Anotha update. Also I wrote this in 2020-2021 it's kinda cringe

Millie's POV

I didn't sleep last night, at all. Well, I did for about 30 minutes, but I woke up from a nightmare about Jacob. I should be over it by now.

Instead of sleeping, I just faced Finn and watched him sleep. It's not creepy! I swear.

He looks more peaceful when he's sleeping. Like nothing bad will happen to him. He always looks so tense. He's more relaxed right now. But I know as soon as he wakes up, he won't be as relaxed anymore.

I'm so over this bullshit. I should be able to sleep peacefully. And not be woken up by some stupid dream I'm still sensitive over. I don't let anyone touch me anymore.

Finn started to shift in his sleep, waking up. His hair was all over his forehead, so he pushed it back, only to bounce back onto his forehead. He slightly opened his eyes, and we met eyes. He then groaned.

"Don't look at me when I'm sleeping," he groaned, and I laughed a bit. He moved into his back, facing the ceiling.

"Why?" I asked, and he turned his head toward me.

"I don't like when people watch me sleep." He said, and I shrugged.

"You looked more peaceful." I said, and he playfully rolled his eyes. He sat up, and I forgot he didn't have a shirt on. I didn't have an extra shirt from Caleb, so he didn't wear one. But I had some shorts of his. My eyes immediately went to the scar on the side of his hip. They didn't mean to, it was just really noticeable. I looked away from it before he saw me. He is very pale. I've never really seen him tan, anyway.

"I wonder if the snow died down today." He said, and went to check out the window. God, he is really tall.

The snow did die down. Finn was able to leave. He turned toward me, and furrowed his eyebrows, staring into my eyes. I stared back. It's like he's trying to figure something out.

"Did you sleep?" He asked. How the hell does he know that?

"Yes." I said, and he raised his eyebrows at me, not believing what I had to say. I looked down at the bed.

"You're lying. Did you sleep?" He asked, and I leaned my back against the backboard of the bed.

"For 30 minutes. I couldn't sleep after that, though." I said, and he nodded, laying back on the bed.

"You can sleep now. It's still early." He said, and I shook my head no.

"I don't want to." I said, and he nodded after a couple seconds or so, trying to figure out why.

——

Fam

Caleb~ party tonight at graces? I heard a lot of people are going. Drinks, dance, etc.

Sadie~ yessssssssssssssssss. Time?

Gaten~ yesssssss. 8:00.

Me~ I don't know yet. You guys can go without me.

Noah~ come on mills, live your life. It'll be so fun. And we will all be there if you need anything.

Lilia~ pleeeeaaasseeeeee millieeeeeeeee

Me~ fine. I'll go.

Sophia~ yayyyyyy. I'll go too!

Finn~ Okay. I'll go also.

Caleb~ partayyyyyy. Dress good

I really don't feel like going to this party. But maybe I need to. Maybe I need to loosen up a bit.

Finn left a while ago. I looked in my closet, to see what I could wear. Caleb said to dress good. I can do that.

It will be hot in the house, so I could wear a skirt. I'll just be cold on the walk into the house. I decided to wear a red black and white flannel patterned tight skirt. It was short, too. Not too short. I wore a black longsleeve turtleneck with it. A tight one. I tucked it into my skirt. It looked nice like that. I would wear a coat inside. Just some white vans for shoes.

For makeup, I just did some red lipstick with a little eye makeup, foundation, mascara, but not too much of everything. I don't like a lot of makeup. I straightened my hair.

We all decided to carpool so we weren't drinking and driving. So Finn decided to drive a car, and Sophia the other. Finn was on his way to pick me up.

I walked downstairs to say bye to my mom.

"Millie, you look so pretty! Be safe, honey. If you're staying at Sadie's tonight, let me know!" She said, and I said okay and said bye. I walked out and avoided the snow in the driveway, and got into Finns car. Apparently Caleb, Maddie and Lilia left the front seat for me. Apparently the back is the party seats. I looked over to Finn, and he was staring at me.

"What?" I asked, and he zoned back in, looking away.

"Uh-nothing." He said, and I furrowed my eyebrows and looked out the window.

"You look hot Millie, that's why he was looking!" Maddie said, and the boys agreed with her, all laughing and talking. Looks like they already had something to drink. Finn rolled his eyes, and started the car.

I mean, he didn't deny it. Does he think I look good?

Maddie, Caleb and Noah pestered Finn for the aux until he couldn't stand it anymore, and let them play music. They blasted it and were singing their hearts out. I laughed a little, and looked out the window. I'm kind of anxious for this party. I'm not the party type. But maybe I need to be.

I looked over at Finn, and saw he was wearing black jeans with a nice button up T-shirt. I'm surprised he's going to this.

"Your parents are letting you go to this?" I asked, yelling over the music.

"No. They're not home, there out for a day or two for business." He yelled back, and I nodded, ending the conversation there.

We pulled up to Grace's house, and we could hear the music from outside. We got out of the car and met everyone else inside. Sadie was happy to see me, saying I looked hot. I laughed, and complimented her back.

I don't really remember much after Sadie, Maddie and I went to the kitchen where they were handing out shots. I started to loosen up and have fun.

Finns POV (yes, his first pov! Y'all aren't getting too much information about him yet in this pov. ;))

Caleb and I were honestly just talking and walking around. He had me drink a little bit, but I only drank a little, knowing I have to drive some people home. I'm loosened up a tiny bit.

I looked to where everyone was dancing, and saw all the girls dancing. They all looked happy. I wish they didn't need alcohol to feel happy.

"Dude, we should go dance," Caleb told me, trying to get me to go to the dance circle. My heart began to race, but I shook it off and went with him, saw people and danced with them a bit.

I am NOT a dancer. I don't even know why I'm dancing right now. It's probably an hour or two into the party. I mean, everyone is drunk. Nobody will remember what I did.

I felt someone grab my wrist, and turn me around. It was Millie, laughed and smiling, dancing. I eyed her up and down. She looks nice.

"Dance with me," she said, taking my hands, and jumped around with me for a little bit. I let her enjoy herself. I would feel bad for leaving.

——

"I'm so hungry," Millie complained, laying in the passenger seat. I just dropped off everyone I needed to, now it's just her.

"Finnnnnnnnnnnnnnn, I'm hungry." She said, and I continued driving, my eyes not leaving the road.

"You can eat when you get home." I said, and she groaned.

"I can't go home. My mom will kill me if she sees I'm drunk. I can't go hoommeeeee," she said, and I sighed. I don't know if I can bring her home. Nobody is home anyway. But I feel bad for not asking her sober self first.

"I'll take you to my house then. You have extra clothes?" I asked, and she shook her head no. I guess I have some extra clothes she can wear to bed.

The rest of the ride was silent, just her humming to herself. I tried to concentrate on the road, but it was hard. I think Millie is more than nice. I think she is beautiful. But I can't say that. So I say she looks nice.

We pulled up at my house and I took a deep breath. Nobody's ever been to my house that I know. Yes, it is big. I don't like it this big, though. There is no point for it. Well, I guess there's one reason. A reason we don't talk about.

"Come on, Millie. Let's get inside." I said, taking her hand, and helping her out of the car. She looked at my house, and gasped.

"It's so nice!! Finn it's so big!!" She said, and I tried to hold back a smile at her excitement.

"Yeah. Let's get inside." I said, and she followed me inside. I opened the door, and turned on the light for the main floor. I guess it's nice. It looks more modern than anything. Fitting in, I guess.

"I've never been here, it's so cool!" She said, drunk off her ass. I don't think I've seen Millie drunk before. I lead her to my room upstairs, and I closed the door behind me, shutting all the lights off, turning my room light on. I turn around and look at Millie.

I like her skirt. It looks nice on her. And so does her longsleeve. The outfit fits her well.

"Ugh, I can't do this anymore," she said, and began to take off her longsleeve. I widened my eyes, and continued to watch her. She took her shirt off, and threw it on the floor. I didn't take my eyes off of her, though. She looks pretty. She began to take off her skirt, but I ran up to her and stopped her from unzipping it.

"Go take it off in the bathroom. I will give you clothes, okay?" I told her, and she nodded. She walked into the bathroom, and closed the door. Yes, I have a bathroom in my room.

I probably should have stopped her from taking off her shirt, too. I think that was an invasion of her privacy. But I have things I need to deal with. My own things. I don't tell anyone. I don't tell Millie. It is secret.

I gave her some grey sweatpants and a black T-shirt. I don't really own any other color shirt, except nice ones.

I changed into shorts and a T-shirt. It's cold in the house, but it does not bother me. It would bother Millie, though. So I gave her pants.

She was in there a while, so I knocked on the door.

"You okay?" I asked, and she groaned.

"I can't get my stupid bra off," she said, opening the door. Still no shirt on. It's hard not to look, okay?

"Undo it." She said, turning around so I can unclip it. I hesitantly looked at her, then looked down to the clip. I gently placed my hands on the clip and undid it for her, sliding her bra off of her arms.

"Thanks." She said, and put my shirt on her. She faced towards me, and saw me looking into her eyes. I like looking into her eyes. They bring me a sense of emotion I haven't quite figured out yet.

"You're cute." She said, smiling, putting her arms around my shoulders, really close to me.

"What are you doing Mills?" I asked, and she laughed and smiled at me. She then placed her lips onto mine, and I didn't know if I should've kissed back or not.

Do it, Finn.

I kissed back, her hands going to my back now. I felt her jump onto me, so I carried her a couple feet to my bed, and laid her down.

I like kissing Millie. I haven't figured out my feelings. I don't know if it's "like" or something else. Maybe I don't like her, I just find her unique.

She rolled on top of me, and began to kiss me, tongue and everything. I decided to kiss her back, and I felt her grab the ends of my shirt and bring it off of me. I let her.

I felt her small hand placed on the middle of my chest, and she trailed it down all the way to my stomach, to the lining of my shorts, and even lower than that, shocking the hell out of me.

No, Finn. You are not going to do this now.

I let go of her kiss, and looked at her.

"Millie, I think you need to sleep. You're just drunk." I said, and she moaned, and didn't move from on top of me, placing her head on my chest.

"Millie, you should sleep now," I said, and put my hand on her waist to move her off. She flinched, and shrieked, moving off of me. I left my shirt on the floor, inside out.

"Don't touch me," she said mumbling. I turned my body towards her, and watched her.

"Nobody gets to touch me. No more. No more. No more touching me. No more feeling me everywhere. Making me feel you, no more making me feel. No more feeling," she kept repeating, mumbling, her eyes closed. The hell?

"What did he make you do, Millie?" I asked quietly, and she looked around.

"He made me kiss him and do things I didn't wanna do, he made me do it with all of them, I didn't wanna do it I don't wanna do it, no more." I could kill him right now.

Jacob actually invited me one night. He didn't say who the girl was, but he told me she would do anything I wanted her to do. And it would help. But I don't need help. I'm fine. I didn't go. I wish I knew it was Millie.

I have a hard time containing myself. Shut up, Finn.

"You're pretty." She said, smiling at me, and moving closer to me, setting her hand around my stomach. She's very warm.

"I wanna kiss." She said, and I looked at her. I want to kiss her. I want to kiss her so fucking badly. It really would help. Or it could make it worse. I can get carried away.

"You should go to sleep Millie," I said, as she was tracing her hand around my chest. It's really tempting to say yes, I'll tell you that. I'm trying to be polite here. She's fucking turning me on, and I can't stop it.

"Mm, fine." She said, and took her hand off of me. I let out a deep breath, weight off my shoulders. I looked at her.

"I don't feel like it. I have bad dreams about Jacob, I don't feel like it," she said, and I eyed her.

"I'll be here if you need me." I said, and she nodded.

"Cuddle me till I fall asleep?" She asked. My heart began to race, and I nodded. I let her cuddle up into my arms. I make her warm. I know I do. I don't know how. My skin is always cold.

What a night. Do I tell her what happened in the morning?

Well, now I'm here with all of my thoughts.

—————————

Finns pov. Some secrets exposed, but not all. ;)

Ayo how we feeling about this book?