in my bed and the tears started rolling down my face.

We're supposed to be together forever, she's my soulmate. She's my everything...I've never loved anyone the way I love her. And now she doesn't love me back anymore. I tried desperately to tell myself I was being stupid. I tried to convince myself that maybe she was just really busy, but all the other times she was busy she'd still come over with her laptop and work in the bed next to me while I slept. She'd still make sure to spend time with me. Even if we were working on different things in the same room. At least we were near each other.

A few hours later, I'd pulled myself from bed and put on clean clothes. Deciding I should get out of bed so no one knew exactly how I was feeling. Putting on a face wasn't new for me. Being an idol, you usually had to put on a happy face when you didn't feel like it, but today was harder. I hadn't had to put on a face in months. Being with Ember made me so happy I didn't need a mask. Now all of a sudden I did again. I didn't even know why she was pulling away from me. My brain wanted me to believe that I was over reacting, but my heart wanted me to think I was going to lose her if I hadn't already.

E: Hey, we should talk.

I looked down at my phone and saw what she'd sent. Once again my heart sunk to my feet and the room almost felt like it spun for a moment.

HJ: Seriously, Em. If I did something wrong, please just tell me. I don't want to lose you. I can't lose you.
E: Just meet me at my place at seven. Ok?

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes for a moment. All the good times in our relationship flashed in front of my eyes. I looked sadly down at my phone and sighed.

HJ: ok

I spent the rest of the day in my room. Trying to figure out what to wear to get my heart broken. Black shirt? Or does that seem too much like a funeral? White shirt? That makes me look to hopeful. Gray shirt? That's better, matches my mood. I'm a raincloud. A raincloud that has lost all hope.

Around 6:45 I walked over to her apartment and took a deep breath before I knocked. Chan opened the door to my surprise. My jealousy immediately kicking in. Why is he here?

"I was just leaving" he said winking at me as he left. It must be true. We're over.

"Em?" I asked as I stepped inside. Food smelled amazing, must have cooked for Chan. Bastard.

"I'm in the kitchen!" She yelled as I walked in she had quite a few candles lit all over the apartment. Making it romantic for the two of them. This is seriously how she's going to tell me we're over? Show me what a romantic time she just had with my group mate? Wonderful.

"What the hell is Chan doing here?" I asked crossing my arms in the kitchen doorway feeling my jealousy turn to anger.

She turned around and I noticed the dress she was wearing with half of her hair pulled up. So she dressed up for him too. I felt my resentment towards Chan building in my chest. He took her from me. He was going to pay for this.

"He was helping me set up. I was hoping he'd be gone by the time you got here, but it took a little longer than expected." She said smiling at me.

"Set up for what, Em? You breaking up with me?" I asked rolling my eyes imangining what they could have possibly been doing, and I didn't like what my brain was coming up with.

"You don't remember?" She asked looking confused.

"Remember what? The last time you broke up with me?" I said giving her a steely look.

"It's our one year anniversary!" She said brightly, "I've been planning to surprise you all week!" She said bouncing on her toes.

Instantly, all my animosity and anger left my body as it dawned on me. One year ago...it was, one year ago today I'd told her how I felt. They've been planning this. They've been spending time together to plan a surprise...for me.

She wrapped her arms around me in a big hug as I took a deep breath and closed my eyes while placing my cheek on the top of her head. "I thought.....Oh god" I said finally relaxing.

"I'm so stupid." I said taking another deep breath.

"Did you really think I'd leave you for Chan of all people?" She said smiling. "I love you..."

"I thought you were going to break up with me. You guys were talking for a couple hours, and you and I used to talk like that and now everything is so physical with us. I miss just talking to you like we used to. I really thought we were over and you were slipping away from me." I said feeling a tear slip out of my eye and down my cheek.

"Oh, Hannie" She said quietly wiping my face gently and kissing my cheek. "I didn't mean to make you feel that way. I just wanted to do something special for us." She said smiling and kissing my other cheek. "I'm surprised you didn't remember."

"I've been so busy, I didn't even realize it. I completely forgot. It doesn't feel like it's been that long." I said finally smiling at her.

She leaned up and kissed me, then rubbing her nose against mine, which was our way of telling each other it's ok. I closed my eyes and put my forehead against hers letting out the breath I didn't know I was holding.

"Eat up, cause we have a long drive tomorrow." She said pulling away and making me a plate of food.

"Tomorrow? I have practice tomorrow." I replied confused.

"No, you don't. That's what else Chan and I have been working on. You have the next week off." She winked at me as she made a plate for herself and we sat down on the couch.

"I think I'm still in shock." I mumbled sitting down next to her. "I...my brain got carried away with all sorts of thoughts about you and Chan." I said shaking my head, trying to clear all the things I'd been assuming. She turned her head and smiled at me. The simple black sweater dress she was wearing fit all of her curves just right, and the fact that she wasn't wearing any shoes with it made me smile. She didn't like dressing up, but she when she did, she always found a way to still be comfortable.

"You're the only one I have eyes for, Jisung." She said quietly smiling at me. "You know that"

"So. What else are you planning, miss Ember?" I asked setting my plate down. Now happy to know that we're ok and I was blowing things out of proportion.

"Mmm, not telling!" She said scooting closer to me and putting her arms around my neck. She put her lips up to my ear,

"You'll just have to wait and see." She sent shivers down my spine and I instantly pulled her towards me even closer and kissed her.

"Just a hint?" I got out between kisses.

She pulled away from me with a mischievous smile on her face and shaking her head no, "Guess you'll just have to wait and see..." She whispered again in my ear. The way her voice was making she shiver I pushed her backwards onto the couch and made room for myself between her legs.

"Nope." She said putting her hands on my chest.

"What do you mean, nope?" I said hoping she was just kidding. She shook her head no again. "And don't say I have to wait and see." I said.

She giggled and sat up, slowly pulling up her dress far enough that I could see she didn't have anything on underneath. She turned around and walked backwards towards her loft holding out a finger inviting me to follow her. A huge smile crossed my face as I followed her upstairs.

***

The next morning she woke me up early urging me to get ready. I was starting to feel bad that I had forgotten our anniversary, but she didn't seem to mind planning something. Whatever it was.

"We gotta leave in like thirty mins, so get going" She said kissing my forehead. She was already showered and dressed when I woke up. As she walked away I grabbed her hand and pulled her back towards me.

"Why can't we just stay here." I asked kissing the top of her hand. She rolled her eyes at me.

"Because I have something better planned, get up!" She said eagerly.

Rolling my eyes playfully, I got out of bed and got ready. "Wait, if we're going somewhere, I don't have anything packed." I told her when I got to the bottom of the stairs.

"Yes you do. That's why Chan came last night. He was also dropping of your bag. He packed for you." She smiled with her hands clasped behind her back.

"Oh. Cool!" I said happy that I didn't even have to pack anything. I hated packing.

A couple hours later and we were in Jeju. Of course, I'd been here before, but this time we were on the beach. There was a small little house with a private beach, just big enough for the two of us.

"Welcome to our home for the week!" She said happily, holding her arms out in front of the house.

"Geez, Em! You went all out." I said putting an arm around her shoulders as she unlocked the door and we went inside.

"Only the best for you, Hannie" She joked sarcastically. I laughed loudly and pulled her in for a hug. There was already champagne on the counter in two glasses and we made a toast.

"To us." I said as we clinked out glasses. She nodded her head happily and repeated "To us".

I put her glass of champagne down and pulled her in towards me hugging her and kissing her. "I'm so glad you weren't sleeping with Chan." I smiled, laughing at how stupid it sounded.

"Is that really what you were thinking????" She asked with wide eyes. I nodded my head ashamed of what my brain had convinced me of. I sat down on the arm of the couch with my hands in my lap.

"Yeah" I said quietly glancing up at her. "I don't know why. I saw you two having a long conversation and I missed when you and I would do that. I mean, don't get me wrong. I enjoy the sex, it's just that I miss just talking to you." I looked down at my hands and couldn't figure out why I suddenly felt so sad.

She kneeled down in front of me with her hands on my thighs, "I miss talking to you too. Life has just been so crazy the last couple months, and you were in the hospital before that. I love doing those physical things with you, but yeah...I miss our conversations too." She smiled.

I glanced up at her again and softly smiled at her as she stood up. "Now go be a man and bring our bags in, ok?" She laughed.

"Psh. Fine" I joked.

***

Later that night we built a fire in the fireplace and sat in front of it wrapped up in blankets.

"This is nice." I said happily tangled up with her. She laid her head back against my shoulder and smiled happily.

"Yeah. I needed this, pretty sure you did too." She mumbled not opening her eyes. I leaned my back against the bottom of the couch and closed my eyes too. I felt content. I was happy, I was warm, I was in love. I felt like this is the best life could get. I felt her kiss me, and I perked right back up. I looked at her and she was on her knees facing me.

I smiled lazily at her, brushing her hair away from her face. She kissed me again and I knew what she wanted. I stood up and picked her up throwing her over my shoulder. She squealed and I jogged as best I could back to the small bedroom.

Probably should've put the fire out first, but I had more important things to do.

A short time later she was laying with her head on my chest and she was lazily drawing circles on my skin while I ran my hand slowly up and down her arm. Life really couldn't get much better then this.

"I'm gonna marry you one day" I mumbled not really thinking about what I blurted out. My body stiffened when I realized what I'd just said.

"I like that idea." She mumbled back, I could feel her smiling. My body relaxed and I put a cheek to the top of her head.

"You do?" I asked hoping she didn't change her mind.

"Of course I do. You're my soulmate. I'd never want anyone else but you." She said snuggling in closer to me.

"You're my soulmate too, Em."

"You think we can come here every year?" She asked not looking at me.

"I like that idea." I said kissing the top of her head again. "Then we could bring our kids here someday too."

She laughed and looked up at me, "You think we'll have kids?" She asked quietly.

"I hope so, don't you?" I asked looking down at her and putting a thumb to her face.

"Of course, as long as it's not a little you." She joked.

"I'm not that bad!" I said pretending to be offended.

"Now you're not. I've heard stories from your mom. You were a rowdy kid, Jisung" She laughed.

"Then we'll just have a little you." I said smiling at her.

"That I can do." She nodded putting her head back down on my chest and tightening her arms around my waist.

"I can't believe I'd convinced myself you were cheating on me with Chan." I said throwing a hand over my eyes embarrassed.

"I can't either. Chan is like my brother. I mean sure, he's an attractive guy...but he's not you." She said looking back up at me.

"Awww" I said kissing her. I rolled onto my side and she laid her head on my outstretched arm. I brought a thumb up and rubbed her cheek looking at her.

"I love you" She said quietly snuggling up to me.

"I love you too" I whispered back to her in the dark room.

It was getting late, but I didn't want tonight to end. I think we talked for another two hours before we both finally fell asleep.